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Other It Happened in a Tabletop

Thread Description
what do you mean seduction isn't a skill

Mattelonian

Aarakocra Illusion Wizard Extraordinaire
Artist
Screenshotter
Team Delta
Pokédex No.
97
Caught
Jun 17, 2019
Messages
709
Location
probably in bed
Nature
Sassy
Pronouns
He/Him
Pokémon Type
Electric, Flying
Pokédex Entry
This Pokemon appreciates all hugs, internet or otherwise.
one of the other characters in a curse of strahd campaign i'm in made a deal with an entity to become a vampire because they wanted to become a lycanthrope for the aesthetic but the entity only did vampires
 

CasualGameFreak

Discord Resident Extraordinaire
Writer
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
130
Caught
Jun 23, 2019
Messages
387
Location
Flower Paradise
Nature
Quirky
Pronouns
they/she
Pokémon Type
Grass
Pokédex Entry
Despite being a Grass-type, Casual is a flaming lesbian. Fire and Grass don't usually mix, but somehow it works out here.
Me, in character: "Not really any use for a dead me."
Cleric, in character: "Depends on who you ask."

Our DM's response to the reference to necromancy was as follows:

"If [Cleric] is the son of a vampire... does that make him the result of nec-romance-y?"

This is just one of the things that came from last night's shenanigans in Deathlandia II (as some of us call it).
 

Mr.Hobo

Johto League Champion
Pokédex No.
261
Caught
Jul 1, 2019
Messages
610
Nature
Lax
Pokémon Type
Dark, Poison
The party were given a choice by a group of bugbears: take a a group of vampires, or have to fight them and their goblin troops.
The party decides to fight the vampires (ftr, I disagreed with this)
We delve farther into the dungeon, and open a door to find a number of vampires.
'WHO DARES-"
We close the door again
I hear through the door
"did he really just do that? What a dickhead."
Eventually vampire chief walks out, and demands all our gold.
I try to whack him with a warhammer.... and miss
awcrap.dnd
Inititative begins
Vampire lord backs up
Our Wizard casts fireball, hitting 8 of them (not the chief)
6/8 make their save
still downs most of them
The leader goes "HOLY SHIT YOU HAVE FUCKING WIZARDS?"
"DUDE WE'RE NOT ACTUALLY VAMPIRES WE'RE JUST ACTORS"
Runs away, his wig flying off as he bolts.

And thats the time we murdered a whole bunch of actors in a dungeon
 

Bowser's Family Vacation

Johto League Champion
Writer
Team Delta
Pokédex No.
301
Caught
Jul 1, 2019
Messages
2,141
Nature
Rash
Pronouns
She/her
Pokémon Type
Dragon, Cool
Pokédex Entry
"Am I Mario's babysitter? Are you going to call me every time that guy blows his nose, or what?"
My DM is a saint who lets us text her at ungodly hours to type out scenes in a one-on-one setting. My deep gnome warlock, who I wanted to join the main party, had the little problem of being essentially in the underworld. (The evil daughter of the local god of death had tried to steal her soul.) So I texted my DM like, "Can we work this out?"

Luckily, the god of death is a cool dude who let my lovable idiot, Bell, return to the world of the living in exchange for looking for his daughter, so he could sit her down and have a chat about not being evil. He also was endlessly patient with Bell breaking down and crying and coming out to him because his daughter emotionally abused her. (Being trans is not living a lie, fam.)

My favorite thing was that my DM kept forgetting that my character is deaf, so she kept having the god of death make... mistakes.
God of Death: "And yes, I do like birds, I guess. Not my favorite animal, but they have a pretty song, don't they?"
My character: "I wouldn't know."
My DM:
1685
 

Crusticus

#1 Bling Bling Stan (sorry Onion)
Affiliate
Hacker
Artist
Screenshotter
Team Omega
Pokédex No.
110
Caught
Jun 19, 2019
Messages
52
Location
Flavortown, USA
Nature
Sassy
Pronouns
he/him
Pokémon Type
Bug, Ghost
Pokédex Entry
This Pokemon is widely considered to be an Elder God by the church of r/nuzlocke, while in reality, it is just a big, frequently inactive shitposter.
So this happens on one of my friend group's very first meeting, we were doing a homebrew campaign I believe(?). I'm not actually too versed w/ non-homebrew stuff and this campaign died p quick after this goofy ass event. SO. None of us knew wtf we're doing at this point and how our actions would impact the world. After staying the night at a tavern, my dumbass friend decides to barge in to someone else's room, like this is Skyrim/Zelda or something of the sort. I'm sure y'all have seen those people. Everybody is freaking out at him and eventually they all run out of the room, except for one person. One person who is sound asleep in his bed. The DM suggests now that the room is "empty" as far as we all know that the guy who did that can search around if he so pleases. He tries to checks the bed, and all the DM says is something along the lines of "you hear noises coming from the bed".

So, what does this Jackass do?

He pulls out his sword and attempts to cut the fucking bed in half. His reasoning? "Well I didn't know, what if there was a goblin in there?"... (tbf there was like this big goblin horde coming, but what)

That is how our story became more of a "we are known criminals for murdering an innocent civillian and must somehow redeem ourselves which is probably impossible?" vs the original "save the city/eventually the world" plot that was going on. It was fucking hilarious, but since then we've all been less stupid. Great memories though.
 

fluffyspy

Conqueror of the Viridian Gym
Screenshotter
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
283
Caught
Jul 1, 2019
Messages
131
Nature
Timid
Pronouns
she/her
Pokémon Type
Dark, Ground
I was in a really fun D&D campaign once where our whole party consisted of a bunch of evil-aligned characters and one very gullible Chaotic Good child. I was a Neutral Evil cleric in service of the god of knowledge, whose philosophy was basically just "experience as much as possible before you die so that you can learn as much as you can about the world." It was through this train of thought that my cleric ended up getting coated in what was essentially demon blood (she force-fed it to a cleric of a rival god, who then exploded) and, as a consequence, was forced to spend the rest of the campaign feeding on others' life force to survive now that she had been tainted. Animals would sustain her for a little bit but without cannibalizing other humans (or humanoid races), she couldn't stay at full strength.

At one point, the party interfered in a sacred ritual to crown a new, peace-loving king. The future king had to be naked and unarmed for the ritual, so obviously we broke in and beat him unconscious. As we did so, I announced "dibs on the body." Confused, the DM started to explain to me that the king was completely nude and had nothing to loot, but I looked him directly in the eyes and replied, "I know. I am going to eat him." And I did!

Another highlight of the campaign was two other party members bottling that same demon blood that turned me into a man-eater and selling it as a magical cure-all. Their business was very successful as long as they made sure they weren't around after their customers started experiencing the side effects.
 

Frostmourne

Warriors of the Frozen Wastes, Rise!
Writer
Pokédex No.
46
Caught
Jun 14, 2019
Messages
1,125
Location
in her hoard
Nature
Sassy
Pokémon Type
Dragon, Fairy, Cool
Pokédex Entry
A Dragon Lich Queen | Fabulous and Stabulous
Ravnica is an amazing setting because not only are we embroiled in intense inter-Guild political conflict, actual conflict, etc, we also have characters who are at each other's throats over the smallest things and also coffee dates to talk about boys between a very bitchy half-elf and anxiety given flesh @Huntress Wizard
 

Huntress Wizard

zigzagoon is S-tier and you can't change my mind
Writer
Screenshotter
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
82
Caught
Jun 16, 2019
Messages
1,005
Location
the land of Ooo
Nature
Quiet
Pronouns
she/her
Pokémon Type
Water, Dark
Pokédex Entry
randomizers are the only way this pokemon can feel alive again
@Frostmourne

I'm so excited for Nik and Svetlana to get coffee, you have no idea XD also idk if I would call "Nik shot a baby brontosaurus in the face and the hippies got mad", "nothing" 🤔
 

Argon

Conqueror of the Saffron Gym
Pokédex No.
230
Caught
Jul 1, 2019
Messages
77
i was in the same campaign as @Huntress Wizard and i was playing basically the worst character to ever exist, he's a furby rogue with legs and he inflicted 76 damage in a single attack

his mere existence was enough to tilt the elder tempest we were fighting off the face of the planet and at one point he hid as a bonus action by burying himself in the sand and she just couldn't find him
I need you to know that I read this with a mouthful of coffee and it took every ounce of self-control I have to not spray it all over my already badly malfunctioning laptop.

@Huntress Wizard


i like running the campaign i do because in the same session i can have my players relax in a spa run by some sapient pipes and a toilet monster, and then have a horrific long-legged abomination stab their adopted child through the eye
The latter event literally caused my bard to go into a rage. I'm not kidding; I literally opened my next turn with "I would like to rage," and Bill was granted an extra attack while the abomination in question was prone and hanging on by a thread because he canonically has poorly-treated anger management issues.

I keep seeing my Ravnica campaign come up in this thread and now I need to think of if there are any more good stories from it...
 

Huntress Wizard

zigzagoon is S-tier and you can't change my mind
Writer
Screenshotter
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
82
Caught
Jun 16, 2019
Messages
1,005
Location
the land of Ooo
Nature
Quiet
Pronouns
she/her
Pokémon Type
Water, Dark
Pokédex Entry
randomizers are the only way this pokemon can feel alive again
@fluffyspy

that campaign sounds amazing holy shit. any other good moments?

@Argon

does last night's complete shutdown of your carefully crafted encounter count?
 

fluffyspy

Conqueror of the Viridian Gym
Screenshotter
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
283
Caught
Jul 1, 2019
Messages
131
Nature
Timid
Pronouns
she/her
Pokémon Type
Dark, Ground
@Huntress Wizard
It was pretty amazing for sure, probably my favorite campaign that I've been a part of! Uh, I could definitely expand on how my cleric came to get covered in demon blood in the first place because it is A Tale.

Ok, so here's how the demon blood entered the campaign in the first place. See, we first got it after finding a dying demon in an alley. It begged for help because the world had become so much of a utopia that the forces of evil were dying out. Then it died, melting into a puddle of mysterious orange goop. Me and another party member, a conwoman sorcerer, both grabbed bottles of it before it disappeared. Later, the sorcerer put a few drops of it in the cup of a random NPC at the tavern just to see what would happen. We followed said NPC home, where she proceeded to melt into even more of the goo. So of course we had to get even more of that shit.

The sorcerer and another character, a dwarven fighter, started advertising it as Lucky Gold, a miracle cure-all, and selling it. We got some good money that way. Pretty much the whole party ended up carrying containers of it around with us, too, just in case, y'know, we needed somebody to melt. At one point I was infiltrating the church of a rival god under the guise of being a fellow cleric of said god. I ended up alone with the head cleric, and he started asking way too many questions, so I maced him in the back of the head and he fell unconscious. Charisma was not this character's strong suit, and neither was making good decisions under pressure. I steal his robes so I can disguise myself as him (we had a warlock who was good at illusions, so the fact that we didn't actually look alike wouldn't be too much of an issue), and as an afterthought, tell the DM that I feed the unconscious cleric my bottle of Lucky Gold.

"A few drops, or the whole thing?"

"...The whole thing."

I'm pretty sure at this point the dwarf fighter's player put her head in her hands. Anyways, the head cleric started glowing and then he exploded. The entire room got coated in Lucky Gold, and so did I. The only reason I didn't die was because I prayed really hard to my god, who called me a dumbass but then assured me that as long as I stole other people's life force, my own wouldn't die out. And then I slipped out of the place, so... some cleric who came in to check on the head cleric later got a really nasty surprise, I guess.

Oh, and the way we got into this city in the first place, which was walled and suspicious of outsiders, was we started a riot and then snuck in while the guards were trying to deal with that. Our warlock, who was also the Chaotic Good child the rest of us had gotten pretty good at manipulating, had way too good a time instigating that.
 

Z-nogyroP

oh i am just a bastard
Hacker
Artist
Pokédex No.
81
Caught
Jun 16, 2019
Messages
124
Nature
Modest
Pronouns
She/her
Pokémon Type
Electric, Grass
Pokédex Entry
lizard??? lizard?????
yesterday's session had some big emotional whiplash, because on the one hand, the planters peanut man is a canon character in the campaign now and he's just horrible to be around, but on the other, the PCs' adopted child learned how to talk

and then in hektor's monster squad campaign, @Chess 's sword bard just really could not climb a tree at all and fell on top one of the possessed metal people we were fighting, knocking them both prone (we also got three critical failures in that single encounter, which was cool)
 

Kieran Tasima

Conqueror of the Fuchsia Gym
Writer
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
98
Caught
Jun 17, 2019
Messages
59
Nature
Quiet
Pronouns
He/Him
[8:39 PM] Death Clock: init
[8:39 PM] Mortiana: 1
[8:39 PM] LEFT CLICK TO PUNCH: 20
[8:39 PM] Kieran Tasima: 1
[8:39 PM] CasualGameFreak: 20
[8:39 PM] Kieran Tasima: (4 total)

So I think this about sums up how my group's last session went (note: Casual's 20 was natural, since she has no modifier. Mort and Erk's 1 and 20 respectively were not natural. My 1, was, of course, natural).
 

Huntress Wizard

zigzagoon is S-tier and you can't change my mind
Writer
Screenshotter
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
82
Caught
Jun 16, 2019
Messages
1,005
Location
the land of Ooo
Nature
Quiet
Pronouns
she/her
Pokémon Type
Water, Dark
Pokédex Entry
randomizers are the only way this pokemon can feel alive again
yesterday's session had some big emotional whiplash, because on the one hand, the planters peanut man is a canon character in the campaign now and he's just horrible to be around, but on the other, the PCs' adopted child learned how to talk
bold of you to discuss emotional whiplash and then not mention the doppleganger

while we were exploring a very large Lost and Found, one of the PCs, Bill, split off from the rest of the party with the team pet/adopted child Mikey. while he was off doing his own thing, the other two PCs (Mick and Harmony) were approached by "Bill," who said he had been lost in the Lost and Found for a while now and was starting to get panicked. he then implied that Bill was not actually Bill, and that Mikey was in danger. Harmony and Mick both failed their Insight checks on "Bill," with Harmony rolling a nat 1. so it should be a VERY interesting next session!

speaking of nat 1s, in a somewhat impromptu session last night, eight of those were rolled between the three PCs. one of which was by the rogue, on a check to open a lock with their Thieves Tools. :T
 

Frostmourne

Warriors of the Frozen Wastes, Rise!
Writer
Pokédex No.
46
Caught
Jun 14, 2019
Messages
1,125
Location
in her hoard
Nature
Sassy
Pokémon Type
Dragon, Fairy, Cool
Pokédex Entry
A Dragon Lich Queen | Fabulous and Stabulous
I've never been done so dirty by dice in my life and I'm literally the most unlucky person in every campaign I'm in, and yet I was somehow the LEAST victimized because Revised Ranger is based.

We literally kicked avrae from our gaming server, added another bot, got done dirty by that bot, and finally allowed avrae to return upon the completion of our adventures for the night.

Upside: everyone had to suffer through my texan accented ranger being the party bad cop.
 

Huntress Wizard

zigzagoon is S-tier and you can't change my mind
Writer
Screenshotter
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
82
Caught
Jun 16, 2019
Messages
1,005
Location
the land of Ooo
Nature
Quiet
Pronouns
she/her
Pokémon Type
Water, Dark
Pokédex Entry
randomizers are the only way this pokemon can feel alive again
@Frostmourne LOXË IS A DELIGHT

but yes, Avrae and then Dice Maiden were so fucking rude to us. my paladin, Athyra, rolled a critical fail attack twice in a row, which made me so mad i needed a minute to bitch before i could even think about continuing >.>

fuckin RNG
 

Argon

Conqueror of the Saffron Gym
Pokédex No.
230
Caught
Jul 1, 2019
Messages
77
A family can be a magic fencer, a streamer with anger management problems, a furry, and a glass-headed child who never speaks. - Huntress Wizard

Well, he talks now, and that’s actually kind of pivotal, but that’s beside the point.

The Background: Z is running a DND campaign that’s flavored in the modern-day and set in a school that would make for the single-most horrifying Saturday morning cartoon ever. I’m a College of Swords Bard, Frostmourne/Revenant is a Path of the Berserker Barbarian, and Huntress Wizard is a Circle of Dreams Druid. The School is also filled with these very bizarre looking ‘students’
-- we’ve kidnapped one, although he’s missing an eye now, but those are stories for another day.

Anyway, we were just in the school’s cavernous Lost and Found, and Bill, the Bard, and Harmony, the Druid, got into a bit of an argument, resulting in the party being split up JUST IN TIME for a doppelganger to show up impersonating Bill.

This brings us to the most recent session, where Bill discovered what happened, and found himself in the unenviable position of trying to convince someone who was upset with him that he was, in fact, the real himself. It wasn’t going well, but Mick, the Barbarian, was starting to see the wisdom of Bill’s words, and then wound up throwing a curveball in the form of admitting she had a crush on Bill. The real Bill acted with kindness and sympathy, despite not returning her feelings, and also referred to her as his friend. The doppelganger was too flabbergasted to react appropriately and neglected to include the f-word in his response (this relieved Mick, due to her sexuality normally being 100% gay).

After Bill asked the doppelganger a question about Harmony’s backstory that the doppelganger answered incorrectly, Harmony came to understand what was happening as well. The doppelganger tried to abscond, but we weren’t going to let it. Cue Flaming Sphere from Harmony to block the path, and subsequently, initiative.

Turns out this thing was a little more jacked than the standard DND doppelganger; it could shapeshift into any of us as a free action and had access to our class features, among other things--such as the DC 16 wisdom save meme ability to avoid being frightened when Bill smiles, which Mick failed. However, words of encouragement from Bill (bardic inspiration), Harmony, and finally the kidnapped student Mikey allowed Mick to remake the save early with advantage and meet the save DC exactly. So then she fucking SAVAGED this thing. The doppelganger kept trying to flee, but Bill’s Blade Flourish allowed him to close the distance...

And with a condescending, “Let’s face it, we both knew it had to end this way.”, he finished off the doppelganger.

And if all that wasn’t emotional enough, the fight ended in one of the more disturbing sections of the Lost & Found: the Innocence section. Each of the teenagers found an object that represented how they lost their innocence (although admittedly Bill acquired his last session), prompting emotional tension so thick Mikey could have cut it with the handaxe we gave him. Mick started crying over this, although she desperately tried to hide it. Harmony and Bill tried to give her words of support to counteract her self-worth issues, which was capped off by Mikey hugging Mick’s legs and saying “Good enough”--the first words he’d said all campaign which weren’t one of our names. Needless to say, the campaign’s first group hug promptly ensued, followed by Mick promising to strangle us with our own intestines if we ever admitted to having seen her cry.

Stuff like this is why I play DND.
 

Frostmourne

Warriors of the Frozen Wastes, Rise!
Writer
Pokédex No.
46
Caught
Jun 14, 2019
Messages
1,125
Location
in her hoard
Nature
Sassy
Pokémon Type
Dragon, Fairy, Cool
Pokédex Entry
A Dragon Lich Queen | Fabulous and Stabulous
I mean, let's be real, it was probably some of the best of @Huntress Wizard 's writing that she shared when she revealed the lost innocence bit, not to mention some of the best RP between y'all yet. Absolutely top notch, I was tearing up out of game just as much as Mick was in game.

And honestly, Z's DMing is just so...good. So good. Excellent.
 

Alex_Nidas

I'm lazy and I'm proud
Team Delta
Pokédex No.
132
Caught
Jun 23, 2019
Messages
267
Location
Hell, California
Nature
Jolly
Pronouns
he/him
Pokémon Type
Dark, Ice
Pokédex Entry
Sightings of them in the wild are rare, as they prefer to stay indoors with their art tablet and little siblings.
Let me begin the transcribing of the immense wealth of tales from my many d&d games. Where to begin?

Well I should probably start with the campaign that kick srarted me and my friends playing D&D again. AKA, what happens when a dm who hasnt dmed in years (me) tries to rangle a party of antisocial assholes (my 7 friends)

The party started as the following 5.

Lerissa the Tiefling Sorcerer, with a 20 in charisma who played like a 5 in charisma.
Kessel the Dwarf Rogue/Fighter, who was essentially Batman with a gun if he was old and ineffective at pretty much every part of his job.
Arjhan the Dragonborn Ranger, who hunted dragons. Yes, really. Oh, and was convinced he could take dragons on by himself cause he was that cocky.
Mina the Hafling Monk/Warlock, a runaway princess who gave zero fucks of what people thought and was somehow more blunt than the antisocial sorcerer and the ranger who literally slept in the sewers because he felt more comfortable there.
Va'Effyd, the Dragonborn Druid who was in all ways but physically a bard, being played by a first time player.

They got arrested for being under suspicion of setting fire to an inn. In actuality, it was a cult who got their hands on a baby red dragon. Through trials and fucking tribulations, they managed to clear their name, killed the dragon, get a new party member (more on him in a second)...and become entwined with the mafia and took part in a casino heist.

The new party member was Argent Vrass Jr, a Half Elf Bard (I know, how original), who was a womanizing asshole who never actually successfully womanized any woman, and was starting to be seduced by Warlock powers of necromancy.

Now, you think this would be just your run of the mill start to a party of adventurers that took place over a few sessions, and it was. It was also the beginning of the most stressful year of my life.

The party wanted to bolt from each other instantly. They had no real ties to one another, had cleared their names, and none of them liked each other, so me being the level headed, know how to handle this dm that I am, I had them meet a Chaotic Neutral Lich who wanted to act as their sugar daddy, teleported them into a forest infected with an ancient evil abberation moss, meet their 7th party member, a literal Bear Paladin who was awakened upon picking up a sentient sword, and end up closing a gate to the Ethereal Plane. You know, normal rational thinking.

The party was at each other's throats over the smallest of things, but they might have been actually turning around, because Kessel seemed to be the loveable old man glue that was bringing the party together. And then his player wanted the dwarf to retire.

So you can understand how I, already having stressed myself over a few months of the last arc, had to scramble things together. So the next arc was about how they got a new group of sugar daddies in the form of a council of epic level wizards who needed them to do their dirty work and collect magical artifacts from the wrong hands. Kessel was replaced by the council's assistant, AURI, the Warforged Artificer who didnt give a single damn about the fleshbags and was just doing her job.

From here things get a little wild and complicated (even more so than they already were), and long story short, Argent was tired of Lerissa constantly just letting the others help her out in combat and just bolting when things got tough, was ready to up and kill her in the middle of the desert, and a civil war broke out in the party. Needless to say I was at my breaking point, and while my players were having a great time and loving how the characters were turning out (Argent and Lerissa's players soon started dating after this all, by the way) I found nothing but pain and misery from the campaign. So instead of putting myself through that hell anymore, I put it on indefinite hiatus, and over the past year and a half, have been actually enjoying D&D.

Jesus that turned out longer than expected. Guess I'll have to tell more stories another time.
 

Crawdauntless

Bless Pokefusions for personifying my GMing
Writer
Pokédex No.
219
Caught
Jun 30, 2019
Messages
3,153
Nature
Careful
Pronouns
They/Them/Their
Pokémon Type
Water, Clever
Pokédex Entry
This Pokemon is often found bouncing between things it cares about, doing a lot on one at a time before dropping it just short of completion.
I take an amount of pleasure in tormenting Huntress Wizard's anxiety gremlin that I should probably feel guilty over. They were trying to reassure my paladin that they meant no harm, but my prickly daughter just refused to accept the sentiment.

"A-a-are you still worried that I'll, I'll uh, stab you in the back? Because I-I-I won't! What w-w-would I gain from that?"
"You tell me." -turns away-
[anxiety noises]
 

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