Screenshot Hoenn Teen Commentary Via Memory Lane VII: An Emerald Nostalgialocke

[Time Master Eon]

Personally I'm glad that there weren't any pirates at my graduation because that would've meant I'd be stuck there longer than I was, which was already too long. Like seriously, it was publicly acknowledged at my graduation just how happy I was to never see any of those people ever again.

 

[Jackdaw991]

I've not looked at the mons for Scarlett and Violet yet outside the starters, maybe I should.

Well, that gym was what's the word....Easy?

 

[songwithnosoul]

Spoiler: Roxanne is the Gym Leader equivalent of the six Magikarp guy

I should probably settle soon on referring to Chu as an entirely separate entity from myself… it’s been wobbly, but now she’s got plenty of distinction, what with her dimension-hopping rivalry with Max, transing her gender, becoming a mob boss, all stuff like that (man, I should show her Everything Everywhere All At Once sometime :v)

I'll also try to be more careful to make the distinction as well, then.

Bad Advice Oak is always fantastic XD I feel like I’ve seen the meme you’re referring to? Like it’s a variant on the Courage Wolf meme but it has Mightyena instead, I thhhiiiiiiink? Can’t find it either but I know I’ve seen it XD

No, the meme I saw with that caption was definitely also a Bad Advice Oak, and the quote was presumably meant to be poking fun at the idea of fighting and catching legendaries rather than being straightforwardly badass. I imagine that quote gets slapped on all sorts of memes, though, so I'm not surprised that it was on multiple Pokémon-related image macros.

even though it absolutely fuckin carbon-dates me

This is not the first time you've phrased things this way, but I really enjoy referring to it making you feel old as carbon-dating you. So funny.

Time to Acquire Frens

Yes! Best time!

…Orrrrrr just meet dupes! Cute dupes, but dupes nonetheless

F

Alright, fingers crossed I don’t encounter exclusively Wurmple in here

…well, they’re not exclusively Wurmple, I guess I gotta give ‘em that! Guess we’re going all-grass for Roxanne, which is sure as shit gonna be easier than going after Brock with just a Charmeleon, at least

Yeah. The sooner you (as the player) can beat the gym, the sooner you (as the player) can find a route that isn't full of dupes!!!

Counterpoint: It’s more environmentally friendly to steal from ecofascists than it is to disrupt the local ecosystem by catching wild Pokemon!

Haha

Right, I know this guy’s incredibly muggable, but I got here first, so back off

I don't think I've ever seen this specific take on the hapless Devon Guy yet! Your whole mob boss framing is bringing lots of fun ideas into play already!

On the other side of the forest, got a rendezvous with a guy who’s got a gun for me to give one of my boys. Knew I could count on you to come through with the goods!

Like this too!

Oooooh, check the lick of paint Rustboro’s gotten! Looks like the Devon Union was successful in getting more company profits diverted to infrastructure and beautification! Proper windows for a the school, a new fountain, sorting the brickwork on the ground, the whole nine yards!

I also love this explanation for the upgrade in graphics between Hoenn games. Good for them! Direct action works!

Got a Really Big Knife now too! Love random NPCs giving out weaponry. Giving that to The Doctor and letting Victor have the gun.

And even though you've made these jokes about Cut and Bullet Seed before, I love how Chu's mob boss background recontextualizes them into enforcers.

A bunch, and I would gladly babysit your daughter for a shot at playing with her dolls

Glad to see Chu's love of dolls returning! At least Kanto hasn't changed her that much!

Trust me, buddy, just let your kiddo be who she is. Maybe she’s just a quiet kid. Or maybe you’re just not funny.

Hah

Wait, how big are your rock Pokemon??? If you’re letting loose a whole-ass Onix out here—

…no, you also just have two Geodude. I think Roxanne needs some diversity hires, like somebody who has a Sudowoodo or something

Seriously. Even Brock had more diversity in his gym, and he was the first gym in the first gen! Admittedly, he cheated by bringing in non-rock types, but still. That'd be a step up from All Geodude, All The Time. And it's not as if Roxanne doesn't have better options! Wouldn't it be so much more educational if her students had to face all kinds of rock-types, with different secondary strengths and weaknesses? Or even a few pure rock-types, if they don't want to make things too hard for Mudkip players by throwing in a Kabuto.

You saw how easy I did that, Roxanne? That’s what happened to the other five Geodude out in your front hall. That's why it's important to not just use the same Pokemon all the time, to shake it up on the regular, maybe never use the same Pokemon twice or something

Also an excellent suggestion!

And that’s that on that!

Congrats! Not a hard badge to get with your team, but a milestone nonetheless!

Man, I wish there were pirates at my high school graduation

Man, now I do too.

Also, it's pride month, so I feel compelled to disagree with #3, as Ho-oh is blatantly gay. What do you think?

Diversity win! All Pokémon assigned genderless and asexual by NOM UK! /sarcasm

Nah, they don't know what they're talking about! Obviously Ho-oh, is gay, and while all Pokémon are queer, they're queer in a variety of ways. Like the rainbow flag itself! There are even more ways to be queer than there are species of Pokémon (and with Gen IX we'll surely finally crack 1000), so why would they all be the same way? Preposterous.

 

[Skarmizard]

I'm actually the exact opposite in that I only use Treecko-I hate Mudkip for being so unbalanced, and Torchic is fine, but cute gecko that turns into giant dinosaur(?) with leaf blades is impossible for me to pass up. I think PMD2 further skewed me as well...

Oh! Oh, there’s no filter words! Oh, buddy, the opportunity you’ve just given me!

oh no
I always wondered what you actually had to say to that girl to get anything. Wallpapers aren't really worth it tbh...
I had a feeling Roxanne and her gym of 3000 Geodudes would be easy for two Grass-types. Could they really not think of any other Rock-types to use?
And lmao at how over the top edgy your guide was. Man the 2000s really were the "overly edgy" decade...

Edit because I only saw this after replying:

it was publicly acknowledged at my graduation just how happy I was to never see any of those people ever again.

You and me both. I wish I could've just left as soon as I walked the stage.

 

[SayleeK]

Spoiler: Replies

@FPFP66 Why did I give The Doctor the knife? Because he could learn Cut and Victor couldn’t, I think that was the main thought process tbh :v
I can confidently state that Ho-oh is gay. My logic? Ho-oh debuted in Gen II, which also debuted the Love Ball, which in that gen raised the catch rate of wild Pokemon who were the same gender as your active Pokemon. It’s also chosen to live in Ecruteak, the same place as Morty and Eusine, who definitely have somethin LGBT going on. Checkmate, liberals!


@bhelryss I did not know there was a gene for wet or dry earwax… evolution is incredible…
Honestly I do love Geodude, always a very good choice of a rock-type, except for when I have to fight them and they potentially have Explosion, and definitely definitely when they have Sturdy DX
Y’know, the Ralts line are pretty gender, I think we should all focus on that instead of the other things folk like to focus on the Ralts line for


@ponibutts I can’t believe you’re dropping lore about Ollie’s hog on my thread
Sceptile is an absolute BEAST, I have no doubt Leafy did you extremely proud


@Nebbles HAPPY PRIDE, let’s all feel LGBT about the new professors and turn all the Pokemon gay!


@Green Tea Oh, good point about why all fire-types are gay ;)
Hoenn was definitely suffering for rock-types, but still… ooft, Roxanne, oooooooffffffttttt


@Kit_The_Feef oh, stuff from the 2000s mentioned gayness all the time! Mostly as a negative. That was the time of “that’s so gay” as a derogatory, “lesbo” and “gaylord” as insult names, Calling shit “faggy”… man, I do NOT miss that time at ALL -_-


@Time Master Eon All the people in high school who I’d still like to be in contact with, I am, and I spare no more thought to everyone else except broadly hoping that some of them are better people now :v


@Jackdaw991 on the new Pokemon: they’re adorable, but clearly named by a memelord :v


@songwithnosoul Referring to myself as being carbon-dated, I hope, conveys how fucking ancient it makes me feel whenever somebody goes on one of these runs like “hah, cool, this game came out before I was born!”
Look, Chu is not intending to broadly become a mugger, but exceptions can be made for ecofascists and corporate stooges :v
Brock didn’t really make things better for himself by having Ground-types as well as Rock-types, but at least there was some variety, dammit!
Honestly instead of “male” and “female” we should just have 900 genders and they’re all Pokemon. It’s like mushroom sexes. And it’s all queer. Happy pride!


@Skarmizard I’m sure you can google up the passwords… I just don’t care XD
Makes me glad we don't do all that ceremony/stage business in Scotland... our headie actually told us that we didn't have to come to the last day of term, that we could go early, but he was just trying (and failing) to stop Prank Day from happening :v

Hello and welcome back to my Emerald nostalgialocke! Last time we functionally performed a drive-by on Roxanne’s gym. With two grass-types, it was an absolute massacre. This time…

Spoiler: Part 3: Click!

Cannae trust those men in suits, can we? Oh, I’m looking for a pirate too

New catch opportunity time!

You’re duped out by Imhotep, hen, but it’s cool to see you!

Ah keech, shoulda run ahead to the tunnel to get the mandatory one of these before coming back to the grass here, huh

Well, we’ll make do! I did Drama at uni, so we did actually learn a bit of circular breathing that can make it easier to speak or sing for longer without having to stop for breath, but man, breathing through your ears? Now that’s next level!

I remember Gorillaz’ Demon Days being a BIG deal when it dropped in 2005; the funky music video for Feel Good Inc was playing on music video channels near-constantly (remember when new music always premiered on the radio or on MTV? The ancient times). Still a bop. Anyway Whismur’s kinda Murdoc-shaped so here goes

Oooh, he also has Soundproof, huh? Gotta remember Dodgeball had that problem with flutes… also interested in the implication that Murdoc is deaf, possibly because his ears are for breathing, not listening. Which also suggests that Whismur make so much noise because they’re not communicating by sound, but by the vibrations they can feel—all the more reason to get freaked out by heavy machinery, even when it’s not that loud!

On the way down the route, The Doctor evolved while fighting trainers, and now has a hilarious smug grin permanently on his mug

There also appears to be an elder in some distress

Yyyyyeah, fucked that one up

Everyone’s so polite around here, always asking for me to kick their ass!

Hey, if you like robbing megacorporations, I can offer you a new career in crime with Team Rocket! We’re just gonna have to replace the ecofascism with an understanding of how to plan an exit strategy

What’s even in here, anyway?

Eh, not a pokegear, but I’ll take it

Nae bother, mate, I’ve got better shit to steal than an elderly man’s companion pokemon

On the way back through Rustboro, I guess we gotta deal with this fuckin guy again

Absofuckinglutely not

Don’t condescend. I want a battle because you always deserve an ass-beating.

Murdoc’s getting up there in levels, I think he can have a go here

Huh, I… did not know that Uproar locks you in like Rollout? I’ve never used one of those dudes before

Shit, I thought it was building in power and either it’s not or that spicy lil chicken nugget is MUCH sturdier than he looks

Fuck. I can’t entirely blame Brendan for that one, I have apparently not learned how Uproar works once in the past seventeen years… but I’m still gonna blame Brendan. This is a blood feud now, fucker

Yeah, that’ll do, but now I’m back to just having two grass-types, and I gotta do something about that

You got a new horizon, its ephemeral style, a melancholy town where we never smile…

That solemn duty done… I think I could use an experienced sailor who has his own way in and out of ports all around Hoenn

I would say you owe me a wee favour. Not holding Bullet Seed to your head, though. Just tell me, can you get me to Dewford without any paperwork having to change hands?

You’re a champ, Captain. I promise this’ll be well worth your while.

Fuck off, dad, you’re stalling the boat! When I first played this game, I got it in my head that this was why you weren’t allowed to use mobile phones on airplanes; if you got a call, the whole plane would stall and fall out of the sky. I don’t… think that’s the reason, but with the big chunky brickphones of 2005, who knows?

Why are you asking? Who gave you this number, old man?

…Yeah, yeah, love you too. Don’t talk to the cops. Slaters.

Alrighty, I have essential business to get to!

None movie with left themes?

Not one I used as a kid, but offers mild amusement at this time of my life

Me neither, girl, me neither! (Me as in SayleeK. Chu continues to be 10.)

Communication’s crucial to any relationship, particularly an intimate one!

…I’m not sure that’s legal, but I’m sure there are places online that will pay good money for the training footage

Aye, but I think they’re on pay-per-view

I, uh… don’t think the guy in the shop shoulda sold you that, kiddo. Just out of curiosity, who's selling that stuff to weans? Do they work anywhere particularly flammable?

Alright, enough of the innuendo—oh, okay, a wee bit more innuendo then

Alright, fit we got down here…

Duped, I’m afraid. Greatest respect to you and your people on Alexander’s behalf, though!

YES YES HELLO BABY YES

BABY ACQUIRED YESSSSSSSSSS

So the 2005 movie of The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy wasn’t all that good, as an adaptation or a movie, but it was pretty fun, and Alan Rickman did a good turn voicing Marvin the Paranoid Android. Aron’s big round heid, shiny white-ish shell and bright blue eyes remind me strongly of Marvin’s look in the movie, so here’s our new baby! Let’s try not to give him robot depression tho

He’s a BOUNCING baby boy! Ooooh, Rock Head, could be nifty…

Not gonna lie, getting a Sableye would’ve been fucking rad, but I’m very happy with my shiny metal baby

Ah, there you are, Stevie boy. You like steel-types, right? Check out my new baby!

Awww, he likes the baby so much that he gave me an excellent TM!

No. I’m still mad about the last time. You’re really letting down your Pokemon Adventures counterpart by being useless during the apocalypse, you know? I’ve got words for you about that…

You lot go watch the cave entrance. I think we’re too deep in for anyone to hear anything, but better safe than sorry. Chu’ll come out and let you know when we’re moving on. While we're waiting, let's check to make sure that we're building a team properly...

Dean Scott was a member of staff on the magazine, I believe. Look at that article, more edge than the contents of a sushi chef's knife block! Have you ever named a Pokemon after a friend? I'm sure I've called one or two after friends, in the fullness of time, though I can't remember them off the top of my head. Until next time, thanks for joining me, and haste ye back!

 

[Time Master Eon]

I've probably named a Pokémon after a friend at some point or another, whether deliberately or chance, but I don't remember.

 

[FPFP66]

Why did I give The Doctor the knife? Because he could learn Cut and Victor couldn’t

Except I don’t think you need Cut to beat the game. Bad strategical move if so!

Cannae trust those men in suits, can we? Oh, I’m looking for a pirate too

I remember Gorillaz’ Demon Days being a BIG deal when it dropped in 2005; the funky music video for Feel Good Inc

The what that what?

There also appears to be an elder in some distress

If it’s anything like Florida, keep them off the roads.

When I first played this game, I got it in my head that this was why you weren’t allowed to use mobile phones on airplanes; if you got a call, the whole plane would stall and fall out of the sky.

I don’t think you were alone in thinking that.

Me neither, girl, me neither! (Me as in SayleeK. Chu continues to be 10.)

The Lesbian Chronicles of Saylee: Coming to Disney Plus in 2023.

 

[ponibutts]

I can’t believe you’re dropping lore about Ollie’s hog on my thread
Sceptile is an absolute BEAST, I have no doubt Leafy did you extremely proud

he suffers from a chronic case of "would it be funny to give the ace character xyz"
leafy did me VERY proud, but this was back in the days before gen 4 and nuzlocke wasn't a thing yet.

I thiiiink uproar is like petal dance but not powerful and doesn't leave you confused? I wouldn't mind being locked into it if it built up power like rollout but nope. shame you lost murdoc immediately, exploud can be fun.

a recentish run of og silver I did I named everyone (that i planned to use) after friends in this one server I'm in. most people were happy with what they became!

 

[Green Tea]

Murdoc... <sigh> Easy come, easy go, I guess? At least you have Marvin to make up for it now.

I've never named any Pokémon after my friends or family. I've named the rival after a friend sometimes, but even that's been a rarity. I don't even name the protagonist after myself any more. O_O

 

[Nebbles]

I have named my Pokemon Mystery Dungeon partners after my friends, actually! Which makes the ending of the first arc very, very sad, but... it's been tradition for a long time.

Also, I'm also a child. I giggled all the way through the "Service Top" bit.

 

[Kit_The_Feef]

I think I've accidentally named them after real people, but I have a running joke with my brother that every female Pidgey I catch must be named Prudence. I also did a Red run using 6 lv 100 Pidgey named Prudence, and I actually beat the Champion with them.

 

[bhelryss]

oh no, not the whismur ;o;

yeah i uh, i still have no idea how uproar works. i try not ot use it.....

SERVICE TOP SDLKFJGKJ you're right tho, what would life be like without them!!

marvin is such a sweet little pebble, gonna grow up real big

i exclusively name machop line pokemon after my best friend max, who cares them bigly. i normally don't name pokemon after people because it feels odd. i do always name doglike pokemon after my pets tho. if i cannot fight monster battles with my real puppy, then i will name a puppy in a game after her specifically so that i am never without her. same for like, farming rpg games with dog companions

i love my baby....

 

[Jackdaw991]

I called having a Whismur, I didn't call it dying....Poor little guy. At least Aron is a solid enough replacement Boss.

 

[songwithnosoul]

Spoiler: Making friends everywhere we go

Honestly instead of “male” and “female” we should just have 900 genders and they’re all Pokemon. It’s like mushroom sexes. And it’s all queer. Happy pride!

Ooh, hell yeah! Honestly, I bet a surprisingly large number of people out there could point to a specific Pokémon as gender goals without even having to think about it.

Cannae trust those men in suits, can we? Oh, I’m looking for a pirate too

hahaha

Ah keech, shoulda run ahead to the tunnel to get the mandatory one of these before coming back to the grass here, huh

Oooh-- Oh, right. Damn inconvenient route placement.

Well, we’ll make do! I did Drama at uni, so we did actually learn a bit of circular breathing that can make it easier to speak or sing for longer without having to stop for breath, but man, breathing through your ears? Now that’s next level!

Whoa, that's a really weird find! Thank you for sharing!

Oooh, he also has Soundproof, huh? Gotta remember Dodgeball had that problem with flutes… also interested in the implication that Murdoc is deaf, possibly because his ears are for breathing, not listening. Which also suggests that Whismur make so much noise because they’re not communicating by sound, but by the vibrations they can feel—all the more reason to get freaked out by heavy machinery, even when it’s not that loud!

Ohhhh, that's a really cool theory! It does make a lot of sense. Also, the phrase "his ears are for breathing, not listening" is such a strange sentence. I love that it makes sense.

There also appears to be an elder in some distress

Haha. I like the understated reaction here.

Yyyyyeah, fucked that one up

F

Hey, if you like robbing megacorporations, I can offer you a new career in crime with Team Rocket! We’re just gonna have to replace the ecofascism with an understanding of how to plan an exit strategy

Yes, recruit the grunts! Save them from their bad simping tastes!

Nae bother, mate, I’ve got better shit to steal than an elderly man’s companion pokemon

Reason #1 why Chu is a better Rocket Boss than Giovanni.

Murdoc’s getting up there in levels, I think he can have a go here

Ooh, first battle! Go, Murdoc!

Yay, victory! Good job!

Huh, I… did not know that Uproar locks you in like Rollout? I’ve never used one of those dudes before

Oh, huh. Well, at least you learned it in a low-risk environment?

Shit, I thought it was building in power and either it’s not or that spicy lil chicken nugget is MUCH sturdier than he looks

Fuuuuuuuuuuck, never mind. RIP.

Fuck. I can’t entirely blame Brendan for that one, I have apparently not learned how Uproar works once in the past seventeen years… but I’m still gonna blame Brendan. This is a blood feud now, fucker

He deserves it.

Yeah, that’ll do, but now I’m back to just having two grass-types, and I gotta do something about that

At least Victor is also a water-type, so that balances it out a bit. But yeah, still.

I would say you owe me a wee favour. Not holding Bullet Seed to your head, though. Just tell me, can you get me to Dewford without any paperwork having to change hands?

Haha. I continue to love how everything has a criminal angle now.

…Yeah, yeah, love you too. Don’t talk to the cops. Slaters.

Aww. That's sweet! Maybe they can reconcile after all! I guess it depends on how the battle against Norman goes.

None movie with left themes?

Hahaha. Love it that we both thought of the same meme right away.

I, uh… don’t think the guy in the shop shoulda sold you that, kiddo. Just out of curiosity, who's selling that stuff to weans? Do they work anywhere particularly flammable?

Okay, Chu really does need a fire-type for her team. I mean, I'm sure that she still can use matches and gasoline, but it's just not the same as having a massively powerful fire-type, you know?

YES YES HELLO BABY YES

Hell yeah! Excellent catch!

Ah, there you are, Stevie boy. You like steel-types, right? Check out my new baby!

I'm just imaging Chu holding Marvin out at arm's length and just shoving him in Steven's face in her excitement, and I love it.

You lot go watch the cave entrance. I think we’re too deep in for anyone to hear anything, but better safe than sorry. Chu’ll come out and let you know when we’re moving on.

Ooh, are we part of this criminal enterprise, now? Aye-aye, Captain!

Dean Scott was a member of staff on the magazine, I believe. Look at that article, more edge than the contents of a sushi chef's knife block!

Ahhh, that vintage edginess. Delicious.

Have you ever named a Pokemon after a friend? I'm sure I've called one or two after friends, in the fullness of time, though I can't remember them off the top of my head.

I'm not in the habit of naming Pokémon after people I know. Which is weird when I think of it, because I name them after all kinds of other references. I did name a Togepi in one of my games after my sibling, though, because that was their favourite Pokémon as a kid. Misty was always their favourite character in the anime.

 

[SayleeK]

Spoiler: Replies

@Time Master Eon Same hat, I’m sure I’ve done it, I just can’t remember XD


@FPFP66 I don’t necessarily need Cut to beat the game, but there’s so much exploring I can’t do! I can’t get through the first stage of the Trick House without it! It’s a decently strong Normal move for this part of the game, too, and when I can’t use it anymore, this ain’t Gen I—I can hit up the Move Deleter when I need to
Cannot believe you’ve never listened to Demon Days, you heathen
Disney will only show my Lesbian Chronicles during Pride Month, then immediately vault and bury them while donating the advertising revenue to conversion therapy clinics or some shit… no thanks :v


@ponibutts A strong Normal-type is always an asset, I’m so sad I don’t get to try using an Exploud DX Got nobody but myself to blame for that carelessness… but I’m still gonna blame Brendan
Naming Pokemon after your server buddies sounds really fun, I should do that with my mates sometime


@Green Tea I’ve never actually given a protagonist my actual exact name? It’s always felt weird. Some variations of nicknames or one of the default names, usually. Where nameable, though, my rival has always been Max, and will continue to be even though he doesn’t play Pokemon anymore XD


@Nebbles Naming PMD partners after real people sounds potentially heartbreaking… but then again, I nuzlocke, so I cannae talk
Dear god I hope actual children aren’t giggling at the “Service Top” bit, they should NOT get that XD


@Kit_The_Feef 6 level 100 Pidgey? Gen I hoenstly is probably the best place to do funky runs like that, sounds like a hell of a ride XD


@bhelryss Mentioning that you always name Machop after your mate Max actually reminds me that I often name Snorlax after my Mum because it’s her favourite Pokemon… eating whatever it wants, sleeping all the time… she loves it to bits, it’s the only Pokemon she can remember the name of other than Pikachu XD
I do also name pets in other games after my old dog… Suki died of being a Real Old Lady a long time ago, but in Stardew Valley, she never gets doggy arthritis and can run around the farm forever… :’)


@Jackdaw991 Been a while since I caught and lost a Pokemon in the same update DX


@songwithnosoul Now I’ve wound up thinking “what Pokemon is my gender?”… probably Nidoqueen. Big Lady, adaptable, helpful, WISH I was that stronk, blue femininity,
Biology is so frickin weird anyway, there probably is something in the real world that breathes through its ears, this might as well happen XD
At least Murdoc got some glory before he died… I’m sorry for my carelessness, wee man I’ll atone by teARING A FUCKIN STRIP AFF BRENDAN’S HIDE
I really do want a fire-type… Hoenn, blease, grant me this…
See you say “I'm just imaging Chu holding Marvin out at arm's length and just shoving him in Steven's face in her excitement”, but my brain immediately goes “Chu cradling Marvin in her hands and then YEETING him full-force into Steven’s face” XD
Your sibling has good taste, Misty was the best character in the anime

Hello and welcome back to my Emerald nostalgialocke! Last time, we caught and almost immediately lost a Whismur, but got a steel baby in Dewford to make up for it. This time…

Spoiler: Part 4: Imagine Seeing You Here!

You know, now that I think about it, I don’t think I’m required to fight Brawly to leave Dewford? I just gotta speak to Steven, which I have very much done. And maybe I should now get out of Dewford toot sweet. I’ll come back for Brawly when I have more than two grass-types and a steel baby on my team.

Aye, and I’m just gonna pop belowdecks until we get there. You know the drill, I’m sure

First things first, let’s get some drinks on the beach!

I love my babies and my babies love me

I can also pop up past Slateport to get another catch…

…well, she’s team diversity, at least

Like, they’re adorable, but I don’t know if Plusle and Minun are any good at all as electric-types? They’re clearly gimmick ‘mons made specifically for a double-battle gimmick, and I won’t be able to catch a Plusle to pair up in this run, and it’d really unbalance my team even if I did. But I’ll give her her chance to shine, nevertheless.

I will be naming her after Susan Storm, The Invisible Woman, however, because The Fantastic Four was easily the worst movie I saw in cinemas in 2005. You have the option to live up to the character you’re named after, who is in general great and deserving of respect, or down to the movie I’m picking from. Choose wisely. (I can’t believe they actually managed to make Fant4stic worse, but never underestimate the movie industry’s capacity to disappoint!)

You are adorable, I’ll give you that

Alright, simp-fightin’ time

But first, another scenery appreciation break! This is the same spot, with the same dude here. Looks like Slateport lost some land in the flooding last time I was Hoenn, but the pier they’ve built is really nice, and I’m glad they’ve got a load of new boats on the water! Better safe than sorry and all that

Lighthouse is still a disappointment, though

Oh, I’m sure I will!

Aye, yeah, you think about that job offer I made? I’d love to know more about stealing shit from Devon Corp!

Guess I can’t really deny it these days

I’ll take that as a no on the job offer, then. Shame.

That’s a bugger. I’d like to have a wee word with him about trying that Kyogre shit again.

Calm down, mate, they’re just pirate simps, they’re not that dangerous

See?

There he is, the big dom himself! Got a bone to pick with you, big man

You know fine fucking well what. You got away last time; I see you pulling Kyogre shit again, I’m leaving your body in a cave under the sea, capiche?

For now, at least.

Aw fuck, now you’re here too.

Was that really a guess, or were they screaming through a megaphone about how Boss Chu of Rocket just kicked their asses? They do that sometimes

In order: no we’re not, and under no fucking circumstances

Vic, if you spot him stalking us again, take the shot

I need a bit of retail therapy to deal with that guy, and luckily, the market’s looking gorgeous these days!

Fancy seeing you here, prof! Been attacked by any interesting wildlife recently?

Don’t know, don’t care

Sure, let’s go with that

I really don’t think you wanna do that, prof. It’ll just be daily disappointment for you.

Are you worried about him? That’s kinda sweet, ngl
…or are you warning me about him, like, the way I tell folk to keep an eye out for swans when it’s nesting season on the canal

Probably!

Onwards for training, experimenting with which double battles I can split into singles and which ones I can’t

Training babies on multi-Magikarp men

Checking out the Trick House, where the local weirdo now flies out of the room instead of vanishing during a cut to black. Sure, why not, this might as well happen

Huh, I think he’s rejiggered the layout for this Cut puzzle

Regardless, our lizard with a knife carried us through!

…shit. Wait. The professor was right to warn us. There is a rival battle on this bridge that always blindsides me. I think he has a Wailmer, which Vic or The Doctor could handle. I thiiiink his grass-type should be either Lombre or Nuzleaf, which’ll be a bit tougher, but Marvin can probably do them with Headbutt, with them not able to hit him quite so hard, or The Doctor can get ‘em with Cut.
But he’s also gonna have fucking Combusken, and here’s me with two grass types (sure, one’s half-water, but he doesn’t have any water moves), a steel baby, and a Minun.
Fuck.

Nothing for it but grinding, then, because I refuse to foolishly lose anybody else to that hell chicken. During grinding, I am pleasantly surprised that Susan’s first electric-type move isn’t Thundershock, but Spark, which is a corker of a move, and potentially makes her viable to fight the Combusken… if she can pin it down with Thunder Wave, Spark might do enough damage to take it out…

I’m a bit lower-leveled than I was at this point in Sapphire because I skipped Brawly, which has me a little nervous, but this is the point at which grinding was driving me too far up the wall to be borne

So, team check-in time: Marvin’s a hard hitter and a solid wee dude, but I’m definitely not putting him in front of fire. I’m thinking he’ll be key for Wattson’s gym, though.

The Doc’s expanded his range of knives and taken up pursuit predation, so he’s shaping up to be a real good hitman. Inteleon who

Susan’s still not all that inspiring, but now that she’s got Spark, she might be capable of pulling us out of a really tight spot here.

Nature Power’s one I haven’t used much before. Around here, it turns into Stun Spore, apparently, which is something worth keeping in mind.

Next time… we take vengeance for Murdoc. Pray for us. I can't think of any questions rn, so instead, let's see what other "fun" facts NOM UK cooked up back in the day...

...welp, keeping The Doctor VERY far away from any Mr Mimes we encounter... though I was gonna do that anyway. Man, I do not miss this era of Gamers(tm), though I guess I don't know if the humour's any better these days, since I mostly interact with Gaming(tm) via these forums and Jim Sterling videos. I am also fucking groaning at the reminder of all the fucking rotten jokes about chocolate stars back in the day, the WORST. I can think of a few folk I would gift a shit-Diglett to, though...

Until next time, thanks for joining me, and haste ye back!

 

[bhelryss]

im sorry you're wasting smarties on what now???? ew

what on earth is a chocolate star and what. okay i went and googled it and good fucking god. i don't normally thank my conservative parents for much, but i'm glad their insistence on me having as little to do with video games as possible meant i missed out on that kinda shit

ugh

nom uk is very gross at this point in time, huh?

also your snorlax's named after your mom is so sweet!!! my nala, who passed after she started having seizures at home, is immortalized in one of my harvest moon mineral town files. she gets to chase balls and sleep inside, and be petted every day

edit: oh right, i'm pretty sure most people wouldn't call plusle/minun "good" but honestly? i love them. i enjoyed using them in casual runs just as much as manectric

 

[Garnet]

Plusle and Minun are sort of one-trick ponies with the lack of coverage outside Electric and Normal, but if you can handle that, in my experience they can actually be pretty solid, especially in Emerald with how waterlogged the back half of the game is! The last one I used outperformed a Gardevoir I managed to end up with on the same team - They can be a little tricky to keep around til the back end of the game, and you've gotta be aware of things like that EQing Altaria in the Fortree Gym, but you'd be surprised how much they can pull their weight, even without another Plus/Minus user to pair em with! My old lad Scrapper is cheering for Susan; here's hoping she serves you as well as he did me!

 

[FPFP66]

I don’t necessarily need Cut to beat the game, but there’s so much exploring I can’t do! I can’t get through the first stage of the Trick House without it! It’s a decently strong Normal move for this part of the game, too, and when I can’t use it anymore, this ain’t Gen I—I can hit up the Move Deleter when I need to

All valid answers. See what happens? She’s learning.

Disney will only show my Lesbian Chronicles during Pride Month, then immediately vault and bury them while donating the advertising revenue to conversion therapy clinics or some shit… no thanks :v

There’s already a FB group of Christians protesting the Ms. Marvel show for its values. Ok then.

I’ll come back for Brawly when I have more than two grass-types and a steel baby on my team.

She’s learning!!!

The Fantastic Four was easily the worst movie I saw in cinemas in 2005.

Last time I watched it was probably nine years ago, and I remember thinking this is so bad but I’m actually still enjoying it.

There he is, the big dom himself!

Agree on that front.

Got a bone to pick with you, big man

Thought you were a lesbian?

I really don’t think you wanna do that, prof. It’ll just be daily disappointment for you.

Maybe he’ll appreciate the human contact. Did you ever think of that??? You inconsiderate kilt wearer.

 

[Green Tea]

Minun (and plusle) are underrated and can do a solid if uninspiring job on your team as an electric-type. Their biggest issue is the lack of coverage - there are a few move tutors in Emerald that they can learn from (rollout for sure, and I think there's a fighting-type attack somewhere) but they don't really have the attack to make use of either one. That's why they seem so gimmicky - standard pikachu does it better.

Brendan is Birch's kid. You're worried that not filling in your 'dex enough (unless there's an arbitrary limit that prevents evolutions) will disappoint him? The man probably wants to live vicariously through your exploits so that he can see what success looks like.

I bought a few NOM guides and magazines when I was younger, and I sometimes picked up Games Master too. They were much the same and I don't know what they're like now, but I certainly don't miss their attempts at humour.

 

[Nebbles]

I'm going to dutifully ignore that NOM UK article and wish you good fortune on that rival battle!