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Kanto Johto Written Log Teen Mon Of Pokemon and Pirates - a SoulSilver Nuzlocke

Thread Description
Oh no, he's giving it a go...

King Smorgascake

Conqueror of the Fuchsia Gym
Pokédex No.
4865
Caught
Aug 3, 2021
Messages
62
Nature
Bold
Pokémon Type
  1. Dragon
  2. Poison
Pokédex Entry
666
Hello all. King Smorgascake here.

I admit to joining these forums mainly just for general Nuzlocke discussion rather than posting any runs, but this seems to be where most of the activity is so I thought I'd give it a go for my latest Nuzlocke. And yes, it's the dreaded grindfest of HGSS (namely SoulSilver). My ideas usually aren't great, and admittedly I borrowed a little from the lore of Uncharted 4 for this one in regards to the Libertalian pirates (except they survived to become tough pokemon trainers in the 1990s rather than all killing each other 400 years ago).

It's all written log material, and some is pretty brief, as I don't really have the time or dedication to write full-blown stories. Short and sweet is how I like it, baby! So without further ado...

Libertalia. A pirate colony founded on an island some way off the coast of Madagascar, in the Indian Ocean, by notorious pirate Henry Avery in 1699. Initially a secret, it eventually became a small nation that lasted into the present day. For a long while, it prospered, and it was in the late 1800s that pokemon battling replaced the cutlass and flintlock to settling grievances. But as the world became more and more globalised, Libertalia became lost in its glorious past, and its citizens longed for the day that Libertalia would once more became a name to be both feared and respected.

That is, until three years ago, when Libertalia's triumvirate of rulers, siblings three, elected to take their terrifying pokemon skills to new lands. In March of the year 1996, William 'Red' Avery and Edward 'Blue' Avery arrived in Kanto, while their sister Cynthia Avery chose to invade the northern land of Sinnoh. Kanto's governing system, wherein the Champion, the most powerful of all trainers, would be ruler and the Elite Four his chief advisers, presented an opportunity too good to be true.

Dissatisfied with the present government and the growing power of criminal enterprise Team Rocket, Pallet Town's Professor Oak elected to assist the Avery brothers on their quest, a decision he would later consider to be a grave mistake. For the Avery brothers battled their way through Kanto, defeating each Gym Leader one by one and subsequently recruiting them into their cause upon recognition of their talents. Red Avery also single-handedly annihilated Team Rocket, and Viridian City's Gym Leader Giovanni, Team Rocket's boss, was the only leader not to convert, choosing to flee.

Eventually, Blue Avery became Champion, only to immediately be deposed by his elder brother, and chose to become Viridian's new leader. After ridding the Sevii Islands of the remainder of Team Rocket and ensuring that the neighbouring land of Johto was absorbed into his new empire, Red Avery invited the population of Libertalia to Kanto, and only those that swore by the code of Libertalia were permitted to train pokemon. By the end of the year, both Kanto and Johto had become dangerous places. Red, as ruler of all Libetalian lands, saw himself as above the position of Champion and ceded the title to Lance, the strongest of the Elite Four.

The year is now 1999. Three years of Libertalian government have been enough for the natives of Kanto and Johto. Professors Oak and Elm, of Kanto and Johto respectively, decide that the best way to take their country back is to do what Red did three years ago - have someone play by the tradition rules of Kanto and Johto, still technically in place, and become Champion. Johto, with weaker Libetalian officials, would come first, and Elm has just the trainer - his mysterious but noble young protegeé known as King Smorgascake, or 'Smorgas' for short. Obtaining a Cyndaquil from Professor Elm, which he creatively names Carl, Smorgas knows what he has to do - become the very best, like no-one ever was, and kick some pirate arse in process! But this is going to a heck of a grind...
King Smorgascake/'Smorgas' - Mysterious protagonist and damn powerful trainer. He knows that failure is death, but still relishes his quest.

The Team - Smorgas' hand-picked pokemon. What he considers to be the best of the best. Or the best replacements for anything that ends up dead.

Professor Oak - Leading Professor of pokemon in the Kanto region, who often visits Johto.

Professor Elm - Leading Professor of pokemon in the Johto region. Gives Smorgas his first pokemon. Lab has shite security.

William 'Red' Avery - Libetalian ruler of Kanto and Johto. He is believed to be the most powerful trainer alive.

Edward 'Blue' Avery - Brother of Red and leader of Viridian City's gym. Libertalia's second-in-command of the region.

Lance - Champion of the Pokemon League in the Indigo Plateau.

Clair - Lance's cousin and Johto's most powerful gym leader, who resides in Blackthorn City. Her army is stationed to flank anyone who attempts to invade Kanto from Johto using the sea route from New Bark Town.

Pryce - An old Libetalian who commands the other Johto gym leaders from his base in Mahogany Town, who is also strategically stationed to defend Clair's army from attack.

Sabrina - A Kanto native who has become a fanatical follower of the Avery siblings. Also gym leader in Saffron City. She is in command of the eastern half of Kanto and four other gym leaders report to her directly.

Hitmen - Assassin pokemon trainers under the direct command of Blue who are instructed to ambush and eliminate Smorgas at any point they deem appropriate. For some strange reason, they all have long red hair and enjoy calling their targets 'wimps' and 'weaklings'.

Archer, Ariana, Petrel, Proton - The four administrators of Team Rocket, with Archer as interim boss. They were spared by Red on Five Island three years ago, but now desire revenge for the downfall of Team Rocket at his hands. Their goal is to lure Giovanni out of hiding to permanently revive the evil team.
This is more or less a standard Nuzlocke run with what I feel is a fun little story thrown in. Regardless of whether or not I can pull off a successful Nuzlocke (Gen IV games are four losses out of four so far, including one on HeartGold), I plan to Nuzlocke FR/LG as a prequel, set three years previously and covering Red Avery's rise to power; I actually intended to start the tale in this manner on Yellow, my sole remaining functioning cartridge from the first two generations, but the internal battery gave in when I reached Vermilion City and don't feel like another FR/LG Nuzlocke just yet. If this ends as a successful run, I've also left the story open for a possible Platinum Nuzlocke sequel, where years later Smorgas travels to Sinnoh to challenge Cynthia Avery, who is mentioned in the background.

Updates will be posted as chapters in the the style of a first person journal entry, which won't be too detailed, as I don't want this to be tl;dr. While this is fun, I don't have all day to write this thing and I'm sure you guys won't want to spend all day reading it.

Due to the sheer length of the game, it will be divided into four 'parts':

Part I - The Winds of Change. Covers Johto up to the Jasmine battle.
Part II - Victory or Death! Covers Johto from the Lake of Rage quest up to the Champion battle.
Part III - The Unforseen. Covers the eastern half of Kanto (Lt. Surge, Erika, Janine, Misty) up to the Sabrina battle.
Part IV - The Brothers Avery. Covers the western half of Kanto and the final showdown with Red.

As for the rules...
1. If a pokemon dies in battle (including wild encounters), they are permanently dead and must be boxed or released.
2. The first pokemon encountered on each route/location is the only that can be captured. Also applies to gift pokemon.
3. All pokemon must be nicknamed. The world must witness my terrible lack of creativity when it comes to nicknaming.
4. As per the story, there is no recurring rival character. The rival character is named Hitman, and every encounter is with a different assassin trainer who attempts to kill Smorgas. Unfortunately cannot be named Assassin due to the dumbass seven-character limit on rival names, so Hitman will have to do.
5. Dupes clause. This is prevent getting screwed over by having multiple of the same pokemon. However, the rule is applied strictly, and a pokemon or line caught once cannot be caught again, even if said pokemon/line was being used as a main team member and is killed. E.g. if my Wooper/Quagsire dies, I cannot catch another one to replace it and have to use a different pokemon.
6. Mandatory double battle clause. If a potential double battle is ahead, then the player must ensure that it is fought as a double battle as opposed to challenging the two trainers separately in a single battle. This is to ensure maximum challenge. Admittedly, double battles of this nature are very rare in HGSS, but it still applies. The only exception is if the player moves into the viewpoint of the two NCPs, but one of them looks away at the same time, as this is unintentional on the player's part.
7. Catch rules do not apply to shiny pokemon, which may be caught at any time if encountered and used if the player so chooses.
 

King Smorgascake

Conqueror of the Fuchsia Gym
Pokédex No.
4865
Caught
Aug 3, 2021
Messages
62
Nature
Bold
Pokémon Type
  1. Dragon
  2. Poison
Pokédex Entry
666
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #2
Part I - The Winds of Change
And so it begins! Professor Elm was adamant that I take up this quest. Nobody better, says he. Agreed, says I. It has been too long! I was quite the up-and-coming trainer when the Avery brothers messed everything up with all this pirate liberty nonsense.

Elm gave me a pokemon, which I nice of him I suppose, but he had three there and only behooved to part with one. ONE! I could have used three...or maybe even just the two (as nobody wants that Grass-type piece of crap). But I chose the little Fire marsupial Cyndaquil, and after channeling the utter depths of my most esteemed creativity, I gave him the memorable and glorious name of...Carl.

So I made my way to the house of an oddball named Mr. Pokemon, who was being visited by Professor Oak, the professor who people have actually heard of. Professor Oak decided to give me a Pokedex, which should come in handy. Mr. Pokemon gave me an egg, but only to give to Professor Elm for research. It's an egg. It will just sit there until it hatches. What's the point? Just let me keep it, I'm sure it'll hatch into something great. But I had a rather distressed phone call from Elm on the way back, telling me to return immediately.

Just as I was leaving Cherrygrove City, I was ambushed by a hitman. Some hired goon of Blue Avery's. I've heard of these guys. Long red hair, love to call their targets 'wimps' and whatnot. This one wasn't up to much. Carl took down his pokemon, then roasted the hitman for good measure. Can't have him having another attempt now, can we?

Anyway, it turned out that Elm's phone call was due to an attack on the lab by the very same hitman! I told the officer there (Libertalian scum) that I hadn't seen anything but explained to the good professor afterwards what went down. He understood and advised that I'd probably run into more of these reprobates on my journey. So be it. Judging by the first guy, they shouldn't be much to worry about. But never mind that. I was given some free poke balls by an otherwise-pointless and unnecessary character in this tale, and it was time to catch some pals for Carl.

Or so I thought. Not one good catch. None. After arriving in Violet City and fighting through the meagre resistance of rookie trainers along the way, myself and Carl were accompanied by the not-so-mighty haul of Pidgey, Kakuna, Zubat, Spearow and Sentret. I guess there are a couple of HM Slaves there, so I named Sentret and Spearow Slave One and Slave Two. Why not search for better catches, you ask? Well, under the code of environmental ethics, I only allow myself the opportunity to catch one pokemon per route or location, and always the first encounter unless it's a line I caught before. Everyone should do this, or soon there will be none left in the wild, and it will become a boring place full of silly normal animals that cannot say their own name. Like squirrels and what have you.

I good catch, a Gastly, I hoped to find in Sprout Tower. But no, Lady Luck was not with me. I encountered a Rattata, and in my fury of it having the mere nerve to simply turn up, I named it the rudest, naughtiest word in the English language, that I shall not utter here in the event that anyone under the age of four, or any easily offended snowflake, may one day read this. However, a strange but kindly gent by the name of Primo gave me a Wooper egg. Glorious! I do love that pokemon. Thankfully, pokemon defy the logics of nature, and it takes not a length of time for an egg to hatch, but the number steps taken by the trainer carrying it. So I ran around the city for a few minutes and out popped a Wooper! I named her Slapper, because if you caught one to the side of the face from that slappy tail, you certainly won't be turning the other cheek!

But after Carl cooked every Bellsprout used by the sages of Sprout Tower and served them as the garnish accompaniment to the Elder's roasted Hoothoot, I decided it was now time to begin my quest in earnest. That's right, it's gym o'clock!

Truth be told, I hadn't heard much of Falkner, the Violet City gym leader, so it's not like he had any reputation preceding him. No surprise either. After brushing aside his buddies with Carl (now evolved) and Slapper, it was leader time. And such a pity. I genuinely felt sorry for this guy. In charge of a key strategic city with only rookie trainers defending the neighbouring countryside, Falkner comes at me with a Pidgey and Pidgeotto. I mean, really? That's all it takes for the Avery brothers to say, 'yep, ok, you're in!'? No sweat, Carl took care of both, and Falkner just surrendered and defected to our cause. Well, it's not like I can leave anyone else to keep an eye around here.

Complete with the Zephyr Badge clipped to by jacket breast pocket, my work here is done. Professor Elm called me as I was about to leave and said his assistant was in the city's Poke Mart with a gift. Marvelous! I like a nice pressie.

Turned out it was that egg. Elm and Mr Pokemon want me to take it with me so that it will hatch, get trained up etc. Exactly what they should have done in the first place. Like, this already would be hatched by now. A Kimono Girl was hanging about outside the mart too, and congratulated me for the glorious feat of simply possessing an egg before buggering off to Arceus only knows where. Never mind, southward we go, to Azalea Town.

The team - Carl the Cyndaquil/Quilava, Slapper the Wooper

~ King Smorgascake, July 1999.
 

Kit_The_Feef

Someone who draws too much ¯\_(ಠωಠ)_/¯
Artist
Screenshotter
Pokédex No.
4612
Caught
Jun 16, 2021
Messages
667
Location
Australia
Nature
Impish
Pronouns
He/him
Pokémon Type
  1. Bug
  2. Fairy
  3. Steel
Pokédex Entry
Comic artist. Idiot. Has far too many active projects for his own sanity. Unreliable when it comes to updates on his non-comic endeavours.
This is interesting so far. I like the pirate lore.
 

King Smorgascake

Conqueror of the Fuchsia Gym
Pokédex No.
4865
Caught
Aug 3, 2021
Messages
62
Nature
Bold
Pokémon Type
  1. Dragon
  2. Poison
Pokédex Entry
666
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #4
Marching on south from Violet City, a Togepi hatched from that egg. I named him Poacher, because it knows Extrasensory to kill things quickly and also it hatched from an egg (poached eggs? Geddit? Geddit?). Serene Grace, neutral nature, welcome to the team, Poacher! Had some more trainer battles on the way south, and through Union Cave, but these guys really aren't getting any tougher, unlike Slapper and Poacher.

Out the south end of Union Cave, and oh no, there's weather. WEATHER! I hate weather, I really do. Every battle when there's weather, both myself and the other trainer subconsciously take a few seconds to acknowledge the weather hasn't changed. It's uncontrollable. It cannot be stopped. But oh how I wish it could, as it makes battles so unnecessarily overlong.

Anywho, standing near the entrance to the local landmark, Slowpoke Well, was a chap dressed in Team Rocket getup. Eh? The one long-term effect of Red Avery's rampage three years ago that the public still agree was beneficial was that he brought the end upon these fools? But it turns out this fella is just voluntarily guarding the entrance to the well to ensure no-one falls in and hurts themselves. I say, what an absolute gentleman! Bravo, sir! I thanked him for being such a noble public servant before venturing into the town.

Admittedly, there's not much in Azalea Town. There's a gym, but it was closed when I waltzed in. But I'd heard of a poke ball maker by the name of Kurt, so I paid him a visit. He turned out to be a grumpy bastard. I asked him if he could make me some balls, but he saw fit to have a completely unrelated rant about Team Rocket, and charged off to the well, showing excellent custodianship of his little granddaughter in the process by leaving her home alone in a house full of sharp work tools.

There was nothing better to do, so I thought I'd get some entertainment by seeing the old codger yell at someone. It so happened that he had yelled at the guard and fallen down the well, 'injuring' his back. But Team Rocket were actually there, and I am not fond of these goons, so time to drive them out of here. I made short work of the guards. The 'boss' of the mission, Proton, was happily hacking off Slowpoke tails when I got there. So I wiped the floor with his sorry Zubat and Koffing (that's all it takes to work your way up the Team Rocket ladder?) and sent him packing. And so ended the little side trip, with Kurt conveniently feeling much better all of a sudden.

And then the gym was open! Bugsy, the gym leader here, is a Bug pokemon expert. Being a gym leader cannot be a job in high demand in this little backwater borough if the best they could do is a Bug-type expert. Ooohhhh Caaaarrrrlll! It's rooooaaaasting tiiiiiime! Which is quite literally what happened. Carl cooked all the Bug-types in the gym (well, most. The experience needed to be shared, after all) and I took home the Hive Badge after Bugsy surrendered. Two down, six to go!

I was beset by another hitman on the way out of town, but he met the same fate as his predecessor from Cherrygrove City. As far as Blue Avery's feared team of red-haired hitmen go, I've seen nothing to worry me so far.

It then transpired that the only way to Goldenrod City was through the dark Ilex Forest. No problem! But it was a strange old journey, this. Firstly, I had to help a charcoal kiln apprentice catch some runaway Far'fetched, for which his boss gave me the HM for Cut in thanks. Then I came across a very strange man spending his time headbutting trees. How...intersting. But he taught the move Headbutt to Carl and Slapper, so I can't complain. And finally, before all was said and done, I came across a Kimono Girl (apparently not the same one from Violet City) who claimed to be lost, despite the exit to the forest being in clear view from where she was! Nor did she give me any gifts when Poacher pointed her in the right direction.

I also caught an Oddish. Being a weed pokemon, I decided to name it Sweet Leaf in honour of Black Sabbath, which is about as much fun as I'll ever get out of owning a Grass-type pokemon. Into the PC box you go!

The team - Carl the Quilava, Slapper the Wooper, Poacher the Togepi

~ King Smorgascake, July 1999
 

Kit_The_Feef

Someone who draws too much ¯\_(ಠωಠ)_/¯
Artist
Screenshotter
Pokédex No.
4612
Caught
Jun 16, 2021
Messages
667
Location
Australia
Nature
Impish
Pronouns
He/him
Pokémon Type
  1. Bug
  2. Fairy
  3. Steel
Pokédex Entry
Comic artist. Idiot. Has far too many active projects for his own sanity. Unreliable when it comes to updates on his non-comic endeavours.
"Noble public servant"- I love the tone of this MC.
 

King Smorgascake

Conqueror of the Fuchsia Gym
Pokédex No.
4865
Caught
Aug 3, 2021
Messages
62
Nature
Bold
Pokémon Type
  1. Dragon
  2. Poison
Pokédex Entry
666
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #7
Here's more. I'm actually very far into this run. Felt I needed a head start before posting chapters as it's such a long game.

After defeating a few run-of-the-mill, uninspiring local trainers, I arrived in Goldenrod. Now THIS is a city! Glitz, glamour, the real deal yes sir!

I explored the city for a while, received a free bicycle for no other reason than simply turning up in the bike shop, conquered a few battles in the shady Underground area, and won a free radio card before whittling down the rest of the day at the Game Corner (my word are there some most excellent prizes!). As soon as I'm Champion, I may indulge myself in a little purchase of one of the luxury penthouses around here.

It was not all fun and games, however. Sad as I am to say, my poor little Poacher did not survive much more of the journey. Facing off against a Diglett to the north of the city, it was unlucky enough to be on the receiving end of a 9-power Magnitude critical hit. Slapper finished the job and gave the trainer a tail-slap right in the kisser (and no, he did not deign to turn the other cheek), but it was quite upsetting that such an important and likable little member of my team came to such an inauspicious end. A battling team of two is not enough, so I promoted Hooters the Hoothoot into the main squad, filling both the Normal/Flying and Special Wall voids that Poacher would have filled had he lived to evolve. Why a Hoothoot? Because Pidgey and Spearow, as the uncouth would say, 'fucking suck balls.'

Even so, everywhere up to that weird tree blocking the roads to Violet City and Ecruteak presenting no trainers that truly stood in the way of my romp and pomp. It was time to retreat and give Whitney a taste of how a noble future Champion battles.

Now, I'd heard many a rumour of Whitney's fat cow ace, Miltank. The slayer of hopes and dreams, they call it. Not on my watch! I duly made short work of the gym trainers and faced off against Whitney, the self-styled 'incredibly pretty girl.' 'Incredibly pretty woman' would be more apt, as she's over the age of eighteen. But if there was any hope for a fairytale romance between us, it was quickly dashed by the outcome of the battle. Carl made short work of her Clefairy, and then out came the fat cow. I instructed Slapper to deal with it, for I had plans toward the cow it after it fell. A shame that Carl would go on to scupper those given...well, let's just say I like my steaks rare. Whitney cried so much afterwards that I actually had to wait for her to give me the Plain Badge. A lady gym trainer intervened, and I attempted to give this trainer my number, but she declined on account of 'not liking men with beards.' I SAAAY! Beards define masculinity!

My work done, I ventured back to the National Park, where there was a Bug Catching contest about to begin. 'Brilliant!' I thought. A Scyther or a Pinsir would be a fine addition to my death squad should I be lucky enough to encounter one first, as per my environmentally-friendly rule. And so it proved, with a fine Scyther jumping out in front of me as soon as I set foot in the grass. Thanks to some assistance from Carl, I caught her and named her Slice'n'Dice (officially shortened to SliceNDice due to 10-character name registration limits...useless pirate so-called 'authorities!'). She won me the contest too, which was most pleasing, although the winning prize of a Sun Stone was a disappointment. It evolves a Grass-type pokemon into the worse of its two potential evolutions, but I don't even use Grass-types to begin with on account of them largely being terrible. Sweet Leaf the Oddish is comfortably in my PC doing Arceus only knows what.

Nevertheless, after heading east, I grew so sick of the sight of that weird rock tree that I decided to relieve my full bladder on it. Causing it to jump up and attack! A Sudowoodo...but by my some misfortune, a critical hit killed it before I could catch it. Oh well. Onwards and upwards!

The team - Carl the Quilava, Slapper the Quagsire, Hooters the Hoothoot, SliceNDice the Scyther

RIP - Poacher the Togepi.

~ King Smorgascake, July 1999
 

King Smorgascake

Conqueror of the Fuchsia Gym
Pokédex No.
4865
Caught
Aug 3, 2021
Messages
62
Nature
Bold
Pokémon Type
  1. Dragon
  2. Poison
Pokédex Entry
666
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #8
Truth be told, I've never given the legendary pokemon of the world much thought. The childhood fascination that grips us all was always there, but upon growing up the whole mystery and myth became lost on me. Hailing from the posh, upscale Celadon City in Kanto, one simply loses oneself in the urban lifestyle. Or so I did before pirates took over the land.

But Ecruteak City certainly retains that element of mystery and myth. I was quite taken aback by the feel of the place, having never ventured there before, and it came as no surprise to me that the gym leader of the town, Morty, uses Ghost-type pokemon. Nothing I can't handle. I did once get lost in Lavender Tower. That was unpleasant, but I've always been partial to them since. Such a shame my ill-fated pursuit of a Gastly in Sprout Tower ended in vain (and an inappropriately-named Rattata for a couple of weeks).

After scaring off a Team Rocket Grunt harassing a Kimono Girl (and getting the Surf HM as a reward from a pervy old guy on the audience), I headed to the gym, but as turned out, Morty wasn't there. He was in one of the two big towers in the north of the city. And it was there that I got my first dose of Ecruteak's health and safety incompetence. Perfectly safe and intact Bell Tower to the east? Off-limits! Mostly-burned down tower full of pits and danger? Open to the public!

Thankfully, Morty was loitering around inside the Burned Tower, along with a very strange man by the name of Eusine. This Eusine has some strange obsession with Suicune, one of the three legendary dogs that are knocking about down in the basement, visible through a gigantic hole in the middle of the structure. No interest whatsoever in the other two, apparently. Whatever! ANY of those three puppies will be handy in my quest, but I was beset by another of Blue Avery's hitmen as I ventured deeper inside. Once again, an unimpressive showing, and I almost feel like Blue was sending these guys after me just to let me know that he knows I'm out there. Carl was spared the roasting duties this time; Hooters caused an Uproar finishing off the hitman's last pokemon, and the noise caused the goon to stumble, trip and fall into the massive hole in the middle of the room.

I climbed down into the basement. The dogs were quick to scarper, though Suicune did stop to take a look at me first (and typically ran off just as I was about to lob a poke ball). Eusine followed, talked some nonsense and then left. I have a feeling this guy's going to turn up again, to no purpose other than to ramble on about his Suicune fascination to a completely disinterested listener. I picked up a few random items lying around, and checked the hitman's body to ensure that he didn't survive the fall (he was dead, alright) before leaving. Next stop? You guessed it. The gym!

And it was nothing. I thought Morty might be able to give me a challenge, but it wasn't the case. SliceNDice and Hooters made short work of his entire team. Hooters took down his ace, a Gengar, despite not even being evolved (until the fight ended). Morty acknowledged my power and gave me the Fog Badge. He's a bit odd, but a nice enough guy, actually. We went for a couple of beers afterwards, and it turns out that most of Johto's gym leaders, with the exception of Pryce and Clair, are sick of the Avery brothers. The brothers prefer to spend their time in Kanto and ensured most of their best are there, not bothering with Johto so much. Exactly why I started my quest here, I said. Easy pickings.

Ecruteak's at a crossroads between east and west, but Morty recommended heading west to Olivine City first. I have a soft spot for port cities (love the seafood; can't beat some deep-fried Krabby) so it sounds like a plan to me! Look out, Avery brothers. I'll be challenging your authoritahhh in no time at all!

The team - Carl the Quilava, Slapper the Quagsire, Hooters the Hoothoot/Noctowl, SliceNDice the Scyther.
~ King Smorgascake, July 1999
 

King Smorgascake

Conqueror of the Fuchsia Gym
Pokédex No.
4865
Caught
Aug 3, 2021
Messages
62
Nature
Bold
Pokémon Type
  1. Dragon
  2. Poison
Pokédex Entry
666
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #9
I arrived in Olivine City to discover that Jasmine, the local gym leader, wasn't there. As it so happened, the Ampharos that lights up the city's lighthouse is ill. With there being little else to do, I decided to visit the lighthouse to see what's what. After enjoying a fine surf and turf meal at the local five-star restaurant (Miltank fillet mignon and Krabby claw meat, with a side of Dauphinoise potatoes...delicious!) The lighthouse was full of trainers, so it helped buff up the gang.

When I finally got to the top, Jasmine seemed distressed. Such a pretty lass too, I couldn't resist offering my assistance. But a Hyper Potion was no good, and she needed someone to travel across the sea to Cianwood City to obtain a SecretPotion (Amazon Prime delivery didn't exist back in 1999). Good, there's a gym there too, and it enables me to kill two birds with one stone.

Surfing to Cianwood was not so much of an issue. However, it has always baffled me that the only trainers one encounters on such routes are swimmers. Everyone talks about Surfing pokemon, so why do I feel like I'm the only one actually doing it? I've yet to battle another trainer on their pokemon's back. I'm no fan of battling swimmers either is they're stingey bastards who never give much prize money.

Cianwood is a nice, quiet little town; certainly not much of a city! Gym? Check. Pokemon Centre? Check. Pharmacy that sells Secretpotions? Check. Suicune hanging about in the north for no apparent reason? Uhh, check. But it ran off when I approached it, ball in hand. Johto's resident weirdo Eusine was quick to follow, and was so annoyed that Suicune keeps giving me the attention and ignoring him that he challenged me to a battle. If Suicune really does acknowledge strong trainers, it's no surprise that it's keeping its distance from this idiot. After the 'battle' was over, I picked up a SecretPotion from the pharmacy.

Now then, as for the gym, I was quite confident in this one as the gym leader, Chuck, uses Fighting-type pokemon, and I have two part-Flying types in Hooters and SliceNDice. And my confidence was well-founded. SliceNDice offed Chuck's Primeape with one Wing Attack, and his Poliwrath with two. That was it - no contest whatsoever, and arguably the easiest gym battle I've had yet. Chuck said afterwards that he enjoyed the battle; I'm assuming he was happy such a one-sided defeat was over so quickly! Fist Badge? Thank you very much, kind sir! Afterwards, his wife gave the Fly HM for teaching him a lesson, as he usually ignores his bedroom duties in favour of extra training. There was a VERY generous offer accompanying the HM, but she was too old for my tastes. Fly is more than enough, ma'am.

Thus did I make a far swifter return trip to Olivine as my 1-foot tall little bag of feathers Slave Two the Spearow carried me all the way across the sea with no effort whatsoever. Surprising what these little guys can do! Anyway, Jasmine was very, very happy with my delivery of the SecretPotion, and the Ampharos was healed. She even laughed when I said that, being of Welsh heritage, I'd do anything to help a sheep in need! She then returned to the gym, going the long way down the lighthouse rather than using the elevator, for some strange reason. But I won't be heading there yet, as I've just heard that the Safari Zone in Cianwood has just opened. No harm in a little detour, am I right?

The team - Carl the Quilava, Slapper the Quagsire, Hooters the Noctowl, SliceNDice the Scyther.

~ King Smorgascake, July 1999
 

King Smorgascake

Conqueror of the Fuchsia Gym
Pokédex No.
4865
Caught
Aug 3, 2021
Messages
62
Nature
Bold
Pokémon Type
  1. Dragon
  2. Poison
Pokédex Entry
666
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #10
The trip to the Safari Zone was a pleasant one. My ever mighty Slave Two the Spearow carried me across the sea again, and the hike from Cianwood to the park was a very lovely cliffside walk. A few trainers were dotted about here and there, but none of any worthy note. Except for a couple who frequently declared their love for one another and promptly send out...an Onix and a Cloyster. If you know, you know.

The Safari Zone, however, was disappointing. Bland environments compared to its great ol' predecessor in Fuschia City. Allowing myself one encounter and catch in each of the six areas, I was most unfortunate for five the six encounters to flee. Little bastards! I did manage to catch a female Nidoran, but when Magnemite, Larvitar and Murkrow - all of whom could have competed for a spot on my team - legged it before I had much of a chance, you feel you've been right ripped off. And it cost $500 to get in here? Bullshit! The Warden refused to give a refund, so I told him to stick it where the sun don't shine and walked out, never to return. Until I become Champion, close the place down and only allow it to re-open if the Warden agrees to make it a more natural environment and produces better quality Safari Balls.

You see, this is the problem with the Libertalian idealogy. The Warden can do whatever he wants unless one of the Avery brothers or their big baddie buddies like Lance or Sabrina intervene, and why would they care when they already have exemplary kill-squads?

Now then, a quick flight back to Olivine, and I'm aiming for 6/6. The Mineral Badge would look SO nice on my jacket breast. And maybe Jasmine wouldn't be too upset and agree to go on a quick date before I leave town? One can only wonder. With the Millenium mere months away, I do fear that this growing fad known as the 'internet' will one day mess up dating as we know it.

But Jasmine was tough. And I mean tough. Not really tough, but much more of a match than any gym leaders I've faced thus far. And it proved to be fatal, on both ends. Carl was out first, he roasted one of her Magnemites, so she sent out her Steelix. It being eight levels higher, it survived one of Carl's Flamethrowers and used Rock Throw. It hit Carl critically, and just like that, Carl was dead. Carl? CAAARRRRRLLLL?!?!?!?! Slapper finished the job, but Carl...why? What rotten luck at such a critical juncture in my epic and noble quest!

I received the Mineral Badge from Jasmine, but I couldn't bring myself to ask out the slayer of my very first companion in this adventure. Having said that, Carl's spot on the team will need to be replaced. I'll refrain from pushing forward for now and see which areas I can explore with all these new HMs. Perhaps I'll pop back to Goldenrod for a few days and just unwind, mzybe get the guys involved in this Pokeathlon. It's been non-stop all month, so time to take a break. But I will not give up on my quest so lightly. For Carl, for Poacher, and for the lands of Johto and Kanto, I will continue!

The team - Slapper the Quagsire, Hooters the Hoothoot, SliceNDice the Scyther.

RIP - Carl the Quilava.

~ King Smorgascake, July 1999.

End of Part I
 
Last edited:

King Smorgascake

Conqueror of the Fuchsia Gym
Pokédex No.
4865
Caught
Aug 3, 2021
Messages
62
Nature
Bold
Pokémon Type
  1. Dragon
  2. Poison
Pokédex Entry
666
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #11
Part II - Victory or Death!

My 'time off' after defeating Jasmine was well-spent. I won a few medals at the Pokeathlon Dome and purchased a Metal Coat, which I used to evolve SliceNDice into a Scizor. I also caught a Lapras, which I named Kelpie, who has filled the dearly departed Carl's spot in the team.

Alas, the time came to tarry on. I began by travelling to Mahogany Town, home of Pryce and badge number seven. But the gym wasn't open. Glorious. Knocked over his bed pan, did he? But nothing to be done, I suppose. I bought a few trinkets in a very nice local souvenir shop. The chaps inside were the most lovely people too. Very warm and welcoming. I say, these countryside towns really have the nicest folk around.

With little to do in Mahogany Town, I ventured north to the Lake of Rage. Supposed to be nice, it is, but what I saw when I got there was nothing less than a red Gyarados causing carnage. A lass nearby said something about a radio signal driving all the pokemon insane. Well, the ones on route were perfectly normal, and Gyarados are known to be tremendous assholes at the best of times. But what she said was right, something weird was going on with the radio. Even so, the Gyarados was looking dangerous. Hero time! I stepped up, surfed out to it, battled it and caught it.

When I returned to the shore, none other than Lance the Champion was there to congratulate me. He then explained that he found out that the signals were coming from the souvenir shop back in town (it CAN'T be! They were so nice!). Fearing the worst, I decided to form a temporary alliance with my sworn enemy to investigate, as thanks to the useless Libertalian leadership in this country, the police forces are totally inept. Sadly, the irony of Lance needing me to investigate this personally seemed to be lost on him.

Indeed, the shop was actually the front for a secret Team Rocket base. Not these fools again. Lance and I split up to take down the base, but he must have been slacking off somewhere as I searched every nook and cranny of that place and can tell you with no exaggeration that I ended up doing most of the work. These guys were pushovers, even resident executives Ariana and Petrel. Me and the big man then had to knock out a bunch of Electrode to stop the signal and save the day. Mr. Champion felt sorry for the pokemon, but you know? I didn't! Electrodes are the pokemon world's biggest assholes. I remember one particular one I encountered years ago. After my then-key team member Mike the Arbok (yeah, again with the name creativity thing) got the fucker down to low health, it decided to explode in Mike's face, taking it down with it. And not once before it went boom did it lose that horrific trollish grin.

Ok. Enough flashbacks. Lance thanked me for my help, but I told him with no uncertainty that if he goes back and tries taking all the credit for saving the day here, I'm going to get my Scizor to slice his damn head off once I defeat him in the Champion battle. He didn't take too kindly but understood that I'm here to stay and I mean business.

All that's left now is the gym. Now, this was a rather sad tale. I ended up getting the Glacier Badge, with Kelpie and SliceNDice putting in some steller performances, but old Pryce was so loyal to the Avery brothers that he refused to yield until death claimed him. I have no qualms over swatting hitmen, but this poor deluded old coot...I had SliceNDice make it quick. If any readers of this diary judge me too harshly, Pryce insisted that I did him the honour of his last wish.

So, one more gym to go. Just handle Clair, and we're done. It's off to Kanto and the Elite Four. ...or not. Professor Elm called me about another strange radio broadcast. I checked it out. It was Team Rocket again, now announcing that they are back. And there's only one place they could be sending a transmission nation-wide - Goldenrod Radio Tower. Time for my tiny little Spearow to flap those puny wings and physically carry myself, a Lapras, a Quagsire and a Scizor (Noctowl thankfully has wings and can follow, but cannot carry anything as it does not know Fly) all the way to Goldenrod City in the span of around ten seconds. I LOVE how pokemon can defy the laws of physics, so!

The team - Slapper the Quagsire, Hooters the Noctowl, SliceNDice the Scizor, Kelpie the Lapras.

~ King Smorgascake, August 1999
 

King Smorgascake

Conqueror of the Fuchsia Gym
Pokédex No.
4865
Caught
Aug 3, 2021
Messages
62
Nature
Bold
Pokémon Type
  1. Dragon
  2. Poison
Pokédex Entry
666
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #12
I arrived in Goldenrod and immediately saw that the city was in bad shape. Team Rocket goons were everywhere! The Radio Tower was well-guarded on the outside by a huge group of the bastards. Taking them all on one-at-a-time is alright, but about thirty all at the same time is another thing entirely. There's a reason that everything other than single and double battles were outlawed years ago. Even Red Avery had the good sense to see that there are certain rules that you just don't fuck with. But these guys don't care for the rules and I had to think of another plan.

I felt I had one option, and I knew where I could get it. I ventured into the Goldenrod Underground and made for the dress-up studio; as fortune would have it, they have an 'attraction' where one can dress up as a Team Rocket member for a photograph. I never saw the point of cosplay nonsense, especially when dressing up as an evil gang that kills things for profit, but they'll have spare uniforms and needs must. A Rocket grunt was guarding the place, but I just told him I'm a new recruit and that the main branch had run out of uniforms. He handed one over from studio and even told me I looked good in it! Were I a weaker trainer, I'd have turned to a life of crime long ago, I tell you. I thanked the stupid prat and went on my way, hoping I didn't cross paths with anyone I know.

The ploy worked, anyway. I snuck past the gang and made it into the entrance foyer. Unfortunately, my fun ended there, as I was being tailed by a hitman (how did he get past the guards? Persuasive poetry?) who was sent to take me out, conveniently blowing my cover before I was ready to get the party started. I dealt with the lone guard in the entrance foyer, and the hitman broke a new 100m sprint world record getting out of there as I turned to face him. Not to worry, his time will come. Besides, I knew I had to work fast. Thankfully these losers use all the same kinds of pokemon (Rattata, Golbat, Gloom etc.) and my team is virtually invincible. Have some of that!

More problems arose when I got to the Director's office. Petrel was there, impersonating the Director, something he'd apparently been doing for some time despite also impersonating Giovanni at the base in Mahogany...what? Don't think about it, just...don't! After I wiped the floor with his wonderfully diverse team of five Koffings and a Weezing, he told me he didn't have the card key needed to access the rest of the building. It was with the real Director, who was being held hostage in the Underground. Great, I was there like ten minutes ago. Petrel gave me a key to the area where the Director was in exchange for his life. Even though he's a Rocket, I quite like him, he has his amusing moments and doesn't seem the most dislikable serial criminal out there. But I heard the big street gang guarding the entrance all storming up the building, so I had to get Slave One to Fly me out the window.

A Kimono Girl was roaming the Underground when I got there, and she talked some nonsense before buggering off. Heh, what the hell's their deal, anyway? But the key worked. Inside this abandoned area, I was immediately attacked by the same hitman from earlier. Easy victory, and SliceNDice sliced open the bastard's belly. I don't need to describe the mess that caused. Anyway, after battling through the Rockets stationed there (along with a couple of burglars. Bad timing, boys) I rescued the Director, who gave me the card key for the Radio Tower. From one of the fallen grunt's radios I picked up that the big Rocket gang was now on their way here to trap and kill me. Uh-oh! But the Director led me to a small passageway that ended up in the basement of Goldenrod Department Store, where we made our escape.

Immediately, I charged to the Radio Tower. The Rocket gang outside were now gone, probably wondering where the hell me and the Director escaped to. Getting in wasn't a problem this time. Beyond the card key area, there were a handful of grunts and Proton, the gimp from Slowpoke Well. He tried looking cool as his team fell easily, then attempted to pull a gun on me after my inevitable victory. Where in the hell did he get that? There are no guns in this part of the world! Thankfully, Kelpie froze him solid with an Ice Beam. Good riddance, asshole!

Further up, Ariana was next. She'd improved in the short time since we battled in Mahogany Town (that must have taken some serious grinding, by the way! I'd only beaten her a few hours ago), but still wasn't good enough. She conceded to her defeat, thankfully, and agreed that if I could handle Archer, the interim boss, she'd disband Team Rocket. Deal! Up the elevator to the observation deck, and he was. Archer. The devoted Giovanni fanatic and not someone you'd leave in charge of your children. Good God, his former boss only ever managed to get as far as gym leader status, he wasn't anything special. And neither was Archer, as a matter of fact. His pokemon fell, and in the chaos Archer ended up literally falling from the observation deck to his doom several stories below. Good night, sweet prince.

Almost immediately after the battle was over, the Director came up to tell me that Ariana had indeed disbanded Team Rocket and they had all disappeared. Just like that, the city was back to normal. Gotta praise Ariana, that was a display of some incredible efficiency, far more so than her battling ability. The Director gave me a Silver Wing too. No idea what it's for, but it'll look good sewn onto my hat.

The team - Slapper the Quagsire, Hooters the Hoothoot, SliceNDice the Scizor, Kelpie the Lapras.

~ King Smorgascake, August 1999
 

King Smorgascake

Conqueror of the Fuchsia Gym
Pokédex No.
4865
Caught
Aug 3, 2021
Messages
62
Nature
Bold
Pokémon Type
  1. Dragon
  2. Poison
Pokédex Entry
666
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #13
After the nuisance of Team Rocket's botched attempt to come back (botched thanks to my efforts, anyway), it was time to end all this gymming around. I flew back to Mahogany and pushed on east, with the asshole Rage Candy Bar salesman no longer preventing me going through for the sake of making my journey more dramatic (you'd swear someone is planning to make a video game about this at I couldn't advance because of plotlines etc.).

Trainers there were, actual challenges there were not. How original. After I'd wiped the floor with every wannabe-hotshot trainer on this most scenic route, it was time for the Ice Path. Hoping for a battle with more Ice-type trainers for my epic team to demolish (except Hooters. She quite dislikes Ice-types), I encountered a whopping total of two people in the caverns, neither of whom were trainers. One was some old guy who dropped his Waterfall HM and let me keep it after I obtained it (I hate to put it this way but...oh yeah!) and the other was yet another Kimono Girl, whose sandals were stuck to the ice. Now, I went ahead with the local guidebook recommendation and stocked up on some handy winter gear before making this trip (parka, snow shoes, gloves, scarf, rope, crampons, Mars and Snickers bars, you name it! Except hats. I do not wear hats), but this lass was in full geisha garb. Clearly she's never been spelunking in ice caverns before, but I gave her a shove to get her moving and she thanked me. She then promptly walked off, probably to her death, but one cannot concern oneself with the idiocy of other people.

I arrived in Blackthorn City. Home of ninja (although suspiciously I didn't see any) and Dragon-type trainers. Before heading to the gym though, I decided to leave town through the south to defeat all the trainers on Mountain Road and thereby boost my team by a level or two. And therein lies the biggest issue with Blackthorn City - once you leave, you're not getting back there easily unless you can Fly, which you need to beat Chuck to use, a gym leader who was barely bread and butter for me but beyond the ability of most trainers around here. Mountain Road is a one-way journey down, and nobody thought to put any ladders or anything on the various ledges to amend this. Dark Cave has the same problem, so you need to go through the Ice Path to get back here. Definitely the first thing I'll be resolving when I become Champion. As those pirate cretins most likely would say - ladders, ahoy!

Anywho, after getting back I decided it was time show Clair who's the next big thing in town (and a town this inaccessible can't get many). The gym trainers...were much tougher than expected. Which is good, as it helped train my team before the Dragon Queen (I've been reading a book called Game of Thrones and there's a character within who calls herself the Dragon Queen. Great novel, by the way. They should definitely make a television serious about it, provided they ensure they don't rush the last two seasons and ruin the ending just because the showrunners get bored).

As for Clair, well, she was a real pain in the ass. In fact, I think I'll revert to my British roots and call her a pain in the arse! Kelpie soloed the gym, but it was a slog. Gyarados, not a problem my good sir, Thunderbolt until dead. Dragonair x2, not a problem dear madam, Ice Beam until death do them apart. Kingdra? Oh dear...This thing was a nuisance. Kelpie has Shell Armour, which negated its Sniper ability, but it was still tough, Dragon Pulsing away while Kelpie just kept Ice Beaming and I kept healing. Kingdra is only weak to Dragon-type moves, did you know? That is most handy. Should anyone on this team not called SlinceNDice die, I may just have to pick up one a Kingdra of my own. We won, by the way. Kelpie was the hero, but boy was it a slog.

And then things got worse. Clair refused to give me her badge, telling me I needed to go speak with her granddad in Dragon's Den, a cave behind the gym. Alright, I'll play along, but Kelpie's going to deep-freeze you if you're bullshitting me, baby! So I ventured there, beat a few Dragon-trainers (which included two seven-year old girls...what in Arceus' name?!?) met her granddad, the apparent Master of this cave (nothing to be proud of, but I need to smooth-talk the old curmudgeon so that he can tell off his granddaughter).

Granddad was pleasant enough, anyway. He asked me a series of questions, mostly nonsense that I responded to with whatever I felt he wanted to hear, and he told me that I'm, well, a top bloke, basically. Clair turned up and granddad insisted she give me the badge. Finally, let's get out of here. Clair was apologetic, though, and was good enough to give me a Dragon Pulse TM on the way out. Thank you.

With my task now clear, I was called by Professor Elm, who asked me to visit him in person. When I got there, he gave the Master Ball as a congratulations for getting all the badges, before explaining that the Kimono Girls were looking for me and wanted me to meet them in Ecruteak City. Detours, detours...

The team - Slapper the Quagsire, Hooters the Noctowl, SliceNDice the Scizor, Kelpie the Lapras.

~ King Smorgascake, August 1999.
 

King Smorgascake

Conqueror of the Fuchsia Gym
Pokédex No.
4865
Caught
Aug 3, 2021
Messages
62
Nature
Bold
Pokémon Type
  1. Dragon
  2. Poison
Pokédex Entry
666
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #14
Not an overly long one today, but this and the Elite Four all in one chapter was too much.

As soon as I approached their dance theatre, I knew that the Kimono Girls meant business. And I'm I'm glad I approached it from an angle, because as I did, a hitman came flying out of the doors and landed in a heap on the ground, dead. He'd been fried. As in, electrocuted. Uh-oh.

It turned out that the Kimono Girls were aware of my prowess and grateful for my help at various points down the road. As I stood there, completely confuddled by the stupidity of most of the situations I'd 'rescued' them from to begin with, I was particularly surprised to see the Ice Path girl among them, not frozen to death in some chilly corner of those caverns. They wanted to battle me, five in a row, no breaks...no problem! Okay, let's rock'n'roll!

It was not easy, but I got the job done. I had to conquer, respectively an Umbreon, Espeon, Flareon, Jolteon and Vaporean. All were fairly tough. Except Flareon and its most terrible movepool. I've heard tales of a Grass-type Eevee evolution too, but as any readers may well know from my opinion on Grass-types, I was entirely unsurprised that it did not make an appearance here. So, having defeated all the ladies, they told me to head to the Seafoam Islands just off Cianwood. Great. More detours. It's not like I have a Pokemon League to conquer. But when I got there, good heavens were those caverns confusing. I managed to catch a Horsea, though, which I named Sniper. After Clair's Kingdra proved to be the toughest foe I've faced thus far, I'll definitely be training that little beauty up should something unfortunate happen to Kelpie or Slapper.

Down down down. Down down down. Down down down to Goblin Town. And then in front of a massive underground waterfall I saw the Kimono Girls...eh, how did they get here first? They gave me a bell and asked me to ring it as they danced. And so I did. I mean, I came this far, might as well see what the fuss is about...oh shit!!! Out of the waterfall popped none other than the legendary pokemon Lugia. I looked up at this 17ft behemoth and thought nope, I'm not risking any of my team fighting THAT, so I lobbed the Master Ball at it and it became mine. But in my PC it went because an honourable trainer am I. Using legendaries is most unsportsmanlike and not fair game. I'll just be getting the hell out of here...

And so it was that I flew to New Bark Town and surfed east, to Kanto. As soon as I set foot on land, a random fat guy walked up to me and told me I'm in Kanto. I pointed out that nearby Tohjo Falls is considered the dividing line, and we haven't crossed that yet, but he just looked confused so I left him there and carried on. Why was he just loitering there anyway? There's nothing here!

But the journey through this rugged part of the countryside was quite fun. Lots of tough trainers en route, and then I reached the gates to Victory Road, where there were absolutely no trainers whatsoever. Until I reached the end, that is, where I was attacked by yet another hitman. Exactly how many of these bastards are there? This is getting old, and after I beat his predictable team I ensured that Kelpie froze him solid with a well-timed Ice Beam. That's five downed by my hand and one by the Kimono Girls...surely, that's all?

Anywho, the winding frustration of Victory Road came to an end, and it was upon exiting that I beheld the gates of the Pokemon League. At last! My destiny is near.

The team - Slapper the Quagsire, Hooters the Noctowl, SliceNDice the Scizor, Kelpie the Lapras.

~ King Smorgascake, August 1999
 

King Smorgascake

Conqueror of the Fuchsia Gym
Pokédex No.
4865
Caught
Aug 3, 2021
Messages
62
Nature
Bold
Pokémon Type
  1. Dragon
  2. Poison
Pokédex Entry
666
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #15
I stormed into the gates of the Pokemon League. A very pleasant building this. Both a modern design with classic architecture. I wasted not time checking in at reception, eating a quick lunch of honey-glazed Pidgey wings and slurping back a Tropius neck fruit smoothie before charging into battle.

First up was Will, the new man about town. One of Blue Avery's little sidekicks, I hear. He claimed to be a Psychic-type master, but he failed to foresee that SliceNDice would solo his whole team effortlessly. Swords Dance up, and sweep easily with Bullet Punches and X-Scissors. This is why I stay away from most Psychic-types. Too frail! I left Will to ponder the meaning of his existence and moved on.

Next was Koga, a former gym leader from Red Avery's quest three years ago and self-proclaimed ninja whose techniques apparently confound and destroy. What confounded me is that he thought he could take on a well-trained Scizor with Ariados, some kind of lame poké-tarantula. SliceNDice set up and swept his team clean. Koga, in awe of the ease at which he was defeated, drank his own poison to end his shame. What shame? I'm the best trainer in Johto, fool! There's no shame in losing to me. I hadn't time to watch him die miserably, and so marched on.

Third was Bruno, a veteran from the old Elite Four, before Red's time. As I fought him I couldn't help but wonder why they'd kept him around so long. SliceNDice Swords Danced up and Bullet Punched her way through the third team in a row. I've now defeated three members of the supposed Elite Four with just one damn pokemon! SliceNDice finished the job by slicing clean through Bruno's waist, as he appeared to be prepared to hit me in the head with a large rock. Asshole had passed his expiry date, anyway.

Unfortunately, SliceNDice's rampage came to an end there, somewhat. Karen was next, and she was actually a challenge. We even had a casualty, with Slapper the Quagsire being felled by a Dark Pulse from Karen's Houndoom. Kelpie avenged her, Surfing the bastard to death. My sorrow did not distract from my task, and the others finished the job without too much trouble. I was determined for revenge, but Karen surrendered and I am not prepared to sacrifice my honour and bring harm to a surrendering woman. I healed up my team, and got ready for the toughest foe I had faced thus far.

It was crunch time. Lance. I've seen him battle, I know what he can do, but he knows me also from our raid on the Team Rocket hideout, where he happily sat back and let me do the lion's share of the work. After a short conversation involving some bring-it-ons and may-the-best-man-wins, we dueled. And my, what an epic battle this was. Kelpie was the standout this time, as I trained him specifically to be a slayer of dragons. Many Ice Beams, Surfs and Thunderbolts later, and at the cost of Slave Two the Spearow due to a much-needed tactical switch-out, I clenched a hard-fought but well-deserved victory. Lance was humble and honoured my success by proclaiming me Champion! He believes that I can grow strong enough to defeat the pirate scum.

Everything after was a bit of a blur. Firstly, my pokemon and I were registered in the Hall Of Fame. Then there was the ceremony, as I was paraded through the streets of Goldenrod as the new Pokemon League Champion. Kanto still awaits, but for now I will savour this victory and mourn my fallen companion, for whom a replacement shall be required. That little Horsea I named Sniper, maybe.

The team - Hooters the Noctowl, SliceNDice the Scizor, Kelpie the Lapras.

RIP - Slapper the Quagsire, Slave Two the Spearow.

~ King Smorgascake, August 1999.
 

King Smorgascake

Conqueror of the Fuchsia Gym
Pokédex No.
4865
Caught
Aug 3, 2021
Messages
62
Nature
Bold
Pokémon Type
  1. Dragon
  2. Poison
Pokédex Entry
666
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #16
Those interim weeks between becoming Champion and my quest into Kanto were most excellent. Many indulgences into the fine red wine this region is known for, and a few ladders there were installed on Moutain Road so people can FINALLY travel in both directions. Also added to my team was a new member. After my battle with Clair, I realised what a quality pokemon Kingdra is, so I decided to catch one myself. Or rather, I caught a Horsea back when I visited the Whirl Islands previously, which I dubbed Sniper (ironically, it lacked the Sniper ability) and trained it from base stage, to Seadra, and finally to Kingdra.

But time and tide wait for no man, or legend for that matter. The good Professor Elm handed me an S.S. Ticket to catch the ship from Olivine to Vermillion City. Word on the street is that the Avery brothers and their lieutenant, the Saffron City gym leader Sabrina, have been gathering all the strongest trainers around, ensuring that Kanto's gyms and routes are packed to the brim of people who actually think they can stop me. Good! In spite of three key deaths, the challenge thus far has been insufficient, and I conquered my way through Johto quicker than Harry Potter's fat cousin chomped through his birthday cake.

I boarded the ship, which was full of trainers for me to train up against. Unfortunately, there was some chaos aboard when a disinterested grandfather lost his granddaughter and assumed she'd be okay because they were on a ship. Yes, because it's most certainly not possible for her to slip overboard is it, grandpa!?! Somehow, she was bothering the captain and somehow, to prevent her from continuing to do so so that the captain could concentrate on not making the ship crash into rocks (these be shallow waters) and sink, I ended up having to waste the second half of my journey playing hide-and-seek with a little kid. Granddad gave me a Metal Coat for my troubles, which was two months too late.

And then the ship docked at the fine port of Vermillion. The Indigo Plateau might technically be in Kanto, but it's rather remote and feels in the middle of absolutely nowhere, so this was the first time in over three years that I felt like I was home. I often ventured to Vermillion from my home city of Celadon back in the good old pirate-less days of my late teens and early twenties. Good drink, seafood, beautiful women, free pornography in the Sunset Hotel...it's all here!

But no time did I have to take in the sights. I came here for one reason, and one reason alone. Conquest! And with that, I stormed into the gym, wiped the floor with the gym trainers, and managed to get past Lt. Surge's ridiculously frustrating bin switch puzzle. I had the mind to kill him for that alone, but he took the choice out of my hands. A proud soldier, he refused to surrender after SliceNDice and Sniper were able to take down his team, and a quick Dragon Pulse to the face from Sniper truly made this a shocking arrival indeed.

I will say this, though - Lt. Surge did his job in proving that Kanto's gym leaders would be far more worthy opponents than their Johto counterparts. Even the local route trainers were tougher. I found out to my dismay when, in my journey to Saffron City to the north, my darling Hooters got double-Thundered and bit the dust when unexpectedly faced with a Plusle and Minun duo from twins. With no more time or opportunity to train any new teammates, I knew I had to proceed with more caution than ever before, as the loss of any of my three remaining hit squad would signal the beginning of the end. SliceNDice, Kelpie, Sniper...don't let me down now.

The team - SliceNDice the Scizor, Kelpie the Lapras, Sniper the Kingdra.

RIP - Hooters the Noctowl

~ King Smorgascake, September 1999
 

King Smorgascake

Conqueror of the Fuchsia Gym
Pokédex No.
4865
Caught
Aug 3, 2021
Messages
62
Nature
Bold
Pokémon Type
  1. Dragon
  2. Poison
Pokédex Entry
666
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #17
Sabrina had her eyes on me, I'm sure. I've always believed that a true pokemon master does not willingly go into a battle they know they cannot yet win, and so it was that I snuck through Saffron undetected. The Avery brothers' psychopathic second-in-command would definitely fall at my hands, but it was not this day, as I knew I needed more training yet.

Thus I ventured north, and what a bizarre chapter this was to my tale. I arrived in Cerulean City, but Misty had the weekend off, it seemed, so I had a mind to visit the Power Plant in the east for lack of anything better to do. I noted in Saffron that the Magnet Train was STILL out of order, and being the new Champion and all I figured it was high time I asked the clowns running it if they really knew how to do their job.

When I reached the plant, it transpired that a vital machine part to the generator had been stolen. Then, just as I was leaving, one of the officers received a call that a suspicious character was loitering around Cerulean Gym, and asked for my assistance. The train's been down for two months, presumably due to this theft, so this is surely what Americans call a 'wild goose chase' as no thief is going to still be loitering in the general area after all this time. Sigh...given these guys had achieved the square root of fuck all in over two months and this shady fella probably isn't up to any good regardless, I suppose I should investigate.

Flying back to Cerulean on the back of my new tiny Fly slave bird, Flapper the Pidgey (no, becoming Champion did not help with my creativity in naming anything), I was about to enter the gym to see what I could see when a Team Rocket grunt burst out, blabbered some nonsense, asked to pretend I didn't see him and ran off north. Being completely sick of these fools turning up time and time again, I gave chase.

I cornered the grunt on Nugget Bridge and defeated him easily, for all he had was a poorly-trained Golbat. Now, this is where things get strange. His story is that he stole the generator part to decommission the Magnet Train until Team Rocket had conquered Goldenrod City and were ready to return to Kanto in all their camp-uniformed glory. A secret mission he said, but not much of it made sense. I mean, the Magnet Train's been out of service since I first arrived in Goldenrod, about two months ago, so why did he only hide the machine part now? Add to that that Team Rocket fully disbanded over a month ago by now, something he was surprised to find out, and...the more I think about it even now, the less sense it makes. But while I was there puzzling, the lone Rocket said he'd go back to his home country and form a new Team Rocket before running off. Erm, okay, so I delivered the machine parts to the power plant, the manager thanked me with a TM and the Magnet Train is now up and running again. I have since decided to try not to think about the whole Team Rocket grunt thing ever again. If this was a TV show, or a film, or a video game, then the whole incident would fall into the 'major plot hole' category.

With my head hurting from the confusing scenario I'd just left behind, I decided the best way to clear it was to battle my way through the route north of Nugget Bridge. I received a Nugget as a reward for brushing aside a bunch of run-of-the-mill trainers (by Kanto standards) and reached Cerulean Cape. Bill's grandfather lives there, but to be honest I had no time to sit, drink tea and listen to stories of days gone by, so I continued on to find...Misty! On a romantic date! I was surprised, given that the Kanto gym leaders are apparently the Avery brothers' finest, always ready to answer the call for battle. And let me tell you, Misty did not take kindly to me storming up to her and demanding a gym battle. I frightened the life out of her date, too. Annoyed, she agreed to return to Cerulean gym in order to 'teach me a lesson.'

Upon my return, I battled through Cerulean gym and came up against Misty. She was angry and confident, but I figured that since Water pokemon don't have any Scizor-scaring Fire moves, my ol' Swords Dance strategy with SliceNDice would make short work of her team. And it did. Her first pokemon was a Golduck with only Water Pulse as its Water move, so I set up against it and there really was no contest from there on.

Misty and I made amends after that, her being impressed by my strength. Says she understands the need for new leadership in town, given Red Avery is never around and Blue Avery is apparently an asshole to anyone who isn't a die-hard Libertalian.

But Misty, she's cute. I asked if she'd go on a date with me, the king and goddamn Champion of Johto, when my epic quest was over.

She said no chance.

#@&%!

If only Jasmine hadn't killed Carl...

The team - SliceNDice the Scizor, Kelpie the Lapras, Sniper the Kingdra.

~ King Smorgascake, September 1999
 
Last edited:

King Smorgascake

Conqueror of the Fuchsia Gym
Pokédex No.
4865
Caught
Aug 3, 2021
Messages
62
Nature
Bold
Pokémon Type
  1. Dragon
  2. Poison
Pokédex Entry
666
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #18
Not a long one today. I didn't plan out Kanto chapters too well.

After defeating Misty (and getting rejected), I had to decide where else to go. Libertalian trainers are everywhere in Kanto, and Sabrina would most likely expect me to attack Saffron from the north. So I chose to go to Lavender Town instead, via Rock Tunnel, and make my way to Saffron from the east.
It was relatively easy going, not too many trainers (none in Rock Tunnel, thankfully! Word has it that Red Avery had a tough old time getting through there). I was able to sneak through Saffron's east entrance and through the city, exiting in the west. Sabrina is apparently psychic, yet couldn't predict my simple and obvious detour? Farcical!

Anywho, this route took my to my hometown of Celadon City, with its glorious skyscrapers, department stores and Game Corner. Actually, scrap the latter, as it's been taken over by that Goldenrod weirdo and his fucking Voltorb game! But this is still the greatest city that man ever raised. Erring on the side of caution though, I didn't visit any friends or family, as I didn't want them to get targeted by any of Blue's hitmen. If there are any left. Come to think of it, I'm not too sure. I have yet to encounter any since Victory Road.

The leader here is Erika. And if you are looking for a lady that's the life and soul of the party, then look elsewhere as this woman shouldn't be invited to any parties at all! Just ask the pervy old guy who's been peeping through the windows of this 'ladies only' gym for over three years. He'll back me up.

After I barely broke a sweat dispatching of the gym trainers, I reached Erika. Immediately, she started talking about weather and flowers. Is this a tactic to bore competitors and decrease their concentration? Well, it worked! Before I could concentrate on what exactly was happened, SliceNDice and her Jumpluff were already at it! Not to worry, though. I mean, this girl's a Grass-type specialist. That's right. She's a gym leader...who uses the GRASS-type. Eheheheh. Erm, well, I read about something called Torterra that is apparently a good Grass-type, but Erika didn't have one, so of course I won easily. I mean, a Bug/Steel type offensive monster is possibly the best of the many counters to Grass-type pokemon.

Erika surrendered. To be perfectly honest, I wanted to torch this whole gym and find a Dark-type specialist replacement, but there aren't any aside from Karen, who's already in the Elite Four and was permitted to keep her place despite killing Slapper the Quagsire. Plus, the lack of a Typhlosion named Carl made torching this place difficult. So I took Erika's badge and left, making sure to relieve myself over her favourite flowerbed along the way.

Where next, you may be wondering? I've heard that Fuschia has a decent gym.

The team - SliceNDice the Scizor, Kelpie the Lapras, Sniper the Kingdra.

~ King Smorgascake, September 1999
 

King Smorgascake

Conqueror of the Fuchsia Gym
Pokédex No.
4865
Caught
Aug 3, 2021
Messages
62
Nature
Bold
Pokémon Type
  1. Dragon
  2. Poison
Pokédex Entry
666
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #19
Cycling Road. Man, do I hate the guard here. Every time, every single time I stroll on through, and this guys screams at me to get on my damn bicycle. As if it's not perfectly safe to walk on the side of the road. Who on Arceus' green Earth thought of a bike-only route as the quickest way to get to Fuschia? When Kanto's mine, a footpath on Cycling Road will be the first thing that changes!

As is customary, the road itself was full of bikers and roughnecks, apparently more 'eco-friendly' this time around. Really? Well, none of them were that tough, and I arrived in Fuschia 'without a hitch', as Americans say.

This city just isn't the same without the Safari Zone. Why the Warden decided to ditch this wonderful Zone in favour of that really crappy, soulless one absolutely miles away from anywhere on the very western fringes of Johto, I'll never know. In its place, we had the Pal Park. Uh, this is a total anachronism that doesn't make sense, given it's 1999 and all, so I'm going to avoid questioning my own reality and not go anywhere near the Pal Park. Between this and the Cerulean Team Rocket grunt's plot, there has been too much confusing nonsense going on in Kanto with no real plot to make up for it. Correct...NOTHING is happening beyond me travelling around defeating Gym Leaders. How boring.

Right, the gym. Janine, a ninja and daughter of Koga, will be wanting revenge after her daddy ended his life following the shame of his defeat at my hands. Like buddy, I'm the best trainer on the planet, there was no shame, no shame whatsoever...

Inside, all of Janine's cronies were dressed as her. Even a guy! Let's set the record straight here - this is 1999, all this genderfluid, non-binary crap is where it belongs in this particular decade - out of sight and out of mind. I do fear that that won't be the case in 15 years' time, but they'll also have invented time travelling by then, right? I can live in the 90s until death take me.

As for Janine, her team was weak. 'Underlevelled' may be a more appropriate term. As Kelpie was sitting on a grand total of 0 appearances v Kanto gym leaders, I decided to let him do the bulk of the work this time. Janine was distraught, but she's only young. I managed to convince her that serving me instead of the Avery brothers would erase any shame she may have, and that I wished her father's stubbornness would not have drove him to the rash decision he made. Janine understood. Good. Appointing gym leaders is a headache due to all the candidates; choosing Pryce's successor in Johto was a drag, and I'm not looking forward to going through all that again with the Vermillion and Saffron gyms (assuming the fanatical Sabrina will adopt a 'win or die trying' approach).

Anyway, it's a long, long road full of trainers before I get back to Saffron. I need to deal with these guys now and get the training, because Sabrina is not going to be a pushover.

The team - SliceNDice the Scizor, Kelpie the Lapras, Sniper the Scizor.

~ King Smorgascake, September 1999
 

King Smorgascake

Conqueror of the Fuchsia Gym
Pokédex No.
4865
Caught
Aug 3, 2021
Messages
62
Nature
Bold
Pokémon Type
  1. Dragon
  2. Poison
Pokédex Entry
666
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #20
Honestly, for me Part III was the worst to try and write. Kanto is literally just walking around challenging gyms, with too little in the way of actual story. Honestly, I could have just put it into one part, rather than two. Thankfully, Part IV turned out better. I'm going to try and get an entry out every day now as I have an idea for a sequel of sorts and want to actually put out entries as I play through next time (I was already in Kanto by the time I started posting this run on here).

It was indeed a long road full of trainers back to Saffron. Very long. No pubs or bars to stop off at on the way for a nice breather and relaxation, either. There was a spa, but people putting cucumbers over my eyes and strange creams over my face before tickling me all over just isn't my kind of thing.
But in Saffron I arrived at last! I was concerned of the threat posed by Sabrina before, but not now. I was ready and stormed into her gym. And what's this? Warping panel puzzles? Oh dear...Lt. Surge's bin switches were bad enough! It was only after defeating all the gym trainers and eventually discovering which panel led to Sabrina that I was finally able to face the interim leader of eastern Kanto, and Libertalian fanatic (although rumour has it that she's never set foot out of Kanto. Strange!)

Our battle was intense, gruesome and savage, or so I'd like to tell you. But alas, it was actually a cakewalk. SliceNDice just Bullet Punched her way to victory all on her own! Even Sabrina's legendary Alakazam went down in one hit. In fact, only Venomoth, a pokemon that isn't even a Psychic-type, survived the first attack. Job done, I'll take that badge, madam!

It was only then that I saw the depth of Sabrina's devotion to the Avery brothers. An apparent psychic herself, she rolled her eyes back into her head and let out a wave of mysterious energy, knocking me backwards off my feet. When I looked back up, she was on the floor, dead. A last ditch attempt to kill me? Delibeate suicide? Both? Who knows. Sad as it was that such an attractive young woman would do such a thing, her personality gave me far too much cause for concern to have even considered inviting her out for tapas and a bottle of fine wine, but her death leaves that a moot discussion anyway.

Johto? Mine. Eastern Kanto? Mine. All that's left now is the western half of Kanto. Red Avery and the three B's (Blue, Blaine, Brock). Sounds like a shit 70's disco funk act, but those that remain to be faced will certainly be my toughest foes yet.

The team - SliceNDice the Scizor, Kelpie the Lapras, Sniper the Kingdra

~ King Smorgascake, September 1999
 

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