Screenshot Fan Game Mature The Terribly Titled Reaction-locke of Pokemon Reborn "Amateur Hour" edition: Season 4 Finale - Battle of the Bastards (27/10)

[Derogatory Trainer]

​

Hello I'm DerogatoryTrainer and welcome to my awful attempt at Nuzlocking Pokemon Reborn.

...

Not the greatest sales pitch but whatever...

*insert epic guitar riff here*

Right some some of you might be wondering why I chose a fan-made game for my first ever Nuzlocke...

If not I'm gonna tell you anyway in true Pokemon fashion

Basically I wanted a challenge and I also have no god damned idea what this game is about

But I hear it's easily the best fan-made game which is a good start

So i guess i have to add "Blind" to the already lengthy title...ugh...

Lately Pokemon games have gotten waaaay too easy in my opinion with their Exp Share "upgrade"
Not gonna name any names...

...Fucking hate Tierno too...

I mean Pokemon dancing?

He's a disgrace.

And now the rules :

Spoiler: Rules

No.1 - If a Pokemon faints it's dead.

No.2 - Fuck Garchomps but only once. Then there's no safety net.

No.3 - I can only catch 1 pokemon in an areas tall grass. Any one's I get through an event are fair game.

No.4 - Haaaaaave fuuun.

No.5 - All those having fun will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law

No.6 - Pm me your credit card details.

No.7 - Tell no one about that last rule.

But fuck all that noise, Let's begin our grand adventure!

I hope it won't be too depressing!

Right?



5 Years Later...

And that, boys and girls, is what this run used to be like back in 2015.

All smiles and rainbows.

But that got beaten out of me after four to five long years of doing this shit.

So a lukewarm welcome to my first ever Nuzlocke from Sean of the year of our Lord 2019.

I'm much more dark and brooding now. I drive a black motorcycle through the city at night and everything.

...

I'm also fatter but I'm working on that.

Now bear with me on these first few episodes of this run. They were total amateur hour and I hadn't quite hit the level of "sophistication" I have nowadays.

Also had no idea how to actually taking at least somewhat flattering photographs either.

Below us is the now empty table of contents. I figured I might as well start posting everything again here from scratch.

Well...maaayybe I'll rewrite some of the earlier stuff. But I won't be changing the reaction images because that would be dishonest. And a massive pain in the ass

And we all know how honest and true I am, right?

Right.

Also I've finally heeded advice given to me back in 2015 and put spoilers around the update so you don't have to load them all at once.

In my defence that would have never worked on Zetaboards with its 75 image limit. But here I'm free to post a million at once if I feel like it!

Spoiler: Table of Contents

Spoiler: Season One

Episode 1 - This is where the fun begins...
Episode 2 - Obligatory Electric Boogaloo
Episode 3 - City Hunter
Episode 4 - Enter, Team Meteor!
Episode 5 - A Shocking Turn of Events (Julia Gym Battle)
Episode 6 - Slumdog Millionaire-in-training
Episode 7 - The Root of the Problem
Episode 8 - School's Out
Episode 9 - Leaves from the Vine (Florinia Gym Battle)
Episode 10 - A Jaunt through Jasper
Episode 11 - A Beryl of Laughs
Episode 12 - And they all Fall Down (Corey Gym Battle)

Spoiler: Season Two

Episode 13 - Gangsta's Paradise
Episode 14 - Crime and (no) Punishment
Episode 15 - Little Orphan Anna
Episode 16 - A Bug's Life (Shelly Gym Battle)
Episode 17 - Phantom of the Aqua
Episode 18 - Orphan Blegh.
Episode 19 - Fifty Shades of Terror (Shade Gym Battle)
Episode 20 - The Poke-Rules Were Made to be Broken
Episode 21 - Appropriation for Academic Purposes
Episode 22 - Sick and Tired (Kiki Gym Battle)
Episode 23 - "Damsel" in Distress
Episode 24 - Memento Mori (Remember you will Die)

Spoiler: Season Three

Episode 25 - Dubstep Wasteland
Episode 26 - Talk Dirty to Me (Aya Gym Battle)
Episode 27 - The one where to much shit happens to narrow down a good title name
Episode 28 - Boop-Man Begins
Episode 29 - Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Who Kicks the Most Ass of All? (Serra Gym Battle)
Episode 30 - Clash of Clans
Episode 31 - There Might be Giants
Episode 32 - Much Ado about Noelthing (Noel Gym Battle)
Episode 33 - Bringing all the Boys to the Yard
Episode 34 - The Pearly Gates
Episode 35 - Gods and Pocket Monsters

Spoiler: Season Four

not yet

Spoiler: Season Five!?!?

haha never you fuckers

Well that's it from me. I'll start reposting the episodes soon enough.

Probably daily.

 

[Derogatory Trainer]

Spoiler: Episode 1 - This is where the Fun begins...

So this must be the Pokemon Professor of this oddly named region.

Ooooor not?

What kinda job is that?

And where the hell is your obligatory tree name?

She said, lying her ass off.

OH NO! People are having pre-marital sex!

You people need Arceus.

At the time our hero had no idea how badly he would come to regret those words.

Did she say "fallout"?

As in the New Vegas variety?

Because apparently kids these days just love hanging around in nuclear wastelands!

Flattery will get you absolutely everywhere honey.

I am indeed the mightiest of trainers, even now in the first episode of my first Nuzlocke. With absolutely no proof whatsoever to back up my might.

Huh...that's...odd...

Mainly because I didn't really know about all those wackadoo extra genders even existing back in 2015.

The hair might fool you but I'm a dude.

The dudeliest of dudes.

Either that or a girl with a very hairy and flat chest.

I wouldn't date me tbh.

Ehh fuck it I'll use my "real" name.

Immersion is cool after all.

Clod free since '93.

I don't hear anything...

Oh wait it's on mute. Give us a sec.

Ah...sirens...and a very psychedelic warning light.

...

What kind of train has both of these things?

FROM WHAT AME?!? YOU NEED TO BE MORE SPECIFIC!

OH GREAT! TWO MINUTES IN AND ALREADY I'M EXPLODING!

WHAT A FUN GAME THIS IS SURE TO BE!

No.

I'm clearly sleeping on the hard ground for fun. What does it look like?

Yep! I'm totally fine!

I guess that explosion wasn't very effective against Flesh types, eh?

OH FUCK IT WAS EFFECTIVE!!

SUPER EFFECTIVE!!!

Could this region just not handle how great I am and exploded from the stress?

Yeah lucky us with our complete sets of arms...

OH WAIT.

Okay that's one too many hi's for me to like you.

She tried to murder us?

Definitely her.

Like 100% her.

How have you not already arrested her?

On you?

Or on me?

Is the evil Team of this game savvy enough to attack the main protagonist when he's a Pokemon-less nobody?

That's gotta be against the Poke-rules.

I'd say the bomb did most of the work to be honest. The train was just a happy bit of extra debris.

It's fine.

It's also nice to see someone with authority in a Pokemon game do their actual job.

It's very rare outside of Lance.

She's gonna give me the old shoes, balls and dex package?

Coola boola.

How considerate of you.

Man I guess the characters in this region are much more likeable than the idiots in the other regi-

Well fuck that train of thought

NO I'M HERE TO DO SOME FUCKING CONTESTS LIKE A FUCKING LOSER!

WHAT ELSE COULD I BE DOING!?

...

Are you going to make awful and predictable puns at me later? Please don't.

I look forward to destroying you and everything you hold dear.

...

Yeeeeaaaaaahhhhh...reeealll close by...

Explorin' time!

Heh tragedies...

Yeah, it's no big deal though.

My sheer awesomeness protected me.

...

I can tell me sticking my big foot in my mouth is going to be a very common occurrence in this game.

I love how every Pokemon game without fail has a cocky Youngster with like a fucking Zigzagoon or Rattata

Hahaha.

I'm going to crush him.

Great is your fiancee dead too?

Where the hell was this train coming from?

Fianceville?

Tragedy City?

Fishingforanemotionalresponse island?

Oh...uh...thank you?

This doesn't work on humans though, does it?

Well...I still appreciate it.

Little did she or Sean know at the time but this woman ended up saving the run from an early fail.

And then I met this "cheery" lass.

Uh-huh.

Oh, yeah?

No doubt about it.

I don't know.

I just can't put a name to it.

That's a-me.

...

Well done Sean you'v e already blown your chances with her,

Nice to meet you too, Victoria!

I'm sure we'll be the bestest of pals if you have any further use in the story!

Lead the way.

Oooor we'll walk in side by side...that's cool too.

You did leave first.

Hmmm actually competent police work?

In a Pokemon game?

All your policemen must be 10 year old rookie trainers.

Oh. He must be part of this region's Team Rocket.

Except these guys seem to take the "rocket" part a little bit too seriously.

No.

Blah blah Gimme my Pokemon already!

Of course I do

I'm great.

Also obligatory type advantage starter for Victoria who I guess is my main rival now.

I'll bet you don't...

Emphasis on the one yeah?

Hmmm I bet they'll be a lot of poison types around this polluted mess of a city

So grass is a no-go...

Yeah fire's a good bet.

Also I like the monkey.

MMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAKKOOOOOOOOO

Ahhhh we're gonna go far you and me buddy...

Yeah I'm happy.

Fuck you I'll never tell.

YOU'LL NEVER KNOW MY SECRETS!

Well then I'd like to apologise.

Man fuck this game.

Making me look like a douche...

No problem.

I wonder what she'll pick actually...

OH BOY I SURE DO LIKE NOT HAVING A FLIRTY GAY SIDEKICK FOR THE REST OF THIS DAMN GAME.

YEP NOTHING BETTER.

Oh my~

Don't take this away from me you bitch...

(Honestly I thought he was a girl at first I mean...look at his hair...the only people who have that hair are those 15 year old scene kids...)

Thaaaaaat's a boy name

...

Shit.

Damn my weakness to flattery.

DAMN IT TO HELL.

Also no it's definitely not a pretty name.

You can grunt it out in one syllable if you try.

Why does everyone keep asking me that? How eager are they for me to defeat them all?

I'm not sure that I care?

Do you normally leave cryptic clues about your past in the first conversation you have with someone new?

HELL YES.

FIRST BATTLE OF THE FIRST NUZLOCKE! LET'S DO THIS.

I DIDN'T SAY THAT, GAME.

Although Jesus Christ look how feminine his VS. sprite is...

He definitely fits the "pretty boy" title at least.

Ah my first reborn battle

Surely to be one of amazingly epic proportions, no?

Amaaaazing...there aren't even any proper attack animation yet.

Stop...please...

I know it's true but please stop.

don'tlookathisass don'tlookathisass don'tlookathisass
don'tlookathisass don'tlookathisass don'tlookathisass

NO! FUCK YOUR FREE HEALTHCARE!

He's not really sorry though.

Ooohhh that's gonna get mistaken for something else entirely...

YEP IT WAS.

Yeah! Christ Victoria! Get your mind out of the gutter!

Uhhh...No?

NO DON'T LEAVE I'M NOT READY

NURSE JOY I'M SORRY HELP

Ffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuccccckkkkkkk.

It might not be so bad right?

And hey she chose the exact same typing as me.

OH IT'S BAD VERY VERY BAD

I can't believe i fucked up this early...

God dammit...

Wait...

Yes...

POTION LADY I FUCKING LOVE YOU!

BAM BITCH! YOU'VE BEEN MA-K.O.-ED!

...

I'll work on the trash talk, I promise.

SAY YOU LOVE THE POTION LADY!

What's that supposed to mean?

Never darken my life again.

lookatherass lookatherass lookatherass
lookatherass lookatherass lookatherass
lookatherass lookatherass lookatherass

Chill out Big Boss, she wasn't waiting that long.

Thank god. I hate filling out forms.

Yeah yeah yeah Let's cut to the chase here this episode's been running too long for a pilot.

And only one of these things is actually useful in-game.

Cool.

...

How did she know my foot size for the shoes?

Okay see ya.

Ah-ah-ah I didn't ask that

Now hit the road.

Ugh Victoria please stop being a genuinely nice person...

You're making me look bad...

"But they're fuckin' lying. Pokemon are real I swear!"

Hidden Grottoes?

Hey that's great

I feel the same way

Now beat it

Not over yet then...

Don't know why I'm so eager for it to be over though.

I guess I just want it out already?

Uh oh...

...Wait, yes they are?

...They're turtles...

There's literally a fable about a turtle's patience triumphing over a hare's haste.

Damn. Guess those anti-torture laws don't count in Reborn

Good to know.

Anyway kids!

Today's moral is "Torture is always the answer and always works!"

Show it to your friends, family and houseplants!

I'll see you guys next time!

ON THE TERRIBLY TITLED REACTION-LOCKE OF POKEMON REBORN!

HERE'S HOPING IT DOESN'T SUCK!

Spoiler: The old replies

Oh! That's a new way of writing a run.
AND I LOVE IT.
Your reactions are actually hilarious!

Spoiler: Spoiler

"Is there a character savvy enough to attack the main protagonist when he's a Pokemon-less nobody?

That's against the Poke-rules"

Spoiler: Julia

I've not seen much of this game been documented/played, so obligatory "Good luck!" from me.
And I will be following this!

Yay, another Reborn run! Your reactions are hilarious- prepare for a lot of "oh shit" moments. Good luck- this game is really, really hard, but it's a nice change from vanilla.

Oh Jesus, someone is actually trying this. Good luck, DerogatoryTrainer! I've tried nuzlocking this game before...eh. Didn't go too well. Be careful of any major battle you engage in, as they will all be pretty hard!

Plus, what are you going to do with the battle you're supposed to lose? There are two of which I know. You can win them, but that's going to be very hard.

Last thing, Reborn made 'neither' also an option because a good part of the Reborn community defines themselves as 'non-binary', and more and more people overall are also doing that. Cain is a representative of this.

I want to wish you good luck again. You're very brave for trying a nuzlocke like this! Good luck!

 

[Derogatory Trainer]

Spoiler: Episode 2 - Obligatory Electric Boogaloo

Hey Hey I'm back!

Didja miss me?

You know...from like a day ago?

No...?

...okay...

I fixed the lighting a bit so you guys can see me in aaaallll my disgusting glory

Pretty soon I'll realise that a view from below is not a very flattering angle and change that too!

Unless you freaks WANT to see up my nostrils all the time...

Anyway on with the damn show.

Jesus is THAT what the old intro was? How lazy.

Oh hi. It's me 2019 Sean again. Breaking your immersion as usual.

I'm just here to replace all the old opening cards with the newer one.

...

Newer being from the year 2016 that is.

Ah Jesus, not more talking already?

Screw that for now I'm gonna scope the grass for my 1st capture.

Awesome an iconic Pokemon right off the bat.

This guy is sure to help "Me-owth"

...

please laugh I have self-esteem issues.

"Totally Original" cat name a go-go.

Expect many more of these "unique" nicknames in the future!

Alright what's wrong with your ugly pink dog?

Hahaha! Her Snubull "Shnubbed" her.

That's pretty good.

By blocking the only exit? No I believe you, do go on.

Like me.

Don't I just ooze respect in this old and ripped Assassin's Creed t-shirt?

Nope you've got no chance

Gimme your Snubull.

I'll box it just to spite you.

Moving on from those magic bits of metal that give you command of magic animals...

M-my love...

I...didn't even get to know her...beyond her Potion giving self...

I will find you my saviour...and we will be together forever!

...

At least until I repay you for the potion.

But unfortunately for him, Potion Lady was never to be seen again...

Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe

BURN! BURN IN THE IRONY OF YOUR PREVIOUS STATEMENT LAST EPISODE!

...

Keep using Ember, Mako.

Well now that I've already given a child severe burns two episodes in there's not really much more for me to do, is there?

EDGY AS FUCK

I'm having too much fun with these bastardised Photoshop effects...

It wasn't. I beat his Pachirisu within an inch of its life.

Now let's focus on those rascals that look like they're bullying a Pokemon!

Truly I am a-trembling in my boots.

Oh well they're trying to drown it. Not my problem is it?

...

OH WAIT YEAH IT IS!

Cut the fuckers up that's what he'll do.

It was a very quick two turn battle so i skipped it.

I shall. Welcome aboard my 3rd (and unfortunately normal typed) Pokemon.

WHAT'S GOOD, MAH ZIGGA!!?

...

You should all be happy I had a well enough frame of mind that I thought photoshopping myself in blackface.

Forget that though! There's a dark alleyway that needs perusing and/or cleansing.

Ugh...a smelly homeless man.

The most DANGEROUS of foes.

This must be the gym then?

...It's the gym...

The pep and cheer I sense coming from within is overwhelming...

I'm all ears babe.

Huh?

You say something?

I was just about to inject some HP UP into my veins to see if it'll let me live longer.

That's how science works right?

It's a Trubbish

Definitely a Trubbish 10,000% sure

Spoiler: Spoiler

It was a Trubbish

Then I met this charming old man.

And then I met this Whismur that's rich enough to own a house.

Mine!

Not mine.

Damn cat.

Uhhh...justice was served, I guess?

Where am I now?

Because I'm middle class, honey.

From the RIGHT side of the tracks, y'know?

What's a Doxy? Never heard that word before...

NOW I KNOW!

IT'S A FILTHY WHO-

That looks like Pokemon grass back there...

Yes.

I don't know why you're wording it like this is the path to enlightenment though.

I shall, Gardener-sensei.

Hey a Spinarak! Not too bad!

not great either but at least it's not another Normal type

I think I'll post the Pokedex entry too for posterity's sake.

HILARIOUS AND ORIGINAL, THAT'S ME!

Obligatory healing shot so PETA doesn't come after me.

And even if they did I'd kick their asses. Nobody likes PETA.

So when do I get it?

Hello small blue girl wandering the slums despite not being accompanied by an adult. You lost?

So whose's this unique character sprite?

She a gym leader?

Paralysis? Burn? There's only so many things it can feel after all.

Ah...so it's in EMOTIONAL pain.

That wuss.

Gee I wonder where you'd find an active trainer that'll be travelling the region shortly?

Since you guilted me into it, yes.

And so Sean found another life-long friend.

Cause y'know Kricketune's hands? And/Or Communism?

Look just get used to the shit names, okay?

"So thanks mysterious Trainer who set a child on fire ten minutes ago!"

Yeah, a gust of wind might come in a window and kill all your Bug types.

I look forward to shattering your already low self-esteem!

Christ lady it's been...

I don't have a wristwatch...

But it's fine. I'll keep Sickle safe.

Hmmm....

I've got one skill.

But you should be warned...it's very epic.

Steady...steady...

COME ON! HOLD IT TOGETHER! YOU CAN DO THIS!

And Voila.

Are you feeling it?

The awe that's overcoming your very soul by me removing my thumb?

Down this dark alleyway?

OH BOY!

Amazing how far you can get in life doing that thumb trick...

Welp. It's getting late so I might as well end it here

I'm gonna have to set up a table of contents at some point now that I've committed to this Nuzlocke bit.

Till next time ya sorry bastards.

And bitches.

Can't forget the women. That would just be RUDE.

And heaven forbid I come across as rude, eh?

 

[Derogatory Trainer]

Spoiler: Episode 3 - City Hunter

Heheheheheheh...

Hm?

Oh god I'm updating again already?

I need a hobby

or a girlfriend

Hello again

I can't seem to stop updating...

I blame all of you who've been leaving fantastic praise here and on the Reborn site.

I'm trapped doing this forever you bastards

Now I don't know if i should put a list of people who replied or actually reply to their messages

So I won't do neither this time.

Let's dive right in shall we?

I felt I had to put this scene in despite in portraying my genius in a...somewhat negative light...

My word!

What a generous offer!

Truly a more charitable soul never existed

Heh?

The fuck do you want?

Watch out! This badass with his level 5 Poochyena will-

HEY! WRONG BALLS DUMBASS! WATCH IT WITH THOSE HANDS!

But...we didn't battle...

HE BROKE THE POKE-RULES!

...

AND I'M NOT A NERD!

This Reborn place isn't very friendly...

Oh well I'll get the Magikarp soon enough

Spoiler: Spoiler

No I don't...dear god I don't

Let's get back to the story now.

Oh wait I'm still in a damn alleyway.

Is...is that a reference to "the drugs"?

Or my battling aptitude?

Zigger almost dies to a bunny...

He also doesn't have Pick-Up.

Hey have a Team-shot while I'm browsing it.

A Monkey , A Cat , Two Bugs and a Raccoon.

We're so fucking dead...

...Cleh...

Well we're never going near this building again.

Did you happen to see the plot anywhere?

Because nothing's happened for 2 updates now...

WHAT IS WITH MEN HITTING ON ME IN THIS RUN?!?

UGH I KNOW!

Just because you "people" are poor doesn't mean you can't accessorise...

Bitch he's looking at ME.

Better give it to the first person who walks in your door then.

The perfect definition of "simple"

Ew. I can't believe you said that.

LEAVING NOW.

FUCKING PUSSY. IT'S GREAT OVER HERE!

I DON'T KNOW

I CAN'T FIND MY WAY BACK

HELP ME

Ho ho holy fuck don't do that Sickle

Well...keep surviving but don't cut it so damn close.

Oh?

Jesus I sound like a fucking egg is hatching...

Alright...Alright...

The first of many evolutions!

I'm not gonna gif the evolutions anymore

Ah, the humble alleyway.

A bastion of peace and tranquility.

AND A OVERLEVELED PURRLION WTF!?!

And it's mine.

It beat the shit out of Mako doing it though.

Well more than a Purrlion should have been able to.

I DON'T WANT YOUR FUCKING SNUBULL!!!

I'm amazed at how trusting these citizens are in this crime infested city

"Should I lock the door and hide our family heirlooms?"

"NAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH"

So...is this what you girls do for fun?

SHUT UP AND JOIN MY CULT TEAM

God damn it Cheshire.

Bad cat.

*squirt* *squirt*

When you're a Jet you're a Jet all the way.

WOO MACH PUNCH! FUCK TAUNT!




And then this happened.

Is that Budew planning to kill himself?

I mean if i was stuck as a Budew I would too...

Can't be much sunlight in this dump...

Damn straight.

Uh I did?

I mean...

Yep he's A-OK

See? He's smiling.

A fitting name.

Welcome aboard, Reckless the Budew.

...

Two Bugs, Two Normals, a Fire/Fighting and a Grass...

Glad I'm not fighting the fighting leader first...

Fuck you man those were tears of...uh...HEROISM!

Yes. I would like a Gyarados now.

OH MY GOODNESS I'M SO SURPRISED!

I'm guessing you and the salesman were in cahoots?

W-Were you in that box all this time?

Like since the Grand Hall? Just hoping I'd show up?

...

This region is weird.

Y'see this?

This empty space here?

This is your chance of victory.

Aw Jesus that's a god awful shot

The fisherman is called Milhouse and I think-I THINK they want to battle me?

They were surprisingly competent but the majority of the fight won't upload so...

Oooooooh shit , the first death.

Good thing it wasn't anyone useful.

Obtrusive prick.

"I thought we had something special, Milhouse!"

I've went through enough for it now GIMME.

EUGH! You got jacked off for real?

That's disgusting!

So you got jacked off for real by a bitch-ass kid...

This region makes me sick.

This Magikarp just ABSORBS money apparently.

Common sense too...

You make it seem like you're going to leave here in one piece.

Wait what the fuck?

They...just teleported away?

...

WAIT! THOSE FUCKERS TOOK MY MONEY!

AND I STILL DON'T HAVE A DAMN MAGIKARP TO SHOW FOR IT!

Fuck it. I'm sure I'll get it next time.

Spoiler: Spoiler

NOPE

Fucking assholes.

Where the fuck am I going?

I guess we'll end it here while I try to orientate myself...

Ta-Ta for now!

 

[fluffyspy]

Oh, I'd been looking for a chance to read this run! Glad to see it being uploaded on the new forums.

My favorite part so far has been Reckless's appearance on the reaction-cam. Being a Budew in a relatively difficult game can't be easy, but it's nice to see he's smiling anyways!

 

[Derogatory Trainer]

Spoiler: Episode 4 - Enter, Team Meteor!

Hm hm hm hm hm hmm hm hm...

Oh fuck.

Uh...Hi!

This "pretending not to notice the audience gag doing anything for you"?

No?

Well get used to it.

I found out where I had to go off-screen no no need to wander aimlessly like the last two episodes eh?

This seems like a important character

I can tell because of his animesque looks

You.

Talking to yourself.

Loudly.

You. I'm messing with you shades.

N-No? If anything you've confused me more...

Oh this should be good...

Oh he's that important?

Swa-

...

Swag Jockey Fern.

Well I hope you guys enjoyed my very short Nuzlocke run

But I can't just let this slide.

It's been nice knowing you all

So if you'll excuse me...

I have reluctantly survived that 10 storey fall.

Let's just power on through okay?

Arachne is surprisingly good at getting poison hits in.

Very sneaky.

Oh of course HE'D have a Snivy

cocky little bastards

Well clearly this guy is all "bark" and no bite.

Geddit?

Like trees?

Mmmmph

Yeah reeeeeeeeal lucky I got to meet you.

People that you can't find or (more likely) don't want you to find them?

Bye faggot.

Geddit?

Like trees?

Looks like I have to wander some more...

Pay the smelly homeless man from before...

Huh...I could just take my money back but he probably needs it more.

Better make sure that Cheshire isn't first...I'd actually like to get a new Pokemon thanks.

I don't recognise that sprite...

Oh? An Espurr? Neat a 6th gen pokemon with a 4th gen sprite.

Awwww the poor baby...

Fuck that was quick.

Hmmmmm....

Yeah why not?

I can show a soft side once in a while

It might be better off here though.

That's three fucking cats I've caught now

Oh shit.

I'm still carrying Shinobi's remains...

Juuuuuust gonna put them here

But enough about dead cats!

It's gym time baby!

LET'S DO THIS!!!

Ah.

RETREAT RETREAT RETREAT

With you there it'd be double.

Hyuk hyuk hyuk.

Were can I sign up?

Oh Fern?

They don't seem like they'd be tolerable together...

Oh god...noooooo...

Maybe I can sneak in the gym and steal the badge?

FUUUUCK...

How did that dope even remember to lock the door?

WHO EVEN LOCKS DOORS IN POKEMON GAMES?!

Not in a million years dear.

...

Literally. It's a very serious condition.

No you don't.

Oh I see your game! Nice! Let me join in!

Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

WHAT THE F-

GOD FUCKING DAMN IT JULIA YOU SPOOKED ME!!!

Aw shit. My Mom's gonna kill me.

Hopefully no one was hiking at the time...

J-Julia notices the magic teleporting too?

I'm getting too tired to react to you woman...

Hey good lookin'. I like the specs.

So your friend and Zoidberg?

Because you don't deserve it.

OH YEAH.

I always befriend those weaker than me.

Makes me look good by comparison.

Flawless Logic from the pair of you really.

CAN WE PLEASE GO INSIDE?

So is that like based on something related to them?

Like Team Magma and Aqua?

Although now that I think about it what did Team Rocket have to do with Rockets?

...

IN WE GO!

OH MY GOD WOMAN! USE REAL WORDS AND STOP SNORTING SUGAR.

Anyone ever think to check whose been poisoning it?

Cause I doubt that level is possible with just the cityfolk contributing...

Oh we're probably about to discover it was Team Meteor then.

The Grass Trainer doesn't care for the environment?

Damn...That's some sweet irony...

OH! OH! Dibs on Fern's hot sister!

I wanna go with the "Flo" !

You fucking bitch.

Naaaahhh when have I ever been bothered by a character's attitude?

Fucking peppy bitch

Thanks babe I'm touched.

Oh right she probably meant her brother.

Of the five women I've met so far, you are easily my favourite.

Potion lady doesn't count because I'll never find her again.

"Try not to slow me down, superior trainer"

That's what passes

Euuuuughhhh this is gonna be a looong update...

It already bloody is.

...

FUTURE SEAN: God did I always have such low tolerance? This length is nothing compared to later episodes...

FINALLY A CRIMINAL WHO RESPECTS THE POKE-RULES!

Action shots are hard in this game...

Boop.

It's more likely than you think.

Damn that's an old meme.

Cheshire almost dies.

Good thing Fern's a great heal bitch.

FLY YOU FOOLS!

I just noticed these weirdos have names?

Huh...a nice touch...

I'll never remember them though being the grunts that they are

Together again Flo.

I'd imagine any one of us could so you can go home now

Oh yes prove that Julia's an idiot baby

That's my kink.

Proving people wrong.

They could be behind the doors we're trying to break down you know...

Oh god I just imagined a family of Julia's...

...the horror...

Nothing could be worse...

Hohoho you are definitely pushing me girl

Thin ice lady.

THIN FUCKING ICE!

Bada-bing.

Bada-boom

MMMMMMMMRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Inner peace...

Aaaaallll better now...

A good question Julia~

Bet he's nooooot~

Heh.

Finally speaking my language Julia.

TEAM DAI-GURREN?

Blah blah blah you let us in and deleted all your data because you're soooo smart.

LET'S FIGHT!

Finally!

Who?

We call 'em chips here m8.

I'd rather be back to back with Florina...but I guess we all have to make sacrifices...

He...might be a little outmatched here...

VERY OUTMATCHED

Great! Someone who i can count on in this fight

It'll be okay as long as they aim for Fern's gang...

Phew...

Nice! Now Lotad has to follow up with a water move and we're set!

FUCK.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

FINISH IT!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Buh?

Fern...saved Mako?

Fern. Saving things.

...

THIS NEVER HAPPENED, CAPICE?

"YEAH LET'S GO FUCKER" Sean said while holding a barely breathing Monferno.

You don't relent either but you've proven that wrong within 5 minutes of meeting you

Wha?

We were covering most of the entrance...how the hell...?

Fucking teleporting man. It's a real pain in the ass.

Oh god please no.

Oh Julia...

I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!!!

GRRRAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

ow

 

[Derogatory Trainer]

Spoiler: Episode 5 - A Shocking Turn of Events (Julia Gym Battle)

LAST TIME ON 24...

JULLLIIIIAAAAAAAAA!!!!!








THIS TIME!

We did it guys!

We saved the city.

Yeah Julia.

We're sick of your shit.

This was like old times!?

Is...Is Julia the reason the city is a huge shithole?

I'm kinda scared of her now...

Anyway all of ye fuck off now alright?

Good...

Hmmmm I might have oooone more look around first...

Now is that actual liberation or Team Plasma "liberation"?

People can leave?

Why is anyone still here then?

You fuckers seem to forget I'm blocking the only exit.

...

I hadn't considered the windows...

Fuck.

Speedy pair of twats i'll give them that.

That's me! Your angry back-alley Spinda-Man!

Wasn't hard.

You guys bled all over the road...jumping out windows isn't like in the movies. It fucking hurts.

NO WAY!

Huh?

Are they...?

...

Well...

Points for trying?

But seriously who are you trying to rip off? Plasma or Rocket?

For the love of god please don't be ripping off Team Flare...

Oh this'll be good...

Double Tapped!

The Double Poison type strategy never works.

Just ask Jessie and James.

They're gonna jump out the windows again aren't they...

Yep.

Sorry about your windows though.

I don't care.

Give me the marshmellow.

Whoa lady! Are you ordering a hit on Team Metero?

I'm not in that business

for free

Pretty self explanatory.

Yeeeeessssss...








And that's the origin of Sean's motivation for destroying Team Meteor.

Some lady asked him to. Truly the most humblest of origins.

This.

There.

That.

The start of a lineage spanning multiple dimensions and timelines...

Okay enough stalling.

TIME TO BEAT JULIA!

PHYSICALLY!

Team-shot before we go in.

Ame?

You're trapped in the Digital World?

ARE WE DOING A CROSSOVER?!?

Oh that's cool I guess...

She's filling in for the advice guy...uh...Clive?

I like that.

I'm wary about that.

I really don't like that...

YUP.

After all Lettuce doesn't conduct electricity because nobody cared enough to do a study on it.

It's GOTTA work!

Thanks Ame!

I'm sure I won't end up cursing your name in the future!

No thanks.

I've got better thing to do than be stalked by a Pokeball mutant...

SHIT I PISSED IT OFF!!!

BAD IDEA! BAD IDEA!

PLAY THE INDIANA JONES MUSIC!

I think I know where this is going...

Sigh...another day another explosion...

Well alright then.

SEE I KNEW I WAN'T THE ONLY ONE! COME WITH ME MY SANE FRIEND! I'LL SET YOU FREE!

YOU GUYS ARE THE ONLY SANITY IN THIS BUILDING!

WE SHOULD BE BEST FRIENDS FOREVER!

Oop guess not.

Can't be friends with sucky battlers.

*exhales*

Okay let's do this.

BLUUUUUUUUUGHHHHH! SO MUCH PEP AND ENTHUSIASM!

IT SICKENS ME!

What?

Isn't the trainer's school for 5 year olds and idiots?

Why would you- Never mind.

I answered my own question.

Oh just like Team Meteor "never relents"

But I suppose since she's a cheerleader that OTS is a high school for Pokemon trainers?

Well that's fucking pathetic. Why can't they drop out at 10 like they did back in my day?

And so it begins...revenge for blowing me up...

So gang, here's a strategy you'll be seeing a lot of in the coming weeks

Sickle knows the move Fury Cutter which gets stronger every time it's used.

Sickle also has the ability Technician which powers up weaker moves (under 60) by 1.5x

And Fury Cutter's base power is 40 and that's what the calculations are done off of.

You see where this is going.

I call it the "Cheap and Easy"

Sickle please demonstrate.

Fantastic.

Hmmm an Emogla might ruin things...

Definitely the most irritating of all the Pika-clones...

That was 4 of Julia's six pokemon taken down by a cricket.

I love you Sickle.

So majestic...

You've done enough girl.

Get some rest.

Let's get Reckless!

What the fuck is Sap Sipper doing on a Zebra?

Now it's fucking personal

MAKO! KILL!

THAT WAS FOR KILLING MY LETTUCE! NOW WHAT WILL I PUT UNDER MY GRILLED CHICKEN!?

Here comes her Ace...

Tch...Mako's a up close kinda 'mon anyway.

Shrug it off, Mako!

Another Flame Wheel!

EAT IT YOU SHIT!!!

VICTORYYYYYY!!!!

Jesus Christ...

Maybe she's 5 years old as well as an idiot.

Came at a price though...

I suppose all things do...

RIP Reckless. The first of many.

...

First of many I actually like that is.

Fuck Shinobi.

That right there?

That was a mistake.

Lalalalala~

Hey there Victoria!

How are you?

I'm great!

Oh IT is...

Oh no!

How can I help you?

Oh yes Florina mentioned that at some point

I should get on that...

It's my obligation to help the people of Reborn City after all!

See you later Victoriaaaaa~

 

[Derogatory Trainer]

Spoiler: Episode 6 - Slumdog Millionaire-in-training

Eh waste not want not...

Uh...hey.

...

Wanna see the episode and forget you saw this?

*Insert catchy theme song here*

Now, now...It was only a joke...

I only ate half of Reckless...

But he and Shinobi are in a better place

My stomach HEAVEN!

Adding Plushy to the mix

Let's get on with this mess shall we?

Oh hey It's Florina!

She is emotionally stunted!

The perfect woman!

How you doin'?

Well she clearly wasn't impressed.

Look Flo I know these are 3d glasses from the cinema what else do you want me to do?

Go outside?

Have you seen outside?

THERE'S A GIANT BALL OF FIRE IN THE SKY!!!

I see my fear of the outdoors has attracted her interest.

as usual

Oh no the citizens!

Who will give me free Pokemon because they're too fucking self-involved to care about them now?

Helping you alone is much more preferable to working with Fern or Julia...may she rest in peace...

Yeah say it in that Hayden Christensen monotone baby...ooooohhhh...you know what get's me going...

So what "stomata"?

...

You like grass puns, right?

Your serious demeanour and no-nonsense attitude says yes.

Basically blunder around until I get lucky right?

CAN DO!

I should bring Plushy here...

You mean like E.V. and I.V. training?

I never really play competitive much myself...

...

Judgey bitch, aren't you?

I'll show her...

Me and Mako are BBFs

Best Bros Forever.

Something you want to say, you fucking fire hazard?

Well...moving on from my ex BBF...

Maybe they sell balls here?

What "un-ballivable" prices.

HUMOR! LAUGH! SUPPORT ON PATREON!

What the fuck kind of Pokemon is that thing?

Oh god this place reeks of Julia...

A scent which is a mixture of sugar, gunpowder and loud noise.

Don't know how you can smell of loud noises but Julia found a way.

Oh this must be for the strict level cap thing the Snubull girl was yammering about...

Ha! Makes the archaeologist at the Ruins of Alph look like fucking morons

Oh it's a Swirlix!

And I know that because god told me just now.

Certainly didn't google it or anything...

There we are...Every puzzle has an answer.

Hope you enjoyed the brief glimpse of daylight pal.

Now you're just being stupid old man

Whoever heard of plants attacking people?

GAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKK!!!

KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

FUCKING PLANTS! THEY RUIN DINNER-TIME!

COME BACK WHEN YOU TASTE BETTER!

*BANG*

Jesus...I think i agree with you old man...

But that plant...

Shoulda "leafed" me alone

someone please fucking kill me before I can't stop.






Anywhooooo...

Nope.

I have enough normal types thank you.

Hey look! !t's our good alibi friend Victoria!

...

Well as good a friend as you can get in a day...

Oh believe me I know.

Jesus! Are you okay?

Fuck no!

Have you seen how white I am?

It'd be like lighting the beacons of Gondor for people to try and mug me!

So am I.

Ah you're a sweet girl, Veronica.

But I don't really care much for things being safe.

If you aren't strong enough to get through what does me beating you prove exactly?

Ah whatever.

GET SET TO GET DECKED!

OR SOME OTHER MORE FRANCHISE RELEVANT CATCHPHRASE!

Aw man where'd she get a Ralts? I thought she was the Fighting type trainer?

An easy win for Arachne.

And she's sending out Pignite next.

MONKEY VS PIG GO!

Your bulk is no match for Mako's speed, oinker.

But it is definitely a match for his defense...

This should end it

Oh no.

Fuck fuck fuck.

FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!

Ooooooooohhhhhhhh thank christ for that...

I was this close to losing it.

Huh I didn't capture it on film apparently but i switched out and Cheshire killed Pignite.

And with Sickle being Sickle you can see where this was going.

Off with Makuhita's head.

I have a burning monkey , a cat with a coin glued to it's head , a spider with an emoji drawn on it , a marshmellow ,
A bug with knives for hands and a useless raccoon.

I'm fiiiiiine...

Yes dear.

UGH!

Stop being so nice Victoria I can't make any jokes about that.

I'm a-here for some of Mama's a spicy meatballs...

That "a" makes him sound like he's Italian

Or the Pokemon equivalent.

Weren't they in Poke-Venice in Pokemon 4ever?

(one google later)

YEP.

All contained in one warehouse apparently.

Oh thank you I know I'm beautiful

...

DAMMIT! STOP MAKING ME ATTRACTIVE TO MEN, GAME!

GIVE ME FLORINA OR VICTORIA AT LEAST, PLEASE!

And what was Victoria even worried about these men attacking her?

All the men in this region are more fruity than Ribena.

The fuck is that?

Thank you for the info, random hobo.

I promise I won't beat you to death and post it on LiveLeak.

Oh go watch the rest of your teeth fall out, you fucking meth-head.

Jumping puzzles eh?

Hmmm...that's an odd place to put a box...

Well...Alright i wasn't expecting that.

Guess I should go apologise to Breaking Bad back there?

...

Yeah nah. I thought it was a stupid idea too.

Cool please tell me more.

Guess whoever was inside this was thinking...

Outside the box.

Hnnnnghhhh such bad jokes...

Oh hey a wild Mankey.

And now it's Mineky.

Y'know from that game.

Wii Fit Racing.

Bet you guys a fiver he has a Munna!

...

Deals a deal, audience.

Just print this image out and it becomes legal tender.

Trust me.

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM...

Are you sure? Kinda says it right here.

Did the box just grunt? Or whatever indistinct noise group "Sch" falls into?

OH SO SORRY "growl"

"Sch" fits into the Growl category.

I'm inclined to agree with y--

Me.

Was I just talking back to a video game me?

Maybe we should do more tests since thi-

OH FUCK

Hmmmmmm...

I DON'T THINK THAT WAS AN ORDINARY BOX YOU GUYS!

Handsome? Witty?

FUTURE SEAN: A Narcissist?

Oh you must of been talking to the EMPTY FUCKING ROOM.

Self-harm isn't funny Kai.

(his name's Kai)

Probably not. It's actually a mistake most people make when they see me.

I just have one of those "trusty" faces.

What.

Oh well as I always say "Forgive and Forget"

I mean it's only a future Gyarados right?

I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU KAI!

Shhhhhhhhh

No more tears now...

Only dreams...

FUTURE SEAN: Did I just fucking kill a kid for stealing from a guy who stole from me?

I don't even remember doing that...

ominous huh?

FUTURE SEAN: More like "What the fuck you were thinking making a joke that unfunny but yeah. "Ominous"

Oh hey a light shard.

There's that bloody box-bearing bastard!

Time to bust some heads.

Some box hiding heads...

This might be bad.

Hahaha they look adorable...

I nearly expected a triple battle.

Glad I was wrong. I hate those things.

Never seen a fan-game do them actually. Maybe hating them is the general consensus?

Mako pretty much destroyed those Scraggy.

Shit that was close...I need my Bug for Florinia's gym.

Yeh.

I'll just go then yeah?

Yeah.

Not a bad dungeon to be honest. Highlights Reborn's economic state and was interesting to traverse.

*inhales* Aaaaaaahhhh slightly fresher air...

COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH

Ugh...well this looks like a new ward...

I should explore...but I'd rather just heal for now.

So I guess we'll call it a day folks

We'll have a looky-loo around next time!

See ya.

 

[Derogatory Trainer]

Spoiler: Episode 7 - The Root of the Problem

Hmmmm...

BLEUGH!

Oh fuck not this joke again of pretending not to notice the audience again....

Now with 20% more purple hair!

Let's get this...show(?) on the road!

No idea what you'd actually classify this thing as...a show? A book?

Well you see there are two types of pain...

I forget the first part of this House of Cards quote so just let me break its neck, okay?

Well then it's going to fucking die because A) Your grandson's a dipshit and B)You're a dipshit for not countermanding your grandson.

I guess it is...the only normal looking gym I've seen so far...

...

Which isn't in anyway a fair statement because it's literally the second one I've seen.

That was a reference to something I think.

But i have no idea what...

Fucking earthbending kids...

...

Wait a minute... the 1st reincarnation?

How long have Team Meteor been active?

And they use a lot of different types too?

Is there a beat-all type in this game?

Questions for later.

You have a unique sprite. I need to talk to you.

Dibs.

Someone probably looked at it and kicked its stupid clown face over there.

Well we could make a raft, use a flying type, freeze it if any of your guys have any ice moves...

A poison type could feasibly cross it too but it's not like a aggressive homosexual with stupid hair who specifies in that type is just going to show up...

GAWD FUCKING DAMMIT!

Hey everyone! It's a shiny Sonic the Hedgehog!

This is a pier.

We can literally go no lower above sea level.

Exactly!

Oh well SORRY for being a foreigner.

Are you still on about that?

It's been 2 minutes, best give up love.

Sunset? Cain it's like...

Uhhhhh...

10:40 pm. No sunset for you.

...

THIS ISN'T MY PHONE WRAPPED IN A SOCK SHUT UP!

I CAN TOTALLY AFFORD A WRISTWATCH!

Just nah.

Yeah this ain't a Disney movie, Cain. We can't solve our problems with singing...

YEP! HE DOES THIS A LOT!

*one quick google later*

Pikachu's Rescue adventure?

Does that make the anime canon in this game?

Is it also an anime here?

Trust us! This pool of sludge is totally buoyant! I promise.

Huh...guess it works.

Really? "Fantastic"? That's the word you'd use?

I can tell you're easily impressed, Amaria.

I'd only give that a polite golf clap myself.

Don't you fucking look at me as you say that.

Now come to me my free Water starter...

Get back here and LOVE ME YOU FUCKER!

What the hell Amaria? I CALLED DIBS! SO WHAT IF I DIDN'T DO A SINGLE THING TO HELP!?

I WANT A WATER TYPE!

This is your definition of cute?

AH YES. NOTHING TO CALM THE NERVES LIKE A BLOODY BATTLE TO THE DEATH!

Sure a friendly harmless "spar"

TOTAL FUCKING ANNIHILATION !

Ugh his fringe is too punk goth for punk goth.

First one down!

Apparently Grimer's only good for being a boat.

I'd be confused too if someone who sucks this bad is a trainer.

"NAUT" it's lucky day!

Hee hee.

No "Nido" throw a fit Cain.

I'm ignoring that.

And I'm also repressing it.

Hmm this might be troublesome...

Very troublesome!

C'mon Arachne don't lose to this clown nosed shit!

Well you better use it soon or else I'll be digging a very small grave pretty soon.

Clever girl...didn't even know Spinda could learn that move.

How could you not see my bulging trainer muscles?

You know it!

WAIT NO!

Dead in 10...maybe 20 minutes...

We're like this.

Yeah alright. Need those gym badges after all.

Is that a door?

Damn i really want to see what's in there.

HEAL YOU PINK SHIT!

Great a Skitty that likes Scat music...

Or you know , me?

Grandma's tired of your shit boy.

So she gave it to me.

Hey b0ss!

It'll be very comfortable in the box forever I assure you.

Might as well cameo the box 'mon in case you're interested in those losers...

Alright let's go find Flo and Amaria.

YOU! I WAS WARNED ABOUT YOU IN EPISODE 2!

DRUGS ARE BAD BOYS AND GIRLS.

Oh, with a capital C? Must be the HM then.

TMX1? Oh so i can forget it whenever?

Pokemon Reborn, you spoil me.

Eh in a minute I want to use the daycare.

Bout time you did something other than almost drown.

Hi can you raise my cannon fodder back-up Pokemon?

Uh excuse me?

What you gonna do? Strike them down and hope they're Jedi?

WHO THE FUCK AM I TO YOU PEOPLE?

Apparently the Day care couple are assholes in this game...

Guess I need to improve my rep by clearing the vines?

Sickle loves me at least.

It's all yours, Plush.

Don't think i checked down this alleyway yet...

BUT I THOUGHT TORKOAL'S ARE A NOTORIOUSLY IMPATIENT POKEMON!

that interrogator fucking lied

Oh this can't be good...

HMMMMMMM...I'll need to come up with a brilliant strategy to deal with this...

...

Bad doggies.

I did it!

Damn right it is.

Good as name as any.

Fuck it , back to the plot.

So what's the reason you two couldn't have done this?

After you ladies.

The fuck are they doing?

Maybe they just...uh...found a basket of cute kittens and are being cuddled to death?

Nothing sinister about that...

Ulp it's something sinister.

Yeah hi. So I have a couple questions?

What is that?

Who are you?

And why are Florina and Amaria tied up like that?

Hehehehehe...

Oh Uh...

Hi there, unique looking villain!

I look forward to thwarting all of your plans for the entire game!

Hello?

Wait what?

Is something wrong with you?

Okay..."massive arbor ball"

Now can I have the name of your leaders, their home address and documents detailing every inch of your organisation and its goals?

Pretty please?

Oh shit we doing this?

Let's go then you bitch...bastard...hmm...

Freaky Friday Fuck-up?

Only with 3 people in one body?

OH GOD

WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH IT'S FACE?

AND IT'S ARMS?

WHAT THE FUCK?

How will i stop this Mutant behemoth?

WHOOPS NEVERMIND IT WAS A PUSSY

Nice my first non-starter evolution.

Bet they still suuuck~

Must of been a pretty shit Tangrowth then.

Oh it's over. You fuckers aren't going anywhere.

Apparently you fucker are going somewhere.

And apparently I let you pack up your very heavy device of mass destruction.

God damn it game.

Then you are easily impressed.

Me? Very bored.

Hah way to simplify it Amaria.

Yeah at first they were just scamps blowing up train stations now they're serious

Send me barrelling at them, screaming racial slurs?

See you around, Amaria.

In like twenty episodes!

See you then, good lookin'

Now let's see what the grass has to offer me?

I don't give a "hoot"

Love me some Bryan Cranston.

Empty house? An event is sure to follow.

OH GURRRLLL I AM WITH YOU THERE!

ALL THESE TRAIN BOMBINGS AND ECOLOGICAL DISASTERS ARE MESSING WITH MY STUDYING TOO

Take a hike bitch.

Hey the region's department store!

Ooooohhh this looks good. I can get some sweet TMs as well...

It wasn't.

Pompous asshats have a rule on how far you can go up based on how many stickers you have.

Maybe a quick peek before we end the show?

BAD PLAN!

Be more careful Plushy...

You really need to fucking evolve to have some hope in this violent world.

STOP SUCKING, ZIGGER!

On what?

Who starts conversations like this?

Speaking of weird conversations...

What the fuck is up with these DayCare people?

What the fuck do you want from me, old lady?

I think i'd rather give you old farts brain aneurysms with my presence.

Fuck

Guess I'm beating up an elderly couple viewers!

It's pretty much standard fare for this show now.

Wait a fucking minute...

Ohhhhhhhh...

IT'S FUCKING GRANT AND JANIS EVERYBODY!!!

I like how the player character is slowly realising they are't nice old people.

They were not a challenge.

Hang on, I thought we first met when you tried to steal Plushy...

Oh well I ploughed through a lot of Meters that day.

Lucky no one ever came back to check on their pokemon, huh?

Bet it was in that empty house!

They probably have a secret basement there or something.

I don't think they know how it works.

I mean most are mammals and they lay eggs?

Madness.

So spelled wrong?

But they DO relent boys and girls so it's okay.

Well we might as well end it on a high note

Anything to say random Npc?

Fantastic!

See you all later on this un-enjoyable trash of a run!

 

[Derogatory Trainer]

Spoiler: Episode 8 - School's Out

Then Florina leaned in close and whispered into Sean's ear "I require ample amounts of "fertilizer"..."

...

GOD DAMN THIS STUPID JOKE AGAIN!?!

Last time Janis and Grant shouted at us and stole the Day-care couple.

Who are probably in this empty house.

Okay...not what i was hoping for but I assume this key opens the warehouse containing the Day-Care Couple?

I think the Coral Ward had few locked warehouses so let's try them.

Got it in one.

Son of a bitch.

It...sound like a lot of panting and moaning...

N-No...

Just you two in here huh?

You two old people who breed things for a living?

Making..."strange noises"?

ew

Said Trainers who never asked for them back apparently.

Team Meteor really can't keep secrets, can they?

How does immediately sound?

Try to make him SUCK less.

And maybe a few swimming lessons too.

Hmmm...who else should i leave in?

How about you Selina?

Uhhh....

Ooookay then...

For one of them maybe...

Gambling time blokes and broads!

Nice to see slots back in a Pokemon game after those fucking parents got it banned from the western releases.

And then there was this shit.

SORRY WHAT?

I COULDN'T HEAR YOU OVER MY SHITTY BEARD AND MY THE SMITH'S ALBUM

WANNA VAPE WITH ME?

Thanks! I thought that joke was good too!

Hey not bad

Pretty decent healing item to get early on...

...

Might be a bit overkill actually...

Hmmmm I don't really like any of these Pokemon...

Oh well on with the quest!

Oh hey a trainer.

Let's see if Cranston has what it takes to play in the big leagues.

Ah yes...

The level 15-20 big leagues.

Jesus fucking Christ...worst flying type ever...

A real Pokemon does it in one hit.

Oh no Cranston is in trouble...

Oh no Cranston is dead. My heart can't bear the pain...

I will totally miss you best Pokemon ever...

Huh...all eggs in this game have different patterns...

Thanks for the...uh...

FUTURE SEAN: Yeah I don't actually remember what I get from this.

Well okay.

Look! I "see-d" second gym!

that was a bad one even for 2015 me

---

BEST BUDDY FERN!

WHO WILL NOT AT ALL BE A COMPLETE DOUCHE FOR THE REST OF THE GAME!

Really? I would of thought you'd hear it on the grapevine.

Geddit?

Because trees?

I'll let my fire monkey and box cutter bug be the judge of that

Oh this should be good...round 2 of the factory fight then?

Oh you pussy-ass...

Hahaha the jackass who hid from me behind a metal door says I'm not worthy.

And then he forces me to beat the shit out of every student in school no doubt damaging their pride severely.

BRILLIANT PLAN FERN!

Oh those rivals and their ridiculous ego and denial syndrome.

I suppose it's better than the ones who are your "friends"

Nooo you're thinking of someone else outrageously handsome.

Hmmm swanky school...got their own Pokemon center and everything...

Explains why this ward doesn't have one then...

I don't need books when I have cool videogamez!

Learning is 4 losirs.

So you're a bitch huh?

Such a bitch...

I always knew Fern was just playing hard to get.

And seriously? You're calling a guy who goes to the same school as you "boss"?

That's like next-gen pathetic.

It is but hey how else am I supposed to get the badge?

I never understood why the casino doesn't provide one of these to every newcomer...

Maybe Game freak want to show how bad gambling is by some guy claiming it ruined his life?

Hmm...but then why have it at all?

Fuck it , we're moving on.

Ooohh this room's bigger than the rest...

All these read-able bookshelves...filled with such vast swathes of knowledge and-

OOOOOH TV!

Speak to me, o magic box...

Nice of the T.V studio to use her most likely derogatory nickname there.

Real professional work.

Who has a legacy of fucking dime-a -dozen grass pokemon?

If it were Dragons i'd understand but Grass types?

You know they have the word "ass" in their name for a reason, right?

Sorority? I thought this was a high school?

And Julia graduated?

Madness.

Anyway basically she has a Cradily to stop bug and fire types.

Fat lot of good that'll do against Mako.

Guess i should read the book case now.

Don't think I've heard of her yet...wasn't she a Marvel supervillian?

Huh...a giant middle finger to all RPG protagonists

But what kind of person buys a diary and only writes "HA! I knew you'd look at this random creep! Now let me give you a lecture about ethics"

I have a feeling I'm not going to get along with this girl.

This is Amaria's diary now...

Nnngh...when someone contemplates that stuff it's never good...

Well...fuck...that's depressing...

Oooooohhh what has she written about me?

Oooohhhh nnnnooooo...

Also how the fuck can you just turn off emotions?

Not like there's a switch for that on the human body...

Unless she went through some VERY invasive surgery...

...

*sniff* Right...okay...one more super sad diary to go guys...

OH FUCK NO!

MAKO KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!

T-that's a bit too much fire buddy...

Mako?

OH YOU SON OF A-

It's okay folks! It can't really hurt me! This is all a dream

OH SHIT!

...

Well guess it's time to find a new shithole region to lay low in...

I wonder what Vesryn is like this time of year...

Let's just get out of here, okay?

After all the cops can't prove it was MY fire type that did it.

Hmm there's a knowledge puzzle further on in the gym...

Fuck it for now.

I'm going gambling.

FUTURE SEAN: Reading back over all these really hurts me.

Like why would I stop in the middle of a gym to go gambling all of a sudden? Did I have ADD back then?

C'mon papa needs a new pair of Arbok hide shoes...

Guess I'll have to make do with Zigzagoon hide shoes...

Zigger's lucky I left him in the day-care...

Let's try the Voltorb Flip tables...

It's basically just Pokemon themed Minesweeper...

Shit.

WHO DESIGNS A GAME LIKE THIS?

I made 100 coins.

Not a very long episode huh?

Welp nothing much happened this episode really

I spent most of it going through girl's diaries...

But maybe it was necessary to the plot!?

Anyway next we'll finish the gym and get my second badge

See you then!

 

[Derogatory Trainer]

Spoiler: Episode 9 - Leaves From the Vine, Falling So Slow (Florinia Gym Battle)

Last time our hero was faced with his worse adversary...LEARNING! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Faced with this heinous foe. He immediately decided to give up studying and cheat on wing the exam

I'm faaaaairly sure Starmie is one of those dopes who never learn anything after they evolves.

So this is actually a trick question?

You tried to trick the untrickable trickster himself.

A foolish move.

Surprisingly hard to make a joke about this one...

Mainly because I don't know anything about it.

FUTURE SEAN: Because Paul Walker was still alive back then and there wasn't many fast and furious memes.

Uhhh...

Fuck.

Who the fuck even uses Huntails? Honestly...

...

347!

FUCK ME.

GUESS I HAVE TO GO READ MORE DAMN BOOKCASES!

Fuck I don't want to be back here...but I might of missed something...

Fairytales?

Is that something they teach here?

Well I suppose there's even more worthless classes in the real world.

*COUGHGENDERSTUDIESCOUGHCOUGH*

This doesn't sound like a happy Celebi and Jirachi become bestest friends kind of story...

Standard Princess fare I suppose...

What kind of shit kidnapping is this?

Well what if there were monsters outside?

So what's the argument here? Unarmed child vs multiple dragons?

Sitting and waiting seems to be the smart option!

Well that was a load of pretentious shlock...

Number 1 : History has a habit of wandering little girls. This is a book of fucking FAIRYTALES!

Number 2 : If the magic was strong enough to knock her unconscious and whisk her away to a tower, why would the door be unlocked?
Who kidnapped her? Why?

Number 3 : This is the biggest one...FUCKING GUARD DRAGONS OUTSIDE! WHO WOULD LEAVE IF DRAGONS WERE OUTSIDE?!?

I FUCKING WOULDN'T!

Number 4 : The author knows the Guard Dragons couldn't see the escape but how would the child know any of that?

And why would they have to face the tower? Just a quick glance back and that's it. Dead child.

Number 5: The whole "save yourself" thing is great for an adult but imagine a little girl kidnapped by magic and surrounded by dragons.

HOW IS SHE SUPPOSED TO SAVE HERSELF WITHOUT POSSESSING KNOWLEDGE OF ALL THE FUCK-UPS THE KIDNAPPERS MADE?

The fairy tale analogy fails to work here. Especially with the "Woman here me Roar" spiel she's trying to push. When all it does is make her sound ridiculous!

What the fuck does her sex even have to do with it?! If this was a reasonable message of "Fight your own battles" then I'd agree but not this nonsense!

...

I demand a full refund of this free game.









Now let's move on with this gym.

Who writes a hardback book about fucking Huntails?

Is there some underground Huntail scene i don't know about?

Hey I was close...ish...

No more of these fucking obscure questions please.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? WHO WOULD FUCKING KNOW OR CARE TO KNOW THAT?!?

Ugh...I'll come back to this one.

My favourite type of question...ones with a 50-50 chance of being right.

True! And if that's wrong, False!

Not like I don't have infinite retries...

Isn't that the exact same question really?

And isn't this more of an opinion based question?

I actually know this one off hand...because it's not about shitty water types.

Really game? Really?

Guess I'll have go down to the bottom of the garden to borrow the Wi-fi off my neighbour

he really should get a password

15!

Yaaaay...

Huh...I actually learned something useful...but what moves do it?

Finally get this fucking puzzle over and done w-

FUCKING FERN! IT WAS HIM I KNOW IT!

A FULL book on Corsola too?

Who the hell is writing these things?

Ooooohhhhh it's finally done...

Ohohoho this should be good for a laugh...

It's almost like they don't have any pride in themselves or something.

"Nothing personal bro but I fucking hate you"

OHNONONONOO! Thank you for helping me level up my Pokemon by throwing your idiot followers at me!

I really appreciate it!

Well you heard him folks!

Run's over. Hope you had a nice time while it lasted.

Now i'm leaving this fucking city and never returning.

BYE!

I forgot Team Meteor blew up the train...

So WHY exactly do you suddenly hate me again?

There's that whole "you don't deserve" bullshit but what prompted that?

It's my second time seeing that fucking title and I still can't bear it...

Unfortunately Leech-Life is the only bug move Arachne knows...

Hopefully she'll learn something better soon.

Ugh so tedious...

I never really saw the point of Tri-attack I mean sure it has a 20% chance of a status effect but that's really damn low...

Now if it was a move that had Ice ,Fire and Electricity damage it'd be pretty badass...

Finally killed the shit.

Uhhh that's a 6 level gap...I don't like Cheshire's chances...

But i do like Fake-Out!

Yeah he's not going to be able to do this...

At least the Screech should make things easier for Sickle.

Not bad Cat.

But that's how a real Pokemon does it.

What are you talking about?

HAHA ONE SHOTTED BITCH!

Have I mentioned how much I love this Kricketune?

Well as long as you know...

I'll make a bet with you Fern.

You won't just never beat me.

You won't beat a single one of my Pokemon ever.

Good luck ass-face.

FUTURE SEAN: He still hasn't. Even to this very day of reposting.

Oh what are you gonna do cry now?

Baby gonna cwy?

You know it bitch. Doing what everyone else is doing is the pinnacle of boring COOL!

More than two really...whole region in fact...

You might. Because losing to a second rate-trainer twice makes you a fourth rate trainer.

So do I.

Your sister to be precise.

Which is mainly the main source of my attraction to her.

Because she's YOUR sister.

BYE, NEW BEST FRIEND!

...

That's sure to annoy him more than any insult would.

FUTURE SEAN: Huh. Forgot these plot-important symbolism was here...

WHY is it here?

Hmmmm....

I think I might grind a bit more...might find a bird Pokemon somewhere too...

HEY! YOU WANNA JOIN MY GANG?

Well I "Krow" when I'm beat.

"The one from school"?

Bitch I'm the one who annihilated your damn school.

Why? Just catch a Flying type and he's a total pussy.

That's actually fairly decent of you.

Fuck me is nobody happy in this game?

Oh wow it's kind of nice here.

And there's our flying type!

And he doesn't know a single flying move...shit.

Aaaaaand he kind of sucks...

Awwww man...a shiny?

Plus Bellsprout's Poison moves would have been pretty useful...

Fuck I didn't know Spearows learned THAT this early on.

Pretty decent.

I wouldn't go that far

But it'll definitely speed things up!

UGH FINALLY!

GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE CAMERA!

I'M THE MOTHER FUCKING STAR OF THIS SHOW!

Oh I also evolved Zigger too

So what does the newly evolved Linoone have to say?

...

You're a raccoon not a dog, Zigger.

Quick Team-shot.

Apparently I have an audience...

I suppose it IS a school.

They're taking this advantage of learning from the best.

Hi Flo. I read your diary by the way...not fun...

Sorry about you being a crazy non-person now.

Yeah so about our relationship?

I don't think it''l work out if you can't talk without me consulting a dictionary every 5 minutes...

We can move Fern into a old folks home if you get better?

But enough emotional mumbo jumbo...

LET'S SMASH OUR SMALL ANIMALS OFF EACH OTHER!

Wait was that trash talk?

The hot one just haaaas to be a dead-inside robot...

Oh god a more useless pokemon than Maractus I have never seen...

Even Luvdisc can produce Heart Scales!

AH! DICK!

Bad move, babe.

Man Halberd isn't that bad a pokemon.

Although it was a Breloom.

Not exactly a challenging opponent for a Flying type.

Tone back the "Awesomes" and we'll talk.

Hmmm Grass/Steel huh?

Go Mako!

...I don't know what you mean...

Good. Now let's give Halberd more experience...

That's her first heal so she has two more if the patterns the same as with Julia...

I'll never tell him aloud but Hal's kind of awesome.

NO! STOP SUCKING!

Cottenee vs Sickle was no contest...

Well can't use Halberd or Sickle against those Rock moves so...

Heh...set me on fire, will you?

Conclusion: An ass whuppin' for Florina!

Nnnnnnooooo....

And that's GG.

I guess enthusiasm really isn't in your dictionary...

You were kind of easy too...but I suppose that's to be expected from grASS types.

Yaaaayyy...

Pretty decent boost...must be a while before the next gym...

To my bed.

It is very late at night.

Lay it on me then.

Shit did she mention that earlier?

I don't need you calling me out in front of everyone! Get back in your fucking ball!

It really wasn't hard.

Zel claimed to have stronger Pokemon in reserve but I think she...he...it? was lying.

Goodbye forever Flo.

And goodbye for now viewers.

We're off to Obsidia next! What fun times will we wish we were having there?

 

[Derogatory Trainer]

Spoiler: Episode 10 - A Jaunt Through Jasper

Now with 100% less Florina...sigh...

Hi-ho Viewers!

Last time we beat the second gym and were sent off to fix the next problem these people have.

Finally some fun and no depressing shit eh?

Let's go!

Why would you do this officer?

Why would you ruin what would have been a good time by telling me that?

Oh wow an actual police station.

Way better than Johto and it's 2 policemen in Goldenrod.

You...may want to look behind you...

WHOA. He means business.

I'll consider it.

Jesus this guy is strong with his Growlithe...

Let's check inside the station.

Hi I haven't committed any murders lately!

I mean...ever.

I have never not committed a crime.

Don't go down to the Peridot Power plant, ok?

So it's not the highest.

Or else you'd listen.

Yeah the only one's holding the fort are you and that guy with the Murder dog.

Guess you have no "leads" huh?

Then we've met.

You only hear about someone if you've never met them.

Please gentlemen I'll sign whatever you want after this episode.

Not really.

I came for a small piece of metal to help control pocket monsters.

Great. I'll ignore your plight so shall I?

Somehow I doubt you would have been able to stop me.

Aye Aye Chief!

I'll solve crack this case wide open if it "polices" you.

I'll assume you're thanking me for the shit pun?

He was not.

I almost didn't see you there.

I thought you were a weird rock. You Meteors have a very good urban camo uniform, I'll give you that much.

Hi Kettle!

I'm Pot and I'd just like to say that you're black.

And Sean beat him and his Pokemon within and inch of their lives.

Well this place has seen better days.

But who knows? This could be a bold new strategy by city planning for more green areas in the city.

Y-you walked over here and challenged me to a battle but you can't walk like...40 feet to the Jasper ward exit?

I guess you're "rooted" to the ground?

Heh.

Oh yay now i'll be able to actually use her without fear of instant death!

Those big blue eyes make me feel better amidst the destruction

Oh course the Pokemon Center is completely fine.

No one ever goes straight for the most important building in the area.

Fuck I left Zigger in the box.

But that's like 14 steps away...

Theeere we go.

Hi there! Need any help? Got any Pokemon you want to give to a complete stranger?

Okay...you're clearly having a minor spaz attack.

Okay Mr.Going-into-Cardiac-arrest...take a deeep breath.

I'll find your damn Mareep.

And I'll even give it a new home.

Aren't I swell?

Why am I able to cut down a tree but not this vine?

The tree has bark. Making it tougher, right?

Guess he'll have to stay put for now.

Oh look it's one of those Meteors I'm supposed to remember after i crush and humiliate them.

Listen honey I only remember like 4 of you grunts.

You're not Grant or Janis are you?

Pleeeeease don't be Grant or Janis...

Oh thank god it's just some nobody.

A very rude nobody.

Maybe we're met to be together Tara?

I've decided to be unnecessarily creepy to you for the rest of the game.

Have fun with that.

Oh great a spooky forest.

Geh...fucking Carnivine?

Never liked these weird looking things...

I called him Amygdala anyway

Bloodborne reference yo.

Guess I'm leaving already.

Sigh...this place would've had a lot of gift giving Npcs if this shit weren't here...

Could always use another flier. Plus it's the O.G bird pokemon.

I'll call him Tayto.

Yes. It was either that or Kentucky Fry.

You got lucky in my opinion.

Hmm...a fight?

Oh look another thrilling character who is so memorable iI can't contain my excitement.

And then I beat him so hard he evaporated the screenshots of me doing that.

Heheh "off guard" eh?

I like this officer. He accidentally puns

I'm sorry Sean, I'm afraid I can't do that

OH FUCK!

And so I ended up running crying HEROICALLY into the woods.

Do you have some?

It's been a whole episode without any.

This damn cat better evolve soon or else he'll be killed.

I make no promises.





Then this happened.

Oooohhh I wonder what It'll be?

Huh...

Guess "Sokka's" going to be in the box for a long time.

The only Ice/Water type I approve of is Lapras.

I wonder if you get one in this game...




Oh and this happened too.

I CAN'T "BE-LEAF" IT!!!




that was a good field effect

I...think...this thing might be the thing I'm looking for...

As I have so eloquently put.

Oh fuck...

Uhhh...Buenos Dias?

I don't like the "come hither" tone in his voice...

Well and the gym located past this Forbidden Forest, yes.

Sean. Slayer of Julia and Reminder of Meteor's Relenting.

What a creepy thing to say after someone introduces themselves...

Hm? Oh I'm sorry i'm not familiar with Team Meteor's secret project.

I could have studied one but i just felt like LETTING ZEL GO!

Hahahahaha are you fucking serious?

"Exaggerata"?

That's the best you could come up with?

Not an actual world like extraordinaire or exterminator?

Well who am I to question SUCH brilliance?

Sooo...like a evolution stone?

Cause pokemon just absorb that shit right up.

Guess we should stop it then suspicious person who knows an awful lot about it.

Really genius? What tipped you off?

The screaming or the thrashing?

That should would be swell thing to do Taka.

You know if you weren't probably evil.

What do you take me for a "sap"?

I am shocked.

The shocked-iest.

I cannot "wrap" my head around this betrayal.

OH MY GOSH NO I DON'T MIND YOU KILLING ME!

"ORDERS ARE ORDERS AFTER ALL"

GOD FORBID YOU DO SOMETHING YOU DON'T WANT TO DO!

Here I'll help!

There ya go.

AIM FOR THIS RIGHT HERE!

IT'S MY WEAKSPOT!

Fuck that was permanent marker...

Battle pose go!

IF I WIN I'M TAKING YOUR SCARF!

Well that was easy.

Huh? Chatot?

Don't see much of that in battles.

I think I brought Neon along anyway.

But he's crap.

PLUSHY TIME!

PLUSHY TIME OVER!

Thank you for setting up the win Plush.

Barely setting up the win...but I'll take it

Hal's turn!

Awesome, now there's just the Pulse mon and then I've-

JESUS BIRD CHRIST!

GET BACK IN THE DAMN BALL!

I WISH I NEVER LET YOU WATCH THAT FUCKING LEGO MOVIE!

Oh...Sickle already beat it?

I mean HELL YEAH SHE DID!

BEST THERE EVER WAS!

Yes. You look adorable in it.

Yeah I guess your Chatot did give me a small panic attack there.

I guess it is.

...

...

...

Soooooo...how about that local sports team?

Oh good he said something.

As in smash to pieces?

CAN DO!

Later hombre.

I can't really get a read on that guy...seems nice enough for a Meteor...

I wonder if we'll ever be best friends forever?

FUTURE SEAN: YES.

Your guess is as good as mine.

I just run into these events and beat everyone up.

Standard Pokemon.

Also who the hell are you, small angry child?

Aren't you a little bit on the midget side to be fighting criminals?

One with a BRAIN little girl.

You might try investing in one.

YOU SEE? THIS IS WHAT YOUR FATHER DIDN'T WANT YOU DOING!

You are literally giving me very personal information about your life when we've only met 30 seconds ago!

Oh no by all means go die fighting a evil organisation full of mediocre trainers.

I'll be sure to bury you and your level 15 Poochyena right next to-

...each...

...other...

WHY THE FUCK THOSE THIS 8 YEAR OLD HAVE A GOD DAMN SALAMANCE?!?!

Ugh...

Nothing I hate more than annoying and powerful children.

But I doubt we'll see anymore of those right?

RIGHT?

*studio laughter*

 

[Derogatory Trainer]

Spoiler: Episode 11 - A Beryl of Laughs!

After saving yet another of Reborn City's wards, our brave adventurer back-tracked for free shit.

Like a true hero.

Guess I can get this cop out now.

Waaait how did you get trapped back here if the only way to approach this place is from the other side of the street?

The plot curdles...

That side street probably has some good shit.

I'm pretty much looting the houses of dead people, aren't I?

Oh well, when in Reborn!

Well I found that free Mare-I mean lost trainer's Mareep...yeah...

He'll probably give me it anyway...

Yeesh...like Trainer like 'mon i guess...nervous little thing...

They always want food...

Take it you greedy beggar...

A WHOLE NEW WOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRLLLLLLLLLLLLDDDDDDD!!!

A NEW FANTASTIC POINT OF VIEWWWWWWWW!!!

NO-ONE TO TELL US NO! OR WHERE TO GO!

OR SAY WE'RE ONLY DREAMING!

*ahem*

The fucker's not even here?

Well he must be dead.

And seeing as it's pretty much standard for this game

I was the last person to see him therefore I inherit his Pokemon.

Standard Pokemon...Reborn.

Onto Beryl Ward!

Dang...that's quite a drop...looks like it's "desert"ed down there though

Hyuk hyuk hyuk

God I'm so unfunny it hurts...

Well look at that! I've already found the gym!

Ah.

Maybe if i just keep ringing the doorbell someone will show up?

Back across the bridge we go...

Hang on a minute...

Those are Team Meteor legs!

They are the only people with legs that fin-

Uh...yes. It's Team Meteor.

Woo...hoo...

Does any serious trainer use ever use these?

I mean it's better to weaken your opponent in most cases.

That doesn't say Malachous Forest...

Cool! New capture coming up!

...

Really? I really have no other option?

Okay.

*inhales*

*exhales*

OH MY GAWD!

A FREE ITEM!

I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS!!!

BETTER CHARGE ON TOWARDS IT!

WITH BIG. HEAVY. STEPS!!!

*GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSPPPPP!*

WHAT MASTER OF SABOTAGE PLANTED THIS HIDDEN TRAP!?!?

I...I dunno how to write that whistling noise that happens when Wile E. Coyote falls off a cliff.

Everyone reading this just whistle to simulate it, okay?

Okay.

Heavens above I've been thrown into an inescapable prison

There is no exit...No way to..."leaf"...

COME IN HERE AND SAY THAT!

I'LL TURN YOU FUCKS INTO MULCH!

AND THEN I'LL GROW BERRIES FROM YOUR DECOMPOSING BODIES!

Nice of them to put the switch within reaching distance.

OH COME ON! HIM?

THAT'S WHO MY HERO IS?

FUCK YOU TOO, GAME!

Mmmmmph...okay I'd do the same if the situations were reversed...

...

Fernnnnn...what did you mean by that?

That's a creepy thing to say...

DAMN YOU NUZLOCKE MASCOT!

YOU HAVE FORSAKEN ME!

OR IN?

Oh...well I said it first.

I see you've dropped the "cool cat" part there jackass

REALLY? YOU REALLY DOING THIS TO ME GAME?

Hey Fern! Wanna see a magic trick?

Behind my magic ear I have a...

"GO FUCK YOURSELF"

See you later too Fag Jockey Fern!

Right...time to bust out of this joint.

Hmmm...I've got about 5 immediate plans.

1.Break these rather thin jail bars with a few kicks.

2.Just lift up these rather thin and light wooden jail bars.

3.Use Mako to burn the rather thin jail bars.

4.Use Sickle or Cheshire to Cut the rather thin jail bars

5.And finally five. Climb out. It's that simple.

Let's try plan 4. That seems to be the most logical.

useless motherfuckers

Well seeing as the only option i can take within the boundaries of this game failed.

I guess wait till I inevitably have to eat Tayto.

...















Several long minutes later...

Heh good one.

Goldfish.

Been quite a while now...Am I really supposed to just wai-

...

ARE YOU FUCKING FOR REAL?

SOME FUCKING CHATOT SAVES ME?

I swear to god if I need to be rescued by someone beneath me again...

Wait...the only Chatot in the game so far is Taka's...

Well ain't that sweet of the guy trying to eliminate me?

Fuck it I'm moving on from that mess...

Just one more thing...

Can't take my dignity with me after that.

So I'm gonna lock it up here and come back for it when it's restored.

And we're back in action.

Ffffffffffffffff...

I should of "levered" for a better role in this game...

Maybe it's not too late to make the"switch"

That look's like a cave...

It's hard to find things at night in this game...

And I assume you still have your Growlithe?

You know...the fire-breathing dog?

You can use your Pokemon in better ways y'know...

At least you have that option

Watch the hands lady!

A library?

When the zombies show up I want this guy on my team.

What the fuck is with this room?

Oh it's a book about the different field effects...

But reading's for NERDS!

FINALLY got these fucking traps down.

How much?

Am I getting paid for this?

I should be.

Or y'know help me?

Kinda out of healing items and I am not walking back through that jungle...

Awesome. That's one more flier against the Pulse Tangrowth.

Fucking Birds man...

Alright...let's "weed" out these criminals...

ME!

Hello Taka.

Thanks for freeing me from that inescapable prison

Y'knoooowwww...the one that would have prevented me from foiling all your plans?

Major props bro.

Right...that's your reason.

Ain't I just a stinker?

Well mmmeoooooooowwww~

...

Let's pretend I didn't say that.

It's what?

One sec I'm gonna google it.

...

Vainglory: An inordinate pride in oneself or one's achievements; excessive vanity.

Fuck.

That's me to the letter isn't it?

Back-up?

I'm actually getting helped for once?

A pain in my ass?

Oh jeez...way to trigger her dumb-ass...

That's gone in one ear and out the other pal.

Wait, why are you actually arguing this with her?

That's two shut-ups in once sentence audience...

sigh...at least she's better than Julia.

Great plan. Send the two who I've beaten before.

Sure to have better results this time.

Alright let's get the beating out of the way you two...

How I do love that move...

Switched out the cat cause he can't do much here.

Unlike Sickle.

Ennnghh...that's gonna mess up the "Cheap and Easy" strategy...

That's not good for Mako...

I guess Zel's gimmick is the eevee-lutions then?

Oh I think I get it!

The Glaceon is Eve cause she's cold and analytical

The Espeon must be Lumie seeing as she's the nicest one...maybe?

So for Zero it'll probably be an Umbreon cause Umbreons are notorious douches.

I have the most good brains.

Mmmm I'll have to switch Mako out soon enough then

C'mon...luck be my cricket tonight...

Beautiful as always Sickle...

I'm gonna ignore the Lileep for now so i can double team the Chatot

Ah well we all make mistakes.

Try again dear.

BOOM BITCH!

Don't care.

Now switch out before that Chatot comes out.

Nice work Hal!

I think I'm a bad influence on you guys...

Huh...thought he'd save it for last...

It's still so gross

Might as well Leer it 'cause from what I've seen It's pretty bulky against physical strikes...

Ooohh that was an unsatisfying Aerial Ace...

Hmm...Hal could maybe take one more...

Jesus I should have went back for healing items...

Y'wot?

He withdrew it? How? It's not in a Pokeball!

Ah well free hits on Chatot!

More of that please you two.

Ha! It didn't even get a hit on us.

Uh...thanks for the prison break though...

And we're almost done here

I wonder if we could combine those two moves like they did for Thunder and Aerial Ace in the anime?

Hah! Who the fuck was that for genius?

HALBERD!

WHAT THE HELL?!?

Of all the fucking times to get a damn critical hit...

And a not very effective hit too...

Ugh...that's upsetting...

Bird pride and all?

Be my guest.

Yay...victory...wooo...

Well some good came from this fight at least.

And I can't stop you Pokemon-less criminals can I?

Do you want me to stamp your parking then?

They do that a lot.

I could make another relenting joke here but I'm not in the mood...

Geh...guess I better follow her

I have enough dead children on my conscience as it is...

A better statement would have been : "Man I shouldn't of recalled my much faster than human Salamance"

You wanna give me your diary to save time here, Heather?

That sucks.

I probably don't have parents because I don't have a backstory.

I'll write one up eventually.

Heh. A 7 year old asking me to beat up her Dad.

What a wonderful world Amethyst has built...

Well there's contests in Hoenn and Sinnoh , musicals and movie making in Unova , The Pokeathalon in Johto...

Actually she's right...all of those are kind of shit...movies are sometimes entertaining though...

Is that something to look forward to?

And not even a goodbye.

That is one ANGSTY 6 year old.

Well guess I should end this episode here then...

Can't help but think I'm missing something...

OH SHIT!

THE LAST OFFICER!

Well that's probably his Growlithe...

I hope he doesn't "book" me for wasting time.

Snarf...

But it's a dead end...

Oh dang I didn't know I could walk on these...

You might say I didn't know that was the book-"case"

Geddit? Beacause technically trees?

What is it girl?

Little Timmy fall down the well?

Oh I guess Big Cop fell down that hole.

HEY! WHAT LOVELY "FALL" WEATHER WE'RE HAVING!

Uuuuuuuuuooooohhh...

"Hole"-y shit?

Alright Alright.

That was in poor taste.

...

You wanna follow the Reborn rules of inheritance?

I will find you.

Because I somehow knew you were going to the station?

...

How DID I know that?

Well guess we'll roll credit's here then.

Sucks about Hal...he was pretty handy...

Maybe even awesome...

Guess we'll never know now.

See you guys next time for the Season 1 Finale.

Keep an eye out for it!

 

[Derogatory Trainer]

Spoiler: Episode 12 - And They All Fall Down (Corey Gym Battle)

(Just pretend someone is playing a slide guitar and there's like a hawk cawing)

*Huff huff*

I think I gave them the slip...

Hey there folks!

You came at a bad time.

I've really screwed the pooch on this one...or would that be cat?

Aaagggh that's not the point goddammit.

Listen if any of you happen to have a fleet of attack helicopters they would reeeally come in handy about now!

What I need them for?

Look let's just say I was being my normal happy-go-lucky self...

And I accidentally destroyed a planet.

But that's beside the poi-

Wait...you guys hear that?

Ah shit they found me!

IT WAS *BLAM* AN HONEST *BLAM* MISTAKE!

FUCK!

ONE PIDDLY LITTLE LASER AIN'T GONNA STOP ME!

...

Yeah that'd do it.

GGGRAAAAAAAGHHH!

*gasp* *gasp*

Ooohhh gonna feel that forever...

Mother fucker blew up my wall...

AND ME!

AGH! Okay leg's are broken...not a good start to my day...

C'mere gun. We got cat's to kill.

GO.

FUCK.

YOUR-

SELGGGGGGGGGGGKKKKKK...

Hnnnnnghh...

ah.

This is now a Thunderian broadcasting station.

The previous programmings have been terminated and all...Snarf get away from the body.

OH MY GOD SNARF! LION-O HE WAS FAKING IT!

AAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!

This is my show bitch.

FUTURE SEAN: ...

...

...

...

I have no words for how unnecessary and nonsensical that was. My ribs have caved inwards from the cringe.

Hey folks I'm back and in a whole new location!

Hm? Oh you thought I died?

FUTURE SEAN: Ah yes, this was the "I just got out of the shower" phase of recording I briefly had. God what a fucking amateur.

I swapped myself out for a body double at the last second.

And then I killed them all.

See? I even got a trophy/ashtray!

FUTURE SEAN: WHY DID I HATE THE THUNDERCATS SO MUCH AT THIS TIME?!?

But this isn't a series about me killing anthropomorphic animals

It's about me killing fictional anthropomorphic animals!

Oh and I'm trying to figure out a good lighting so don't mind the changes.

Let's-a go!

Ah yes last time I beat up some losers and climbed on top of this building to stare dramatically off of.

Which has a smaller building on top of it.

...

What IS the purpose of this roof?

Dude this is Pokemon Reborn.

EVERYONE is miserable.

WHHAAAAAA? OMIGOSH I HAD NO IDEA!

What was that?

"Almost" ten years old?

And she has a Salamance and stronger than a Meteor admin?

GOD DAMMIT SHE'S BREAKING THE POKE-RULES!

YOU ONLY GET POKEMON WHEN YOU BECOME A LEGAL ADULT AT 10!

I'M GOING TO GO MAKE A CITIZEN'S ARREST!

Actually speaking of arrests...

Get me a Growlithe!

Awww it was nothing...nah I know I'm great.

But that's literally all you need. Your human officers didn't think to burn the vines trapping them

So who cares about those morons?

He just blatantly admitted that's how inheritance works in this city

I was actually right...scary thought...

Ohohohohoho...lucky me...

Right Chief I'm off to arrest a 9 year old for breaking a fictional set of rules in my head.

Be back soon.

Awww it already loves me...

GAAAAAHHH!!!

WHAT THE HELL?!?

Alright! I said I was sorry, didn't I?

...

Didn't I?

Just what I needed. Another temperamental fire type.

Would it be too much to ask for one that isn't a hothead?

Y'see this guy right here boys and girls?

This is what we call a fucking embarrassment.

"Spare Growlithe"?

I think the Chief gave her to me because you're a pathetic and whiny asshole.

And as your now superior officer I order you to go fuck yourself.

Hmmmmmm....

I'm not ready for the gym just yet so I'm gonna see if there's any grinding to be done nearby.

Oh this'll be fun and not at all depressing...

No idea who this is...

That's clearly not a name.

FUTURE SEAN: Turns out it's the wife of my greatest enemy.

What a weird inscription to put on a grave...

Ohhh those are never good...

GAH!

Oooohhh i could get a Banette out of this!

I didn't have any Pokeballs...

That's so embarrassing.

Also I went and took a peek at the gym. Ame told me it's poison so I'm gonna go get Selina.

No discount for saving your lives?

Cheap bitch...

Hey Selina! Glad to be back?

...

Okaaaayy...still doing that then.

Oh hey Day-Care Crone! Raise Jasmine.

I might need her in case of Crobats.

I'm not going to explain that till you're older.

And all she's going to do is a mysterious training method that nobody outside daycare couples knows.

(Seriously though how DOES that work?)

Now go into the unknown.

Crying only makes me less likely to come back.

Hmm Selina has decent enough moves...

Oh well let's the grinding commence!

I decided running across Beryl Bridge was boring so I got Jasmine back.

Jesus it got sunny...and hot...

Is that...Ice-cream?

YES.

GIMME THE ICE-CREAM THAT HEALS INJURIES SOMEHOW!

It's the right day for it anyway.

YEAH! FUCK ORGANIC FOOD!

"SLURP"? These are biscuits you little contradicting shit.

Oh heavens.

Anything new down here?

I ATE HER.

Our arms are like two pixels long...how can you measure anything with "yay high"?

Like if some scallywag pretended to have eaten you?

Anyway I saw him.

The fucker's down the road in a puddle of urine.

Damn straight i can have this

I deserve this for traumatizing finding your son.

...

Lady what the fuck is this?

Shit that might actually come in handy.

Thanks lady!

Goooood...

Now to get Jasmine up to level 30 and we'll hit the gym!

Oooohhh that's cute.

And since I bought more balls I can!

Hehe that's a girl's name.

Thank Christ. I didn't meet this useless bugger first.

Seriously. Fuck Noctowls. Worst early bird.

Hal...why weren't you a shiny...

*sob* *sob*

Oh ho!

We all know what that means!

You've literally done this before.

Just take a deep breath aaaand...

Poof!

and now i gotta deal with this

But now I feel confident enough to battle Corey!

These look like a puzzle maybe?

*One puzzle solving later*

Hah?

He's not here?

Maybe i should turn the tubes red?

Well looky here...a secret door.

This is apparently where they live.

In this small windowless apartment behind the massive gym.

No wonder Heather wanted to bail.

What gave it away?

Okay...bit of a Dwebble Downer, aren't you?

Yes but how did you know that?

Oh just a SMIDGE unruly~

She told me to beat you up.

Wait come again?

Hey now...

Godammit now I have to excuse Heather for being a brat...her Dad's depressing as shit...

Yeah you pessimistic asshole.

I've watched enough tv shows to know that "hope" is pretty much the beat all end all of things in fiction.

I'm gonna beat the love and happy into you!

Ya Super Saiyan Blue reject.

Why would he need one of these?

OH well another time i guess.

Too bad! I only registered half of that sentence so thanks for the compliment!

Says the man about to attack me with reality defying creatures that revolve around toxic waste.

No sure let's see it.

I'M INTERESTED!

So the bathroom is around the corner to the left?

Oh wait that's your flamboyant battle pose.

I should do mine.

THUNDERSEANS HOOOOOO!!!!

FUTURE SEAN: Uggghhhhh...

This teamshot yo'

Agent? Not Gym Leader? Why is that?

What the fuck is that thing? Kelp?

Did they seriously make a Pokemon based on seaweed?

Also damn I over-levelled...

Love it.

Live it!

Ah the good old 4x weakness Pokemon...always fun seeing them participate.

Ugh the bad old x1 weakness...and i don't have any ground types

Oh well I'll use Mako then.

Hey hey I didn't know about it this time.

Hehehe and it is funny.

Isn't Stunky supposed to evolve at level 34?

Is Corey a hacker?

Don't know why it used a fire move of all thing...

Could've used a poison move for some stab damage...

Corey kept healing it and only using Incinerate

He's trying at least.

That's a very annoying ability...

And Selina's back out again to clean up shop.

Two instant knockouts.

Selina's destroying this gym.

Oh so he has a Crobat not a Golbat like I thought...

Wait a minute..."Agent" Corey?

And he has a Crobat...

And he seemed to be used to arguing with Heather...

AND his purple pants...

Shit he's the mysterious admin from the last episode.

Electro-ball is Crobat's worst nightmare with him being the 9th fastest Pokemon

I'm beginning to think Corey's fucking up intentionally.

BA-LAM!

Well I do enjoy rubbing salt in the loser's wounds...

I know you're a Meteor admin Corey.

I just don't really care that much.

I don't actively seek them it just sort of...happens.

Heather might though...

Why did i say her name...She's like Voldemort...

Uh...Hi?

Wait a minute she's being marginally polite to me?

Wait another minute how do YOU know my name?

Um...okay? Nice knowing you?

well I tolerated knowing you

Ah right you meant your Dad the Meteor age-I mean...the mopey sad guy

Oh god she really is stronger than Corey...that's gotta be pretty emasculating...

This is SUPER awkward.

It's like whenever your friend's parents get in a fight with them in front of you...

Yeah a 9 year old leaving home forever never ends well...

A 10 year old on the other hand is fully prepared.

Might want to add a question mark there.

That kind of "what" is reserved for dull surprise.

A hundred on her losing it.

FUTURE SEAN: Oh you poor innocent bastard...if only you knew...

Kids huh bro?

Granted you got off easy, they usually stick around for 8 more years.

You gonna follow her then?

Corey.

NOPE NOT GONNA GO GET YOUR DAUGHTER BACK.

NOT MY JOB!

Damn he appealed to the showman in me...

Better heal in case a fight breaks out.

...

This world is very violent...

Oh great he's going to get his Pokemon to murder me and since I can't use mine during cut scenes, I'm helpless.

Let's go you bastards. I know Jew-Jitsu.

Unless you have any Germans I think I'll win.

Of course the Skuntank leaves first. It's a notorious asshole.

Most dark types are....wow that sounds kinda racist.

Holy shit the Skrelp just jumped right off the fucking bridge.

Can they fly? Or did it just want to end its hideous existence?

Awww and those only evolve with high love...poor Crobat...

Have a heart Corey...

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?!

Corey...bro.

The entire world economy runs on those little bastards.

They even have free healthcare!

You won't make it without them!

Uh...dude you called me here...

Sure...I guess? I mean we only met recently and don't have a lot of things in common...BECAUSE SHE'S NINE.

Me and Heather both know you suck, it's okay.

Goddammit and her mother's dead too?

I need to buy a gift basket for her.

A really BIG one.

Bold statement for a guy living in the shittiest region around.

Well aside from those Orre losers.

Awwwwwww....

Aww....

You sure it wasn't because all our doctors and nurses are assisted by a giant pink oval with no fingers?

Because it might have been that.

Jesus Christ game...I know you're meant to be mature but nihilism isn't very fun.

Ahhh she'll come back when she figures out she doesn't know where money comes from.

After all she's nine.

That's my name. You seem very fond of it

Then why did you let her take it?

I'm pretty sure you could have bum rushed her.

Again she's 9.

No. I refuse. Not a chance.

I am not spending the majority of my life looking after your damn daught--

Oh Shit! What the fuck do you think you're doing?

Corey please be reasonable here. You DO NOT want me in charge of a small child.

I can barely get through an episode without killing someone or something catching fire

Does that sound like a good childminder to you?

No let's just get awaaaay from the edge and...

OH GOD DAMN IT!

OH THANK GOD FERNS HERE!

THE PERFECT MAN FOR SENSITIVITY!

Well aren't you all torn up about it.

Wait what?

He...didn't give me the badge?

...

THAT MOTHER FUCKEEEEERRR!

LEAVE ME TO LOOK AFTER YOUR DAUGHTER, HUH?

I hope the pavement tasted nice, you asshole!

*spit*

No one welches out of a badge in my hood.

Really Fern?

I think you need to look up natural selection champ.

Cause I'm sure suicide isn't listed.

You think he had the badge on him?

I don't mind shifting through his remains for it y'know.

HONG KONG KABLOOEY!

HOLY SHIT WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW?!?

That is a lot of dead bodies...

So long Fag Jockey Fern.

And yes that is your name now.

Well...a lot of shit went down in the past 5 fucking minutes.

Most of it depressing...

But look on the bright side!

...uh...there was an explosion this episode!

That's something at least.

And Season One of the series is done and dusted!

I'd say it's been a long road but that would make me look mortal and weak so I won't.

ugh I sound like Fern...

I'll see you beautiful people for Season 2 eh?

Bye for now!

 

[sky_]

poor, poor corey... that scene always shocks me and it's going to be so hard to write properly, that poor, desperate guy

I said I should comment on this run and I'm sticking to my word! I love the creativity of using the faces to react to things, Sean's quest to get revenge on Julia (god her battle is hard esp to nuzlocke) and his attempts to find new and hilarious ways to insult Fern. Future!Sean has had to put up with so much BS from Randomus, Heather etc and so is even more cynical which is great xD and kudos to you for running through this blind! That's difficult even by Reborn/nuzlocking standards

In my view, it's a shame to see my 2 fave types (Grass and Psychic) get misused in the hands of Fern, Randomus and the Gardevoir from hell that put me off her entire line. So keep trash-talking them and beating up whatever comes your way.

 

[Derogatory Trainer]

poor, poor corey... that scene always shocks me and it's going to be so hard to write properly, that poor, desperate guy

I said I should comment on this run and I'm sticking to my word! I love the creativity of using the faces to react to things, Sean's quest to get revenge on Julia (god her battle is hard esp to nuzlocke) and his attempts to find new and hilarious ways to insult Fern. Future!Sean has had to put up with so much BS from Randomus, Heather etc and so is even more cynical which is great xD and kudos to you for running through this blind! That's difficult even by Reborn/nuzlocking standards

In my view, it's a shame to see my 2 fave types (Grass and Psychic) get misused in the hands of Fern, Randomus and the Gardevoir from hell that put me off her entire line. So keep trash-talking them and beating up whatever comes your way.

Honestly it'll only be hard if you're not a jerk like Fern or me. The POLITE thing to do would have been toss the badge and THEN jump off the bridge.
I mean yeah he had a miserable life but c'mon man...badges...
Thanks for commenting! It could use it on this site. But most have already read it so whaddya gonna do?
At least Julia is dead now. Forever. And Ever.
The following years of this Nuzlocke (and others) pretty much broke me so yeah I'm cynical as hell now.
Haha I'll make sure to continue the tirade of insults!

 

[Derogatory Trainer]

Spoiler: Episode 13 - Gangsta's Paradise

Hello Mother? Put Father on the phone!

Your baby boy's done made it big!

Father I hope you're warming up that hug I've always wanted!

I got over 2000 views on my Nuzlocke run! Ain't that something?

No...it doesn't pay anything...

Uh huh...uh huh...yeah okay...

Next time I'll have actual news...

Okay bye...I love y-

*click* Oh...he hung up...

FUTURE SEAN: Fuck this cut me deep even now.

All those precious views are gone now as well...

Chin up though Past-Sean, you made it to 60k! That's gotta be at least worth a passing glance from Father!

Hey there folks! Remember how I said I'd take a short vacation?

FUTURE SEAN: No? When did I say that?

I found out I've got nothing better to do with my time because the campus accommodation is a ghost town right now

It's been so long since I spoke to someone

So let's dive straight into Season 2 eh?

Oh look it's me this past 3 days...watching shitty T.V.

Anyway last time some guy died then explosion happened.

It was all very thrilling.

So we're off to North Obsidia!

From Ohio, I presume?

Great, all the trainers are nuts up here.

It's almost like these explosions are connected...

I mean Team Meteor blew up the Station and the Power Plant too...

But why blow up stairs?

Well I certainly don't get that reference.

HOLY HEART FAILURE!

Anyone feel a draft? Or is it just me?

That's right the police know who's in charge.

*whistles*

That is a big fucking gate.

Why is it so big? Actually why ARE these walls so fucking huge?

Are there actual Titans outside?

Is...Is that Cloud from Final Fantasy 7?

Hey?

I guess two weeks is kind of new...

FUTURE SEAN: Jesus...I completed an entire season in two weeks back then? What happened to that energetic go-getter?

Arc? Well it explains the hair anyway.

Looks like you stuck a fork in a socket. Well either that or you're a Yu-Gi-Oh protagonist.

CLASSISM! I'M BEING DISCRIMINATED FOR SUCKING!

I DEMAND REPARATIONS!

Ooooohhhh I get what you're saying...you want a bribe...

Well I'M the only bribe taker in this town bucko so watch out

I will never remember that and we will never become good friends.

Well...that was DJ Asslight everybody.

Let's see what else is here...

GAH! OLD MEN!

Oh pardon me.

GAH! OLD GENTLEMEN!

GAH! LEARNING!

I'm leaving this ward now...

Uh...strange?

The "..." makes it uber creepy old man.

]Where am I anyway? The Old Man Ward?

What the fuck old man?

You just wanted a Sunkern?

Why were you so god damn creepy about it?

I too enjoy contemplating while looking over a crime-infested city.

It's even better when you're a gritty 50's noir detective peeking out of Venetian blinds doing it.

"This city..."

Oh ho let's see how expensive bikes are in this game...

Must be a lot considering they're "Luxury"

Well that seems like a fair deal.

FOR FUCKING RICHIE RICH!

Can ANYONE afford bikes in Pokemon games? How do these fuckers stay in business?

Wait the Cyclists can...does that mean they're all secret millionaires?

Or is the bike literally the only thing they own?

Eh...let's check the rest of these buildings.

It's the RPG way, lady!

So to the rich people I'm a poorly dressed slob and to the poor I'm Mr Moneybags.

Middle-class doesn't fit in anywhere I guess...

I don't understand the "I don't get it" part.

Does she think it's a prank someone pulled?

Jolly good old chap. These rabble-rousers and their depressing ways need a good what-for!

Now let's kill some rhinos! And maybe even some of those Indochinamen while we're at it!

These guys just seem to hate everything not old and pretentious...

Yeah who saw that Tackle coming eh?

God I hate these kind of roadblocks...

Oh god...red flags are popping up all over this.

WHY WOULD YOU COMBINE THESE TWO THINGS?

IT'S "MENTAL" I'M NOT "KID"-DING

It...is?

FREEEEEEDOM!

ACK!

*quiet sobbing* I'll never be free of this show...

FUTURE SEAN: Unless you take a three year long hiatus you mean!

YES MY SISTER!

WE WILL HAVE BLOODY REVENGE AFTER I FINISH TELLING THE WHOLE NEIGHBOURHOOD ABOUT IT!

SUCH REVENGE!

Well okay then.

FUTURE SEAN: I'm pretty sure that was the politest thing I've ever seen Saphira do in this game.

Looking back on this is getting eerier and eerier...

Honestly he was pretty careless about a lot of things, come to think of it.

He didn't give me the badge first and he trusted what is basically a complete stranger to look after his daughter.

Corey had problems.

WAIT YOU'RE THE LADY FROM OBSIDIA WARD!

YOU LOST HIM AGAIN?

HOW? HOW DO YOU LOSE YOUR ONLY SON, TWICE IN ONE DAY?

You better give me 5 capsules after this one lady.

Now if you excuse me the plot beckons.

Did anyone call dibs on his stuff yet?

No?

Okay then I call dibs.

Yeah kid wassa matta? Never see a dead body before?

Actually I think I remember her now...she was the one who gave me Sickle right?

I should be nicer then.

ALLOW ME TO HELP YOUNG LADY!

*huff* IS THIS HELPING? *huff*

Ignore the dead body in your backyard please, Shelly.

FUTURE SEAN: Poor Shell Bell...I was kind of an ass back then to her as well being ass at Photoshop.

I think I'm her dad now...he kinda forced the position on me after he uhhh..."tripped"

So how do you know these guys are Team Meteor, Victoria?

You haven't met any of them.

You've actually been the least helpful rival.

Actually all Cain has done is steal my Oshawott.

But Fern's helped me more than you two and he left me for dead.

So like chip in at some point eh?

I agree with you there. She'd just get in my way of crushing you all.

I mean one psychic Pokemon and she's basically fucked.

Noooo...It was the OTHER evil terrorist group in the area...Team Comet.

What is with this episode and Sunkerns?

Is something up with this region's Sunkerns?

How deep those this conspiracy go?

Hahaha every Team has the token idiots.

I hope to see more of them and less Janis and Grant in the future.

Oh so stupid...

What? Why'd you scream?

Did you get a glimpse of my handsome visage in the moonli-

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING?

FOAM BULLETS PASS RIGHT THROUGH IT! THIS THING IS UNSTOPPABLE!

WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU GUYS SO CALM?

OUR SOULS! IT WANTS OUR SOULS!!!

HE FUCKING SPIRITED IT OFF TO HELLLL!

Hello Ghostbusters? I got some freaky demon thing here an-

WHY ARE YOU SO BLASE ABOUT A FUCKING GHOST MAN STEALING A BODY?

Oh a dead body freaks you out but a demonic spirit is totally boring right?

Totally understandable.

Fuck. The demon must have taken the badge away with him...

Even the undead are assholes in this region...

I guess you're right...I don't fit in here.

But with that being said...

Hand over your wallet and phone please sir.

An empty apartment building?

Tres suspiciouso...

What language was that even?

This place looks familiar...

Oh shit.

You're *sniff* welcome...

I...I'm just going to leave now...

Locked huh?

I'm watching you,suspiciously large orphanage...

Huh...a spooky alleyway...didn't notice it before...

Oh boy! Ne'er-do-wells!

Time to beat them up.

Why is that my go-to plan when I meet new people?

Hmmmm do I really want to join a criminal organisation bent on terrorising Lapis ward?

Especially one themed around those pirate strippers from Hoenn?

Hell Yes.

I'm kinda sad they don't have water themed code-names...

Like "Tidal" or "Riptide"...

Oh I beat them with Jasmine.

Water ain't in order if you wanna beat me.

Shit it's THAT easy to be a criminal? Wow.

Crime is easy kids! Do lots of it!

...

That was the nicest thing anyone has said to me in this entire game.

Aqua for life.

Although...maybe I'll check out what the Magma gang has to say...

...

And with that decision I ran into someone...important...

Super rare...why does that ring a bell...

And how the hell did he already know I rep Aqua? It's been four minutes since I joined and ran over here...

Hahaha! See that's a punny code name!

I might like Magma.

And I beat him up too...shit i don't think this update has any battles...

An apt reaction to me destroying you.

...Wait a minute...

"Super Rare"?

God I hope this isn't becoming a sitcom...

KAI.

YOU.

Funny you should mention..."guts"

Very...funny...

Ah poo. Guess it really is Aqua for life...

Back we gooo~

Ignore the decapitated head mounted on that roadsign! Just typical Reborn!

Your new ace admin.

Or Consigliere. I don't know how this mafia is run.

Hm no pun code names...

Aside from the obvious Archer/Archie thing.

Now to find my Aqua gang outfit!

*miscellaneous searching noises*

I brought like no clothes to this place...

I'll buy a blue mask or something in the city...

Yeah...this ward alone is full of jerks and Sunkern fanatics.

Oh so like Water-themed Robin hoods?

And not Water-themed Yakuza?

I can dig it

Yeah yeah avatar reference but what the hell are you talking about?

Savior of the city? Literally nobody has mentioned that in this entire game.

What the fuck is he talking about?

6 to 5 isn't exactly a huge advantage there Archer...

I mean you're right in that I'll beat them all single-handed but don't put it down to a numerical advantage.

These places have street names? Huh. I should look into that.

So should I bring the pistol or the hand cannon?

And then...

Ah god dammit another fucking cat.

Ah well...I might need a dark type at some point...

Seemed very appropriate.

FUTURE SEAN: Yeah I have NO fucking memory of catching this cat or seeing it ever again.

It's not even in any of the boxes in the future either. Where the hell did it go?

...

Well I'm not too worried, Purrloin sucks after all.

I evolved trunks and regretted it once I remembered how not-cute she becomes.

I suppose I might need a type advantage against the Magmas

I think I have a Goldeen in the day-care...

Cool he's already close in level to my team.

Welcome aboard Flounder!

Oh yeah...fish...uhhhh...

I...I don't know actually...

FUTURE SEAN: Apparently I used to be able to Waterbend. Huh.

Alright time for shenanigans.

All I have to do is open the door and I will lead a life of petty crime...

As opposed to my own life of major crime

Which I'll do NEXT TIME!

Well Season 2 has started off with a splutter and a cough.

Very little interesting battles going on for now...

But I like crime so there'll be some next time.

Laters Players.

 

[Derogatory Trainer]

Spoiler: Episode 14 - Crime and (no) Punishment

Okay there has to be SOMETHING I can use as a disguise...

Hmmmm....

I suppose this...and that...

Aqua power bitches!

FUTURE SEAN: Apparently I was Antifa before it was cool.

Oh wait it never was cool.

HOW DID YOU KN-

I mean who is this Sean you speak of? He sounds handsome!

Good thing we're the Aqua Gang or I'd be afraid they'd burn it down while we were gone.

...

Fucking they're going to drown it somehow, aren't they?

I bet it's the bitch with the only house in the ward...

TO STEAL IT FOR REAL!

Awww...

I knew you wouldn't let me down, boss.

What are you guys minding your language for?

This isn't a Nintendo game.

If we wanted to we can call her a huge fucking cu-

I care DeFacto.

See Pierce? Stop being mean to DeFacto. He's a good lad.

BY MAKING OUR OWN COUNTER-SCHEMES!

Time to rob a defenceless old lady!

Heroically.

*push*

HELPING!

Haha! Pushing down frail elderly women is fun!

Hmmm this lowly grunt has stronger levels than me?

Good thing I'm fucking amazing though.

WHY DID I PICK AQUA? THESE GUYS MAKE PUNS!

I mean...Aqua 4 life?

Well that don't look like a fair fight.

I mean unless they have Groudon or an Oven Rotom Magma is never going to win this turf war.

Ah yeah they have one more guy.

Who doesn't seem to be going for the ball...

Actually what the fuck is up with the design of this house?

Why is this alcove back here?

Hnnnngghhh.

Must...use...last...ounce of strength...to...

There we go.

This level jump is quite big considering I came straight here from Corey's gym.

And that these are just some grunts too.

They still suck tho'

Oh hey that's neat...

Probably won't ever use it but maybe I can ride it into battle?

In a distant time and faraway place...

Am I the only one who loved the technology artwork in those old Filmation cartoons?

'Cause they were awesome.

Anyway where was I?

Oh yeah robbing the elderly.

"IMPOSSIBLE! HOW COULD YOU FIND SOMEONE IN REBORN CITY WILLING TO COMMIT CRIMES!?!?"

I always deliver Archer.

But what was that about us outnumbering them?

Because they had two guys more than you brought.

And I imagine they have a Mannie And Razzie duo guarding their hideout too.

And you just leave.

Someone's gonna have to teach me that teleporting bullshit or I'm gonna get pissed.

Oh Mannie...you always know how to cheer me up...

That seems to be the case with a lot of people around here.

I was going to. I mean I named it already.

And we all know that's set in stone in I trade it away to you now.

Resounding loss?

We foiled ONE robbery on an old lady.

Well...we foiled one gang of thieves in thieving what our gang of thieves was going to...steal.

Hardly "resounding"

Oh? Are we "fin"ished here? I sure had a "whale" of a time y'know.

I guess I'm the designated asshole who makes water puns on this team then.

Well that's just ex"squid"site

"Sea" you later then, "bouys"

I wonder what'll happen if I go back?

Oh shit.

I guess criminals do always return to the scene of the crime...

And I thought they were just stupid...

WAIT A MINUTE THAT MAKES ME STUPID!

GOD WHY AM I SO STUPID!?

FUCK.

ONE SECOND PLEASE!

You must be thinking of someone else madam.

Some OTHER handsome scoundrel with a heart of gold no doubt.

Yeah! Why there's nothing thuggish about me at all!

Well I would have teleported BUT NO ONE WILL TELL ME HOW!

Let's hope the massive infrastructural damage to the city will prevent that list from being updated in the near future.

Yeah lady this is a POKEMON game!

You knew what you were signing up for.

Oh boy...Granny's off her meds again kids.

Now she's mouthing off to the police.

O-okay lady calm down it's just a Ponyta...

Jesus Christ she's got a pair of lungs on her...

Bloody hell...

Hehehe he doesn't give a single fuck.

You are my favourite fellow policeman. Hands down.

...I...I just don't know what to say...this lady makes my ranting look amateur by comparison.

Like I'd have never used such strong vocabulary.

Like "PUTRESCENCE" instead of the word "rot"?

She's in a class of her own....

BOO BOO BOO!

Pfffff...hahahaha...

Oh this lady's is fucking nuts...

...Cool...

Guess you're not from Los Angeles then.

Zing!

Oh shit man...do you know how much these are worth on the black mar-

I mean...

Oh shit man...do you know how much these are worth...in my heart?

Well I can't take it then man.

I can make do without a bike in this game.

What?

...

I...Uh...

OH GAWD WHYYYYY???? POOR POLICEMAN'S DAUGHTER!!!

Don't you judge me you assholes!

I hate this kind of shit!

HERE!

GLUG GLUG GLUG

I'M RIDING A DEAD CHILD'S DREEEEEAAAAAMMMSS!!!

*sniff* Awful...

Oh wait I need to do the secret Aqua Gang oath...

Uhhh...

In wettest day , In dampest night

No Magma shall escape my sight

Let those who worship fire's light

Beware our Water...Team Aqua's might!

Oh no...not one of the gang...

He's one of the gang and he sincerely apologised...

He's one of the gang and he sincerely apologised...

He's one of the gang and he sincerely apologised...

Aaaand deeeeep breath...

Okay let's see what's up with Bug Girl and Punching Girl.

Hey Victoria. Made any progress with Sobby over there?

Oh so you've actually made progress?

Wait who'd you beat? The only one left alive is Florinia...

Oh damn you're right...It's hard to tell because our heads are so fucking big.

Uhhh cheer up kid. Could be worse. I could've pushed Fern over.

Although that might have cheered her up...

But she's right behind you...?

BOY VICTORIA, YOU SURE ARE DUMB!

EGADS! Maybe those two things are SOMEHOW related?

No thank you. I'd rather beat up that emotional wreck behind you for a small medallion.

I couldn't give a shit as to why they blew up some stairs.

So we're basically strangers to this little girl?

That's gonna look great in the papers...

I mean it's not like the game will surround me with emotionally vulnerable children for an extended period of time right?

FUTURE SEAN: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

NO WAIT DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE WITH HE-

Don't you worry about Heather.

Corey left me in charge of her.

...

Okay worry a little.

Well that was awkward...

Oh hey there's a ladder here now.

Guess I better go down and find Victoria...

OH COME ON!

It's only been 4 minutes Victoria!

I take back what I said earlier.

I don't want to see Aster and Eclipse anymore than Grant or Janis.

Yeah I'm coming, I'm coming.

"There'll be no such thing as help"?

That sounds a bit weird to say grammatically...

wait did she say "Big Boss"?

Heh heh heh that's a good one...

As if you could.

Mmmmm...I can't exactly abandon her can I?

She's the only friend I have in this region.

I wonder why?

Okay hold up.

You know I'll wreck both of you and that's why you're running away right now, right?

But you just explained your entire trap to me and it involves you beating me up?

I'm starting to think Aster isn't the only dope in this duo.

Don't panic. I'll rescue you!

I'm great at this whole damsel in distress thing!

OH FUCK I LOST HER ALREADY!

OH FUCK THAT'S A WORTHLESS NEW CAPTURE!

Guess I'll catch it...

At least it has an adorable name.

I don't actually know how Chingling evolves though...

Hmmm I'm guessing this hop hill branches off in different directions.

Hah? Why?

I guess I'll need Rock smash to learn that...

Is this the right path?

Imma get you later.

Ah this looks promising...

Fuck.

Ah shit I didn't see the middle path...that's probably the right one too...

Team Meteor's Kung Fu expert?

If not why didn't Ass-ter and Relapse capture him as well?

What you mean like that useless gimmick in Sinnoh?

Where you could find the odd Keystone and had to 32 other players to get Spiritomb?

Does anyone know 32 people that play pokemon in their area?

Because I was lucky to have three not thirty fucking two.

Oh...guess he was just talking about punching stuff...

Still though glad I got this now instead of having to find him later.

This hole has been here for a day and you've already gotten lost?

I mean ALL the paths lead back to the entrance dumbass.

Fuck it. Let's get this Cave of Wonders shit over with already.

It was sooo obviously this one...

Oh I'm sure that this is where Victoria is.

The cracks on these walls are glowing...

It's kind of unnerving...

Look it's been 20 days since I showed up here I get it.

BUT STOP REMINDING ME.

Oh boy I feel a story coming on boys and girls...

That...sounds like a legendary...but which one is it?

You JUST said barely anyone knows about this place

So are they obliviously insolent or something?

that would make a good band name...

I'm not sure that tagline will attract many tourists.

I think the "City of Re-birth" one they have going is fine.

It's why I came here after all...

Wha?

FUTURE SEAN: He means it'll be the biggest pain in the arse dealing with that seal in particular.

How the fuck are you making them glow by just saying their name?

That's great and all but how did you DO that?

You think I'm just the coolest and want to be BFF's forever?

Oh thanks I really needed permission to save her.

Team Meteor doesn't have great job security does it?

Oh well time to get my friend and bail.

I know right?

I mean he knows I'm the only guy who's been able to destroy his PULSE machines right?

Ha!

You would not survive the attempt.

YOU STILL HAD YOUR FUCKING POKEMON?

BREAK YOURSELF OUT NEXT TIME THEN!

Well Flounder's trying at least

And I take back what I said Victoria, these two would have steamrolled you on your own.

I brought Velvet along maybe some dark moves can help?

See that slight bit more damage Solrock took

All Velvet.

God Purrlions suck.

FUTURE SEAN: And I still don't fucking remember ever having this cat!

Now here's a cat I can get behind!

Well the capture won't upload but Selina critcal hitted Solrock with Shadow ball

And she's about to kill Lunatone.

Best Cat hands down

Stop killing all my future ones then.

And pipe down Selina's working.

Well a fantastic effort Victoria.

Mind ACTUALLY doing dome damage this battle?

Sorry about the shoddy battle footage but I swapped Selina for Mako when her health was low after killing the Electabuzz.

Oh and her Scraggy died.

C-C-C COMBO!

You're damn right SEAN defeated them

All Victoria did was be a meat shield.

And yet you tried to capture us anyway?

I'll have to tell him that.

We're totes besties now.

Oh I won this battle.

And I'm going to win the war...

Well that makes one of us at least...

Y'all right?

He's very forthcoming with information about his motives...

Hard to say really...Boss-Man just might have a stiffie for historical speeches...

And having guided tours down here would probably disturb whatever they plan on doing so who knows?

It's been like an hour...I came straight here to get you...

You must have a very short attention span...

Yeah yeah I'm great I know.

And I hate you the least out of my rivals.

Although I've only met Cain twice so if he tones down the creepy gay flirting I might like him.

Let's get out of this hole.

And a quick heal for Team Sean...

Ok! We're set.

Next time I battle a shell-shocked little girl named Shelly!

...

I mean it's not like I'll have to do MORE annoying side-missions right?

I think I foreshadow too much...

FUTURE SEAN: Yeah, you do.

Bye bye bitches.

 

[Derogatory Trainer]

Spoiler: Episode 15 - Little Orphan Anna

Uhhhh...you might want to check the news pal.

He's not vanishing anywhere ever again.

...

Okay except for that one last time he did it but that looked more like a demon was dragging him to hell.

Anyway after last episode's depressing dead children I decided to look for that missing kid before fighting Shelly.

Just in case it's a timed event...

Well not timed but if I progress too far story-wise it might get cut-off.

Well that was easy...

You're always scared you little shit.

Man up, you're almost 10. Soon you'll be all alone in the wilderness with only a small rat for company.

Just like I was back in the day.

Wait a minute Drifloon can't actually carry children...the Pokedex says as much.

"It tugs on the hands of children to steal them away. However, it gets pulled around instead."

Is how it went in Pearl...but then maybe it uses it's ghost powers to spirit kids away?

"These Pokemon are called the "Signpost for Wandering Spirits." Children holding them sometimes vanish."

God damn it what is with Pokemon games and abducting children?

"Alas my dear Trainer, I may never meet my dearest mother ever again"

"OH CRUEL GODS ABOVE! WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN YOUR CHERISHED SON?"

That's what you sound like kid.

Like a juvenile Shakespeare.

Awesome a Ghost type that'll come in-

Fucking. Cats.

It's not like it was a threat you know.

It's a balloon.

Heh...at least you know what's up.

Now fuck off back home.

Well now to go back to his mother and claim my "reward"

S-satan? Is that you?

FOR FUCK'S SAKE KID!

HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAVE YOU?

Hmm this might be bad...

At least I can get a Venipede out of it!

Scoliopede's are pretty decent bug Pokemon.

JOIN ME SERVANT!

...

I can't catch it?

BUT WHERE'S THE TRAINER STOPPING ME?

POKE-RULES PEOPLE! THEY'RE THERE FOR A REASON!

Now would I do that to you?

a third time?

Yeah Mako's got this. The crit only took 49% of his health.

He's fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnneee...

Hmmm...the poison's worrying...

Well...it was alright but you cut it way too close.

What's the matter you little twit?

WHOA kid calm the fuck down.

I know I'm awesome but let's use our indoor voices huh?

Who want's to bet he get's cornered by a rough gang of Bidoofs next?

Well I'll be damned he made it back alive.

Good job you little idiot.

"Your much deeper gratitude?"

Sooo....

Is there a Mr.Losestheirkidwaytoomuch?

Well...

You were too old for me anyways.

Dammit kid shut up.

The constant brown-nosing is making me like you...

NOW LET'S FINALLY GO BEAT UP SHELLY!

Fuck.

Y'know what'd get your mind off of it?

Poooookemon battling~

OH YOU MEAN HEATHER'S NOW MOSTLY LIQUID DAD?!?

MAN WASN'T THAT A TRAUMATISING EVENT FOR A YOUNG GIRL TO SEE?!?

ESPECIALLY ONE AS SHY AS THIS!

...

You weren't a great English student were you, Victoria?

If you were you'd know that notoriety is synonymous with bad fucking reputation.

And no I'm not nit-picking this is clearly a awful idea.

WHO COMBINES A MENTAL HOME AND AN ORPHANAGE!?

ONE IS BAD ON IT'S OWN BUT COMBINED!? COME ON!

NO! I'M NOT TELLING HIM ABOUT THIS.

ANYONE WHO RUNS A ORPHANAGE/ASYLUM IS A BAD PERSON.

Or at least terrible at combining things.

BUT NOOOO GAME DOESN'T LET ME NOT TAKE THE BAD OPTION SO I BETTER GO PUT SHELLY IN A FUCKING ASYLUM.

Uh..hi. Your hair is green. Neat.

Well that's a terribly ominous thing to say...

Maybe I should do the sensible thing and leave.

NAW FUCK ALL THAT! I WANTS POKEMAAAANNNNS!

OH SHIT! You orphans are really aggressive when it comes to adoption aren't you?

Sorry kid I already have an unwanted fake daughter.

Suuuuurrrrrreeeee if the mental kid sees me glowing it MUST be true.

Pull the other one little girl. You'll never trick me with lame tricks like that.

Neeeeehhhhh....

THIS BITCH HAS A MOTHER FUCKING JIRACHI???

Well I can see one of you was a clear favourite.

Also I'm beginning to suspect Anna might be...well...

Wee woo wee woo

Yeah...he suuuuure is.

Please don't be terrible...

FUTURE SEAN: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

MAYBE THE SCARS ARE EMOTIONAL ONES DEEPLY ROOTED IN HER PSYCHE?

I AM THOU. THOU ART I. AND ALL THAT MALARKEY!

Oh god this is gonna be Julia all over again isn't it...

Well at least this kid speaks actual English and isn't old enough to know better.

So she's one of the strongest trainer's in the Region?

Why was she in an orphange then?

I mean who are we kidding here? Pokemon are the Power in this world.

Like if a Policeman's Growlithe is the equivalent to a gun, an Elite four member's Pokemon are fucking surface-to-air missiles.

Also why did she leave you here? She could have easily taken custody of you.

Awesome? More like ineptitude.

Lemme guess is the Pokemon Champion?

That'd be fucking stupid.

...

I'm dead serious. Don't do it game designers.

Just don't.

YET THEY LIVE IN AN ORPHANAGE/ASYLUM!

I mean Noel I can understand but Charlotte looks at least in her teens.

Oh so you assume I don't know this you condescending little...

I FUCKING KNOW HOW IT WORKS OKAY?

NO NEED TO REPEAT IT TWICE!

God I hope so...

What you not going to introduce the obviously important bald kid characters right next to you?

Are they not your friends? No? Okay let's talk about the "scary" Doctor then.

Yeah yeah yeah whatever kid...

Wait...what did you say about "something hurting"?

...

Kids? I'd like you all to stand behind me and walk out the door now please.

I have some..."investigating" to do.

Oh nothing sweetheart, now be a good girl and run out the door real fast okay?

Oh there's no fucking chance I'm doing that now.

Besides it was Victoria's shitty idea.

Oh hell...

Hey there, Siggy!

Hand over the kids and let me shoot you.

GAH!

M-my gun...he vaporized it...

THAT COST ME MY DIGNITY WHEN I BOUGHT IT FROM THE TOY STORE! YOU MONSTER!

He's not gonna believe that.

Uhhh guess I was wrong.

T-this is where my journey ends isn't it?

No man alive can defeat ORDERLY JOHN!

FUTURE SEAN: Orderly eventually goes on to become one of the most dangerous NPC trainers in the game.

From nobody to nightmare.

Lol jk lmao gg omg all that shit.

Oh you old sweet talker you...

Wait what the fuck am I saying?

Don't be flattered by the child torturer.

What kind of shitty league is Amethyst running here?

I mean some asshole doctor shouldn't have any say in that.

Also I'm going to kill him.

Noel and Charlotte seem fine.

Anna less so but It's hardly harmful and volatile.

Kid I'd adopt you all if this game let me.

I mean Gym Leaders have a grant thing don't they?

For gym upkeep and such?

So money wouldn't be a problem...

I figured that out yeah.

Shelly's my friend now?

Something bad? All that happened lately is a Badge welcher fell off a bridge.

It's me right? Because of my loss of a well-deserved badge?

Thank you Anna.

She won't have to look far but I'll run away for her sake.

FUCKING YOUR DEAD DAUGHTER!

Future Sean: Sister.

Yeah I better bail.

The dead daughter sister thing seemed funny at the time but now I just feel bad.

Well...that was informative...

Let's get back to Shelly.

NO! Your plan was fucking awful and you should feel fucking awful.

Yes now let a pro handle this.

Yeah...She also said that battles are a great way to forget suicides.

Very specifically this suicide sub-plot.

Don't forget that badge I lost Shelly.

Never forget...I'M the true victim here.

Victoria how 'bout you fuck off and let me do this?

You have been very little help to me in anyway so far.

Victoria? She has nothing but fighting types, you'd destroy her.

Me and my fire monkey though...

You don't need to apologise to her so much.

Yeah that's what I said.

Sigh...I'm going to have to adopt you as well, aren't I?

What is with this fucking region and all these vulnerable kids?

Yeah...I "might".

Not like I've been raving about it all episode.

I'd make an ejaculation joke but she's 12 so I won't.

tee hee hee though.

It took her long enough.

But I don't care about that anymore...

'CAUSE IT'S FINALLY FUCKING CLOBBERING TIME!

And there'll be no more interrupti-

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF...

And I'm gonna help her forget that with a good pounding. battle defeating all her Pokemon.

FUTURE SEAN: I guess I was more innocent then and didn't consider how "a good pounding" sounded.

Emphasis on the "trying"

That's not how anything works here Victoria.

Ties are for the weak.

Only the strong shall win!

Sean VS Victoria for the 3rd time.

HOLY FUCK I DIDN'T HEAL ANYONE.

Eh not really worried.

There we go...

Aaaand punched back down in a single hit.

Well an embarrassing battle for Tayto...

Hal could have taken it you know.

God Fearow is such a better Bird line...

And Sickle didn't even break a sweat doing it.

...

Can bugs sweat?

Right that's her only psychic deterrent so here comes Operation : MindFuck

SELINA GET IN THERE!

BLAM!

Brain-dead.

Okay it wasn't a one hit K.O on Pignite but still good, right?

Two down and her Makuhita is next and probably evolved by now.

Not that it fucking mattered.

Excellent work Selina.

Well that was a given.

I mean the free Exp is great, Vicky but you don't need to test me.

I'm easily better than you.

Really limiting me here Victoria. Who wins "gently?"

But fiiiine...Shelly's done me no wrong so I'll try.

*Ahem*

TIME TO CRUSH SHELLY...WITH A PILLOW LIKE FORCE!

Eeeeeexcept it isn't it's time to end the episode.

Well thanks for watching this episode guys

I'm sure we'll "orphan" think back on it.

Updates are gonna be a little slower now that college has started but can't waste my time pandering to you shits.

Just kidding I love you all especially you. Yes the person reading this right now. I love you.

Hokay bye.

Siiiiiiiiigh...thank god that orphanage bullshit is over.

Wait...what am I saying? A large building with multiple floors and a staff of faceless goons?

That's a Pokemon staple in the main games....

OH GOD NO.

FUTURE SEAN: AND SO SEAN WAS FORCED TO LOOK AFTER ORPHANS FOR THE REST OF HIS FUCKING LIFE

 

[Derogatory Trainer]

Spoiler: Episode 16 - A Bug's Life (Shelly Gym Battle)

Great news Chesire!

Now that you're almost level 30 we'll be rolling in that sweet Pay-Day loot...

...What...

MOTHER FU--

Spoiler: Replies

Nuzlocke Forums :


@BubbleTea - If there were pest control that child would already be dead. Come to Reborn! Where happiness comes to die. *bows*


@Alba Corbina - Watched it and she definitely is. I have never seen the word "Putrescent" anywhere else in my life


@Rapunzel - I...uh...couldn't help but notice you didn't mention my lost badge there Rapunzel...I've suffered the most really...



Reborn Website :


@Drymus - He needs fucking 7 of them before he's of any use


@Gaunt - Well that's ominous and distressing


@Dragon116 - You're in a coma. Your psyche is forcing you to watch this shitty show over and over again even dreaming up non-existent continuity

breaks just to stave off boredom a while longer. You should wake up.


@Biboo195 - I liked my version better of the explanation better but thanks. I'm still in Agate btw haven't played it since because I wanted to get caught up.


@Gaunt (again) - Your love and support wasn't useless Gaunt.


@timbla - Oh really that's interesting? ... You wouldn't happen to know who Julia is based off in real life would you?

I need it for...a friend...so he can murder her.

Hey there fans and welcome back to this mess of a run.

Last time Victoria learned not to get in my way of beating up a 12 year old's small animals.

I mean what a bitch right?

Anyway let's sort out this Gym puzzle

]

Okay the computer screens raise the bookcases and I guess I have to make a bridge across?

Simple enough...

Shit.

No.

NO.

NO.

I DID IT!

All it took was a little thinking...

...

Let's move on now, mkay?

Don't think I have any one who can use this yet...

That Petilil maybe?

NOPE NOT YET!

I've gotta pad the episode with grinding and useless events

Like this healing shot.

And this shot of some Hoppips.

Are Hoppips any good? It's been a long time since I was in Johto...

Blargh!

Guess I could need a grass/flying type at SOME point...

Or not.

I hate this fucking bird

Yeah?!? Well you better evolve soon or it's bye bye to your Team membership pal!

Hello? Walter White is that you knocking?

Oh no It's his cousin Bobby Black.

The one who bangs.

...

On behalf of everyone here I'd like to apologise for that poor attempt at a joke.

We hope you didn't leave out of disgust.

...

Though we can't blame you for it.

Odd how a key for a different warehouse opens up this warehouse but not the other warehouses.

Warehouse.

Oh boy.

Well if it isn't my favourite group of menacing morons...

Hello.

I'm gonna guess the other side of town.

Nobody can leave the city because you tried to murder me in episode 1, remember?

And the annoying teleporting returns.

...

Fuck that guy now let's find the missing stolen pokemon!

WHO'S THAT POKEMON?!?

FUTURE SEAN: IT'S A JIGGLYPUFF FROM ABOVE!

IT'S HAPPINY!

FUCK!

I mean I'll probably never use you as I'm overloaded with Normal types but It's better than living on the streets.

Well a little at least.

Threw these two in the box for later use

Spoiler

Later being never.

Did some grinding in the Staircase.

Oh?

Ohohohohoho...

These moves gonna come in really handy against Shelly and her Bug/Flying types.

Hmmmm...

If I level Mako up to an Infernape Shelly'll be a breeze

But the obedience cut-off is level 35 Thank you Corey

But in all my infinite wisdom I formed a perfect work around...

I'm gonna miss that punchable face y'know....

Haha now Shelly'll have no chance against us right Mako?

Mako?

GOODNESS GRACIOUS! GREAT BALLS OF FUCKING FIRE!!

SWALLOW IT YOU FLAMING FUCKER!

Sean used the Common candy

Nah just post-evolution jitters nothing to worry about bud.

I gave you a Snickers and you calmed right down.

And then I found these beautiful people.

And beat them obviously

Well I suppose I never trained a Goldeen before but I didn't know you can learn HM moves naturally

Huh.

And this is why they are beautiful...

Because they give me endless battles to grind my Pokemon off of. And they pay out pretty well too!

I love them.

Slightly annoyed I spent an hour in that fucking cave though but hindsight is 20/20

And so...

How'd you like being majestic as fuck Flounder?

Nice to not look like a sissy goldfish eh?

Now...I think we're finally ready to defeat a 12 year old girl...

Hello said 12 year old girl...

It made me abuse my Pokemon.

Good job!

Hehehe...

Geddit?

Because Bugs.

Sigh...

Fine let's hear about your tormented past...

Which one?

Bugsy?

Could be Falkner too...Bird prejudice and all that...

Ergh...Please don't start crying...

Save some of that luck for yourself Shelly...

PILLOW FORCE POWERS ACTIVATE!

Well I DID promise I would go easy on her.

God I hope this one won't commit suicide...

Oh it's a double battle?

And Masquerain has Intimdate?

Oh I suppose it's like Arbok with it's eye patterns.

Except you know Arbok's a fucking giant snake not a little cute bug.

Slap the bitch.

Love this move

"Icy" you don't understand to use Stab attacks when faced with neutral typing

Dick move Shelly. I thought you were the Bug leader not the Ghost!

This isn't a damn anime cat, fix your eyes!

STAY AWAY FROM THE BLENDER DUMBA-

Son of a...

Yeah yeah spam your weak shit at me.

Death has come.

All over your face.

...

Said Sean to the 12 year old girl

...

Ah well.

Anorith?

Glad Flounder will have his first evolved battle here.

Heal allll you want...

He used Aqua Jet on Flounder...

Lovely.

And the images won't upload but it was a weirdly strong critical hit so I switched in Mako and killed Anorith

Shelly...do you know what Types are?

My FIRE type is right there and you aim for Jasmine?

Doesn't matter. Jasmine's gonna rock your world.

Nice.

Yes but by doing so I feel better.

And isn't that all that matters?

Me?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Her brother's fucking Bugsy...

BUGSY!

Well played game this made me laugh out loud.

Someone having an inferiority complex to the biggest loser in Johto?

I mean he uses a fucking level 15 Metapod and Kakuna in a gym battle for christ's sake

"I'm Bugsy! I never lose when it comes to bug Pokémon. My research is going to make me the authority on bug Pokémon!"

Seriously what a fucking tool.

You're better off here Shelly.

Sorry "Drastically"?

That sounds bad...

No need to worry I guess Mako's pretty much killed him and Tayto's move next turn is Quick Attack.

WHICH HE BETTER NOT FUCK UP

You. It's why I'm saying it.

...I should have pushed Tayto in front of Hal...

Like a bitch.

WOOO VICTORY RAVE PARTY GO!

Probably because he's a Bug Catcher who got lucky and scored a gym position

You're already miles ahead of him dear.

Well that's a given but you weren't so bad yourself

That Heather monster was quite...

Wait where the fuck are my images for that part?

I had a whole bit about you naming the most vicious looking bug after your friend lined up!

And the Wormadam?

Well that's all I found...

I beat the Yanmega quite easily too just in case you're wondering. It's very weak to electrocution and glowing rocks.

ugh what a trainwreck

But you guys trust me right?

RIGHT?

Thank youuuuu~

Fairly sure someone actually liking me is impossible no matter how many badges I have Shelly.

Ah...the sweet beauty of back-tracking...

Neat. You'll spoil me at this rate Shelly...

Be a bit more confident in yourself Shelly you did better than Splats McGee back in Beryl ward.

...

I have got to stop putting my foot in my mouth...

What there's more?

Oh?

"Retired"?

Oh god. It's probably Cain isn't it?

What she doesn't watch the news?

What kind of game are you running here Amethyst?

Well how can I say no to that reluctant request?

I know it's been mentioned before but Nurse Joy's a sadistic fuck.

Hmmm guess I'll make some team changes before I end the episode.

Grind up some of the other kiddies.

You're just upset that we aren't teamed up for the first time ever

Poison's next so Selina's back in the gang.

Yeah no.

Don't care~

Well I beat Shelly to no one's surprise I'd imagine

And if it is someone's surprise, go fuck yourself I'm great at this.

Till next time buds and budettes.