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Written Story Sinnoh General God, Guns, Grit, and Gravellers: A Platinum Headlocke (Season 1)

Thread Description
A manly journey through the Pokemon universe

Diesel Musk

Conqueror of the Pewter Gym
Pokédex No.
907
Caught
Oct 17, 2019
Messages
3
Location
The Gym
Nature
Hardy
Pronouns
He, Him, His, etc.
Pokémon Type
Fighting, Rock
Pokédex Entry
A no-nonsense Pokemon with an affinity for Guns, Grit, and Gravelers.
Hey guys,

This is a run that's really near and dear to my life and views about the world. I know they say that self-insert characters are a little childish but, you know what, life's too short. This is basically my idea of what my role would be in a pokemon adventure. Hope you all enjoy and, maybe learn something.

Here's my rules
- Only one pokemon per route
-Only fighting, ground, and rock type pokemon or those that can evolve into one of those types
-Pokemon that faint are weak, and dead to me, so I'll release them

Diesel Musk was the most manly 12 year old boy you ever did see. His biceps showed the manly bulge that only hours in the woods splitting logs can create. His wardrobe consisted primarily of camo and hunter's orange, and he sported a full beard. Doctor's called it early puberty, but Diesel knew it was the blessings of Arceus for a life of clean livin', and not being a libtard like all the rest of the people in Twinleaf Town. As Diesel was cleaning the third of his twelve rifles—something he did daily to build character and prevent the destructive buildup of rust on his fine pieces of death machinery—he thought about the one thing he wanted to do with his life: overthrow the pansies who ran the League with a team of real 'mon. Not the ridiculous water spouts and mind tricks that other, less manly trainers liked to use, but through strength that can only be won from a life of hard living, like he led.

Besides taking down the liberal pansies that called themselves League champions, Diesel's truer passion was a life devoted to Arceus. A life he chose after coming to meet the Priest at the local Missouri Synod church of Arceus, Father Grit Whiskey. Father Whiskey was a big man. Some might even call him good-sized. His muscles rippled across his back as if the spirit of the Almighty was flowing through him. The congregation was small, as Father Whiskey's sermons tend to turn away the weak and liberal. But he told the truth that no one else had the massive testiculations to say. Like how PokeBalls were unnatural tools of Giratina, designed to lead people away from the path of righteousness. The only way to catch Mon, according to Father Whiskey, was to wrestle it to the ground yourself and put it in a headlock until it submits. Diesel took a no-ball pledge with the good Father when he was just a wee lad with barely any stubble, and he didn't intend to break it any time soon.

Diesel put away his rifle collection with a smile. He made a kissing noise as he closed the door to the safe, tenderly wishing them a good night and reassuring them that he would see them all again in twenty-four hours. The guns didn't respond.

Diesel headed outside to continue with his chores. There was always wood to be chopped. Father Whiskey had told him about the evils of fossil fuels. The “official” story was that it came from dead leaves millions of years ago, but that's ridiculous. Arceus only created the world 250 years ago. Most likely it was another liberal plot to take our guns, they are crafty.

Diesel looked in awe at the family Mah-chop. Oh, he was a beautiful creature. Each line of his muscular frame made Diesel quiver with pride. “Now that's a damn Pokemon if I ever seen one,” he said, almost without meaning to. He watched as the Mah-chop lifted his mighty hand and brought down a blow on yet another log, cleaving it in two. One day, Diesel would split logs like Mah-chop, but his attempts so far had only left his hand broken and in intense pain. Nonetheless, Diesel tried once a week. One day, he would be strong enough.


“Hey, Diesel!” Chris said.

Chris was an ultra-lib pansy that lived down the street from Diesel. His gun collection was less than a fifth the size of Diesel's, and he believed in crazy socialist ideas like giving his 'mon a life of luxury inside a ball, training water types, and going to the doctor. Diesel once had a broken a leg, but rather than go to the hospital like a weakling, he fashioned a sling out of grass, dirt, and sweat and ate oran berries while he jogged five miles to make the bones heal. Sure, his leg looks a little crooked now, but better crooked than coddled!

“You, ah, need any help with that wood? I brought an axe” Chris said, waiting for Diesel to finish his internal monologue.

“I'm fine, Chris. I'll break this log like a real man soon, just you wait.” Diesel brought his hand down hard against the ironwood log again. He heard a slight crunch that indicated he'd probably broken another bone.

“That's great Diesel,” Chris chimed. “I'm rooting for you! Hey, I wonder if you want to come down to the lab with me? Professor Rowan has a few Pokemon he's giving away to kids that want to compete in the League! I know how you're always talking about being a League champ, this might be a great way to get started!”

Diesel gritted his teeth, if ever there was a model of scum and villainy, it would be Chris. But, Diesel was low on funds, and his attempts to wrestle the wild Pokemon in his area had not gone precisely to plan. His last encounter with a Bidoof had left him with one less earlobe, and the Bidoof with a story of victory that will reverberate throughout the ages. While a coddled ball-mon wasn't exactly in the plan, it might be a necessary evil. It could weaken the manly Pokemon to the point that he could get them in a dominating headlock.


After a moment of agonizing deliberation and wailing towards the heavens for Arceus to forgive him, Diesel lowered his gaze upon the villain Chris “I will go, but only because I have no other choice. But be warned! I am not a man-boy to be taken lightly, Chris.” The name nearly burned his tongue to repeat.

“Uh… sounds good then, Diesel, see you down there.” Chris peddled away on his evil mechanical horse. The sound of it reminded Diesel of the burning fires of Giratina's pit. Diesel packed a few necessities, in case this scientist's blasphemous Pokemon handout wound up as a villainous trap.

Hey future Musketeers,

Well, this is the first chapter of what will be a pretty epic and manly pokemon adventure. I wrote this as a way to get a lot of what I've been feeling about teh direction of this franchise, and the world, off my chest. Hit me up with any comments, except the liberals, you keep that s**t to yourself.

-Diesel
 

Wwarborday

King Writing Clown 2020
Pokédex No.
153
Caught
Jun 28, 2019
Messages
227
Location
Gaytown
Nature
Sassy
Pronouns
He/him/his
Pokémon Type
Ground, Ice
Pokédex Entry
I'm Doing My Best
All hail Father Grit Whiskey! Good to see a fellow man around here. Fuck doctors. I would say "good luck" in headlocking those Pokemon, but we all know luck is for liberals and Giatina.
 

glancesherlock

Consulting Detective
🌱Featurer
Writer
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
32
Caught
Jun 10, 2019
Messages
747
Location
221B Baker Street
Nature
Lonely
Pronouns
she/her
Pokémon Type
Fairy, Ghost
Pokédex Entry
Just wants to stay home and solve crimes.
Stunning. Magestic. Manly to the core. Truly, you are a visionary.

You hecking nerd.

Father Grit Whiskey 2020
 

Dustox

pfp thanks to Bug <3
Screenshotter
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
10
Caught
May 15, 2019
Messages
2,416
Nature
Hasty
Pronouns
He/Him
Pokémon Type
Bug, Poison
And lo, through the darkness, did Brother Musk deliver unto us a present of presence of manliness.

Go forth and spread the word of the Whiskey, you manly man.
 

Paine

The doctorate is in pain.
Writer
Team Delta
Pokédex No.
118
Caught
Jun 20, 2019
Messages
316
Location
Good question!
Nature
Timid
Pronouns
He/him; they/them; she/her
Pokémon Type
Psychic, ???
Pokédex Entry
It never quite knows what it's doing. Yet, somehow, things still get done.
I am a humble being. I only know the ways of capturing Pokémon in a convenient little capsule, of having them fight each other, and staying to the sidelines.

But after reading even only this first chapter, I have the deep urge to go punch a log and maybe a bird. I don’t know exactly what it is I’m seeing here, but it’s magnificent and I am looking forward to seeing more!
 

Diesel Musk

Conqueror of the Pewter Gym
Pokédex No.
907
Caught
Oct 17, 2019
Messages
3
Location
The Gym
Nature
Hardy
Pronouns
He, Him, His, etc.
Pokémon Type
Fighting, Rock
Pokédex Entry
A no-nonsense Pokemon with an affinity for Guns, Grit, and Gravelers.
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #8
Hey Musketeers,

You've all just gotten a TASTE of the Man-quet of testosterone TRUTHS I've come to deliver. Get your protein shakes and BUCKLE UP, cause chapter 2 is going to come at you HARD and will SPIT YOU OUT if you don't have what it TAKES.

-Diesel MUSK
 

Dee

THIS IS MY HAPPY FACE
Writer
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
147
Caught
Jun 26, 2019
Messages
941
Location
Zion National Park
Nature
Sassy
Pronouns
They/Them
Pokémon Type
Bug, Clever
Pokédex Entry
A regular writer of fanfics and other works, this pokemon loves puns, bugs, and the outdoors.
How did I miss this. HOW did I miss this.

This is amazing. Glorious. I need more of this.

All hail Father Grit Whiskey.
 

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