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Written Story Galar Mature dandelion

Thread Description
a retrospective Shield Storylocke | ix. promise

Dee

THIS IS MY HAPPY FACE
Writer
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
147
Caught
Jun 26, 2019
Messages
941
Location
Zion National Park
Nature
Sassy
Pronouns
They/Them
Pokémon Type
Bug, Clever
Pokédex Entry
A regular writer of fanfics and other works, this pokemon loves puns, bugs, and the outdoors.
Okay, this whole chapter was incredible--the dichotomy between the makeup between them in the past, the show of affection and friendship and just genuine good feelings on both sides despite their imperfect fumbling, the way they just both feel like friends even if they're clearly figuring each other out... and then the bitter moment in part 2. She left him, what, my heart... it just hurts so much, all of it does 😭

I gotta say, this moment stuck out to me...

She gladly takes the bundle, sticking them without hesitation in the glass of water at her bedside that’s gone untouched. She doesn’t have the heart to tell him they’re weeds
Given the title and everything...
 

bumblebee

Conqueror of the Viridian Gym
Writer
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
3139
Caught
Dec 13, 2020
Messages
128
Nature
Timid
Pronouns
She/her/hers
Pokémon Type
Water, Flying
Pokédex Entry
This pokemon flits from new idea to new idea, never able to settle down.
I think that writing angst into any kind of media can be difficult, but you have it down pat. Because, there's still hope for these two doofuses to reconcile past hurt and come back together - at the very least, platonically, perhaps.

The fact that Leon gifted Sonia a rare Pokemon as an apology because he knew she'd enjoy that chance is just...so soft. These two just get each other and it huRTS TO SEE THEM STRUGGLING LIKE THIS ;w;
 

Tailsimp

A Universally Under-Rested University Imp
🎇Contributor
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
50
Caught
Jun 15, 2019
Messages
934
Location
A Literal Desert
Nature
Quiet
Pronouns
She/Her
Pokémon Type
Electric, Psychic
Pokédex Entry
Tailsimp: The Impish Pokemon. Despite being quiet and reserved, this pokemon is usually very happy to talk and is always excited to help out!
Heyo this chapter is great. I adore the aftermath of her running off into the forest. Seeing that she made it all the way to the hospital, how protective Sonia's gran is, and how scared Leon was really adds some weight to what happened, even though Sonia seems no worse off in the end. Also this bit-
He wraps his arms around her tightly and buries his face in her shoulder. She can feel him trembling. Sonia splays a hand across his back, surprised. “Hey, Lee, I said I’m fine--”

“I know,” he says, poorly hiding a sniffle as he clings tighter, “I was just -- I was really worried, and the adults wouldn’t tell me anything, and it’s my fault ‘cause we fought--”

“Lee, hey -- it’s okay…” She rubs his back, uncertain what else to do with him. “It’s not--”

“I thought I’d lost my best friend,”
killlled me. The idea of how terrified he must have been finding her like that hurts the heart. Though it doesn't hurt the heart quite as bad as-
But her head is heavy with residual booze, her heart with regret, and she doesn’t have the energy to fight. She’d dreamed for years of facing him down, telling him exactly what she thinks of him and how they left things. Now, she can’t help but wonder what difference it would even make.
this, because there's something that's just so... painful, about not knowing if anything makes a difference anymore. Like, when you replay stuff like this in your head, it is usually filled with righteous fury, and it feels like you'd get something if you could just manage to get it out. But that moment where it changes to "would it even matter if I said this" can leave one feeling so powerless it's awful. But despite the final (very powerful) line of the chapter, I have hope that these two can at least be friends by the end of all this. It won't be an easy reconciliation, but you've shown that despite the mess they're in, they care for each other a lot. I really look forward to seeing how everything plays out.
 

Rhema

Conqueror of the Azalea Gym
Writer
Team Delta
Pokédex No.
212
Caught
Jun 30, 2019
Messages
212
Location
Hearthome City
Nature
Careful
Pronouns
She/Her/Hers
Pokémon Type
Fire, Psychic
Pokédex Entry
She tries her best, but doesn't succeed. She gets what she wants but not what she needs.
he runs her tongue across his bottom lip and he suddenly stirs to life, not resisting as she tugs him further into her room, letting the door click shut behind them.

Her hands flit all over him, like she’s trying to reacquaint herself with how it feels to hold him -- his lips find hers, her chin, her neck, like he’s trying to make up for nearly a decade of lost time.
damn, reading this in public feels borderline NSFW. The sexual undertones are.....well, I suppose they're more like extremely obvious overtones lol. I love how you've conveyed mutual desperation on both Leon and Sonia's part. This definitely reads like after being distant for so long, they're both rather hungry for each other (okay, that feels NSFW to type in public)

“For what it’s worth, I’d really like to try. Being friends again, I mean.”
Ugh, I don't want them to be friends. I want them to make babies. Still holding out hope they become more than friends in the end. The flashback scene really tugged at my heartstrings and makes them feel more like soulmates than just pals.
 

Thirteenth

eternally crying over the botw trilogy
Writer
Pokédex No.
14
Caught
May 20, 2019
Messages
1,802
Nature
Quiet
Pronouns
She/Her
Pokémon Type
Fairy, Ice
Pokédex Entry
The reason she guides people all the way down to the mountain's base is that she wants them to hurry up and leave.
It still hurts to see how they used to be and how they are now ;;; Look, clearly they're gonna end up reconciling and being friends and getting together because what is this story if that's not what happens -- but getting there is gonna have a lot of moments like this isn't it, where there's gonna be hurt and uncertainty and the way things used to be is gonna make the present so much worse by comparison.

Of all the updates so far, this is the one where the retrospective aspect of the run really shines. The past and the present are in such contrast to each other, and the fact that things used to be better drives everything home and makes your flashback setup so effective.
 

glancesherlock

Consulting Detective
🌱Featurer
Writer
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
32
Caught
Jun 10, 2019
Messages
747
Location
221B Baker Street
Nature
Lonely
Pronouns
she/her
Pokémon Type
Fairy, Ghost
Pokédex Entry
Just wants to stay home and solve crimes.
Girl, lemme preface to say this is such a triumph and you should be proud of what you've done here. Your take on Sonia and her relationship with Leon is *chef's kiss,* and the retrospective angle feeds off a melancholic nostalgia you absolutely nail, but also this prose is so tight. Absolutely nothing is wasted, and you're gonna put waffle irons out of business, I s2g. You weave in mountains of emotional exposition and literal exposition using very few words, and things just feel... idk, balanced?? The narration will be doing its thing, and then Sonia has a moment of regret or encounters a sad memory, and the story takes a pause but doesn't feel interrupted. It's so seamless. I love how Sonia seems to find reminders of her unrequited relationship in everything. You can feel the regret, because it's always on her mind in some shape or form, and she processes everything that happens through this cynical yet pining filter. There's a lot going on here, emotionally, and I'm living for it.

(Also you write an A+ Leon who's mature but also super rocks-for-brains. Well fucking done.)
 

Wwarborday

King Writing Clown 2020
Pokédex No.
153
Caught
Jun 28, 2019
Messages
227
Location
Gaytown
Nature
Sassy
Pronouns
He/him/his
Pokémon Type
Ground, Ice
Pokédex Entry
I'm Doing My Best
“I thought I’d lost my best friend,” he says, and she pauses.
I feel like I just got secondhand friendzoned,
Makes him look like his father, in that one picture on the Harris’ mantle before they’d all been turned face down and eventually stowed away.
GOD that's so good; you have a real talent for putting a *lot* of information into really short sentences, and I'm endlessly in awe.
“You just want me along to cook so you don’t starve to death.”
This just slammed me back to him being like "she's a good cook :)" at the dinner party, oh my god.
“My number hasn’t changed.” She can feel him watching her, and she turns to meet his eyes. “If you’re serious about trying.”

His promises used to mean something, but now they only leave her feeling empty and hollow.
Okay Cool Just Stab Me Why Don't You,

I really like the developing relationship thread we see here, where it's clear that neither one of them is right or wrong, and it's a huge bundle of hurt feelings and missed chances, that's my fucking JAM and I am so excited for more!!
 

Dustox

pfp thanks to Bug <3
Screenshotter
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
10
Caught
May 15, 2019
Messages
2,416
Nature
Hasty
Pronouns
He/Him
Pokémon Type
Bug, Poison


Honestly me throughout this story.

So, like. You're just so amazing at these character interactions, yeah? I love all these pushes and pulls in Sonia and Leon's dialogue throughout this chapter. The emotions both parties feel are so genuine and valid and it really makes for a more compelling read. On one hand, Sonia is the protag and we feel for her most of all but Leon isn't a slouch in the sympathy department either. I can sympathize more than once about people leaving you behind and you capture that feeling so, so well in Leon (and in Sonia) that I'll be hugging my Dustox plushie extra tight tonight.

Also, you are the queen of writing dinner parties. Just, yeah.

In any case, you know how much I love this run, I've told you already. Sonia's just a wonderful character in SwSh and I feel like you're a perfect fit to portray her journey and interactions with Leon. I think the in media res aspect is also great as it constantly gives us these crumbs to follow. LIke what made Hop so distant from Sonia and what really happened between Sonia and Leon. There's a lot to unpack and I'm happy I'm caught up and on board!
 

ashtrayscomics

Conqueror of the Cinnabar Gym
Artist
Team Delta
Pokédex No.
3394
Caught
Jan 14, 2021
Messages
85
Nature
Jolly
Pronouns
She/Her
Pokémon Type
Ghost
Heyy I just wanted to say that I saw this won the extravaganza thing this year so I thought I'd check it out- I'm up to the bit where she's in the slumbering weild and I love this! I don't usually like reading, I haven't read a book in ages and it's really hard for me to focus on even things I like lately, but this is awesome and I've really enjoyed it. I've been reading around two chapters every night and those two chapters per night have been something for me to really look forward to the past few days. :-) The interactions between Sonia and the other characters is great, especially her and Nessa, and I can't wait to read more. Keep up the great work!
 

Garish Garchomp

Friendly Neighborhood Landshark
Administrator
Moderator
🌱Featurer
Writer
Pokédex No.
43
Caught
Jun 12, 2019
Messages
565
Nature
Sassy
Pronouns
He/Him
Pokémon Type
Dragon, Psychic
Pokédex Entry
he's ok i guess
Wrt part 8, what I love most about the start of it is just how blurry it is. Even as the liquid confidence sparks her up, it’s all a haze, filled with vagaries more than specific details, but you don’t skimp on either. She magically gets a bottle of water and doesn’t know when or where. She’s absolutely fuckin tipsy by the end of the party. That fist bump was straight-up shambolic. The walk out was horrible. The end of that chapter was a fucking fireball shot. It’s all just wonderful.

Also, ofc Raihan has an afterparty all set to roll. What a legend. Everyone Stans the himbo, but give me tall/dark/handsome/scheming, thank you very much. Idc if Sonia calls him an idiot, he is not and I will not accept this. However, I may require a spinoff where it’s literally just Nessa having to keep that fucker on a leash.

Also also I’m still crying at Leon getting her weeds in that flashback. Smh.

“I won’t go if you don’t want me to,” he says, forehead pinched in a way that makes him look serious. Makes him look like his father, in that one picture on the Harris’ mantle before they’d all been turned face down and eventually stowed away.
Speaking of, there's too damn much for me to quote in catching up that I won't even try, but this one was a fuckin' gut-punch out of nowhere. Damn.

God though, the way that hotel scene went from 100-0 so quickly… the only thing that tops it is how they lay things out, how it’s like, they almost can’t talk about the past without stepping on a landmine because there’s so many touchy decisions and so much regret and hindsight about how both of them strayed. It’s wrenching even without the goddamn sexual tension, and that last line… oof. Just… oof. I’m really excited to see where it goes from here, now that the greatest dinner party arc is over. Sure as hell won’t be a smooth ride, though.
 

Hallow

hec
Screenshotter
Team Delta
Pokédex No.
687
Caught
Aug 18, 2019
Messages
98
Nature
Lonely
Pronouns
they/them
Pokémon Type
Grass, Cute
Pokédex Entry
this pokémon is gay
i just binged this entire run and oh h h h my gosh i love it so much. your interpretations of all these characters who get so little development in the story are so well thought out and honed to perfection

the thirst. the angst. the obvious hints at past pain that is begging to be uncovered but you never let us see too much of it and it just leaves me with my head in my hands waiting for more

your sonia is very relatable to me in a lot of ways like she really does not know exactly who she is yet or what her place is and just like . holy shit sonia same let me know when you figure it out please because i need advice too, or something

i need a friend as good as nessa and sonia they are TIGHT and i am JEALOUS

hop is a dumbass angsty teen and i hate him and i will protect him with my life. and i am glad that despite whatever lingering bitterness he has, he and sonia have some important moments

i hate parties in real life (too many people) but wow you have written this so well. i was extremely invested in it throughout and we learn so much about the characters and the relations between them....... thank you for this meal

i didn't know i could hate rose more than i already did during my swsh playthrough but here we are. holy shit. he is an ASSHOLE and you write him ridiculously well. i feel unnerved literally just reading him. i want to punch him in the face even more now

also like. the way you keep weaving in flashbacks that parallel the story that's currently unfolding ,, WOW

if someone brought me a poké ball and i opened it and suddenly there was a zorua sleeping on my lap i think i'd give up everything for them too

but this last scene. this last scene though. i started reading it and was thinking that it was about to go full thirst but then you yanked the tablecloth out and turned it into something incredibly satisfying and like , this honestly shows a lot about the relationship between these two ! like leon has a head on his shoulders and knows how to use it when it matters, no matter how much sonia tells us he is a himbo (which he still is most of the time but you know)

i cannot believe this isn't even your main nuzlocke project and i am struggling to resist the urge to go and read the entirety of impulse immediately because it would be wayyyy more fun than the chores and other productive things i need to do
 

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