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When The Unchosen Becomes Chosen... (Pokemon HeartGold Nuzlocke) (Chikolocke/Chikoritalocke)

Extravanganza Accordian Demo

Tsugumi Hazawa

Ordinary but Hardworking
Team Delta
Pokédex No.
218
Caught
Jun 30, 2019
Messages
139
Location
Haneoka High School (IRL: Makassar, Indonesia)
Nature
Modest
Pronouns
Character: She/Her, IRL: He/Him
Pokémon Type
  1. Normal
Hello. This is my first officially recorded Nuzlocke in my Nuzlocke Forum career. I have actually been doing this Nuzlocke for so long, as when first played it was about a month ago before i started here. This Nuzlocke is played on HeartGold.
So, anyways, before you post, if you are asking me, "Why are you choosing Chikorita? You picked the wrong Starter dude" or something like that... I wanted to pick that because: 1. The term "bad starter" is really arbitrary and cannot be completely defined... it's more of an opinion than a fact. Some starters can seem to have pretty bad looking rating, but they are supported by the fact they are actually useful in some few parts of the game. 2. For the challenge. Picking Cyndaquil or Totodile seems to make the game easier (especially with the latter). I might have a hard time early on, but i'm pretty sure with my prepared knowledge, i can eventually overcome the early-game hardships. 3. I have a pity for Chikorita, it just looks cute and innocent. Why are people like, calling it, something that shouldn't have existed? This invoked my emotions. I don't care about whatever people are saying about a starter Pokemon - all starter Pokemon are MADE TO BE EQUAL! ...huh. Fine. I guess that's enough talking about this cute sauropod.
I also planned earlier to pick a male protagonist (rather than a female one, i have done it for my earlier nuzlockes but i didn't record them in this forum). My protagonist character's name is William and the red haired guy... no, the rival, his name is Ryder.
I can't decide between picking first person perspective or third person perspective, so i alternate between both.
And this is a story about love, hardships, a true friend, courage and determination...
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(Due to the fact i picked Chikorita, you can sometimes call this Nuzlocke as "Chikolocke" or "Chikoritalocke". IDC, ty.)
(Also, truth about Chikorita evolutionary line and Johto region and maybe possibly as hint for Kanto as well: In defense of Chikorita's matchup - Thanks CasualGameFreak for this document!)
(One more thing: I have to explain how Pokemon can "talk". Well, they actually send message to their respective trainer (if they have any) when "speaking" though telepathy, so that the trainer can understand them. Pokemon can understand each other as usual. And any traded Pokemon would be able to interpreted by both people who did the trade. However, any other Pokemon that are not owned by anyone or is owned by another trainer seems to say it’s species name as the only word it says, just like in the anime. This concept is just like in Detective Pikachu, except it's expanded to all Pokemon in the story. I'm going to try my best to reflect this in the story.)
Rules:
1. Any Pokemon that faints is counted as dead.
2. Only catch one pokemon per area (that is, unless the area is split into different parts)
2.1. Static encounter Pokemon, Gift Pokemon, and every single wild Shiny Pokemon are excepted. (Especially for The Shiny Gyarados which counts as the former and the latter.)
2.2. Dupe clause - More variety, no catching same species Pokemon or of it's evolutionary line (unless the previous one is dead.) I don't limit retries though...
3. Nickname every Pokemon! This strengthen bonds with the Pokemon!
4. All pokemon on party dying means game over!
4.1. Starter has to be on party whenever possible (except when grinding), and must try to avoid starter from dying.
5. No Level Cap, although don't go overleveled whenever possible.
6. Healing Items should be limited whenever possible, considering that money can be pretty much limited.
7. Will play both Johto and Kanto parts. These two will be splitted to two seperate halves.
8. I will try to explain the story with my words, but general plot will be based on canonical plot. Hence, i take a lot of phrases from actual in-game quotes... Other than that, have fun!
Prologue: Those who are Known and Those who are Unknown
(Third-person POV spoken by the Narrator)
3 years ago...
A young trainer who is known as none other than Red, who hailed from Pallet Town, in Kanto, started his journey to become a Pokemon master. He has been rivals with another young trainer who also lived in the same town, Blue, the grandson of the Pokemon Professor of Kanto region, Professor Oak. When they both received their starter Pokemon from Professor Oak, Blue, who thought he has a better pokemon than Red, considering that he picked the starter that has type advantage against Red's starter, challenges him to a battle. Since then, they battled across over and over during their journey, as rivals.
During his journey, Red has done many things, such as delivering a package back to Professor Oak, catching many Pokemon to fill the Pokedex, and defeating Gym Leaders one by one. He also comes across a gang of Pokemon thieves known as Team Rocket several times in his journey. However, Blue is still always a step ahead of Red every time. Slowly, Red managed to collect all eight badges of Kanto and challenged the Indigo League. He managed to defeat the Elite Four and discovers that, to his surprise, Blue has defeated them before him and is therefore the Champion of Kanto. Eventually, Red defeats Blue in the final battle, becoming the Champion himself.
However, Red would rather continue his training than spending time training than staying at Indigo Plateau, and so he trained as a wandering Trainer, in the caves of Mt. Silver.

But this is just one well known story. Another unknown story... is about another Region neighboring Kanto. The Johto region. That's where William's parents moved from before William was born, in New Bark Town. For long in New Bark Town, which is also the residence of another Pokemon Professor - Professor Elm, the regional Pokemon Professor of Johto. New trainers from the Johto region could pick one of the starters in his labs.
But. One of the starter's pokeballs was always intact in place and never budged since William's parents moved in to New Bark Town. It's the Grass-type starter Pokemon of Johto region, Chikorita. It wasn't picked by many trainers due to being looked down as a mostly useless Pokemon. She waited for hours, days and months to wait for a Trainer who will choose her and take care of her. She was also labeled as "The Unchosen" because no trainer ever have picked this starter.
And now, the time has come...
Chapter 1: Begun has a new Adventure
Episode 1: Sakura, The Unchosen One
---(First-person POV of William)--
"Wake up, honey!" Mom said, calling me up from above. "Y-yes, mom?" I said groggily as i roll out of my bed and walked downstairs.
"Your friend Lyra was just here. She was playing hide and seek with her Marill." Mom said, pausing before adding, "Our acquaintance, Professor Elm, was looking for you. He said he had a favor to ask of you." I then wiped out a drop of sweat that came out of my head while hearing it, and replied, "What is it?"
"You have to find it out yourself. You know where the lab is, right?" Says Mom, which i replied, "It's right next door to us." My mom then said, "That's right! By the way, do you have everything you need to go out?"
Mom then showed me up some things that would be important for going out: a bag... a Trainer card, a notebook for writing up progress, and also some other stuff which aren't as important. I took most of my stuff into the bag, and putted the bag on my shoulders.
"Okay, Mom, i'm going out!" I said afterwards. "Take care!" was only what Mom has to say in response.
When i opened the door of my house, however… a blue spherical mouse-like Pokemon - a Marill, bumped into me. “Ow. Hello!” I said. I can’t understand however it says, though. “Ma-rill!” it said back, waving it’s tiny arms at me “Marill?” It says afterwards, as if it was asking where is it’s trainer. Oh right… i remember now. It was Lyra’s Marill, wasn’t it? My friend should been here... Ah, there is it. She came out from the second floor of the lab. “Where did you go, Bubbles? Oh! There you are!” Lyra said as she looked at her Marill. “Ma-ri-ll!” Bubbles said as the Marill went back from in front of me to it’s trainer, excitedly.
There’s another person also that can bee seen outside in New Bark Town. He’s a red haired dude that is about the same age as me… he looks towards the lab as if he’s spying on it. Looks like this might mean something bad. But he doesn’t want me to look at him… Okay, it’s time to go to the lab. I open in the door...
---Meanwhile... (First-person POV of Sakura the Chikorita) ---
Oh, for Pete's sake... How long have i been in Prof. Elm's lab? I can't remember it... I was trapped in my Poke Ball for so long. But why do i have to complain? The one who stays still like the water of the seas will persevere... Wait! It has been like, six months here... I kicked and rolled in my personal virtual space. Although i'm technically only bits of data in my Poke Ball, i seem to have a virtual body similar to when outside. I have only come outside several times to say some things to Prof. Elm... Sigh.
Despite the fact i am still stuck inside my Poke Ball, I can somehow hear the doors of the lab being opened...
"Hi, William! I've been waiting for you! Do you know my research?" Prof. says as he greets the visitor, who said, "Aren't you researching about walking out with Pokemon?"
Prof. Elm says, "Correct! Pokemon are carried in Poke Balls these days. But before the Poke Ball was invented, people used to walk with Pokemon. Just like your friend Lyra does!". I am wondering what it would be like to be able to walk outside of my Poke Ball again... Wouldn't it be nice? But again, i overhear what Prof says...
"Poke Balls are great because you can carry many Pokemon. But walking with Pokemon must have some advantages. It could have something to do with how Pokemon grow or evolve... So I'm going to give you a Pokemon! Can you walk beside this Pokemon, outside of its Poke Ball, to see if this brings any special feelings or bonds between Pokemon and people? The device over there has some Pokemon you could choose from..." Suddenly, he got interrupted as soon as a phone-like ringing sound was heard.
"Oh! I got an email! Uh huh..." He said before continuing his speech. "I am acquaintances with the man who people calls 'Mr. Pokemon'. He keeps finding weird things and raving about his discoveries. Anyway, I just got an email from him saying that this time it's real. It's probably another Pokemon Egg, but we're still so busy with our Pokemon research... Wait! I know! You can go in our place, right? Can we count on you? You can choose one of the Pokémon over there." Prof. Elm said to the trainer who just came in.
Oh my goodness, i'm so nervous now... Another trainer is going to pick his starter pokemon... But how will be the chances of him picking me? Well, slim... people often took the Cyndaquil or Totodile these days as their starter Pokemon... sigh, this is going to be another long day...
"Oh, i choose this Pokemon!" Says that boy - what is his name again? Oh right, it's William... is it? But i feel my Poke Ball is being shaken. To me, it's like the room inside my Poke Ball is having an earthquake. What...? Did he... just pick me? He said, "I would like to choose the Chikorita!"
And yeah, that's right. A bright light pushed me out of my Poke Ball. I can see the lab, the other Poke Balls, Prof. Elm... and that guy (William). They are looking at me. I'm nervous... I walked following William, and he can see me, looking back. "Hello..." I would say, but in Pokemon Language, that would sounded like "Chiko..."
William looked at me, and said back. "Hello! Nice to meet you!" He said. Wait, he sounds much nicer than the other new trainers who came here before him! Finally! Someone who have chosen me! But what i should say...? Shouldn't i act politely?
"Chiko ri chi ko!" ("Nice to meet you!") i say to William. To my surprise, he said, "Nice to meet you too." Was it just coincidental?
"Now, would you like to give this Pokemon a nickname?" The professor said. Wait. I'm being given a nickname? ...well... it's a long story... we Pokemon do usually never be referred with nicknames in the wild... we only start out being called as our species. But i feel like i have already thought about my own name... oh, here goes nothing, i'm going to spill the beans...
"Chi ko ri... Chiko.", I whispered to William. Well... it's probably not possible to explain though how i would say clearly to humans... i think what i said is supposed to be: "My name is... Sakura.". And what does William says? "Oh, i think it- she's trying to tell me, her name is... Sakura!"
"Chiko?!" ("What?!") I said unconsciously, as if i am shocked. How come he truly understand me, a Pokemon - a starter Pokemon that nobody else would've picked... my feelings...
"Why are you surprised?" William said, while patting my little head. "Chiko chi-ri chikorita..." ("I never thought you would probably choose me...") all i can say to him.
The Professor then said to William, "How do you like walking with your Pokemon?", the latter responded with, "Aw, i liked it! She looks surprised at first, though..."
Prof. Elm made a little "ahem" cough sound, before saying, "Oh, and if your Pokemon gets hurt..." He pointed to a machine similar to those in Pokemon Centers. "You should heal it with this machine. It's easy to use. Just check the PC on my desk!" The professor then gave another small cough before continuing. "Mr. Pokemon's house is just a bit past Cherrygrove City, which is to the west of here. Go north a little past Cherrygrove. I'm counting on you, William!"
We then went out of the lab, but not before one of the Professor's assistants in the lab giving a small pack of Potions to William. Adventure... i'm nervous...
"Hmm. Sakura, why you are nervous?" William said as he was outside. "Chiko... Chi ko, Chi-ko-ri Chikorita." ("Because... this is, my first time going outside.") He said back, "Don't worry, i'll make sure nothing ever will take away you from me. I'll protect you with all of my life!" If someone would ever truly care for me, that's William. I suppose...
Outside the lab, we met a girl who walks along with a Marill, who i can suppose say that she is William's friend. "Oh, Lyra! What brings you here?" William said. The white-capped girl said, "Oh! So you picked a Chikorita! Hey, that's a cute Pokemon you have! Make sure to talk to it occasionally when you're walking with it, too.". My trainer then replied, "...Shouldn't i also show it to Mom?". Lyra has a little bit of surprised look before saying, "Oh, that's right! Why don't you show it to your mom? Anyways, see ya!". That girl then went out somewhere, possibly to go to an adventure too.
"Follow me, Sakura. I need to talk to Mom first." William said to me afterwards. We then walked to his house, where his mother was just waiting. "Oh! William, that's a cute Pokemon you have. Professor Elm definitely have given it to you?" William then responded with, "Of course! Oh, Mom... Professor Elm has a task for me." William's mother asked out. "What kind of task?". William then explains all about what task he was given by Prof. Elm. "...I see. That sounds a little difficult. But when someone takes that kind of request to you, it must be probably an important one! Oh, and by the way, your Pokegear came back from the repair shop! Here you go!" William's mom says as she hands over the now-repaired Pokegear to William. "The Pokemon Gear... or Pokegear, as it's often called, is what every Trainer should have. You can use the Pokegear to make a phone call. Just power on the Pokegear and touch the telephone button. I also have my number already registered in your Pokegear. Take care, William!" As soon as William's mother finished explaining, William said "Bye, Mom! I'm out on an adventure!"
...Whew, this is probably going to be a long day. And this is only my first day on going out already in the Johto region...
To be continued
I couldn't finish writing all of the plot i wanted to write because i'm exhausted at trying to type out what i want to type! Man, making stories must be really a bit difficult to do. Stay tuned for the continuation of the Nuzlocke story!ll be based on canonical story
 

glancesherlock

Consulting Detective
Writer
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
32
Caught
Jun 10, 2019
Messages
752
Location
221B Baker Street
Nature
Lonely
Pronouns
she/they
Pokémon Type
  1. Fairy
  2. Ghost
Pokédex Entry
Just wants to stay home and solve crimes.
Ooh. A Chikolocke? I never have imagined it. I'm pretty sure it's just a branch of a Monolocke, a subset of a Typelocke, a subset of a Storylocke, which in turn is a sub-category of Nuzlockes. The layers of locke.

Anyways, keep it up PJR000047853358!! Sakura is a good pear.
 
OP
Tsugumi Hazawa

Tsugumi Hazawa

Ordinary but Hardworking
Team Delta
Pokédex No.
218
Caught
Jun 30, 2019
Messages
139
Location
Haneoka High School (IRL: Makassar, Indonesia)
Nature
Modest
Pronouns
Character: She/Her, IRL: He/Him
Pokémon Type
  1. Normal
Okay... I shouldn't even expect someone respond to my newly written Nuzlocke story. Well, none of these are a matter to me, since part of me wants to finish up writting this story before someone even comments it anyways. I shouldn't expect anyone to comment yet... but if anyone does, i'll reply later. Oh wait... Someone replied to me for some reason.
Aww, glancesherlock, looks like you repayed me out the comment i did. Silly but also appreciative. Also, despite the Nuzlocke's name, this Nuzlocke is probably going out just like a typical nuzlocke. Don't worry about it too much! Also, thanks about mentioning out Sakura there. Oh yeah, i almost forgot... you can simply call me as Ryan here or Ryanprj because the latter is my own Discord username.
For Chapter 1 - Episode 1 (Part 2), make sure to read first my previous post for Part 1. Also, time to introduce the main characters!
William Ethan Gold - One of the two main protagonists of the story - a Trainer who's parents moved from Kanto to Johto, and one of the only trainer(s) to pick the Grass-type starter of Johto. He wears a yellow-and-black cap with red clothes.
Sakura (Chikorita line) - The other of two main protagonists. She was never chosen by anyone before William's own decision to take care of her. She later would be a loyal and affectionate partner to William.
Ryder Silver - A red-haired boy with black shirt, who spied and later, stole/kidnapped a Cyndaquil (nicknamed Asahi), and later becomes William's rival. He has a very biased view on Trainers and Pokemon, as he is annoyed by whatever that seems to be weak.
Lyra Soul - A girl with white cap, red and blue trousers, William's childhood friend, who walked along with a Marill known as Bubbles. She is a honest person and cares about William too.
Chapter 1: Begun has a new Adventure
Epsiode 1: Sakura, The Unchosen One
Continued from previously written story (First Person POV of Sakura)
After i finally get used with walking around with William, we are ready to go outside. However, just before we leave New Bark Town, suddenly, we heard footsteps as if they were rushed out. It was Professor Elm. "Wait a second!", he said, "I almost totally forgot this... here, i'll register my number on your Pokegear." The Professor then registers his number on my trainer's Pokegear. "I'll call you in case anything goes up." He says, before walking back to his lab.

Here we are, we walked further and now we are at... Route 29. William suddenly said while pointing to the large patch of grass that is clearly visible. "Wait. These are tall grass. If i recall this correctly, wild Pokemon can come out and attack anytime. I would be in a big trouble if i walked out without a Pokemon... but now you're with me, can you lend me a help?" He says.
"Chi! Chiko!" ("Sure! I will help!") I said. We went out, with me following William from behind most of the time... except when there is a wild Pokemon attacking us, in which i either tackle it... or run away with my trainer, just like he says so. Sometimes i get hit back when i hit other Pokemon, though... and it hurts. A bit.
Anyways, we now reached Cherrygrove City, although i am a bit exhausted. Just the moment we reached the entrance, an old man saw us and said, "Wait! Are you a new trainer? Then you need a tour of the features in this city! Follow me!" He said to my trainer and ran - yeah, he's walking too fast. "Uh... was i too fast? Okay, i'll try to move as slow as possible. Follow me and don't lose a track!" He says. "Okay." William said, "Sakura, i think he might be a bit too fast - just hop into my shoulder." I didn't respond, still thinking that it wouldn't be safe, but William gives a smiling look to me. Finally i decided to get on his shoulder. He walked while trying to not let me fall, during the city tour. "So this is a Pokemon Center, a building that you should visit in case your Pokemon are hurt! ...And this is a Poke Mart, where you can buy goods here, like Poke Balls and Potions. And there... is where Route 30 is ahead, where it is a good place to train your Pokemon. There are also trainers who would like to battle there. The water to right there... is where aquatic Pokemon live." He says as we made a tour through the town, having to go a full circle around the road in the town. "As a thank-you gift for the tour, here's a pair of Running Shoes!" He says as he gives William a pair of Running Shoes.
Later, we went out to the Pokemon Center. "Sakura, are you fine?" William says. I told him, "...Chiko. Chikorita..." ("I'm fine. But i'm also a little dizzy..."). William then says to me, "A little dizzy? Oh, just follow me. I'll make sure you will be fine." He brought me to the counter in front of the Pokemon Center nurse. "Hello, and welcome to the Pokemon Center. Would you like to rest your Pokemon?" She says. William says, "Yes, please." The nurse then said, "Okay, I'll take your Pokemon for a few seconds." to William. She then looked to me and said softly, "Please get back to your Poke Ball..." ...I'm claustrophobic because i was stuck inside my Poke Ball long time ago, but... my trainer smiled at me. "Don't worry. It will just take a little while." He says softly. "Chi." ("OK"), i say in response. William then grabs my Pokeball, and presses the button. A red light engulfed me and blinded me... and a few seconds, i am back in my Pokeball. Oh, home sweet home. I can't really say much when i'm inside and i need to rest...
(In OOC... Sakura: Uh, William, i'll leave this to you now. / William: Okay, Sakura... hang on, one moment please.)
Switching to first person POV of William.
So I lent Sakura's Pokeball to the Pokemon Center nurse, who places it in a machine that heals Pokemon inside their Poke Balls. After a bit of sounds, the nurse takes out the Poke Ball containing Sakura and handed it back to me. "Thank you for waiting. We've restored your Pokemon to full health." She bows before finishing with, "We hope to see you again!"
...this is going to happen a lot, i'm not going to mention all of the process for healing my Pokemon anymore. Anyways, i pressed the Poke Ball and... there is Sakura, just right next to my feet. "Chiko!" ("I feel better!"), She cried out happily. "Well, we should look out at the Poke Shop next." I say, as we enter the Poke Shop. However, i found out there are no Poke Balls there. I asked to the cashier why so.  The Cashier shrugs out and says, "I am sorry. We are out of stock. Please come back later!".
So, before we went out to Route 30, the old man who previously gave a tour went back. "Wait! I nearly forgot this." He installed the Map card to my Pokegear. "You can check the map of Johto on your Pokegear." Then he went back to his house.
Now we are ready to go to Route 30. First, i looked out a house. When i got close, a man suddenly spoke out. "Wait! Come here first." He dragged me to his house, and handed out something. "Here's an Apricorn Box - for storing Apricorns. You should pick up Apricorns from small tree. There's one near my house. Make sure to collect up Apricorns often!" he said. I went out of his house afterwards. Why does he tells me to pick up Apricorns? Well, anyways... we go further, ignoring the kids who are battling on the other side, as we went to Mr. Pokemon's house. There's Mr. Pokemon, with someone else on the house - Professor Oak, from the other neighboring region - the Kanto region. "So you're William? I have sent a mail to Professor Elm earlier. I want you to bring this to him." Mr. Pokemon said as he gave a rather mysterious Pokemon Egg that seemed as if there wasn't any Pokemon Egg like this. "Professor Elm could probably know what egg is this - he is the best when it comes to the research of Pokemon evolution! Well, that's what Professor Oak says. Oh, and before going out, you and your Pokemon better take a little rest." He said, giving us a chance to take a little break. Professor Oak then spoke to me. "And with that, let me introduce myself. I'm Professor Oak, a Pokemon researcher! I was just visiting my friend Mr. Pokemon. I heard you were running an errand for Professor Elm, so i waited here." The slight pause was broken by Sakura the Chikorita making a noise. "Chi! Chiko chi-ri ta! Chiko-ri Chikoritaaa?" ("Hey! That's Professor Oak! Isn't he cool, even in his old ages?"). Professor Oak then noticed my starter Pokemon there. "Oh! What's this? A rare Pokemon! ...I see! You must be helping Professor Elm's research, so that's why Professor Elm gave you that Pokemon. ...Ah! You seem to be dependable! Would you like to help me out?" He says, handing over something familiar that most trainers have. "See? This is the latest version of the Pokedex. It automatically records data on Pokemon you've seen or caught. It's a high-tech encyclopedia! I'd like you to have it. Go and meet many kinds of Pokemon and complete that Pokedex! ...Ah, i stayed too long. I have to get to Goldenrod for my usual show. William, i have a feeling this won't be the last time we meet... just for the safe side, let's exchange numbers!" He says. Soon, i and Prof. Oak exchanged numbers, registering his number on my Pokegear.
The moment i go out however, suddenly, my Pokegear ringed out, indicating a call. It was from Professor Elm. "H-hello? William? It's a disaster! Uhm... it's just terrible! What i should do?... Oh no... Please get back here now!" He said, and suddenly the call on my Pokegear was ended abruptly, without me getting a chance to explain. What this could mean?! Even Sakura seems to start panicking. "Chi ko! Chiko-rita!" ("Oh no! William, hurry!") She told me to quickly go. We ran back to Cherrygrove City. I know something bad has probably happened... but just to be on the safe side, i went back to the Pokemon Center to heal Sakura back to full health. After than, we try to run quickly to the east back to New Bark Town!
...Or not. Suddenly, as soon as we step our feet just right at the exit, a red-haired teenager went towards me. Too late. If he's a trainer, then i have to prepare to fight... Wait a second... He's... he's the same person who was spying on Professor Elm's lab! ... "...So... You got a Pokemon from the Lab... What a waste, that Pokemon is just too good for a wimp like you." The red haired shady guy says. "Don't lie to me. I know what Pokemon you got from the Lab... Don't you get what i am saying? I also have a good Pokemon. I'll show you what i meant!" He says as he tosses a Pokeball after pressing it's a button, revealing the Pokemon inside it- a Cyndaquil. Wait a second...A CYNDAQUIL?! Oh, for Pete's sake, no! Sakura has a type disadvantage against Fire types. How? How in the world he did know what Pokemon i would choose? "Sakura, prepare for battle. Go, crush that brat and his Pokemon!" I said. Sakura looks worried for a moment. "Chiko?! Chiko... Chi-ko-ri-ta. Chiko!" ("What?! But... okay, if you say so. Let's go!". The Chikorita then Tackle'd that shady guy's Cyndaquil, who hitted back with the same attack,  although not as strong. Sakura looked back to me and said, "Chiii-ko!" ("I'm fine!"). On the other hand, the Cyndaquil cried in pain slightly. "Cynda..." (Sakura can understand it and translates it as "Ow...") "Humph! You're doing OK for someone weak." The red haired boy say, before i then shouted, "Sakura, TACKLE!". Instinctively, Sakura tackled out the Cyndaquil, which seems to collapse on the floor, crying out in pain.
"...Humph! Aren't you happy you've won?" The red haired boy said. Unknown to him, his Trainer Card fell out of his pocket for some reason... and Sakura took it for me. "Who the heck are you?!" I said out. The red haired boy says. "Do you want to know who i am? My name? It's none of your business! I'm going to be the world's greates trainer-" He stopped when he saw me looking at his trainer card. "Give it back! That's my trainer card, you wimp!" He says as he shoved me and took it back. Good thing i know who is his actual name now...
Anyways, we managed to make it out back to New Bark Town (albeit after i went back to the Pokemon Center to heal back Sakura.) After i arrived at New Bark Town, i rushed in to Professor Elm's lab. "Who are you? We are doing an investigation here. You're under arrest!" A police officer says, grabbing my hands and locking them in an handcuff.. "Hey, let me go!" I said. "What's the matter?" The police officer said. "Whoever stole the Pokemon will probably come back here. Are YOU the one who did it?" He shot at me a death glare. Just suddenly, a feminine voice shouted over. "No, that's NOT him! He wasn't the one who did it!"
Turns out it was Lyra -  my childhood friend. "Lyra Soul? What brings you here?" I asked a question. "William - William Ethan Gold didn't do it! I saw a red-haired guy spying on the Lab!" Lyra said. We have been referring to each another in full names just to make it clear. I then said, "I have already battled him - the red-haired thief. I know who is his name, even if he doesn't want to tell me." The police officer said. "So you identified the culprit? What is his name?" I paused a bit, clearing my throat. "He's... Ryder Silver. Or you can just simply say, Ryder."
"...Ryder, huh? I see... I'll keep an eye on him. I won't forget his name." the police officer said before leaving. Lyra then said, "Good thing he knows that you were innocent!"
Professor Elm came closer towards me and said, "William... this is terrible... Oh yes, what is Mr. Pokemon's discovery?". "This thing." I say, as i handed over the mysterious Egg. Professor Elm then inspected it and says, "Huh? This is an... Egg, is it? I never seen it... oh well, it's still just an Egg. Mr. Pokemon is always fascinated by Eggs. Well, since he gave it to us, we might as well find out what secret it holds. I'll keep it for a while to find out about the Egg."
Then i showed the Pokedex that Professor Oak gave to me, and i said, "Oh, and Professor Oak gave me a Pokedex and asked me to fill the Pokedex."
"W-what?! Professor Oak gave you a Pokedex? William, that's incredible! Professor Oak is superb in seeing the potential of people as trainers. Wow. William, i knew you were a little different. Things are going to be fun!" He said. Lyra then called me. "Hey, William, since now you had your first trainer battle anyways... How about taking on the Pokemon League challenge? If you can defeat all of the Gym Leaders, then you can challenge the Elite Four and eventually, the Pokemon League Champion! But first, you should start out first with the Violet City's Gym. William... I know that challenging all of the Gyms scattered everywhere will be a long journey. You're tired too... maybe we should take a rest. Don't forget to talk to your mom also, okay?" She says, looking at me and winking.
"I will, Lyra. I'm going to defeat all of the Gym Leaders of Johto and become the Pokemon League Champion. I'll show that I'll never regret picking out this Chikorita. Together, she and I will become the best ever like no one ever was!"
END OF EPISODE 1. TO BE CONTINUED IN CHAPTER 1 - EPISODE 2...
Whew, i should probably prepare to work on Chapter 1 - Episode 2 later. See you soon!
 

cross_off

just a gangster, I suppose...
Writer
Team Omega
Pokédex No.
231
Caught
Jul 1, 2019
Messages
433
Location
ontario
Nature
Adamant
Pronouns
he - him
Pokémon Type
  1. Dark
  2. Dragon
Pokédex Entry
it was banished for its violence. it silently gazes upon the old world from the distortion world
why are you choosing chikorita?  you picked the wrong starter dude... (jk, I kid, if there's a johto starter that really blows ingame it's cyndaquil but since that's neither here nor there...)

so this looks alright - I don't think that a chiko-locke is niche enough to be its own thing (I could def name a number of high-profile johto storylockes with a chikorita starter off the top of my head - loser, odws, summer storm, the list goes on), but it's still good enough as a framing device.  One thing that did sort of jump out at me was the almost-romantic undertones in will and sakura's dialogue, stuff like:
How come he truly understand me, a Pokemon - a starter Pokemon that nobody else would've picked... my feelings...

"Why are you surprised?" William said, while patting my little head. "Chiko chi-ri chikorita..." ("I never thought you would probably choose me...") all i can say to him.
"Hmm. Sakura, why you are nervous?" William said as he was outside. "Chiko... Chi ko, Chi-ko-ri Chikorita." ("Because... this is, my first time going outside.") He said back, "Don't worry, i'll make sure nothing ever will take away you from me. I'll protect you with all of my life!" If someone would ever truly care for me, that's William. I suppose...
innocuous enough in a vaccuum but weirdly the context (they've only just met!  it's way too soon for the protection declaration and everything else) as well as just the sequencing and writing style is probably what set that interpretation up.  if it's intentional, then it...actually might be interesting? (would take a hell of a fine hand to pull off though so hoping you're up for it, if it's not intentional then just disregard the last few paragraphs entirely).

anyways that said just a bunch of concrit points:
pov switching (even between first and third) is alright but tense is something you really want to keep constant (at least in individual sections), and yours kind of bounces around a lot right from the getgo:
I said groggily as i roll out of my bed and walked downstairs.
and it doesn't ever really stop switching.  the overall style of this story says recent past as the best fit (and it'd be what I'd recommend), but present could work too, anyways just try and keep your tenses constant because if you don't it'll read like its schizophrenic.

anyways on another note compare this (from your first chapter):
I then wiped out a drop of sweat that came out of my head while hearing it,
to this:
While listening, I wiped a drop of sweat off my head.
see how the second one goes quicker and sounds a lot more clear?  anyways what I'm trying to say is don't talk in circles like you did there - the simplest way to say something is usually the best, unless you're trying to go for a particular effect or some cool wordplay.  there's also a bunch of typos (mostly decapitalised Is) but that's not quite so bad an issue as the excess circular wordage there.

another general rule of thumb for when you're dealing with multiple characters talking - do a paragraph break every time a new character speaks, and continue the paragraph if it's the same person speaking (like for example if you have person a, person b and person c, and person a says something, then you'll want to start a new paragraph for person b to speak).  This is by no means an ironclad rule but it does a ton for readability and clarity as well as keeping your paragraphs to a reasonable size (and there's virtually no drawbacks to doing it either).

anyways this looks like an alright start, there's not really that much to differentiate it from other storylockes but there are hints of good stuff (the still like the waters of the sea thing was nice), and despite how this reads awkwardly at the sentence level the pacing is reasonably solid on a macro scale.  I feel like experience is the best teacher wrt a lot of the issues this is dealing with, and once you've had a little practice your chapters will start coming off a lot smoother and more polished (if you want more advice on stuff to work on then please feel free to reach out to me or anyone else for help, gl)
 
OP
Tsugumi Hazawa

Tsugumi Hazawa

Ordinary but Hardworking
Team Delta
Pokédex No.
218
Caught
Jun 30, 2019
Messages
139
Location
Haneoka High School (IRL: Makassar, Indonesia)
Nature
Modest
Pronouns
Character: She/Her, IRL: He/Him
Pokémon Type
  1. Normal
Wow, i got an amazing critic from cross_off. Okay, hang on a second...
why are you choosing chikorita?  you picked the wrong starter dude... (jk, I kid, if there's a johto starter that really blows ingame it's cyndaquil but since that's neither here nor there......I checked around. This might contain spoilers, but... there are actually some gyms that the Cyndaquil line has clearly disadvantage, but this disadvantage is clearly not present by the Chikorita line.
For example, Whitney (you'll see later!). Her Miltank has Rollout, dammit. Well, yeah... you can actually bait it and then switch to your Onix or something? But then... The best way to fight a bulky tanky Pokemon that can outlast you is to use another tanky Pokemon. Oh, don't worry, that Miltank can't hit Bayleef super effectively. Why you think it would run coverage if it's trying to outlast you? Anyways, next up is... Chuck. Yeah. His Poliwrath is a Fighting type - And also a Water type. It's probably obvious that no way the fire starter (unless overleveled) can stand against it. However, it is weak against Grass types. And by this point, Bayleef/Meganium might have already some good moves that can beat it. Also, the grass type starter line is actually decent against Jasmine's Steelix. It isn't totally helpless against Pryce, either. And Clair? Her Kingdra can be hit for at least neutral by Typhlosion's Thunder Punch or Feraligatr's Ice Punch, but Meganium's own STAB attacks are already enough to do neutral. And by this time, you get access to the Elemental Beams (Frenzy Plant, Blast Burn, Hydro Cannon)... and the grass starter's Elemental Beam (Frenzy Plant) should be already enough to OHKO it, if quite strong enough. Some Elite Four's pokemon are also weak to Grass, notably Will's Slowbro and Bruno's Onix. Koga, which have all Pokemon with all advantage against Grass types, isn't really a big problem you can handle him. Karen is rather pretty tough one, to say. For the Champion, i think one of his Pokemon can't hit Grass types super effectively... But his team hates Grass types a lot. But that's not the end of it. Just wait until you get to Kanto. And by Kanto, yes, we're referring to you, Brock, Misty and Lt. Surge. Heehee. ^_^
so this looks alright - I don't think that a chiko-locke is niche enough to be its own thing (I could def name a number of high-profile johto storylockes with a chikorita starter off the top of my head - loser, odws, summer storm, the list goes on), but it's still good enough as a framing device.  One thing that did sort of jump out at me was the almost-romantic undertones in will and sakura's dialogue, stuff like:
 
How come he truly understand me, a Pokemon - a starter Pokemon that nobody else would've picked... my feelings...
"Why are you surprised?" William said, while patting my little head. "Chiko chi-ri chikorita..." ("I never thought you would probably choose me...") all i can say to him.
"Hmm. Sakura, why you are nervous?" William said as he was outside. "Chiko... Chi ko, Chi-ko-ri Chikorita." ("Because... this is, my first time going outside.") He said back, "Don't worry, i'll make sure nothing ever will take away you from me. I'll protect you with all of my life!" If someone would ever truly care for me, that's William. I suppose...
innocuous enough in a vaccuum but weirdly the context (they've only just met!  it's way too soon for the protection declaration and everything else) as well as just the sequencing and writing style is probably what set that interpretation up.  if it's intentional, then it...actually might be interesting? (would take a hell of a fine hand to pull off though so hoping you're up for it, if it's not intentional then just disregard the last few paragraphs entirely).
...Heck, i actually planned this. Yeah, the story... i know, it's about showing that the grass-type starter of Johto is more capable than most people will think off. But it also might relate with how that starter deaths in Nuzlockes aren't uncommon. Well, She's bulky, but with a bad typing... oh nevermind, i know when i have to use her and not. With my experience, i can probably do fine. However, i made this so that i can remember the oath i have sworn to in my Nuzlocke. Besides, that can strengthen the emotional bonds. I am such a failure if i can't even keep Sakura alive at least until halfway through the game. But anyways, i'll try to lessen the prematurely nervous moments. It's just probably me who have been terrified of premonitions. The real fun stuff of the Nuzlocke has only begun: new allies! (Hopefully they are pretty good to describe soon...)

anyways that said just a bunch of concrit points:
pov switching (even between first and third) is alright but tense is something you really want to keep constant (at least in individual sections), and yours kind of bounces around a lot right from the getgo:
I said groggily as i roll out of my bed and walked downstairs.
and it doesn't ever really stop switching.  the overall style of this story says recent past as the best fit (and it'd be what I'd recommend), but present could work too, anyways just try and keep your tenses constant because if you don't it'll read like its schizophrenic.
Gods. I am literally surprised, but that's because i didn't even think about using present tense. Oh well, i'll try fix it later. I am only just getting started to write this story, but i am thinking about limiting POV switching to one per episode to make it less confusing. And i'll try to make sure the tenses will fit out when the thing discussed has happened. Next!
anyways on another note compare this (from your first chapter):
I then wiped out a drop of sweat that came out of my head while hearing it,
to this:

While listening, I wiped a drop of sweat off my head.
see how the second one goes quicker and sounds a lot more clear?  anyways what I'm trying to say is don't talk in circles like you did there - the simplest way to say something is usually the best, unless you're trying to go for a particular effect or some cool wordplay.  there's also a bunch of typos (mostly decapitalised Is) but that's not quite so bad an issue as the excess circular wordage there.
Uhh... i might have an issue with trying to fix up my paragraphs. English is my second language, not first - i'm not really an American or British even. This is pretty expectable for countries where the main language is not English. But anyways, yeah... i could probably shorten up paragraphs like that. I'll take note of it.

another general rule of thumb for when you're dealing with multiple characters talking - do a paragraph break every time a new character speaks, and continue the paragraph if it's the same person speaking (like for example if you have person a, person b and person c, and person a says something, then you'll want to start a new paragraph for person b to speak).  This is by no means an ironclad rule but it does a ton for readability and clarity as well as keeping your paragraphs to a reasonable size (and there's virtually no drawbacks to doing it either).
Hate to say this, but it is true. I sometimes preferred the quick speakings to be in one paragraph though because i want to shorten up things... but if posts in main topics in the forums doesn't have a character limit, i can't argue with that. Thank you.

anyways this looks like an alright start, there's not really that much to differentiate it from other storylockes but there are hints of good stuff (the still like the waters of the sea thing was nice), and despite how this reads awkwardly at the sentence level the pacing is reasonably solid on a macro scale.  I feel like experience is the best teacher wrt a lot of the issues this is dealing with, and once you've had a little practice your chapters will start coming off a lot smoother and more polished (if you want more advice on stuff to work on then please feel free to reach out to me or anyone else for help, gl)
Thanks! I'll try to improve up how i'm going to write my later chapters.

TLDR: Less premature worrying, less tense switching, less ineffective phrase writing, and more paragraphs to give room for different characters talking.
Oof! With that off, time to write a small episode for a flashback to a past even before the events of the main story begins. I am tired of writing main episodes now, but now that i didn't exactly explain the story of William's parents moving to Johto region...
Flashback Episode 1: A trip from Kanto to Johto
(Third-person POV)
William's parents used to live in Celadon City in Kanto. His father was a researcher and one of Professor Oak's aides. On the other hand, his mother worked out originally as a cashier at Celadon Deparment Store, but later worked instead as a receptionist at Celadon Hotel.
William's father occasionally helps out researching on new Pokemon that are not known originally, and have also researched about habitats of Pokemon, as well as Pokemon Eggs. Meanwhile, William's mother is skilled at accounting and often saves money.
On one day, the two of them met each another and started helping out each another on occasions. Eventually, they fell in love and soon are married.
William's father is rather enthusiastic on going out to discover and study about new things. After the couple saved up enough money, they would soon move to a region that was discovered - the Johto region. They would travel around to visit the town and cities in Johto region, but found most of them are crowded.
Thinking that their child might need a fresh start, they eventually decided to stay in New Bark Town, where it is also coincidentally was where Professor Elm's lab was built.
They also introduce themselves as new neighbors to Lyra's parents and get along with them. This is where their son, William, is born... and raised up at the same time.
William's father is probably going out to other regions that aren't even known yet, but wife stays out to raise the child so that he would be ready to go on an adventure of his own...
I can't post yet a main episode, because i don't have much time. Sigh... i'm tired already. I'll try to write Episode 2 later, and Episode 3. There will be just 3 episodes for Chapter 1.
Oh! BTW, don't expect me to start writing for about two weeks... i am going to have end-of-school exams. So sorry about that! I'll try to post Episode 2 and 3 of Chapter 1 in one post.
 
W

Wwarborday

Guest
This is an interesting idea so far! I will be watching to see where this story goes. Sakura is a good pear.

You’re doing a good job for someone who speaks English as a second language! (A quick tip-remember to always capitalize “I” when someone is using it to talk about themselves, even when it is not the first word in a sentence. For example;

“I walked to the store, where I would buy some milk.”)

I think that giving Will the middle name “Ethan” is a nice touch.

Your extras and prologue provide a lot of background information to the reader, which is good! But there is a smoother way to do it-you can incorporate background knowledge and exposition into the dialogue and thoughts of the characters. You don’t have to do it all at once, but you can gradually feed the audience information, or even just wait for the right moment.

Chikorita is a great Pokémon, and I don’t think anyone here will argue with you on that. (It’s one of my personal favorites.) The story “Loser”, by Bullet, also has a Chikorita!

Keep it up!
 
OP
Tsugumi Hazawa

Tsugumi Hazawa

Ordinary but Hardworking
Team Delta
Pokédex No.
218
Caught
Jun 30, 2019
Messages
139
Location
Haneoka High School (IRL: Makassar, Indonesia)
Nature
Modest
Pronouns
Character: She/Her, IRL: He/Him
Pokémon Type
  1. Normal
I can't post a run for now, but:
@Wwarborday Thanks to hear it. First of all, i did give William's middle and last names based on the canonical names for the male player character in GSC and HGSS. This would help me to not get confused with an Elite Four member who has a similar name (guess who). Second, capitalizing all of the "I"s would be great. And last of all.

Thank you for knowing and understanding me that there are many stories like this. Yes, I'm not the very first person to do an Johto-based game Nuzlocke with Chikorita - there were MANY before me. But now that i joined up the ranks with those of them, it seems to happen now i understand that I - along with William and Sakura as a duo - have a story similar to many others. Yet i'm ready to prepare to plan to describe our story with our own experience and words. Thank you so much.
Best Wishes, Ryan
 
OP
Tsugumi Hazawa

Tsugumi Hazawa

Ordinary but Hardworking
Team Delta
Pokédex No.
218
Caught
Jun 30, 2019
Messages
139
Location
Haneoka High School (IRL: Makassar, Indonesia)
Nature
Modest
Pronouns
Character: She/Her, IRL: He/Him
Pokémon Type
  1. Normal
Unfortunately, my computer is broken so i cannot continue this nuzlocke run. So sad! I want to expand on the story more, so... i will need to close this quick. Mods/Admins are free to mark this as incomplete. Thtis run has been cancelled, however there is a chance i might do a reboot on this nuzlokce attempt.
 

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