• Want to support a good cause? Visit https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/ to see how you can help the Black Lives Matter movement, even without donating.
  • This spooky-themed special episode wraps up the inaugural season of The Writer's Locke! As a sweetener we’ve included a roundtable with glancesherlock, all about Gracidea! Clocking in at around 100 minutes, this episode is an absolute chonker and an utter delight. Thank you for your support, Nuzforums!
  • New here and still figuring out the site? Check out the New User Guide and FAQ for some help!
  • No paparazzi clickbait here! Just a good old fashioned feature with exactly zero gossip about celebrities' love lives. Honest.Check out our spotlight of Rhema's storylocke, As Above, So Below.
  • Trying to figure out how the different forums have changed? This thread is the place for you.
  • One of our new features includes receiving a message on Discord when you have alerts. Find out how, here!
  • Have you seen our Stream tab? It let's you peek in and chat with our forum streamers on-site, from both Twitch AND Picarto! You can even view multiple streams at once. You can submit your own channel via Streams > Submit Channel.
  • If you're a fan of giving and recieving constructive criticism check out this resource about Critique Level Tags!
  • The results are in for the Nuzlocke Forums Extravaganza! Congratulations to everyone that placed this year!

Comic Alola Teen Mon Undertow - A Moon Nuzlocke

Thread Description
Updates on Fridays

antingaround

nicole
Artist
Screenshotter
Team Omega
Pokédex No.
228
Caught
Jul 1, 2019
Messages
177
Nature
Jolly
Pokémon Type
Normal
Pokédex Entry
pretty chill, actually.
forgot to comment on this the last time fuck
> rhumba is giving me Johnny from the outsiders vibes and that Scares Me. so if anything happens I will be very sad
STAY GOLD RHUMBA, STAY GOLD. early nuzlocke deaths are a real bummer, especially with how tough hau'oli is on the player. still though, i think this death has been handled pretty well so far between the human cast- i wonder how fox and the others will react to rhumba's passing?
lillie might think that kai doesn't care for his mons, but she was also a little too quick to judge, c'mon kid. some people show better than they tell, and it seems like kai's one of them (or does kai not want these kids to see that he's a big softie uwu) still though, that's uh.. gonna make their future interactions a little more awkward.
here i'm reminded of that cutscene when you go to route 2 and lillie gives you revives, excited to see if you'll incorporate that scene into the comic~
 

Riboo

Conqueror of the Blackthorn Gym
Artist
Team Omega
Pokédex No.
1085
Caught
Nov 24, 2019
Messages
493
Nature
Lax
Pokémon Type
Electric
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #302

Riboo's musings

So update on my family's current situation. Dad's cancer has progressed and everything around handling that is an absolute mess and a half, so I won't drag out the details here, just know the joys of qualifying for continuous FMLA leave, a crazy world that's on fire and just a plate that has overflowed a long time ago. Everyone is pointing toward Hospice care for my dad now and he will be entering it this Saturday and there's a lot that has to go into that, so for now, I'm going to update the comic a day early and (I'm really sorry I keep doing this) Plug my commissions, Patreon and Ko-fi once more to help relieve any financial burden in the near future.


As for my prewritten comment on this page:


Over time, this page saw a lot of me going back to it and editing it over and over and over again.

It was mostly the dialog that I struggled with. Rhumba died relatively quickly in game and I had this desire to make her death feel like something MORE, but I just couldn't find it in me to drag out the pacing of the comic in effort to achieve that. Unfortunately, not all exits from the world are equal or regarded in such a way that is touching nor moving in such a way that it brings everyone that learns of someone's passing to tears.

Rhumba's death was a punch, sure, but I couldn't imagine a world where Kai would be broken because of it. There's always this desire and feeling that we should be acting in certain ways because that's what societal norms dictate, but sometimes the reality is a bit colder, a bit more distant.

Before the change, Kai's dialog was a bit more utilitarian, dealing with a sudden death in a sort of lost fashion but moving on quickly. Now, it's a bit more what his character would dictate, as Kai, at his core, would have wanted to know Rhumba better.​


Also I apologize, for the foreseeable near future, I will not be replying to comments on future page postings until life has gotten back under control, but do know that I love and appreciate every single one and appreciate everyone that's been so kind and supportive of me and my family through all the things going on right now.

RHUMBA,,,, :'(((




Honestly re: what you said in your musings about most people ignoring quick deaths, I usually agree that such a death can mess up the pacing of a story when we don't have much reason to care about the character in question, but damn, Rhumba's death still struck hard. I think part of that is how realistic Kai's reaction is to her death - he feels guilty for it, but he's also not overly dramatic about a Pokemon he didn't know for too long, and I think that's the real gut punch of this death. Rhumba could've done so much more, she could've became a close friend to both Kai and the team and evolved and done all of these amazing things - but she's never going to get that chance. Usually only deaths of long time teammates hit me this hard, but you managed to do it in such a short time. I can't praise your character writing enough! Still gonna miss the little mouse friend, though ;;




Yeah I had that worry thst her death might not have too much impact considering the amount of pages she appears in is pretty scant compared to the rest of the comic and its length. At the same time I also thought that no one would be all that concerned in spite of my approach (but apparently I was wrong about that xD)






70% of the time, it is better to not trust anyone claiming to be 'the good guy'




ooh.. despite Kai being there, They still leave when Illima shooed them away? awww




will we see Kai;s house next? hahaha




Yeah I find the most people say, "you can trust me," the more it seems like they're just trying to convince you and everyone around you that they're a good person, forgetting that actions and time often speak louder than words.





Lol well if you mean by home? Po Town is a while off XD





So I see Rhumba's been repackaged up to be sold on ebay to some schmuck who's thinking he'll be getting a working one.





Soft boy Hau is nice and soft




Omg, that comment xD;;; that feel when *that's* what they decide to put your Pokemon in.





Lillie: "You know I thought that because you protected Nebby that you were a good guy."




Kai:









Lillie: "But I now I see, through your empathy, even for a Pokemon you didn't know for long, that you're a great guy!"




Kai:








Lol, Kai certainly doesn't know what the hell to do with sincerity tbh xD





Man I have to agree here with, Liv.




I know I typically toss out mon that die pretty early if i cant think of a good reason to include them. Sometimes I do, most the time Idont. But I really adored Rhumba and I'm happy to see int eh comments that other did too. Live summed it up pretty well I think. That it hits so hard cause of the could have beens and Rhumba was just so enthusiastic and willing to work hard to be great and the lost potential of coming to see her grow into her own and a part of the family hits hard.





Doesnt help ive a soft spot for rattata and rats in general. You'll be missed, Rhumba qwq




Yeah. Its the same feel when a kid or a teenager dies and you wonder about the person they were going to be especially when the people around them praise them and say they were going places but it never panned out :(





And again, props for making such an early and sudden death have impact. I know different characters will react differently to such scenarios, but brushing a death off too quickly and easily always feels kind of...callous. So I like that with Kai? You can tell he's no stranger to loss and that he can deal with it, but it's easy to tell that he's still affected by Rhumba's death. And being judged for dealing with it in his own way. This is the juicy character writing I keep coming back for!




Yeah you can tell that Kai has learned to somewhat compartmentalize, though that wont always be the case. I equate rhumba's loss to hearing about a next door neighbor dying, one that you knew of but never personally interacted with beyond casual hellos and the like.





"never claimed i was" that line still really hurts man aa. kai knows he's a thug and a reject and doesn't pretend like he's anything else. but that doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings either! even if he wasn't an emotional mess and crying over rhumba, you can still see that he was affected by it, and it's also depressing to see how almost numb he is to death..which makes me worried all the more about what exactly happened to him in his last trial..




Oh we shall find out ;3 some day





forgot to comment on this the last time fuck




> rhumba is giving me Johnny from the outsiders vibes and that Scares Me. so if anything happens I will be very sad




STAY GOLD RHUMBA, STAY GOLD. early nuzlocke deaths are a real bummer, especially with how tough hau'oli is on the player. still though, i think this death has been handled pretty well so far between the human cast- i wonder how fox and the others will react to rhumba's passing?








lillie might think that kai doesn't care for his mons, but she was also a little too quick to judge, c'mon kid. some people show better than they tell, and it seems like kai's one of them (or does kai not want these kids to see that he's a big softie uwu) still though, that's uh.. gonna make their future interactions a little more awkward.




here i'm reminded of that cutscene when you go to route 2 and lillie gives you revives, excited to see if you'll incorporate that scene into the comic~




Yeah we'll see her death touched on again, unfortunately, like Kai, the team didnt really interact with her much outside of gank, and it wasn't a really positive interaction. They all knew her for about a day, so kind of hard to really do too much with that
 

SnakeEyesDraws

yee to the haw
Artist
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
1350
Caught
Jan 19, 2020
Messages
483
Location
Postwick, Galar
Nature
Careful
Pronouns
she/her
Pokémon Type
Fire, Dragon
Pokédex Entry
Obsessed with cowboy hats
Really sorry about your current situation, Ri - hoping for the best for you and your family ;;
Ohh man, this page still wrecks me upon rereading. I know I said this in my last comment on the previous page but man, it kills me that Rhumba died way too soon, couldn't even leave much of an impact for Kai to have some meaningful final words for her, and that the team does nothing but silently stare at the grave ;; Again Kai's guilt is captured so perfectly and really makes this death impactful even though Rhumba wasn't around for long.
But on a brighter note, new teammate! I really like the little jab at Drifloon's Pokedex entry, haha.
 

Trollkitten

Kitten of Lore
Artist
Writer
Team Delta
Pokédex No.
208
Caught
Jun 30, 2019
Messages
1,323
Location
Gatto Region
Nature
Quirky
Pronouns
She/her, Aetherai Lorekeeper
Pokémon Type
Fairy, Clever
Pokédex Entry
Autistic writer who starts more things than she finishes. Hyper asexual Twitch Plays Pokemon lorewriter. Rather be a happy shill than an angry critic.
So sorry about your father. Praying for him and for your family in this terrible time.
 

ratrascal

local idiot
Pokédex No.
1393
Caught
Jan 28, 2020
Messages
23
Location
Accumula Town
Nature
Timid
Pronouns
she/her
Pokémon Type
Fire, Fairy
Pokédex Entry
It's flighty and nervous, but once it starts talking, its difficult to get it to stop.
(Please take care, and I'm glad you reached out about your current situation and allowed us to help support you. I'm wishing you all the best. 💖 )

---

You may have struggled with the dialogue here but I found it very touching... I'm kind of a soft person and it was tear-jerking to me, if I can just expose myself like that HAHA
"You were here and then you were gone and that's all there is to it." I think that's the line that really punched me. Because that really was it. And it makes you want more, it makes you sentimental for something you never had and are never gonna get. It's a special kind of grief, the kind that comes from the unknown.
I appreciate that the dialogue still felt in-character for Kai. He's not going to all of a sudden give a super eloquent speech, and he doesn't act more attached to Rhumba than he could have realistically been. I think this small, brief moment of sadness and regret is worth more than a superficial breakdown. It became more sad by not being OVERLY sad, ya get me? It was authentic...

Onto the latter half, I am so SO happy to see a Drifloon. I love those funky balloon motherfuckers!!!!!!!! Seeing one in a nuzlocke is a GIFT, you capture just how dang cute they are, too. I'm so excited to see more of this new character!
 

Velink

Quod Erat Demonstrandum
Artist
Team Omega
Pokédex No.
152
Caught
Jun 27, 2019
Messages
1,148
Location
Zubat Roost
Nature
Relaxed
Pokémon Type
Ghost, Normal
Understandable
I'll still drop comments here and there, hopefully they can entertain you a little, hahaha

Just like what other says, since Rhumba has not joined Kai for long, I expect this kind of reaction
However, I also anticipated that Kai would go all emotional if this death reminds him of past death or something
I have no idea what happened to his past team after-all
 

Bowser's Family Vacation

Johto League Champion
Writer
Team Delta
Pokédex No.
301
Caught
Jul 1, 2019
Messages
1,722
Nature
Rash
Pronouns
She/her
Pokémon Type
Dragon, Cool
Pokédex Entry
"Am I Mario's babysitter? Are you going to call me every time that guy blows his nose, or what?"
Do what you need to take care of yourself and your family! ❤

As for this page, don't you love ghost type Pokedex entries? I'm glad that Kai has a recruit who has joined acutely knowing the risks. Watch out, Illmia! Ghost types are immune to your STAB!
 

Polymori

A Hot Mess
Artist
Team Delta
Pokédex No.
122
Caught
Jun 21, 2019
Messages
230
Location
Johto
Nature
Quirky
Pronouns
He/Him
Pokémon Type
Electric, Poison
Pokédex Entry
This pokemon has an over-active imagination and creates more stories than any sane person should.
Oh man yeah. We've already talked about your situation, my heart goes out to you and your fam. Just take care of yourself too.

Comic wise, Shiiiit! Finally! It's her! Really excited that this sweet girl has finally got to be seen by the masses aaaa Sorry I'd write more but brain fried today for some reason.But know it's a lovely page and it's interesting to see the various ways that people grieve and cope with a death. unfortunately not all deaths are created equal.
 

antingaround

nicole
Artist
Screenshotter
Team Omega
Pokédex No.
228
Caught
Jul 1, 2019
Messages
177
Nature
Jolly
Pokémon Type
Normal
Pokédex Entry
pretty chill, actually.
Lovely new page. I thought that it dealt very well with the loss pretty authentically, and the added humor at the end was some nice touch for what otherwise would be a pretty sad page. love drifloon, cutest thing ever! and no need to apologize for not answering replies, my thoughts go out to you, your father, and your family in this tough situation. you have our support!
 

Dschubba

Has forgotten she's a diurnal creature.
Artist
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
1011
Caught
Nov 13, 2019
Messages
155
Location
Malie Garden
Nature
Careful
Pronouns
Female
Pokémon Type
Bug, Normal
Mm, I see the challenge in writing dialogue trying to mourn a death when a mon's been around for such a short time. And all there really is is a feeling of guilt and intrusive what-ifs. Really, you conveyed that feeling in a ...dare I say, very Kai way? As in the feeling's there without sounding inauthentic for our good thug boy, so props to that. Double props for the rest of the team just able to look on, pretty much. 10/10 heavy mood, would cry about Rhumba again.

On a less serious note, the question shall remain whether Kai's lucky for being a thiccboy or if the Drifloon's just joking, hmmmm
 

holdinglines

Conqueror of the Vermillion Gym
Artist
Pokédex No.
1279
Caught
Jan 9, 2020
Messages
19
Location
under some blankets
Nature
Quiet
Pronouns
she/them
Pokémon Type
Electric, Fire
i think kai is one of my favorite protagonists. i like this complexity and how you've approached such an early death. i enjoy your writing
 

Users Who Are Viewing This Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 1)

Top