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Because Nobody Stopped Me: The Marble Retrospective

Thread Description
Send. Help. Latest: #4 'Pure Evil' 14/8

Master Bryss

zd zd
Hacker
Screenshotter
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
85
Caught
Jun 16, 2019
Messages
2,381
Location
Scotland
Nature
Quirky
Pronouns
he/him
Pokémon Type
  1. Poison
  2. Steel
Pokédex Entry
Their body is made of an intricate and interconnected weave of their own puns.
neY02K7.png

At the time I originally wrote this, I did not need another run.

Original Run: Somebody Stop Me! Bryss' Marble Hackventure Capslocke
Run Time: Aug 22 2013 to Aug 31 2013 (9 days)
BRRN: [BR03]

Welcome to the Garna adventure, the 'third' numbered run of Bryssverse. At the time it debuted, it was the earliest run in the timeline, since beaten out by Time & Space. The original version of this was a capslocke that mostly consisted of the Author shouting at a badly-designed unfinished hack. Despite this, it's the earliest canon appearance of notable canon beings Ganon and Evil Bryss & Magey Mage. This is narratively problematic, but since when has that been a problem around here before?

Oh! Speaking of problematic, Marble is, in case you couldn't tell, an unfinished sequel to Pokemon Quartz. This means it carries over a lot of the failings of its predecessor, which basically boil down to 'late noughties 4chan aesthetic' and all that entails. This paragraph is therefore a content warning for... let's see, general lechery, questionable dialogue, lazy and offensive stereotyping, and mysogyny. You're going to want to turn your brain off for bits of this. Which is fine because I'm pretty sure this game doesn't require a brain to play. And however bad it is, it's still better than The Hack That Shall Not Be Named. Somehow.

Prologue: Welcome to Hack Magic
My name is Ufllbcan M. Bryss, and I am fourteen years old.

Today is April 1, 2009. It's been over two years since the end of my adventures in the Sinnoh Region. Since then, I've heard nothing from my mysterious Author friend from another dimension. If I'm being honest, I'm starting to get a little sca-

Good morning, Bryss! It's time!

For what?

For your third adventure of course! I just felt that you needed a long break, given, well, y'know, EVERYTHING that happened last time round. And also I really don't want to tear the universe apart this time... In a minute Annan's gonna come and give you the details.

Oh, so you're not coming along for this one.

All things considered, it's best I never do that again. Also, I've got... other things to be doing. Like dealing with what you're doing in the future!

Uh-huh. Wait... you're serious. Are you not writing my character in chronological order?

Nope! This is like run number... five? Sapphire, Diamond, three you'll get to. And it's gonna cause me ALL KINDS OF PROBLEMS, but don't worry, Master Bryss has GOT THIS.

But I'M Master Bryss?

I think we're both Master Bryss, in our own way.

My unpronounceable first name is literally High Galarian for 'One who is an expert.' In other words... a Master.

And I'm a Master of Laws! Well, I'm GOING to be. One day. Maybe even a Doctor of Laws! And then I guess we won't have this problem.

Alright, alright. We're both Master Bryss. For now. But... where is it exactly that I'm going?

Hell on flat earth. You're going to Garna.

...This is an April Fool's wind-up, isn't it?

Nope. Although you've given me an idea for later...

Stop having ideas! I don't like them!

Well, I've had this one now. So strap in, other Master Bryss. Because it's about to get ugly in here.

 
Last edited:

Master Bryss

zd zd
Hacker
Screenshotter
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
85
Caught
Jun 16, 2019
Messages
2,381
Location
Scotland
Nature
Quirky
Pronouns
he/him
Pokémon Type
  1. Poison
  2. Steel
Pokédex Entry
Their body is made of an intricate and interconnected weave of their own puns.
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #2
Part 1: This Must Be Ganon

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UFLLBCAN M. BRYSS, WELCOME TO THE GARNA REGION.

...Oh flat you. That image I'm seeing in my head right now... are those..

THOSE WOULD BE YOUR STARTER OPTIONS, YES.

Somebody stop me. Please.

I'M AFRAID I CANNOT DO THAT, BRYSS. YOUR ACTIONS ARE REQUIRED IN ORDER TO CORRECT A GRIEVOUS WRONG THAT WAS DONE TO THIS REGION HUNDREDS OF YEARS AGO. YOU SEE... HMM. ON SECOND THOUGHTS, I DON'T NEED TO TELL YOU THIS YET. FOR NOW, I SUGGEST YOU TRY AND HAVE A NORMAL ADVENTURE.

If 'normal' is something I'll get in this region...

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By the looks of these bizarre diagrams, no it isn't...


Your mail, Mrs Kabou... Kabuc...

"Thank you, but if you'd care to use my married na-!!!"

Something wrong, miss?

"Nothing. You're just... not my usual mailperson. Tell me, could I ask you a favour? Please... hold onto this. You'll know what to do with it when the time comes."

Ahahaha! I'm afraid you've made a deadly mistake, lass! I'm going to hold onto this letter... FOREVER. The intended recipient will never receive it! Now, my Magey friend, come! Let us go commit some more arbitrary crimes!

I'm not sure that's so much a crime as just being a dick to this lady. Weren't we going to rob this town blind with our newly-acquired magical abilities?

We were! And then I realised that this town is tiny and not worth the effort. We shall seek out bigger and better targets!

Whatever you say, boss. But I really feel like we could be doing something more useful with our unfettered access to a Dial-

Evil, awaaaaaaaay! *BAMF!*

Sigh... I'm really sorry, miss... Kabuchi. The boss is kinda a mess right now. I'm trying my best here.


"You're doing just fine... Magey Mage."

Hey! How do you know who I am?

"Well... didn't your boss just say your name a minute ago?"

...I suppose he did. Goodbye, miss.

"...Goodbye."

"Who was that, mum?"

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"Nobody important, Ganon. Just an ordinary mail thief. Let's see..."

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"Shit, Baro's coming back again. I really don't know if I can take any more of this. I mean... he thinks I'm married to a dead guy, for one, and then there's... everything else. Your father BETTER get that letter I sent him."

"Professor Baro? Feh. Maybe today he'll finally have the guts to set me loose."

"If he's back today... yes. I think he just might. Pack your stuff, you're leaving home."

"Fi-na-fucking-ly. My rivals will face their doom at my hand. I'll be seeing you never."

"...Flat god, save my son."


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Aaah! It's hideous! And the Pokemon's pretty ugly too.

"You woke me up... at 2am... putas de los... please come back in the morning, I'll have a Pokemon for you."

Sorry, no control over where I entered...

"Ah, a mysterious outsider..."

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It's Bryss. Ufllbcan M. Bryss.

"Yufillbeakan... No Es anywhere in the family?"

Uuuuh... nope. I'm new in town. I rent the house down the road via Flat Rates Letting Agency? Cheers, Annan!

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"I say son of law, he's more like my... legal possession. Jujujujuju..."

I'm... gonna leave now. You're creeping me out and I can't decide if it's because it's 2am or because you're creepy. Likely both.

"Whatever you say. I'll see you in the morning if you want a starter!"

*Bryss leaves.*

"What a strange coincidencia... but he doesn't look too threatening, there's no way he's... Whatever. Ganon will crush him. Jojojojojo..."


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I DID NOT SLEEP. Annan, please tell me that my ultimate goal here is to defeat that creep. Annan? Not answering, huh? Guess that's a sign to carry on as normal. Wonder if this place has a kettle...

Oh, it does! And someone's already made me a pot! How generous. I'll just have some of this and then get going. Geez, I guess without the Author actually being here I'll just have to monologue a lot and hope he picks up enough to work with. Wish I had some handy device to help with that...


Who exactly are we waiting for here?

"Some estupido who invaded my home last night. You'll crush him and then you can go take on the Garna League."

Whatever. As long as I can finally start gaining power.

"Of course. The Aspect of Nine I put deep within you using the Cane of Chaos... finally it will be fully awakened under my control."

I can't wait.


*bash! crash! jumpcut!*

What the... this guy? Really?

"At last!"


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Whoa, that was a jump cut and a half. The editing around here... oh shit, that premade pot of stuff in the kitchen must have been coffee. That stuff makes me so unstable...

No excuses, idiot. Pick a starter so we can get to CONQUEST.

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I... uuuh... they're all so UGLY what do what do why is this rival so much meaner than Quincy aaaaargh I selectinate this one!

What an awful choice. I pick Chapebaya.

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As in Froakie, but ew. No offence.

...Do these ones not talk?

SOMETHING HAS HAPPENED TO THESE POKEMON THAT CORRUPTED THEIR ABILITY TO INTERACT WITH YOUR MENTAL CIRCUIT. THEY WILL OBEY YOU, BUT DON'T EXPECT A GREAT CONVERSATION.

But that leaves me with just... him. And he's clearly evil. In fact, screw this. The sooner I embark on this unmagical badquest...

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Oh please no...

It's your first time here, so you have to fight.

What is your problem? In fact, who even are you?

I'm your worst fucking nightmare. A demon made manifest.

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I'm Ganon, chaos unmatched! You're as good as dead!

Yeah? Well I'm about to shove a link in your past! ...That came out poorly!

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"Excellent... I can watch first-hand my creation's success..."

Creation... of course, this 'Ganon' is some kind of weird homunculus you made. In that case, nothing will give me greater pleasure than undoing whatever it is you've done.

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"Not that you're going to be able to do anything close to that. I've conditioned Ganon here to be a perfect warrior. He does not hesitate. He does not flinch. He..."

FREWKY, MURDERATE!

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Okay so that had about a 50/50 shot at working. But I got it!

Noooo! I am banished for now, but I will have my revenge!

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"Of course, I actually thought you'd win, jeje..."

Yeah. And I'm an Aipom's uncle.

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By the power of the Nine, I will crush you...

O...kay... I'm just gonna leave too. A nice normal adventure. Let's try and fail to have one of those.


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Except nope I'm suddenly in this lady's house what does coffee even DO to me AND HOW DO YOU KNOW ME?

"I don't. This is the first time we've met, but you've got that mask on your person, and that makes you Bryss. I'm Ran. I'd like to ask you a favour."

I'd refuse, but I feel like it'll line up perfectly with whatever it is this awful region has planned for me.

"Great! Please save my son from certain doom. He's blonde, goes by Ganon..."

THAT HELLSPAWN IS YOUR SON?

"He's not hellspawn, he's just been pointed that way by Baro's Cane of Chaos. He used to be a sweet kid before the experiments started. I think, with your help, we can get him back."

Okay, let me get my head straight a second. I've been in this region all of five minutes and already I'm following the wishes of a flat god and a strange blonde Lorelei-type who knows my name. I feel like I have NO CONTEXT for any of this, my Author's writing ahead of me and I accidentally drank some coffee and IT'S REALLY! SCREWING! WITH MY SENSE OF TIME!

"...Is that a 'yes, I'll do it,' or...?"

Fine. Travel about the region fighting the same person over and over. That's nice and stable and will lend itself to a chapter-by-chapter story structure. Let's forget about Annan's mysterious cosmic agenda and focus on that.

"Thank you. Next time I see you, I'll owe you one."

Lady, we will NEVER see each other again. And with that, it's time for Ufllbcan M. Bryss to embark into this cursed world and discover what horrors await me!

mGJ2c93.png
jbMSzuO.png

...Although I know in my heart of hearts that the answer to that question is 'all of them.'


Author's Notes
So, in order, here are all the things I've had to actually flesh out from the original runs to make sense of my own labyrinthine plot:

-How Ran delivered a letter to E-Bryss by conveying it to a past version of E-Bryss unaware of their liason (just as planned).
-Why E-Bryss' first appearance makes him out to be a one-dimensional petty criminal instead of a morally ambivalent time-travelling snarklord whose main character trait is 'travels with a magician' (he's having an existential crisis shortly after being created by post-timeline split Dearly Me).
-How exactly Ganon got corrupted by Nonagon to begin with, or rather one Aspect of Nonagon, the other eight will come into it later. (Baro used the Cane of Chaos to try and summon a demonic minion totally loyal to him and used E-Bryss' son (Ganon, there's timeline fuckery going on here) out of spite).
-Why Baro is completely fine with Bryss travelling across 2009 Garna despite the same surname screwing with him in 1989 (he's an idiot and just assumed it was a coincidence).

Seriously, the Bryssverse timeline is totally messed up. It's impossible to follow Ufllbcan M. Bryss chronologically because events in his distant future have a direct knock-on effect on his past. You pretty much have to read Marble, Life of Guardians and Evil Bryss' Randomised Quartz totally parallel to each other. You know there's a universe where this run was SECOND in the order after Dearly Me? Yeah, that didn't last long.

Next time, we get deeper into this sack of bad and see what comes out.
 

Master Bryss

zd zd
Hacker
Screenshotter
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
85
Caught
Jun 16, 2019
Messages
2,381
Location
Scotland
Nature
Quirky
Pronouns
he/him
Pokémon Type
  1. Poison
  2. Steel
Pokédex Entry
Their body is made of an intricate and interconnected weave of their own puns.
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #3
Part 2: Mysteries In The Woods
Where am I now? What's going on? Why hasn't the coffee left my system yet?

"Please sir, calm down! You came in here a minute ago screaming 'JUMP CUT' at the top of your lungs!"

Flat god, I'm so sorry. Listen, I think I was just in... Blossom Town, was it?

AlHH9bd.png

"That's where Professor Baro is! Could I ask you a favour?"

Does it involve going anywhere near him, because I point-blank ref-

cCAXmiv.png

...Aaaand jump cut. Please, coffee, I beg you, leave me be...

"Oh? You're back. And with my monthly WhiteBox subscription, too! How nice of you! Wait, what's your juego here, kid?"

I... uuuh... can I maybe use your bathroom real quick?

"No."

Welp. I tried.

You called me back, Professor?

"Ah, Ganon. I almost forgot to give you these. I suppose you can have some too, if you leave me alone."


7xxSw3D.png

Great! Now I can acquire some more of the monstrosities littering this region!

"Those 'monstrosities' are all endangered species, estupido. Treat them with respect!"

Can I kill him now?

"No. He will be a worth rival to you."


Surely you mean a worth-

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...Why do I even bother. In fact, why am I complaining? More of these completely random blackouts means less time spent conscious here. In the meantime, I guess you're my catch, tentacle bird. Get 'em, Frewky!

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You know, you're oddly cute. Like, in a weird way. Maybe you'll stick around.

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Maybe I'll also be able to get you some more friends, but that's gonna mean... *sigh*, a town run. And given that I've met two people in this region so far and one's a creep and the other a demon, I do not have high hopes for that...


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I just wanted to find the road out of town! What is your problem?

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"There we go! Another bug destroyed! Jus' gonna go put this Ball with the others."

...Maybe the road out is somewhere else.

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Your name is Foxy. Or at least that's what the subtitles say.

"The what? Oh no! Are you also..."

Am I also what?

"How do I put this... up there. In the sky. Is there a guy making you do things for the amusement of the internet?"

YES! Finally! Someone else who gets it! This means there are other Authors out there, right? Are they all as weird as mine?

"Hmm... I don't know what an Author is, but the person controlling me made me travel through C-"

*Suddenly, a hole in the ground opens up and swallows Foxy whole!*

"Lol, Blowtax might have your ten buuuuuuuuux!"

What on Annan's flat earth just happened?

Definitely wasn't me. Carry on.

...Sure.


KsKulj2.png

Turkeys. It's just turkeys.

If I might be so bold as to 'direct the plot,' the exit to town is west of you.

Could you perhaps write me in a trip to the bathroom to get this coffee out of my system fi-

kjfMXBb.png

Of course not. Come here, small loaf!

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How imaginative.

You get imaginative nicknames when I get some d'Annan tea.

Okay, fine! 'Having realised the field kettle was in his backpack all along, Bryss corrected the fluid balance of his delicate system while grinding his new catches to decent levels.'

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Much better.

'Unfortunately, this time allowed Professor Baro to catch up with him.'

Shit.

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I thought you never wanted to see me again?

"I've, eeeh, had a small change of corazon. Hear me out?"

Nope.

"Come on! I can help you!"

OfhptPt.png

*Bryss received some trainers!*

Okay, actually these are better than the wooden clogs I was inexplicably wearing up to now. But I'm still not going to help you. After all, up until recently you were acting like my enemy. And you're creepy.

"Eh, it was worthy of a go. I guess if you want something done right, you do it yourself..."

Byeee! ...Wonder if I'll ever get any context on that. Not that I care. Let's change shoes and keep going.

a7Ttw4D.png

Look, it's Baro. You get what you pay for.

Neither of us paid for this.

Exactly! Now, run along and go battle your fated rival or something. That's what we're doing now, isn't it?

I find it kinda alarming that you, the Author, don't know.

Oh look, a burned-out house! Let's investigate.

ObFgmwO.png
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Ah, this must be the introduction to the inevitable villain team.

Wait a sec... ask him for a description.

Why?

Uuuuh, no reason.

I mean, he's given us one. Man in a mask. Isn't that enough for you to work with? Especially since you're supposed to know more stuff than I do?

Listen to me. There are things even I can't control. If I'm right about who this is, this is one of those things. I'm starting to worry that this trip is going to be even more dangerous than it already was given your rival is demonically possessed.

Which explains why you're suddenly so oddly present.

I mean, the original plan was to leave you be, but after everyone in the city started being weird, and since you can't talk to any of your Pokemon, I decided the least I could do is give you a sounding board this one time. This is me being nice to you.

Uh huh. Fine. Let's just keep going...


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Surely all woods are hollow in the sense that you can pass through them?

Or maybe all the trees are dead inside. I suppose, as the Author, this is the sort of question I could answer for you, but... oh! Worm!

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You're not getting murdered by that crazy old man, not on my watch! And now I've got a Joltik! Kind of.

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Powerful start, too.

Provided that you don't stonewall it with Armorito. Like you just did.

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In fact, between that and the Rough Skin on your loaf there... this early game isn't very balanced, is it?

You know what, I think I can get over that. Especially if it means I can grind that demon kid into the ground.

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'And so, Bryss settled into a rhythm of battles against Bug Catchers with... umm... little cotton balls? What type is this thing?'

Whatever type it is, it's oddly defensive!

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I mean, it IS higher-levelled than everyone on your team except Frewky...

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Who isn't really doing much good for me right now either! Urgh, I hate Bubble!

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But you know what? Worth it. Time to break more things!

'With Adornable now able to fight insects not named Gusvolts somewhat competently..'

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'...things got even easier. Which made the job of the Author very dull as there was no suspense in the story whatsoever.'

It's still early! How early do you need the suspense to come?

I'm still working on the answer to that one.

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...Oh no. Why do I get the strange feeling like this person just so happens to have all three of the starters?

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...Never mind. Less threatening than that Raka thingy.

'This was a relief, as the story had just found some suspense to bother Bryss with and it would have been awful if he was in rough shape at the point it appeared.'

Excuse me, what?

You!

...Ah.


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Hope you weren't doing anything important. Wait, what am I saying? I don't care what you were doing.

Because now I'm about to lose to you and crash out of... wait, am I even enrolled in the Garna League yet?

How should I know, idiot? Now prepare to lose!

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Well, if it's a fight you want... then the mechanics of this game dictate I give one to you!

Stop filling my ears with nonsense! Poisoneko, attack!

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Huh. This doesn't look like a neko.

Gecko. It's a poisonous gecko.

That makes more sense. But the central point is... it's poisonous.

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Curses! Why didn't I get one of those?

Where did you even get the gecko?

From... no! Stop trying to talk to me like I'm your friend!

I'm not. This is sorta how I talk to everyone.

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In fact, I'm only bothering to talk to you at all because your mum asked me to.

My mother?

Yes. She wanted me to... actually, you don't need to know that. But listen, you shouldn't trust that Baro guy. He's using you.

...I know. I realised it as soon as I was alone with my Pokemon. He's weak, so he needs to control me to have strength.

Not gonna lie, you'd expect more competence from an alleged 238-year-old. So... does this mean...?

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I will acquire even more power, and then this entire region will fall at my hands.

Great! Could I maybe ask for a notice window so I know when to flee?

Fool! I will destroy you too, so that none alive know that I was once defeated! After I recover my strength, you should make peace with whatever gods you have. You won't survive our next encounter...

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...All in all, could have gone worse.

You didn't exactly endear yourself to him.

I'm not sure I can. He seems to be fairly wrapped-up in his ideals. Or whatever's inside him's ideals. It's gonna take a few more holes in his armour before I can do much more than exchange sarcastic banter with him.

I suppose this is fair. After all, I'm writing all this in the wrong order and therefore can't do certain things yet...

Hm?

Nothing. I think there's a Gym coming up, so let's just go ahead and formally enroll you into this region's attempt at a League.

Great! So, what type is the first Gym around here?

It's... a Fighting Gym. Better prep that tentacle birb.

Joy of joys...


Author's Notes
Foxy is a cameo put in from a Something Awful Let's Play of Quartz. Since the events of Quartz happened different in this universe we just have to assume she's a weird artefact and thus the Author 'dealt' with her accordingly. Her last line is just her other bit of in-game dialogue with the screen omitted.

Since this run is very much now a 'the Author regrets everything' piece, time for him to skirt around the issue of the future evil twin for all eternity! Or at least until the cave where he shows up and everything starts going wrong. Who am I kidding, things started going wrong the minute I booted this.

Next, it's a Gym. Save us all.
 

HalfTimeShow

A big ol' dumbo
Team Delta
Pokédex No.
295
Caught
Jul 1, 2019
Messages
73
Nature
Lax
Pronouns
He/Him
Pokémon Type
  1. Normal
  2. Poison
Pokédex Entry
What the diddly heckin darn is goin on here
Oh lord, how could I forget the Marble run? It's kind of weird reading it again without the caps, and by kind of weird I mean infinitely preferable. I do not miss the days when capslockes were rampant.
 

Master Bryss

zd zd
Hacker
Screenshotter
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
85
Caught
Jun 16, 2019
Messages
2,381
Location
Scotland
Nature
Quirky
Pronouns
he/him
Pokémon Type
  1. Poison
  2. Steel
Pokédex Entry
Their body is made of an intricate and interconnected weave of their own puns.
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #5
This is the Mole Galleries update, so specific cw for the implied existence of 4chan culture.

Replies
@HalfTimeShow: The Capslocke is very much consigned to the dustbin of history, and with good reason. I did one at the time because let's face it I've attempted basically everything for my own amusement, but never again. I quite like the idea that the original run was just the unrefined thought processes of Bryss and the Author and this is me actually making sense of it all now that I have some space and the shock of having to actually play Marble has worn off.
Part 3: A Visit To The Galleries

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Yes, 'city.' That is what I am in.

"Hey, you! Are you here to battle Leader Falcon?"

Leader... Falcon?

"Yeah!"

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I... uuuh...

Maybe... it's pronounced fal-CON? Emphasis on the second bit?

How do you know even less than I do?

"Oh, if it's knowledge you're after, the Vanilla Museum has some excellent exhibits!"

Huh. That sounds like something I can do to put off looking at this region's Pokemon for a while. Let's go!

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...And let's leave again! Apparently 'the stairs are out of order,' somehow...

Wait, what did it say about those Ninjice statues?

I think they're supposed to teach moves to people who find them. Kinda like ancient rocky tutors.

A rock that's actually helpful to a Player like you? This I have to see. Maybe there's one outside of town.

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Maybe there is! But unless I can use Cut...

Gotta suck it up, then. Are you a bad enough dude to can you the Gym?

...What?

Nothing. Just something a friend said while suffering once.


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Does that sign say 'Gin?'

Yes... it does... wait, how can you tell? Don't you look at what I'm doing on an absolutely tiny screen?

Because I notice small details and systematically mock them! I promise I'm not obsessed with drink!

Hmm... checks out. Let's go inside.

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Oof, it's like someone tried to dress up a Darumaka.

Imagine, a white Darumaka...

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D'Annan! I really thought sending in this underlevelled larva would work!

You did?

You clearly did too! Otherwise, would I really have done it?

I'd say lesson learned, but clearly I learn nothing from all these adventures.

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At least good old Loaf can handle it.

I think it might be time to go back to the last route for a while.

Good plan.


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Lando!

It's... just a piece of sentient turf? Anyway, that should be enough training. Back to the Gym.

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Huh. Ganon must have come and gone while we were away.

Hang on a sec, doing a thing.

What are you doing?

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Is Adornable... coughing up feathers?

Sorry, not quite perfected this process yet. Congratulations, though!

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Congratulations for wh- oh. Her stats got better...

Indeed. Adornable has not-evolved. Into Ornlil But Better.

Better stats? Sweet. Maybe we've got this after all. Hey! Leader!

"It is time for our bout then, puny Trainer! I am Falcon, the Leader of this Gym. I use the Fighting-type. They remind me that a warrior's fists must be strong..."

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You know what, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say yes. I am.

You do come from a long line of armed bastards.

Right, the old bandit blood...

"Here we go then! To arms!"

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I actually think I might have overdone this.

Naaaaah.

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You sure? Because that was one hit.

Make sure all your attacks hit. Avoid enemy attacks. These are Barry's Laws of Combat.

Who's Barry? Although come to think of it didn't I get similar advice once from Q-

Aaand spoilers for later.

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Tons of congrats?

"Yes! You have shown me a warrior..."

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"It's the Badge for this Gym! And also a TM for Brick Break."

Brick Break? But this is Gym 1!

Ssssh! Or they'll replace all TMs with medicore and ineffectual moves and put the good ones on vinyl or something!

Gotcha. Onwards and upwards, then.


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Ignoring that...

Sensible.

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El... Turkey?

My brain blipped and I forgot the real word.

Pavo. But it's El Turkey now and you're going to like it.

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This must be the Route 3 expy. Hence the dull Trainer gauntlet.

Kanto Route 3?

Right, there's loads of Route 3s to you. I mean Kanto, yes, since that's what Garna is based on.

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Wait, when you say Garna is based on Kanto...

Okay, so, thus far you've been to Hoenn and Sinnoh, which in my universe are regions from the 'normal' Pokeverse, or at least the game continuity version. This region is derived from an unofficial fan modification, or as I call them, a hake. Hake regions tend to be based on a pre-existing region to some extent, resulting in a similar but legally different adventure templa-

Yeah, I'm bored now.

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It's fine. One day, someone will explain this to you better. For now...

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Nice! Cervezap got tanky!

And El Turkey... got Leer.

Can't all be winners.

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Looks like we're approaching some kind of mountain.

A mountain that, because of its height, is closer to the moon. Hmm...

Subtle. Real subtle.

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Free Escape Ropes! That was well-timed.

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Presumably this is done in freezing temperatures as to make you freeze...

Wha?

You'll understand when you're older. I'm playing to the base here.

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Pure Rock... Frewky's Bubble is starting to drag.

'Starting to', you say?

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Oh no! It's a Metronome user!

Similar 'oh no' from me here, but it's more to do with something else. Please get this awful-looking creature out of my sight.

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What is it even meant to be?

In good faith? A naked mole rat, maybe. In bad faith? A reminder why we're not helping Baro in any way.


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How long even is this Route?

I think this idiot with no neck is the last one between us and that staircase.

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Meditate, Leech Life, Shed Skin... this thing's a whole box of bad.

I think this is the other cocoon? Gotta say they're more effectual than Metapod and Kakuna...

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Is this... a town?

I think it's more like a series of inhabited holes. Best speed through it fast.

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Wait. No. Don't do that.

Huh? Too late, I've already committed to searching this place top-to-toe looking for this phantom stranger.

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Who are you anyway?

"I'm the mayor. Someone's got to keep all these people safe. You wouldn't believe how many outside these caves wish us harm for absolutely no good reason."

I'm so sorry. Could you perhaps tell me if any weird-looking strangers passed through here recently?

"Hmm... well, there were a load of people dressed like cows..."

Nope, doesn't sound like who I'm after.

"Perhaps I could help with that? Come with me!"

Sure, offscreen stranger! What's the worst that could happen?

"That's the spirit!"

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"I've come down here to chase after a nefarious villain group. I am definitely not evil in any way."

...Hold up.


Cool! I'm Bryss, and I... whoa! A Tabble!

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Got it! ...And now that weird guy is gone.

Shoot! I'd say to go after him down that ladder, but you're probably going to hate going forward without Flash. Which means we somehow have to get you to 10 species owned in a Nuzlocke where you don't even have a full squad yet.

How many am I at?

Seven. Todad, Gusvolts, Covolts, Armorito, Ornlil, Peakur, and Tabble.

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Well...

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Now we're at eight!

Base 90 Special Attack... and 120 Speed...

And still only two moves? I know. madness. Okay, two more!

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One of which we'll get by evolving Frewky. And the other... hang on, let me try something.

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What are you doing?

I'm trying to look stuff up on the local internet. Maybe one of these sites has a- WHOOOA! That looks painful...

Turn it off! Turn it off! Leave the internetting to the professionals, Bryss. I'll find something.


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My stat-o-vision says... 10/20/40/20/40/45? This can't be right...

No, it is. This is, in fact, statistically worse than Sunkern.

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But it is an entry! And with that...

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P-Politoed?

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Ha, like we should be so lucky.

That's ten! The mayor should give us Flash now.

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I could give this to Cervezap, but... we're probably not going to use this thing for battle, are we?

It evolves at Level 35. I doubt you'll even get that far.

Huh?

A lot of hake regions aren't as long as traditional ones. I think you can only get a maximum of four badges here.

Nice! I don't have to spend as long in this awful place as I thought, then!

Indeed. Now, let's descend into the dark and see what we can find...


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I hate these things.

I can't even tell what Sangwa is meant to be...

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Between that and these mimic cosplayers...

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Let's just focus on getting through. I think I see another ladder up ahead.

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And I see... a blocked exit!

There must be a better way out nearby. Have a look.

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Here! Maybe this ladder?

Worth a try.

Then here we...

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...Go?

Wow, they really are dressed like cows...

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And they've got floaty ghosts! Or did.

"Damn! I better alert the other Grunts! Glass Army forever!"

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Weird name, Glass Army. Surely that's the last thing you'd want to make an army out of.

Never mind them, I'm sure they'll be of no consequence. This Moon Stone can be used to evolve Loaf!

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It can? It can!

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Ground/Rock, 60/110/150/50/90/80. Hmmm...

I feel like we shouldn't have all the power we do, but I'm also not going to complain. Especially since the Glass Army appears to be actively targeting you now.

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What exactly is your business here, lady?

"Isn't it obvious? We are here at the behest of our great Boss, so we can... uuuuh..."

Their motivations clearly need work.

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"Shatter us and we'll cut you! We are Glass Army!"

Clever... a villain team that weaponises its own inevitable defeat...

I think you might be reading too much into this.

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Because from where I'm sitting, it's just a run of uneventful wins.

Urgh, how am I supposed to do any crime with these goons in my way?

Maybe we should take this as a sign we need a career change.

Ridiculous. I have a name to live up to. What else am I going to do with access to the power I have?

I have some ideas.

Of course you do.


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Huh? Who's this all of a sudden? Wait, if I use my... !!!

It really is you...

This must be him! The man in the mask!

He's more than that, young Bryss. He's... he's my problem. Much like you have Ganon. Do you mind I perhaps put you into some kind of fugue state while I try and hash this out?

You're going to give me coffee again if I say no, aren't you?

I will not. However, what I'm about to do involves... spoilers for you.

Ah. Say no more, then. Do the thing.

Sensible move. Now... let's get a bit closer.

Author's Notes
The Author's actually referring to Rhyder when quoting the 'can you the Gym' stuff, since Escape hadn't yet done it.

Ornlil being 'evolved' but staying in base form is actually another subtle reference to Zorak's Quartz LP, which also had an NFE bird he refused to fully evolve for no good reason. But I really did it because Ornlil's much cuter than any of its evolutions.

Skipped over was a battle where there were two pure Ground-type Sangwa with Arena Trap. Which you can encounter when your Bug-Electric with no non-Electric damaging moves is leader. Aaah, balance.

If you hold off training Armorito, Armorazo will learn Earthquake at Level 10. Because this game is balanced.

If this game had actually been finished, it's patently obvious that 'Doug' is the same person as the Tuxedo Mask expy that is the Phantom, who in this run is a stand-in for Evil Bryss. Is he wearing a shirt? No idea.

Those Glass Army people seem like wasted potential. Wonder if a better author than Baro stole them later to use them for something interesting...
 

Master Bryss

zd zd
Hacker
Screenshotter
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
85
Caught
Jun 16, 2019
Messages
2,381
Location
Scotland
Nature
Quirky
Pronouns
he/him
Pokémon Type
  1. Poison
  2. Steel
Pokédex Entry
Their body is made of an intricate and interconnected weave of their own puns.
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #6
Part 4: Pure Evil
So, this is where you ended up... Evil Bryss.

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Don't you give me three sixteenths of a pause!

Three... sixteenths?

Yes. A pause here is sixteen dots instead of twelve because of the formatting.

And you spent time working this out?

To my shame, yes. Now, what exactly are you doing here?

Oh, same old same old. Being an exile from continuity, looking for certain files hidden away by this region's awful professor.


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Are you going to tell me what that great secret is?

Obviously not! My entire predicament is your fault!

Your entire... you're not even an exile from continuity! Otherwise we wouldn't be having this conversation!

Hmph. You could call this entire thing non-canon later.

Don't be like that. You and I both knew the universe couldn't have two of me in it and continue to function. Imagine what awful consequences there might have been! Scotland exiting the EU for no good reason! Horrendous plague! A local golf course manager being elected President of the United States!

You actually getting la-

Don't go there. Come on, man.

Okay, that was a low blow. Tell you what, I'll be nice. I'll tell you what I'm looking for... if you can defeat the companion I acquired all on my own.

Deal. This'll be easy.

You say that now, but...


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You reckon without the mighty Magey Mage!

Curses! His mageyness, it's off the charts!

Since we last met, I've taken several courses in amateur stage magic! And with my new battle partner, every day is International Day of the Mage!

...What on Annan's flat earth is International Day of the Mage?


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Never you mind what it is! As you can see, there is very little you can do to me!

Well, this is troublesome. Untidy, too...


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El Turkey, you're one of my few remaining sources of moves that hit Ghosts! Do the thing!

You must be desperate, to pull out such a pathetic-looking turkey.


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...No. I'm just an idiot. Adornable!

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Gaaah! Not Ornlil! I must hide my face in shame!

Now tell me! What is the Great Secret of the Garna region!

U SUK COCK.

Oi! We had a deal! I know you're meant to be evil and all, but I thought you at least had some honour.

I do. What I just gave you is an entirely straight answer. If you can't figure it out... then that's your fault!


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Evil Bryss, awaaaay!

... ... ... ... ... ...
... ... ... ... ... ...


...What? I'm back!

Welcome back to the land of the conscious. Now that I'm finished being insulted, you can carry on.

Does that mean your problem didn't get resolved?

If anything I now have a bigger problem. Tell me, in your time on the internet of Garna, did the phrase 'U SUK COCK' ever turn up?

It's the internet.

...Fine, fine. Just carry on for now.


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Hi. This is sort of awkward, but you two are in my way.

Glass Army Grunt (F): "We know. We're meant to be. For you see..."

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Glass Army Grunt (M): "To fight for Glass Army 'till our very last breath!"

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I... uuuh...

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Curry: "Glass Army breaks at the speed of light!"

Kid: "So give up now or a scuffle is inevitable!"


... ... ... ... ... ...

Doubles it is, then.

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Very, very fast Doubles.

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Your flannerious legs are no match for Richter von Breadloaf!

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Kid: "We'll be back for you one day! When you least expect it!"

Great! Maybe bring something less weak to Ground, though.

Well that was amusing. Maybe now we can find our way out. There's someone waving at you up there.

Hm?

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Wait, are you...?

"Related to those other Stones? No, it's a coincidence. Anyway, if you want out of here you'll need to take one of my Fossils. Why? Well... you just do!"

Fine by me!

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I'm sure there's a second Pokemon somewhere down there.

It's a Tikika, whatever that is. If you want to see what it actually looks like...

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Ah. I completely get why it hid now.

"You won! I guess you should pick your Fossil now, huh?"

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I mean, the other one didn't look any less weird... *yaaawn*

Let's get you back to the inn. Tomorrow we can retrace your steps and move on.

Sounds... good...


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This really is a nice bed, in this inn that I was definitely in before out of shot.

I'm glad you had a nice sleep! Because now you have to go through the Sangwa-infested cave again.

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...At least these ones don't have Arena Trap?

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The exit's just up ahead! And... gasp! It's a Ninjice statue! What move will it teach us?

"Greetings! I am the Ninjice Statue of Kicking! I shall teach you Mega Punch!"

...On second thoughts, nope.

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Ummm...

You know what they say: ignorance is bliss, knowledge is a weird laugh from a stone statue.

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That makes one of us...

"Kellygreen Town is just down there, friend! Good luck!"

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

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Ooof. That wasn't fun on the feet. And now I'm being called by... Ganon? How did he get my number?

How did Baro get it, for that matter? In fact, when did you get a phone in the first place? It's the one thing I never give you because not being able to communicate with the right person at the right time is the only way most dramatic plots ever happen!

That's... reassuring...

Orrr you could say that young Pokemon Trainers aren't allowed phones because it ruins the independent spirit of the journey? I don't know. Anyway, you'd better answer that.

Right. *click!*

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Just wanted to check in, say f&**YDGuYGD&6v s5f7cd5467a4 hacvd87sfbc 6svc^TVU^R7uc^YA&DVA, you know, normal rival stuff?

I think there's some kind of static on the line, Ganon mate.

Pathetic. Well, if you haven't resigned from the League already I'll be waiting for your challenge in Kellygreen. This time, the win will be mine. For all eternity. *click!*

Charming. And just a little bit demonic.

Remember, every win gets you a little bit closer to bringing him into the light.

I dunno, he seems pretty far gone...

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Plus, he might have moved on already, I can't see him anywhere.

Guess again, weakling. I'm right down here.

Cool! I'll come to you.

Such a waste... an idiot like you with two Badges.

Actually, it's still just one. Did... did you already do the Gym here?

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But I suppose I have advantages you don't. I'm faster, more powerful...

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Oh no! As many as 'some?' I'm doomed! Doomed, I say!

You... you aren't taking me seriously at all...

Put it this way. Your whole deal seems to be dealing in strength, right? Well, I'm not going to bother competing with you on that. I'm just a mere mortal with weird blood. I'll beat you another way, and that way, inevitably, is relying on the strength of my Pokemon! Not my own!

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Clever. Very clever. Pointless, but I acknowledge your effort.

To battle, then!

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Wow. I can see why the Author didn't let me evolve Adornable. That thing's got ugliness up the-

Puns! You're seriously stretching for puns?

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Well, you've cut me off now...

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This must be Chapebaya's evolved form...

Now see what failing to evolve has cost you!

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Oh no! I am mildly inconvenienced by sleep!

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Finally!

I'm not finished with you!

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Be careful, Bryss! This thing is obviously the Ditto expy!

It is? Then I have an idea.

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And to think I believed Cervezap only having two moves was a problem...

Are you for real?

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Yes. I. Am. And that's Victory Number 3!

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Thank you, thank you...

But don't think this makes you my worthy rival or anything. You're just some scum that annoyed Baro into giving you a Pokemon.

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Wait! Before you go. Ganon, have you heard of something called U SUK COCK?

...Wow. I can't believe I'm actually hearing this. Urgh, bye.

Yep. I see where I went wrong there.

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Wha? Why is Baro giving me this?

Apparently you keep dodging his calls so he's trying a pager instead.

I thought you'd broken things off from him and were a free agent now?

I am. But since you seem to want absolutely nothing to do with him, I agreed to do him this one favour. And with that...

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I... aaaargh! Ganon!

Well... if he gave you a gift, surely that means you're a step closer to unlocking his heart?

Dunno about that, he seems pretty locked into the character of the asshat rival.

Right, this is the first time you've had one of those.

Not sure I like it, really.

Well, you'll have to deal. And if you want to keep up with him... next it's the Gym.


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Look at those beautiful cerulean windows...

Huh?

Nothing. What's the Gym type here?

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Oh, it's obviously a Ghost gym.

Now hold on, let's not jump to conclusions. What does the guide say?

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I was right! It's a ghost ship!

"Are you... doing this for a bet? It's Water, dumbass! Sue uses Water Pokemon!"

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I... wha...

Why does she have sexy booty anyway? The sign outside didn't say she was an x-treme pirate?

...You're being intentionally obtuse now, aren't you?

Legally, one of us has to be at all times during the run.

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Alright! Water types are something we have just the solution for!

And now a choice of murder method! Either our good original move or the worse one we only learned now for some reason!

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This can't be appropriate sailorwear, can it?

"Trust us, we'd rather not be doing this, but Baro's the one who makes up the uniform regulations..."

Baro? How much deeper does this go?

I bet he's even at the centre of this U SUK COCK thing.

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"...her sexyness?"

Wait, if you both are Swimmers, then why aren't you in water?

"We're on a boat, stupid! If there's water inside the Gym boat, that means something's gone wrong!"

Ask a stupid question...

Yeah yeah. Let's finish this quick.

'Suddenly, Bryss had a terrible thirst!'

...Or we could find a tea bar.


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Can't believe it only served booze...

I can't believe you thought this awful region would have a tea bar.

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At least there's... this statue, I dunno. Can we skip to the bit where I've trained up?

'Several hours later...'

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Yesss! Thank you, intensive training regimen of old! Wait, where are Cervezap's needles anywa-

'Bryss tried not to think about anything else before challenging Leader Sue of Kellygreen Town.'

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I am!

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Oh. No big speech?

"Most people are too busy staring agog at my Gym trainers to want one, but sure! Here's a fifteen-minute presentation on why I use the Water type!"

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Wait... you're saying... the earth is made of the sea?

"Obviously! All the signs are there! Sometimes there's a glitch in the matrix when you step into what you think is solid brown earth but it's actually all wet!"

That... that's mud.

"Oh my kings! You're one of those Solid Earthers! Oooh, I hate Solid Earthers! How do you explain the fact that the Earth is blue and sea green from space, huh?"

What... what do you think... the blue bit is, exactly?

There's no sense in arguing with her! She probably doesn't even accept the fact that your Earth is actually flat!

How does that even work?

I don't know! I never got that far into the theoretical aspect of worldbuilding!

"Stop talking to yourself, Solid Earther! We've got a fight on here!"

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I... urgh. Let's just get this over with.

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There's one!

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And... what is this?

Would you believe me if I said the Vaporeon expy?

With Disable?

Bet someone's real glad they have a second Electric move now.

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Whew! You can say that again.

"Nooooo! This is terrible! But rules are rules..."

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And the TM for Water Pulse, of course.

You might not get as far as Surf in this, so that's actually pretty decent.

"There! I did the legal stuff. Now get your poisonous worldview out of my Gym!"

I'm going, I'm going... but to where?

Ganon mentioned a train. So guess it must be time for you to ride the rails too.

A pleasant train ride through hell it is. What could possibly go wrong?


Author's Notes
In this version of Marble, Project U SUK COCK gets far too much depth for what it is...

The grind for Sue is awful if you want to use an Electric type because basically everything nearby is Ground-type. Hope you caught Lando or picked Chapebaya!

Honestly, most of Ganon's development isn't happening here and we all know it. But we're not here for that anyway. We're here to see Bryss ride the regular plot as far as he can before... things get weird.
 

TheTRUEgge

three of them?? this has gotten out of hand!
Artist
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
450
Caught
Jul 9, 2019
Messages
1,816
Location
Good Question
Nature
Quiet
Pronouns
She/Her
Pokémon Type
  1. Fire
  2. Fairy
Pokédex Entry
This Pokémon has too many ideas for their own good.
I’m sure people would take U SUK COCK more seriously if Bryss ever bothered to spell it out to them. Even so, it sure is… something.
 

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