ALREADY A NEW UPDATE!?!?!?!??!? wonderful, just amazing 10/10
Yay for being kind to yourself!She shook her head. The amoral didn’t wring hands over being amoral. That she was concerned about her reaction was itself promising.
Can't relate, Dune. *turns AC up*Stepping inside, she hissed at the burst of cool air coming from the AC. Humans were so obsessed with what they thought was comfort, but didn’t they realize how anomalous this temperature was to a desert-dweller? Why not just strand her on Mt. Coronet while they were at it?
I missed your energy over the hiatus, my son.Kata blinked. Blinked again. Then he burst into a wide grin. “Well done!” he howled pridefully. He leapt to his feet and shot a friendly hand to Striga in gratitude. (The Misdreavus looked bemusedly at it. They had no hands. Still, it was the thought that counted.) “To vanquish such a formidable foe as myself… speaks of your utmost MAGNIFICENCE!”
You're just jealous of his formidable skill!Formidable foe, eh? Dune snorted. “Didn’t you just learn how to play checkers this morning?”
“FORMIDABLE!” he repeated, as if volume alone was enough to dictate truth. She shook her head.
Yes, accept the validation from your brother-in-law, Luna!“He was capable of being warm because you let him,” Kata said. “He told me some of your childhood, before Wes. The hard stuff, you took on yourself. You were so small… Your brother should have been rougher and cynical, but he wasn’t, and it was because of you.”
Luna held for a moment—and then when she spoke, it was with a tight voice. “Aw hell, you’re… you’re gonna make me cry, you big softie.”
Where is the lie?I know everyone else is prepping for Es Cade, but as far as I’m concerned, he’s a speedbump on the way to her.
Theme spotted.But most of all, he prayed for forgiveness. Forgiveness for himself, for his friends, for the whole region. Because while they’d all made mistakes, none of them deserved to be defined by them—not while they tried to move forward. The most important step to take wasn’t the first step—it was the next step. Always the next step.
ALREADY A NEW UPDATE!?!?!?!??!? wonderful, just amazing 10/10
i know this is referring to checkers, how well do you reckon striga would do at a chesslocke?
Yay for being kind to yourself!
Can't relate, Dune. *turns AC up*
I missed your energy over the hiatus, my son.
You're just jealous of his formidable skill!
I love Dune's decision to play checkers even though she knows she's going to lose because she's not sure if she'll ever get the chance to do so again. This group has come a long way in their ability to make new members feel welcome!
Me @ Kata being worried about his old trainer:
Yes, accept the validation from your brother-in-law, Luna!
Where is the lie?
OH DANG YOU UPDATED
not much to say
I think you forgot to finish this sentence.So it was that as a bank manager from Pyrite grappled finances with a shipping magnate from Gateon, his Flareon sniffed distrustfully at a sulking Shelgon,
Technically it was his neck, if I remember properly.It was because of him that a blade had been buried in Wes’s back.
Cipher:“Shadow pokemon,” he said with such contempt. “Stupid beasts. All they ever were was an excuse to scare the region into accepting me as Champion. The plan’s over, you silly little girl. We’re not making any more shadows.”
Ooh, this is epic. Rui OWNED Es Case back there. Let's just hope that her team manages to survive the boss battle incoming...
I do have a couple of errors to point out:
I think you forgot to finish this sentence.
Technically it was his neck, if I remember properly.
suck it, es cade
Ooh, Cynthia mention. You two could bond over your powerful dragon/ground types!
What if you wanted to sing a harmless song of ruin but Rui said hidden camera prank.
Hi! I followed Dear Diary while it was running the first time and loved it and I've been somewhat following this. I have a lot of thoughts about this story that I want to share, some of it is positive but some of it is negative and I was wondering if you would be ok with that since this story doesn't seem to have a criticism level attached to it, but I really love your stories and want to be able to share some of my thoughts so they can continue to be good!
Shadow Dragonite?She was still noticeabley serpentine in form despite the addition of legs and arms to her prior two evolutions; her species’ notorious rotundity was downplayed in favor of a rough firmness to her body which suggested a life of hard violence. She was relatively young, but carried herself with the cynical air of a pokemon much older. Her scales were orange, her wings colored like seafoam; a horn and two antennae-like sprouted from her head.
Yup.A shadow Dragonite had been unleashed.
Gotta respect the moxie of engaging the electric type as a water type.Using their teammates’s attack as cover, the Starmie whirled in, spinning. They knocked into Denri, walloping him, and released a point-blank psychic blast from their gem that punched him backstage.
What if you wanted to use your electric type butFrom backstage, a lance of electricity raced through the air, aimed directly at the Pelipper—but it swerved direction, catching onto the Rhydon’s horn.
Crowd support is so validating, though. :cRui half expected a rousing cheer—but the people in the auditorium were being beset by problems of their own.
“Dune, don’t kill him!” Rui said. “Not unless you have to!”
The dragon tched but ceased her attack. She rose, clearly at fighting form; she had drained his power and made it her own. “Wasn’t going to. He’s not worth it anyway.” She thwapped her tail once against the floor.
My son!Rui feared for Dune, but the Dragonite wasn’t aiming it at her—
She was aiming at the ruined stage.
Kata looked up, saw the oncoming attack, and seemed to snap to a decision. He could have skipped back, but instead he lunged for the Manectric, grappling him tight and holding him in place. Both were in the dragon’s attack path, now.
o7“D-Denri,” he said. “See the gift I give you? A wonderful opportunity…” And then he slipped unconscious.
Wow, what a lame move. >_>Es Cade was sweating. Rui could imagine the thoughts going through his mind; he was down to two pokemon. Even with the Dragonite, it was a losing proposition… He would lose. He would go to prison.
It was over.
So he decided to flip the table over. “That’s it!” he screamed. He jabbed a finger at the Dragonite. “You! Hyper Beam! Bring the building down!”
Smart.The Crobat yelped in fear and fled for his life.
And this character development is even cooler! :D“Just… kill me, already…” she breathed out, scarcely having the energy to form words.
Dune tched again, like a scolding mother. “Enough of that talk. Weren’t you listening? I’m not here to kill you.” She buzzed her wings once. “I’m here to save you.”
"her team"With a wordless cry, Denri unleashed his lightning. Unhindered by Lightningrod, it soared through the chamber, aiming directly at the two Flying-types who’d been harassing her team for so long.
Alright, now suck it, Es Cade.
As you know, I followed Dear Diary pretty intensely and I loved it, and so I read this as well. There is a lot I like about TDWC that I want to talk about, though there are also two issues I have with it that made it difficult for me to invest in it and love it like I did your previous story, so I was more skimming the chapters and skipping some than reading them all intently like I would if I was fully invested in the story. I wanted to share this with you even though you are almost done with this story because I am looking forward to your next work and want it to be able to avoid these issues.
So first of all, the positives. I love the theme of facing and overcoming trauma and how it's woven into the story, I enjoyed reading each Pokemon's backstory and how they became a shadow in the purification chapters. You nicely tied all the individual arcs of the story together in a way that kept interesting things happening, and TDWC produces the same sense of plot threads coming together and lots of interesting enemies for the main characters to face as Dear Diary did. Also Entei is a quite interesting character. I like how, as you pointed out in the author's notes, she is the opposite of the other characters in how she refuses to move on from her trauma. I feel her character shows just how warped someone can be when they are told/treated like they are a god and their life is a part of some greater mythology of the world. From Entei's perspective, her own personal suffering and nostalgia for the past can't just be that, but a lost golden age that it is a moral necessity to restore, because in the world of mythology the personal for gods is a proxy for the grand, sweeping moral themes of humanity (and Pokemon). She can't comprehend that she is just another being whose wishes and griefs aren't inherently anymore impersonal or important than anyone else's. So she becomes convinced that she is removing all emotions and doing what is objective and has to be done, because she thinks she has the unique godly privilege of her emotions being objective. I also (being a fan of Dear Diary) loved the Ghetsis bonus chapter, it makes so sense that seeing what was done to Raikou and Suicune would make him understandably believe that all gods can be subdued.
Onto the two big problems I had. The first is the writing style. The writing was quite good in the first few chapters, but I feel like in the more recent chapters it has declined in quality. While the earlier chapters make you feel like you are in Orre and you are right there with the characters, but in later ones the writing feels distant, like it's a script just describing where everyone is and what action happens rather than a story. For example, in the Suicune battle, the narrative seems to be viewing the scene from a distance in a way that takes away from what should be an intense and emotional scene. There also seems to be overuse of ellipses to create a suspense that feels awkward and forced, like in the most recent chapter. All of it combines to create an effect where the cast can feel like a group of cartoon characters saying scripted lines rather than real "people". My absolute favorite writing you did was in Dear Diary, which was in the first person, and I feel it might be easier to write in a way that's "involved" in the world when you are in the first person so you write better that way, though you still did a pretty good job of it early in TDWC.
My second problem was with Rui as a character. While your previous protagonists were characters who were normal Pokemon put in an impossible situation and seeming to fight against fate and their own trainer to make a difference and be heroes against all odds, Rui seems to be privileged from the start, with her having two different psychic powers (which you have established as very rare), a grandfather who is a champion, etc, so she seems at first like a hero who is only where she is because of luck, which is just not as engaging as someone who is "defying fate" so to speak. And I might have put up with that, because what she is as a character and the choices she makes matter most, if it weren't for the whole purification narrative. It feels like in making Rui's purification such an emotional centerpiece of the story, you are trying to make Rui's suffering for having her lucky special powers equivalent to or more important than her Pokemon enduring physical and mental torture when they became shadows, and the effect is just making me sour on the character. Sure, there was also discrimination she faced for her heritage, but we are really just told about that instead of shown so we don't get to see why that was so bad. Not everything about how you handled her is bad, I liked how sherries to maintain a heroic stance of helping everyone with the snag machine but then is forced to admit a lot of it is personal and about wanting to get Pompom back. I just feel like overall her struggles and the decisions she makes aren't compelling compared to other characters - I thought Wes was a lot more of an interesting character than her in what little time we got with him, with the beautifully written chapter describing his backstory, the emotional weight of the decision he made to betray the Brotherhood and take the snag machine (thus setting up everything!), his background of poverty and keen observation of the injustices that run through the region (as opposed to privileged outsider Rui just bulldozing through everything), and his relationship with Rui, Cap and Luna. I wish he wouldn't have been killed off so early, and if you wanted Rui to take the mantle at the end he should have been killed near the climax of the story.
Also, as a more minor gripe, I felt the portrayal of Pokemon was not as interesting as in Dear Diary, because while that story really underscored the alienness of Pokemon while still making them human enough to be relatable, the Pokemon in TDWC feel just like humans that look different and have powers. This wouldn't bother me as much if they weren't supposed to be set in the same universe.
Whatever I say, I really admire your writing and I am very excited for your next story that ties both of your previous ones together!
Gotta respect the moxie of engaging the electric type as a water type.
What if you wanted to use your electric type but
godEin's team comp said Lightningrod.
Crowd support is so validating, though. :c
Does Ein's team's Rhydon have Horn Drill too? That's so mean! Colosseum can have fangame energy sometimes, I swear!
Oh hi Shadow Dragonite. I see the Pokemon XD reference. Fun Fact: The shadow Dragonite from Pokemon XD has Heal Bell, which Dragonite normally can't learn.
Wow, what a lame move. >_>
You know it, Dee: Dragon fights make everything cooler!
And this character development is even cooler! :D
Krane, you are the real MVP.“You look like you could use an excuse to leave,” he said.
Never change, Kata, you rascal. :D“You again! If you don’t sit tight and rest then I’m going to knock you out and make you rest!” the nurse pokemon said with the air of one thoroughly fed up. “I mean it, you rascal!”