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Johto Written Log Teen Commentary Mon Ballad of a Stupid Idiot Poopface - A Pokemon SoulSilver Wedlocke

Thread Description
A Wedlocke in Pokemon SoulSilver, played by a stupid idiot poopface. Teen for cursing.

BirdkeeperRue

Conqueror of the Pewter Gym
Pokédex No.
2077
Caught
Jun 3, 2020
Messages
7
Location
the land of flying rats
Nature
Bashful
Pronouns
She/Her
Pokémon Type
Flying, Normal
Pokédex Entry
The Stupid Idiot Poopface Pokemon. This Pokemon feels great kinship with flying rats. It believes that it is smart, which is probably false.
Hello and welcome, one and all, to my first nuzlocke that i'm documenting somewhere and also in all likelihood the first one I'll see through to the end- provided I don't lose or forget about it. But anyway, HeartGold and SoulSilver are great, they were my first Pokemon games, yadda yadda, so why not start with them? I'd do HeartGold if I didn't have a shiny Pidgeot, but at least I get to brag about it here ig.

So without further ado, here are the rules:
- Any Pokemon that faints is dead, and can no longer be used in battle. They must be permanently placed in a PC box.
- I may only catch the first Pokemon I encounter in any route or area- if I fail to catch it, too bad.
- Dupes Clause: I can run away from a Pokemon of a species that I have already caught, or one in its evolutionary line, instead of capturing it.​
- Shiny Clause: I can capture a shiny Pokemon if I happen to encounter one, regardless of capture rules, but I won't use it. I have a soul.​
- No genderless Pokemon. I will disregard encounters with Pokemon that do not have the gender I am looking for(i.e., ignoring male Pokemon when searching for a partner for a male).​
- Gift Pokemon and static encounters are fair game(Starter Pokemon, non-roaming Legendaries, etc.). If I can get more than one Gift Pokemon from a single source(from the same NPC, not from the same area), I can only get one, such as in the case of the Game Corner.​
- Roaming Legendaries count as my encounter for the first route they show up in, but are free any subsequent time that I encounter them.​
- I must nickname every Pokemon.
- As per Wedlocke rules, my Pokemon shall be in pairs of two- one male and one female. In battle, I may only switch between paired Pokemon.
- If I have an unpaired Pokemon in my party and no eligible partners in my PC, the next Pokemon I catch must be of the opposite gender, and is paired with the lone Pokemon. Once two Pokemon become paired, it lasts until one or both of them die.​
- If a Pokemon's partner dies in battle, they must switch in to avenge their fallen partner or die trying. A partnerless Pokemon must have a partner be caught or withdrawn from the PC as soon as possible.​
- Pokemon cannot be deposited into the PC unless they are dead. Exceptions may be made for circumstances such as HM slaves(only if necessary) or hatching eggs, but a deposited Pokemon must be returned to the party as soon as possible.
With that out of the way, let's get started.

After a wonderfully nostalgic title screen, I begin my journey and say hi to Oak as I spam B through his spiel about things I already know, confirming my identity to this blind man as a female specimen by the name of Rue, because that's my username and I would've done Kangaroo if the letter limit were higher than 7.

But anyway, I am transported into the world of fun and difficult experiences(Oak's words not mine), and after some shiny gifts from Mom I go outside for the first time in 7 years for a 15-second conversation with Ethan's Marill before heading into the lab to pick my starter.

Partially because I apparently want to make my life as hard as possible and partially because I like Chikorita, I decide on Chikorita. A male, so I name them Sprogg for no reason in particular. Bashful nature, which is neutral. Not awful.

I get some potions from the lab aide and walk out with my new best friend, then have a conversation that I forget about as soon as it's over, I think with Ethan? But that doesn't matter because my mom gives me a phone, which I immediately use to get the number of the slightly younger than average "Old Man Pokemon" of Johto.

Afterwards I journey through the tall grass- until I get Poke Balls, Nuzlocke rules do not apply, so I breeze through the route, leveling off some Hoothoots in an otherwise unremarkable trip with Sprogg learning Razor Leaf.

I reach Cherrygrove City to partake in the obligatory "How To Town" tutorial, but the minute of my life that I will never get back is somewhat compensated by my obtaining the Running Shoes. After receiving the Map Card and leaving town, I am stopped by a creepy man who is far too into apricorns, thankfully walking away unmugged and with a basket. Funny how you are frequently given gifts by old men near the beginning of the game..

But there's no time to think about that, as I get a mystery egg, a Pokedex and the number of yet another old man, but then Professor Elm's lab has been robbed! Oh noes! I wonder if the culprit is that inherently soulless ginger I saw mashing their face against the wall earlier.

Speaking of him, he comes waltzing through and challenges me to shitwad-on-shitwad combat, in which I promptly wreck his delicate behind like he is a lump of arugula, getting 69 XP(nice) for my troubles.

Turns out he is the culprit, despite the woefully stupid police force not realizing it until a child points out the obvious. Then I get to decide his legal name.. oh, Pokemon, you give me far too much power..

So it turns out BUTTSKE is the culprit and that he has stolen a Pokemon from Professor Elm's lab, but at least he has the mystery egg. Normally in my playthroughs of this game I'm too lazy to talk to my mom before going on a country-wide journey, but why not, it literally takes 20 seconds. Doesn't mean I'll let her steal my money though. With that I watch YouTube during Ethan's catching tutorial- then he gives me my first Poke Balls, and we're properly off to the races!

My first encounter is a female Hoothoot, and after a few Tackles she is caught in a single ball. I call her Lamenta- she is now officially Sprogg's partner, and my encounter for Route 29. Naughty, so +Atk and -Sp. Def, with Insomnia as an ability. Not great but workable. After a few minutes of training I get her to level 5, and learn Hypnosis, before moving on to catch more Pokemon.

Next stop is Route 46, where I encounter a Rattata. Nothing too exciting, so I put her to sleep and catch her without any issues, dubbing her Nott. Nott is Mild nature(+Sp. Atk and -Defense), which isn't great, but Guts is alright.

On Route 30 I find.. well, for some reason all I find are Hoothoot and Rattata because I'm playing at night so thanks to Dupes Clause I just resume in the morning to actually find Nott's partner. I end up finding a Weedle, who I put to sleep and- take out with a critical hit after I fail to catch it twice.. damn.

Well that was disappointing, but in any case I move forward, taking on some trainers(including good 'ol Youngster Joey) with Lamenta and Sprogg- Nott is only level 2 so I'll just train her up later.

Moving onto Route 31, I come across a male Ledyba.. oh joy. I do like Ledyba, but it's just really weak. Not that I'll pass it up- I put it to sleep and make the catch, naming him Cola. Their nature is Hasty(+Speed, -Defense), which I'm alright with, and Swarm could prove handy- then again, I don't think Ledyba's movepool actually has any good Bug-type moves other than, like, Silver Wind.

I checked. Ledyba learns a grand total of three Bug-type moves through level-up and TM. Cola and Nott, what a team! At least he's level 4.

Moving onto Dark Cave- I find a Geodude, could be useful for the gym. As normal, I put them to sleep and make the catch, naming him Snicket--. Why the two dashes? Absolutely no reason.

In any case, Snicket-- has a nature of Lonely(+Attack, -Defense), which I'm just fine with, and I'm a fan of Sturdy.

At this point, I skip past a bug catcher and hightail it to Violet City, somehow beating Ethan there despite being extremely slow, at that point my time was already 1:40 or so. But in any case, I just heal and go back to that Bug Catcher to take the opportunity to train up Nott and Cola. Which goes fine, they don't die and Nott is at a higher level so that's good.

I move onto Route 32 to find a partner for Snicket--, and come across a Bellsprout. As per usual, I use Lamenta to catch it- though Lamenta hasn't been in any major battles yet, she's already proved herself by catching half the team in my eyes.

In any case, I name the Bellsprout Leefa. She has a Quirky nature(Neutral) and Chlorophyll, which is all fine and well. Should pair decently with a Rock-type.

Speaking of Snicket--, at this point I take the time to level him up a bit in Dark Cave, mostly through switch-training because fighting Zubat is just painful and Leefa is a blessing against Geodudes. And at that point I figured that I might as well just train up the entire team to an acceptable level, so that's just what I did. After a quick stint of grinding(and by quick I mean an hour), everyone was up to level 8. A bit much for pre-Sprout Tower, but whatever.

A quick note: I'm not enforcing a strict level limit, but I will in general try to keep from overleveling. Having a full team at a good level is hard anyway, especially in the early game. Same deal with using items in battle: Nothing's being enforced, but I'll try to minimize it in major battles.

Sprout Tower is an opportunity for a bit of additional grinding, as well as for another catch, but you can only find Gastly at night and I already have a Rattata, so I'll pick up a spooky ghost at another point in time.

Climbing the tower is easy enough- two thirds of my Pokemon resist grass moves from Bellsprout, and the ones that don't are suitable for dealing with the occasional Hoothoot. My team gets some useful moves, like PoisonPowder for Sprogg and Comet Punch for Cola. After clearing out the Sages(and a quick trip to the PMC because Leefa ran out of PP), I see BUTTSKE being a typical "Nice-people-are-weak" rival and he BUTTSKEs out of there, leaving me to take on Elder Li. Technically my first major battle, and the most exciting one so far, so I'll give a more comprehensive play-by-play.

I lead with Sprogg, who tackles down the first Bellsprout with relative ease as they are barely hurt by Vine Whip. Next up is the Elder's Hoothoot, who I send in Lamenta to face, both because of Insomnia and because she isn't weak to Flying. The Hoothoot's Peck easily outpaces her in damage, dealing a quarter of her health, but it uses a Hypnosis, giving Lamenta enough room to send them both into yellow health. I decide to switch to Sprogg, as one critical hit could kill Lamenta and Sprogg has twice her defense. Should be fine, right?

Razor Leaf does a decent amount, and a second would likely score the kill, but if I get unlucky and miss a Peck might just polish me off. But of course, Razor Leaf crits at the exact moment where I didn't need it, winning the day- actually no, I forgot they had a second Bellsprout. But Lamenta takes care of that, winning the day! Also she learns Peck, which I like.

I get the TM for Flash and BUTTSKE outta there, which is officially my new term for using an Escape Rope, you're welcome. Well, not before putting Leefa up front to check out her reaction to the Sprout Tower because Bulbapedia's Trivia section is a hell of a drug.

But anyway, my entire team is now at, like, level 9. Obviously challenging Falkner now is a great idea! Too bad this isn't gen 2, else I would actually be on par with Falkner's levels. Gross.

I decide not to do any more training, and hop into the gym to face the gym trainers with Leefa and Snicket--. And by that, I mean immediately switching Leefa out. My plan is to get Snicket-- to level 11, at which point he'll learn Rock Throw. And hopefully get Leefa up a little bit as well. I don't quite get there from the trainers, but murdering a few Pokemon on Route 32 does the job just fine. Leefa and Snicket-- are both level 11, having learned Wrap and Rock Throw respectively. They're my couple of choice to face up to Falkner.

So that's just what I do. Falkner gives his spiel on 'Electric bad Bird good', and the battle begins.

Leefa leads against Falkner's Pidgey. The decision to use a Grass-type in the Flying gym is admittedly questionable, but all three of my pairs have a Pokemon that's vulnerable to Flying, and Snicket-- is my best bet overall. This is to keep him fresh. Despite Sand-Attacks, I hit with Wrap, which supplements the damage of Vine Whip. Avoiding Sand-Attack was the primary reason I didn't lead with Snicket--, by the way.

Leefa starts missing and is worn down by Tackles- and as Pidgey is in red health and Leefa below half, Falkner withdraws to bring out his ace Pidgeotto.

I switch as well, with Gust dealing about a fifth of Snicket--'s health- more than I hoped, but manageable. Another Gust, but Rock Throw does more than half. Pidgeotto Roosts as I hit it again, this time for neutral damage(Roost removes the Flying type from Pidgeotto for the turn). It throws one more Gust, but Snicket-- finishes the bird off. I keep him in to polish off Pidgey- and though he misses once thanks to Sand Attack, he was never in real danger from it. A second Rock Throw lands true and it's done- I'm just glad that no one was lost.

The Zephyr Badge, along with the Roost TM, is mine.

Afterwards, I'm called by Professor Elm and asked to carry an egg- but that won't be the only one I'll be getting.

In the Violet City Pokemon Center, there is an NPC named Primo. You can tell him what you think of him(fill in some prompts with predetermined words), and if you say certain things, he will give you gifts. The specific input for each gift depends on your ID, but there are websites that make finding these prompts an easy task. Of Primo's gifts, there are three that especially interest me: Pokemon eggs. These eggs contain three different Pokemon: Mareep, Slugma, and Wooper. As per the rules of this challenge, though, I can only receive one Gift Pokemon per source- as all three of these are from the same source, Primo, I must choose one.

So after some consideration, I decided to go with Slugma. Although its evolution Magcargo will have two notable 4x weaknesses in Ground and Water, a good Fire-type might be harder to come by than an Electric- or Water-type. Plus, I think I just like it more.

After punching in several random phrases to get PC box backgrounds and, much more importantly, a Slugma egg, I went to the Poke Mart to pick up the egg from Elm, running into a Kimono Girl before proceeding to just run around to hatch these eggs. I temporarily deposited Nott and Cola, but I'll take them out again as soon as the eggs hatch. While hatching the eggs, I stopped by Route 36 to pick up HM06 Rock Smash.

But much more importantly, I got a call from Youngster Joey about his top-percentage Rattata! How exciting!

Oh yeah, and the eggs started to hatch and stuff.

The first was a male Togepi that I named Neil Breen. Quirky nature(Neutral), with Hustle as its ability. Better than Neil Breen's movies, but that's not a super high bar.

After like another 10 minutes of running around Violet, Slugma hatches. Another male, who I call Flamehorse as an incredibly obscure reference to a YouTuber's bad horse OC. Theire nature is Bold(+Defense, -Attack), which I'm okay with, and they have Magma Armor, so they can't be frozen. Not awful.

I deposit Neil Breen and Flamehorse to get back Nott and Cola. After some consideration, I then decide to teach Nott Rock Smash, and use her new move to smash a boulder, getting a Red Shard that I trade for some berries.

I decided to leave it off there. Next time, I'll be heading through Union Cave over to Azalea Town.

Sprogg(Chikorita, Male, Lv. 10)|Bashful|Overgrow|Tackle/Growl/Razor Leaf/PoisonPowder
Lamenta(Hoothoot, Female, Lv. 9)|Naughty|Insomnia|Tackle/Peck/Foresight/Hypnosis

Nott(Rattata, Female, Lv. 9)|Mild|Guts|Rock Smash/Tail Whip/Quick Attack/Focus Energy
Cola(Ledyba, Male, Lv. 9)|Hasty|Swarm|Comet Punch/Supersonic/Tackle

Snicket--(Geodude, Male, Lv. 12)|Lonely|Sturdy|Tackle/Defense Curl/Rock Throw/Rock Polish
Leefa(Bellsprout, Female, Lv. 11)|Quirky|Chlorophyll|Vine Whip/Growth/Wrap

Badges: 1
Pokedex: 8
New Pokemon: 8
- Sprogg, New Bark Town(gift- Elm)​
- Lamenta, Route 29​
- Nott, Route 46​
- Cola, Route 31​
- Snicket--, Dark Cave​
- Leefa, Route 32​
- Neil Breen, Violet City(gift- Elm's Aide)​
- Flamehorse, Violet City(gift- Primo)​
New Deaths: 0
Total Deaths: 0
Time: 5:38

I'll leave it off here- I'm writing this as I play, so I'll post another update soon- probably a shorter one. This one took me hours as is. If you've read this, then thanks for reading, and I'll see you soon with the second part of the Ballad of a Stupid Idiot Poopface!

 
Last edited:

Empty Sun

that's right, buttholes
Artist
Pokédex No.
566
Caught
Jul 22, 2019
Messages
361
Location
The Moon
Nature
Impish
Pokémon Type
Normal, ???
Pokédex Entry
It might eat you. It might your relatives.
wedlocke more like deadlocke haHA i'm so funny
this is pretty good for a first documented run, but lemme recommend you have someone gloss through your records before you post them. it's really helpful to get a second opinion when it comes to written work (and most work for that matter)
good luck on your run!
 

Tookie

The Immoral Bard
Writer
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
80
Caught
Jun 16, 2019
Messages
1,077
Location
Southern England
Nature
Lax
Pronouns
He/Him
Pokémon Type
Poison, Psychic
Pokédex Entry
This user does not exist. All impressions to the contrary are propaganda pieces and not to be trusted.
nothing like watching a jackass rival BUTTSKEdaddle off the screen eh

who knew the greatest challenge in hgss was just keeping full teams competitively levelled
 

pinkshellos

Black Lives Matter !!
Artist
Team Delta
Pokédex No.
1220
Caught
Dec 23, 2019
Messages
399
Location
Hoenn Route 120
Nature
Calm
Pronouns
she/her
Pokémon Type
Bug, Flying
Pokédex Entry
A timid Pokémon typically found in groups. The only thing that motivates her more than companionship is food.
I just have to say your nicknaming skills are immaculate. I particularly love Neil Breen and Flamehorse, although if Nott is a reference to the thing I think it’s a reference to, then it’s a 3-way tie.

who knew the greatest challenge in hgss was just keeping full teams competitively levelled
I felt that one in my soul
 

BirdkeeperRue

Conqueror of the Pewter Gym
Pokédex No.
2077
Caught
Jun 3, 2020
Messages
7
Location
the land of flying rats
Nature
Bashful
Pronouns
She/Her
Pokémon Type
Flying, Normal
Pokédex Entry
The Stupid Idiot Poopface Pokemon. This Pokemon feels great kinship with flying rats. It believes that it is smart, which is probably false.
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #5
Part Two
Hello, one and all, and welcome back to part two of the Ballad of a Stupid Idiot Poopface! It hasn't been long since the first part of this questionable saga was published for the world to see, but in case you're too lazy to scroll up a small amount, like me, the index is at the bottom of this post.

But anyway, let's get back into it!

When last we left our heroes- and by "our heroes" I mean me- I had just defeated Falkner, so I head down to Route 32 to start my trek to Azalea. A helpful old man gives me a Miracle Seed(again with getting showered with presents by old men, game?), so I give it to Sprogg and continue onward.

The trek is pretty uneventful in the beginning, with Cola up front to get him some of those delicious EXPs. But it doesn't help that he apparently doesn't know how to fight wild Pokemon- a highlight of the trip is a battle with a wild Mareep where he misses five Supersonics in a row, misses a Comet Punch, then gets paralyzed by Static on the final hit to add insult to injury. What a performance.

Anyways, the trip through the route goes fine, no super close calls. I decide to go through the docks and battle the fishermen to get a bit stronger. It goes well enough- Turns out Cola's luck turns right around when it comes to trainer battles, and the rest of my team gets the opportunity to catch up a bit with Leefa and Snicket--.

I move on from there to enjoy the convenient Pokecenter, beat one last Trainer and find a Shell Bell that I give to Cola before heading into Union Cave.

As Union Cave is a new area, I run around for a bit getting only Rattatas and Geodudes before deciding to use the Old Rod I picked up from a fisherman in the Pokemon Center. I fish up a female Goldeen, which I'm happy with because it isn't a Magikarp, despite it being a tough fish to wrangle.

Well, I'm happy with it until IT MURDERS LAMENTA IN COLD BLOOD WITH TWO CRITICAL PECKS IN A ROW. Thanks game.

At that point I just poison it with Sprogg and manage to catch it. Good thing it's the only female Pokemon I have available to replace Lamenta.. yay..

I name her Bristle for no particular reason, but I guess being a prick counts as a reason. More of a reason than I had for Snicket--.

Welp, I go back to the PMC and make the death box. At least I have pretty wallpapers as some form of consolation for the deaths. Or something.

Damn.. Lamenta died a lot sooner than I wanted her to. I really like Noctowl, and it's a shame she died before living up to her full potential. Kinda sad...

Anyways, Bristle's nature is Timid(+Speed, -Attack), but considering what she did to Lamenta I think her attack power will be just fine. Water Veil is a convenient ability, preventing burns, and is probably better to have than the alternative, Swift Swim. Another thing I'm happy about is that I caught her at level 10, so no need to grind her up to match Lamenta.

With a somewhat heavy heart, Bristle takes Lamenta's place on the team as Sprogg's partner.

After admiring Goldeen's cool back sprite, I make my way through Union Cave, utilizing the opportunity to continue playing catch-up to Snicket-- and Leefa while also training up Bristle a bit. The battles take awhile, and I'm relieved but also a little sad that the Shell Bell does not trigger for each individual hit of Comet Punch. Mostly relieved though.

But anyways, I make my way through the cave, and along the way my team gets some neat moves and I realize that Water Sport might actually have a remote possibility of being useful if Bristle and Sprogg are ever thrown into a double battle with a Fire-type. Not that I choose it over Horn Attack. Also, Sprogg learns Synthesis, which could be a lifesaver seeing as I don't use items in battle. (I'm not technically enforcing that but eh, feels cheap to me.)

I leave the cave and enter Route 33, jumping directly into the tall grass to get a new encounter. I find a male Hoppip, and note my lack of female reserves as I go about catching it. The Hoppip is caught, and I name him Wix. Not to be confused with Wix.com, who I am not being sponsored by, but whether Wix is good at building websites is still up for debate.

Note to self: Rename Wix to Wix.com at the Name Rater, because Wix.com is a funnier name.

So after that, I casually watch an emo Team Rocket cosplayer harass an old guy before walking into Azalea Town to heal and check out Wix. He is Rash nature(+Sp. Atk, -Sp. Def), which gets a rating of whatever/10, and Leaf Guard might come in handy one day if Wix is ever paired with a Sunny Day user.

Well, this could've gone worse. Next time I'll delve into Slowpoke Well, where it probably will get worse on account of the emos.

Sprogg(Chikorita, Male, Lv. 12)|Bashful|Overgrow|Tackle/Synthesis/Razor Leaf/PoisonPowder
Bristle(Goldeen, Female, Lv. 11)|Timid|Water Veil|Peck/Tail Whip/Horn Attack/Supersonic

Nott(Rattata, Female, Lv. 12)|Mild|Guts|Rock Smash/Tail Whip/Quick Attack/Bite
Cola(Ledyba, Male, Lv. 12)|Hasty|Swarm|Comet Punch/Supersonic/Tackle

Snicket--(Geodude, Male, Lv. 12)|Lonely|Sturdy|Tackle/Defense Curl/Rock Throw/Rock Polish
Leefa(Bellsprout, Female, Lv. 11)|Quirky|Chlorophyll|Vine Whip/Growth/Wrap

Badges: 1
Pokedex: 10
New Pokemon: 2
- Bristle, Union Cave​
- Wix, Route 33​
New Deaths: 1
- Lamenta, killed by a wild Goldeen in Union Cave.​
Total Deaths: 1
Time: 7:37

Unrelated side-note: Nott's name is not, in fact, a reference to Critical Role, but I guess it kind of is if I know about Nott from Critical Role and happened to give that name to a Rattata? Wasn't strictly intentional like Neil Breen and Flamehorse were, though. Just addressing that here for pinkshellos.

But anyway, that's all for this time- sorry that it's a bit short, but I didn't want to spend too too much time on this one. Next time I'll probably go up to the second gym. Thanks for reading, I really appreciate it, and tune in next time for the next episode of the Ballad of a Stupid Idiot Poopface!

 
Last edited:

pinkshellos

Black Lives Matter !!
Artist
Team Delta
Pokédex No.
1220
Caught
Dec 23, 2019
Messages
399
Location
Hoenn Route 120
Nature
Calm
Pronouns
she/her
Pokémon Type
Bug, Flying
Pokédex Entry
A timid Pokémon typically found in groups. The only thing that motivates her more than companionship is food.
Nooooo! Not Lamenta! I, too, love Noctowl and I'm so sad to see her go so soon.

Can't wait for more :D
 

Empty Sun

that's right, buttholes
Artist
Pokédex No.
566
Caught
Jul 22, 2019
Messages
361
Location
The Moon
Nature
Impish
Pokémon Type
Normal, ???
Pokédex Entry
It might eat you. It might your relatives.
"critical pecks" is how you describe dragon ball z chests


please laugh
 

Tailsimp

A Universally Under-Rested University Imp
🎇Contributor
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
50
Caught
Jun 15, 2019
Messages
934
Location
A Literal Desert
Nature
Quiet
Pronouns
She/Her
Pokémon Type
Electric, Psychic
Pokédex Entry
Tailsimp: The Impish Pokemon. Despite being quiet and reserved, this pokemon is usually very happy to talk and is always excited to help out!
Nooooo not the good birb! Noctowl is such a good mon it hurts to see Lamenta go so early on 😭 I wish you luck in the next leg of your journey! Hopefully the emos Team Rocket doesn't give you too much trouble!
 

BirdkeeperRue

Conqueror of the Pewter Gym
Pokédex No.
2077
Caught
Jun 3, 2020
Messages
7
Location
the land of flying rats
Nature
Bashful
Pronouns
She/Her
Pokémon Type
Flying, Normal
Pokédex Entry
The Stupid Idiot Poopface Pokemon. This Pokemon feels great kinship with flying rats. It believes that it is smart, which is probably false.
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #9
Part Three

Hello one and all and welcome back to Part Three of the Ballad of a Stupid Idiot Poopface, the saga of an idiot playing through a SoulSilver Wedlocke. By this point, you know the drill, index at the bottom. Let's get into it.

Starting off, I go to old man Kurt's house and have a lovely chat about his Balls before he tells me about the emos and jumps down a well, leaving his child to T-pose alone. I decide to buy a few Antidotes before following. Turns out he broke his back, so I go deeper in to beat up Team Rocket or something- but much more importantly, this is a new area, meaning I can find a new Pokemon!

After a bit of running around I come across a female Zubat, which I'm happy with. Bristle confuses it, and I throw a few balls before making the catch. I name her Peltpelt, a generic name for a generic bat that doesn't have anything remotely close to a pelt.

I leave Kurt in the well while I perform the very important task of checking my new Pokemon's stats. Peltpelt is Lax(+Defense, -Sp. Def), which is fine, and Inner Focus could be helpful. Then I casually climb back down the well to flex the fact my spine hasn't shattered into a million pieces.

I then get into some fights with emos, but apparently emos are weaklings so my Pokemon beat them up with ease. Especially Bristle. Bristle wants blood for the blood god. The rest of the team is caught up with Leefa and Snicket-- by this point by the way, so I start using them again.

Afterwards I face the Level 10 Mafia Boss, Proton, leader of the emos. His Zubat is 3HKOed by Cola with "meh" Comet Punch luck, but Koffing takes a combined effort from him and Nott, including some confusion shenanigans, and has to be slowly whittled down with Comet Punch and Bite- though I win with no casualties, Cola is critted by a Tackle, and Nott poisoned by Smog. One more hit on either Nott or Cola would have been fatal.

Kurt thanks me and offers to make me some balls(ha), and after consulting Bulbapedia I settle on making some Friend Balls from Green Apricorns. They don't give an increased catch rate but they immediately raise the friendship of caught Pokemon, which I think is nice. Then I get a call from Youngster Joey! Of course I remember your super-cool Rattata, Youngster Joey!

After stocking up on some healing items(and taking a quick break to watch the newest episode of Twilight Wings.. which turned into me not continuing until the next morning. FML), I decided to go into Bugsy's gym to at least take care of the gym trainers, even though at this point my team is, like, level 12. Just to get a taste of what's to come, and how much grinding I need to do. The puzzle is kinda neat, and I go out of my way to battle the first optional trainer. Caterpies and Weedles aren't much of a threat, but considering how they're at my level the evolved Pokemon could be trouble.

So naturally, my next course of action is to fight a trainer with a Beedrill. Nott makes quick work of the mooks, but a Beedrill at a level equal to mine is pretty scary so I send out Cola to resist its Bug-type attacks and confuse it. But I miss Supersonic(somehow faster though) and it deals like 2/3 of my health in damage with a 5-hit Fury Attack. At this point I'm genuinely concerned for Cola's life so I switch to Nott, who gets nailed with a 4-hit Fury Attack for half of her health. At least it doesn't have Skill Link or some BS like that?

I'll be the first to admit I was an idiot for taking this guy on, and now Nott or Cola is probably going to die for my stupid poopface idiocy. Maybe both.

I go for a Bite, but don't get a Flinch. Nott survives a 3-hit Fury Attack on 6 health. At this point I don't care about being cheap, I just want my rat to live dammit, so I use a Super Potion. The next Fury Attack is a 3-hit, so I go for another Bite, which gets the flinch! One more and the deed is done, with crisis narrowly averted.

Honestly this felt like the most harrowing battle to me so far- even though it didn't result in any actual death I cut it close, and there was a point where bad luck could have killed Nott, or if I decided to only use a Potion and the Bite didn't flinch.. overall I don't think it was supposed to work out and I absolutely should have paid for my idiocy in blood. But anyway, now I know I have to grind to stand a chance. Scyther is a whole different beast from that Beedrill, and far more dangerous too.

So that's what I do. I grind. Route 33 has decently-leveled Pokemon, so that's where I do it. I decide that 16 is a good level to aim for, though I'll probably have to use Leefa and Snicket-- for the gym battle yet again since Snicket-- is the only member of my team other than Cola that resists Bug(PS: He doesn't), and unlike Cola his defense is better than a Rattata's and he has Rock Throw.

Also while grinding I came across the Hoenn Pokerap and I hate it.

It.. takes awhile. As in, more than an hour just for Bristle and Sprogg. Granted, I'm slow due to not paying full attention to the game, and I didn't turn off battle animations for the first half like the stupid idiot poopface I am. But yeah.

I took breaks though, and overall the grind really wasn't that bad, not even for Leefa who had to fight Hoppip, Spearow and Ekans with Vine Whip and Wrap.

In other news, Sprogg evolves into a Bayleef at 16th level, so that's nice. He isn't especially powerful even now that he's evolved, but he's decently well-rounded with no particular weak points stat-wise. Also notably, Nott learned Hyper Fang in place of Tail Whip, Cola forgot Tackle to learn Light Screen and Reflect, Leefa learned Sleep Powder, and Snicket-- learned Magnitude in place of Tackle.

I took a few minutes to mop up the final gym trainers before doing battle with Bugsy. Beforehand I decided to use Leefa and Snicket-- again. As much as I hate to use the same pair twice in a row, they're my best bet.

I led off with Leefa against Bugsy's... Scyther. I misremembered this fight I guess- thought he led with Metapod..

Well, I don't trust Leefa to stand up to a neutral U-Turn, so I switched to Snicket--, only to discover that Rock doesn't resist Bug. U-Turn did less than half, but.. yeah. That was an unpleasant surprise.

Scyther switched into Metapod which can't really do much to hurt me, so I decided to Defense Curl three times for safety. Then I got the bright idea to use Rock Polish too. Being faster than Scyther would be great. Kinda sucks I'll be using Snicket-- for the entire fight though, so Leefa will miss out on XP.

Oh well though, I throw out a Rock Polish before using Rock Throw and Magnitude, before Bugsy healing and requiring me to use one more Rock Throw. Snicket-- is a little low, but so far so good.

Scyther is sent out once again, though I'm unfortunately not faster than it after just one Rock Polish. Rock Throw nearly kills Kakuna as it switches in, and I use a Super Potion for safety before murdering Kakuna into a fine paste with Magnitude.

Scyther comes out once again, and it uses Focus Energy. That would suck if I didn't OHKO with Rock Throw. Sucks to suck I guess.

Welp, Snicket-- is now two levels ahead of the rest of my party and I have emerged victorious. I politely decline the prompt to learn Selfdestruct and claim the Hive Badge, along with the TM for U-Turn!

In hindsight this fight probably would have been much more exciting if I didn't do so much setting up, but oh well. Also in hindsight, I probably didn't need that Super Potion. I get it, I'm a cheap pansy weasel-man. But I didn't want Snicket-- to get punked by a high-roll U-Turn and die. He had 10 HP before the potion, and with his current defense I had seen U-Turn do 9.

Now there's one last thing for me to take care of in this update- BUTTSKE.

I go to Kurt's house and collect my balls.

But then I- well, then I give Kurt some white apricorns to turn into Fast Balls.

But then I- well, then I turn the game off to fold towels.

But then I challenge the BUTTSKE.

Not before turning the game back on though. Challenging the BUTTSKE without turning the game back on first would just be silly.

I walk towards the Ilex Forest entrance and he reverse-BUTTSKEs onto the screen, asking me about emos. Something tells me he's very interested in claiming his rightful place as emo king, because, I mean, just look at him. But that subplot isn't important, because he challenges me to a battle!

He leads with a Gastly as I begin with Nott, though one Bite takes the ghost down before it can act. Next from him is Quilava, which Nott stays in for.. I then realize it's two levels higher than me. Christ.

It Leers me as I hit for about a third of his health with Hyper Fang. I don't know how high Quivala's Attack is, but with that Leer and the fact it's faster than me so I can't flinch it, I'm pretty worried.. but it's not like I can just switch into Cola. Don't have any X Items or anything along those lines either so all I can really do is attack again.

Another Leer, and my Hyper Fang misses. Craaap. I may or may not have taken a peek at a damage calculator to discover that NOTT IS GOING TO FUCKING DIE IF THIS THING HITS HER WITH FLAME WHEEL. Cola would probably ALSO die. As a stupid idiot poopface(me) would say in this situation, "Mm. Garbage."

But I have to bite the bullet and make my choice.

I switch in Cola, in the hopes to maybe live long enough to set up a Reflect or pull off some other kind of miracle. Even a Quick Attack deals more than a quarter of Cola's health. God, he is so dead..

I go for Reflect..

And Quilava uses Leer. I get it off. Relieved, I switch back to Nott as it Leers again, though it seems to be reluctant to attack if its target's Defense isn't at least -2. Sure enough, it Leers again as I get a critical Hyper Fang, taking it out. Even though neither of my Pokemon really took all that much damage, that was a major scare, but I probably shouldn't have been as scared. This thing might just know Ember instead of Flame Wheel, and the AI is just completely stupid.

All that's left is a Zubat, which I send out Cola to deal with. Though he gets confused and can't get a Reflect back up before dropping into "one more hit and I'm dead" territory, he takes out half its health with two Comet Punches, clearing the way for Nott to switch in and finish it with one last Hyper Fang.

And just like that, BUTTSKE, tail between his legs(wait, is he a furry?), gives another edgy speech about weaklings and hatred and BUTTSKEs outta there.

I think that's where I'll leave it off this time. Getting past the second gym and a rival battle is a good benchmark for me. Nott and Cola are pulling their weight far more effectively than expected! Though they've nearly died at least twice in this part alone. Three times if you count Quilava.

Sprogg(Bayleef, Male, Lv. 16)|Bashful|Overgrow|Tackle/Synthesis/Razor Leaf/PoisonPowder
Bristle(Goldeen, Female, Lv. 16)|Timid|Water Veil|Peck/Tail Whip/Horn Attack/Supersonic

Nott(Rattata, Female, Lv. 16)|Mild|Guts|Rock Smash/Hyper Fang/Quick Attack/Bite
Cola(Ledyba, Male, Lv. 16)|Hasty|Swarm|Comet Punch/Supersonic/Reflect/Light Screen

Snicket--(Geodude, Male, Lv. 18)|Lonely|Sturdy|Magnitude/Defense Curl/Rock Throw/Rock Polish
Leefa(Bellsprout, Female, Lv. 16)|Quirky|Chlorophyll|Vine Whip/Growth/Wrap/Sleep Powder

Badges: 2
Pokedex: 12
New Pokemon: 1
- Peltpelt, Slowpoke Well​
New Deaths: 0
Total Deaths: 1
Time: 12:47

That's all for this time, and thanks for reading! Sorry this one took a little while, when I actually started playing again after a few days it took me awhile to get this part ready to post. According to in-game time this was about a half hour shorter than the first part, but since I was actually paying attention for most of this and was more efficient(and also there weren't parts where the game was on but I didn't play) I'd say this definitely took as long, if not longer, than the first part.

Non-rambling version, it took awhile, but at least this part was nice and long for you guys.
But in any case, I'll see you in the next episode of the Ballad of a Stupid Idiot Poopface!

 
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Tailsimp

A Universally Under-Rested University Imp
🎇Contributor
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
50
Caught
Jun 15, 2019
Messages
934
Location
A Literal Desert
Nature
Quiet
Pronouns
She/Her
Pokémon Type
Electric, Psychic
Pokédex Entry
Tailsimp: The Impish Pokemon. Despite being quiet and reserved, this pokemon is usually very happy to talk and is always excited to help out!
Oh that tension in the rival fight 😬 Glad it worked out but reading it was nerve-wracking. Glad the AI didn't want to make a move unless you had -2 defense. Good luck going forward!
 

Empty Sun

that's right, buttholes
Artist
Pokédex No.
566
Caught
Jul 22, 2019
Messages
361
Location
The Moon
Nature
Impish
Pokémon Type
Normal, ???
Pokédex Entry
It might eat you. It might your relatives.
hoenn pokerap be like (clown instruments)
 

BirdkeeperRue

Conqueror of the Pewter Gym
Pokédex No.
2077
Caught
Jun 3, 2020
Messages
7
Location
the land of flying rats
Nature
Bashful
Pronouns
She/Her
Pokémon Type
Flying, Normal
Pokédex Entry
The Stupid Idiot Poopface Pokemon. This Pokemon feels great kinship with flying rats. It believes that it is smart, which is probably false.
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #12
Part Four

Hello and welcome, one and all, to my first nuzlocke that i'm documenting somewhere and also in all likelihood the first one I'll see through to the end- provided I don't lose or forget about it.
So, to be slightly more serious for a second- as someone that consumes a lot of content on the Internet, much of it being shitty fanfiction, one of the things that I hate is when someone forgets about something and it's just never updated again. When I realized that I did forget about it I decided to just not continue because I felt bad. Until now.

So, yeah. Hi. It's been eight months since my last update. But screw it- I'd be a hypocrite if I abandoned this when I go on about how much I hate it when creators abandon stuff midway. Let's do this.

Here's a quick refresher on my current status since last time(I needed it too :p):

Sprogg(Bayleef, Male, Lv. 16)|Bashful|Overgrow|Tackle/Synthesis/Razor Leaf/PoisonPowder
Bristle(Goldeen, Female, Lv. 16)|Timid|Water Veil|Peck/Tail Whip/Horn Attack/Supersonic

Nott(Rattata, Female, Lv. 16)|Mild|Guts|Rock Smash/Hyper Fang/Quick Attack/Bite
Cola(Ledyba, Male, Lv. 16)|Hasty|Swarm|Comet Punch/Supersonic/Reflect/Light Screen

Snicket--(Geodude, Male, Lv. 18)|Lonely|Sturdy|Magnitude/Defense Curl/Rock Throw/Rock Polish
Leefa(Bellsprout, Female, Lv. 16)|Quirky|Chlorophyll|Vine Whip/Growth/Wrap/Sleep Powder

Badges: 2
Pokedex: 12
New Pokemon: 1
- Peltpelt, Slowpoke Well
New Deaths: 0
Total Deaths: 1
Time: 12:47

Alright. Moving on...

I vaguely remembered giving Kurt some apricorns to make me some of his ever-so-famous balls, so naturally that was my first stop- and apparently, since he had "just" finished them, it takes him eight months to make two Fast Balls. Whatever, if I decide for whatever reason to try and catch the legendary dogs they'll be helpful. According to my rules that make it actually halfway feasible to try and catch them they only take up an encounter on the first route I, well, encounter them on. It's absolutely the easy way out but hey, I like winning. That doesn't matter yet though- I have to get through Ilex Forest first. And Whitney. And Morty.. I think. It's been awhile.

So this heccin kid wants me to gather his birds, and luckily I'm well-suited for the job as a fellow flying rat. On the way I got jumped by a Paras- which apparently shares its cry with Mewtwo.. okay. She's level 6, so I just huck a Friend Ball and it catches her. I was going to name the Paras London like the intellectual I am, but the Pokedex states that its mushrooms are called tochukaso and that was actually kinda interesting, so I named her Tochukaso instead.

The rest of Ilex Forest was pretty uneventful- kidnapping birds and beating up Kakunas and such along the way isn't especially exciting so I'll skip over all of that here. I'm going through all of this with Nott so she gets a little bit of experience. I don't have too much of a plan for Whitney at this point, but I think Nott will be a good match for Miltank if she evolves, seeing how she has Rock Smash, can't be affected by Attract as a female, and is probably fast enough to avoid Stomp flinching shenaniganry. Cola can gank Clefairy I guess.

But in any case, a karate man teaches me how to teach Leefa how to kill someone in four different ways with her bare hands instead of using Wrap, some girl with a fancy hairstyle takes navigation advice from my rat, and some other guy who's wearing what I'd like to imagine as a pink poncho teaches Sprogg and Cola how to get a concussion. Because Tackle and Comet Punch are just objectively inferior to headbutting someone, I guess.

In much more exciting news, though, Ralph's son is just so cocky for thinking he can beat up a wild Magikarp! I mean who does this kid think he is?

Cut to the next route- well, no, cut to the.. building thingy between Ilex Forest and the next route, because I find something interesting there: the TM for Taunt. Just to check, I boot it up and apparently Nott is the only member of my team who can make use of it. And Milk Drink is one of the driving forces behind why Whitney's Miltank is such a pain. Hmm.. I'd have to sacrifice Quick Attack for that, but it's definitely a strong option. The allure is immediately made stronger when Cola levels up after beating up inferior rats on the route proper and immediately replaces Headbutt with Mach Punch, so the niche of a priority move is still filled. Also I'm keeping dual screens on him because why the hell not.

After a call from Joey to remind me of how his Rattata is superior to mine,
(also sidenote in the eight-month gap I got super into Yu-Gi-Oh somehow and all I can think of now is Joey Wheeler)
I decided to get my encounter for Route 34, which is the route below Goldenrod which I didn't have to check the name of and you can't prove that I did. First thing I find in the grass is a female Drowzee, and after whittling it down with Rock Smash I make the catch with a Premier Ball. Seeing how it devours the dreams of children I give it the only fitting name: Taxes.

After fighting a Snubbull that for some reason felt the need to reduce my Ledyba, a Pokemon with base 20 Attack, to -6 attack, along with some others that were slightly less stupid, I get the number of some kids named Ian and Liz, watch as good ol' Ethan calls his grandpa "fit" and introduces me to senior citizens, get their numbers as well, and, in a turn of events that's actually relevant, raise Cola to level 18, where he evolves into Ledian. Not the most impressive of Pokemon but hey, coupled with Light Screen his Special Defense is good enough to make him a good wall- if I could get a better status move than Supersonic he'd be even better. Or maybe U-Turn to pivot easily into Nott, but that might be better suited to Nott herself.. plenty of decisions to make, but they're ones I'll probably be putting off for now.

Deciding to keep the ball rolling, I start a mini grinding-sesh, where the following stuff happens:

- Nott learns Sucker Punch in place of Bite, then reaches level 20 and evolves into Raticate. I forgo Scary Face because both her and Cola are fast anyway, and instead teach her Taunt through that TM I picked up, replacing Quick Attack. It'll probably combo well with Sucker Punch.
- Sprogg is raised to level 17.

I was planning on getting everyone to at least level 17, but I flaked out because I can just do that with the gym trainers, and besides, I wanted to take a break from the extremely strenuous task of playing Pokemon to play Voltorb Flip. I have two main reasons for this- one, there are some sweet TMs and items in there. Two, according to my rules, I can get one Game Corner Pokemon of my choosing. Because this is SoulSilver, my choice is between Abra, Sandshrew and Dratini. I already have a Psychic-type in Drowzee, so because I'm an epic gamer and dRaGoNs ArE tHe BeSt, I decided to gun for Dratini. I also decided that I wanted a Wide Lens for Nott's Super Fang, and Ice Beam- Bristle's Special Attack is too low for putting it on her to be a good option, but hey, Ice is an incredibly helpful offensive type, and if I can't get an actual Ice-type I'll want something to have this as coverage. It's future-proofing.

Of course, my shopping list comes to an incredibly lofty total of 13,100 coins.. that'll take awhile, and it's probably best if I just cut it here and come back next time once I've done all that grinding.

Well, if I don't forget about this again.

Sprogg(Bayleef, Male, Lv. 17)|Bashful|Overgrow|Headbutt/Synthesis/Razor Leaf/PoisonPowder
Bristle(Goldeen, Female, Lv. 16)|Timid|Water Veil|Peck/Tail Whip/Horn Attack/Supersonic

Nott(Raticate, Female, Lv. 20)|Mild|Guts|Rock Smash/Hyper Fang/Taunt/Sucker Punch
Cola(Ledian, Male, Lv. 18)|Hasty|Swarm|Mach Punch/Supersonic/Reflect/Light Screen

Snicket--(Geodude, Male, Lv. 18)|Lonely|Sturdy|Magnitude/Defense Curl/Rock Throw/Rock Polish
Leefa(Bellsprout, Female, Lv. 16)|Quirky|Chlorophyll|Vine Whip/Growth/Cut/Sleep Powder

Badges: 2
Pokedex: 16
New Pokemon: 2
- Tochukaso, Ilex Forest
- Taxes, Route 34
New Deaths: 0
Total Deaths: 1
Time: 14:19(before Voltorb Flip grinding.. oh dear this is gonna take awhile.)

That's all for this time! I gotta say, it feels good to be back now that I've stopped putting it off. I don't know who would come back here after an eight-month gap, but.. well, thanks for reading, if you do.

 
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BirdkeeperRue

Conqueror of the Pewter Gym
Pokédex No.
2077
Caught
Jun 3, 2020
Messages
7
Location
the land of flying rats
Nature
Bashful
Pronouns
She/Her
Pokémon Type
Flying, Normal
Pokédex Entry
The Stupid Idiot Poopface Pokemon. This Pokemon feels great kinship with flying rats. It believes that it is smart, which is probably false.
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #13
Mini-Update

Voltorb Flip took forever. Doesn't help that I suck at Voltorb Flip. There's an online solver, but it wasn't that much help for me seeing how my luck suddenly turned bad.

Fucking Joey Wheeler called partway through to say he killed a Hoothoot and rubbed it in my face that Lamenta is dead, so that's fun.

My time was 17:31 when I had around 14400 coins. I didn't play with perfect efficiency, but it was three hours sitting in the same spot, same background music, staring at my 3DS. Send help.

I'll try and get another part out after my brain unfries.
 
Last edited:

BirdkeeperRue

Conqueror of the Pewter Gym
Pokédex No.
2077
Caught
Jun 3, 2020
Messages
7
Location
the land of flying rats
Nature
Bashful
Pronouns
She/Her
Pokémon Type
Flying, Normal
Pokédex Entry
The Stupid Idiot Poopface Pokemon. This Pokemon feels great kinship with flying rats. It believes that it is smart, which is probably false.
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #14
Part Five

Hi and welcome back to my tiny tiny corner of the Internet that I'm the only regular visitor of. Scratch that actually, the Great Eight-Month Hiatus kinda proves otherwise. Anyway, here's part five.

First things first: I've got like 14000 coins after three painful hours of Voltorb Flip, and I wanna reap the fruits of my labor dammit.

First of these first things first- Dratini. I have to commit a sin and deposit a pokemon for half a second, which is against my rules, but hey, I did it, come at me haters. Bristle takes the L for 2.6 nanoseconds as I go and pick up Sprogg's new girlfriend. Female Dratini, -SpDef +Speed nature which is fun, and since this is the city with the Name Rater I get the opportunity to nickname her. I call her Slifer, because I'm funny.

After tossing my shiny new Egyptian god back into the pit where she belongs I go back to the Game Corner to pick up the Wide Lens and the TM for Ice Beam, along with the Silk Scarf since I had 1000 more coins than I planned. I passed off the Wide Lens to Nott to boost Super Fang's accuracy and the Silk Scarf to Bristle because she's the only one on my team without a held item that has a Normal-type move, other than Leefa with Cut but I'm not actually gonna use that. Also I took a trip to the Department Store to restock on healing items. Also also got a Radio Card cause I forgot that was a thing you had to do before challenging the Gym, questions were easy as balls cause I'm smort.

After those final things being taken care of, and after pouring myself a glass of the second-best form of gamer fuel(chocolate milk) I stepped into the Goldenrod Gym. And if you haven't been living under a rock all your life, you'll know that it's notorious for giving people trouble.

The Gym Trainers are easy though. I replace Bristle's Tail Whip with Water Pulse for coverage despite her Special Attack being trash, and replace Leefa's Growth with Stun Spore because she doesn't even have any special moves and I've always liked going hard on annoying statuses, although with Sleep Powder it's a touch redundant.

Cool, Gym Trainers are easy, I picked up the bike on the way to the PMC and then headed back to the gym. With Cola as my lead, I walked up to Whitney and issued my challenge.

Sidenote: Whitney is, somewhat fittingly, a total normie. Not only is she a d i s g u s t i n g p r e p, she only likes Pokemon because everyone else does too. Smh my head.

But anyways. Let's see how this goes.

I send out Cola as Whitney begins with her Clefairy. I'd prefer not to throw myself at the mercy of Metronome shenanigans, so the first thing I do is go for a Supersonic, as per usual. And, typically, it misses. Clefairy gets a 2-hit DoubleSlap off for like 6 damage so I'm fine, but I decide to go for Reflect before trying again for the confusion. She goes for her first Metronome and gets.. SmellingSalt, which I think is a Wake-Up Slap equivalent? Whatever, it doesn't do much damage and I get off a Supersonic, causing Clefairy to hit itself. A Mach Punch does about a third of its health, but Clefairy immediately snaps out of confusion and.. uses Mimic. I guess it has Mach Punch now.

Supersonic misses and I'm subjected to another 2-hit DoubleSlap, it hits and Clefairy hits itself, I put Reflect back up as Clefairy hits itself again, then go for Mach Punch and get dealt 1 damage by a Metronomed Rolling Kick after it snaps out of confusion again. One more Mach Punch takes its final sliver away- NOT. She Super Potions. Ugh. Well, one less for Miltank, I guess. Play-by-plays are really boring to write for Cola since it takes so many turns to wear opponents down, so I'll make this next bit as brief as I possibly can.

Supersonic miss, 3-hit DoubleSlap that crits once for like 9 damage but I'm still fine.
Supersonic miss, 2-hit DoubleSlap. Reflect drops.
Reflect again, Metronome into FocusEnergy. Peachy.
Supersonic miss, and, 2-hit DoubleSlap, with another crit on one.

At this point, two DoubleSlap crits will kill me, and it's somewhat likely after that FocusEnergy. But is that a bad thing?

I hate sacking Pokemon. But.. come on. This is a Ledian. I love Cola, but he sucks. He sucks so much. So I make my decision: If Cola dies, he dies. I need Nott fresh to deal with Miltank, or at the very least I need a clean switch into Clefairy. I keep Cola in.

Supersonic miss, Metronomed Zen Headbutt for 5 damage. I'm at 12 of 52.
Supersonic miss, Metronomed Frenzy Plant for 3 damage. 9 of 52, but Clefairy needs to recharge.

This would be a clean switch. But I want Reflect for Miltank, and it's about to go away. Maybe those five Supersonic misses have soured me a little too much against suffering Cola to live.

Supersonic hits. Clefairy hits itself. Reflect drops.
Reflect is put back up. Clefairy hits itself.
Mach Punch. Clefairy hits itself.
Mach Punch takes Clefairy out.

Cola lives after all. As Miltank comes in, Cola is spared, and Nott comes out to play. I have two turns of Reflect left; here's hoping I can make them count.

I go for Rock Smash, which does roughly a fifth or sixth of Miltank's health. Stomp does 10 of 57, but that'll double without Reflect. And I'm dead to a crit after two more of these.

Deciding not to hold out for a defense drop on Rock Smash, my next move is Hyper Fang, which will deal more damage anyway due to STAB. It's a hit, and not only is Miltank taken to half, but it flinches.
But that's when Reflect drops.

I can still live a crit, so I go for Taunt, predicting Milk Drink. It works- Miltank wastes its turn yet again. I'm getting close..

Not wanting to get it into Super Potion range, I go for Rock Smash- it and Sucker Punch do the same damage here and it might drop defense. Miltank is still in yellow health, and I get the defense drop. Stomp does 18 damage, bringing me to 29.

This is why I got the Wide Lens. Here, Super Fang has a 99% accuracy(90 base accuracy multiplied by 1.1). With the defense drop, there's no way Miltank will survive it, and Whitney won't heal a Pokemon that's above red health.

I expected nothing less, but it's still a relief when Super Fang hits, and Whitney's infamous Miltank drops.

Then she starts crying cause her Pokemon is dead and I run away like a little sissy baby. I come back after five seconds to get my grubby mitts on the Plain Badge. Also Attract.

God, I think the Clefairy was more of a pain than the Miltank. Then again that's only because Nott's boyfriend sucks.


Immediately after I win out against Whitney, my thoughts turn to Morty. In my experience he can be a huge pain to deal with- Hypnosis+Dream Eater is a gnarly combo, and Shadow Ball and Curse are no fun to deal with either. Stupidly enough, Cola and Nott are probably my best bet there too- Nott is a Normal-type, and Cola's Special Defense is good enough to withstand most of the bullshit. Probably.

I fight the handful of trainers on Route 35; one of the trainers is a girlfriend whose boyfriend is a pushover(cough Cola relates). Sprogg levels up from these battles and tries to learn Reflect but I decide that his current moveset is fine as-is. My encounter for the route is a female Nidoran, which I status the shit out of and whittle down with Leefa before catching fairly easily. After some thought I name her TEEEEEE, because I'm funny. 6 E's.

Seeing how the Pokemon Olympics are now open, I decide to see if Cola can redeem himself by being a pro athlete or something. Sunkern is good at the Pokeathlon, so why not Ledian, right? Whitney is a disgusting prep and somehow forgets to bring her Pokemon, but she gets me a jersey so I enter the Pokeathlon, Speed Course specifically because I'd say I have some pretty fast mons. I'm unsure where my stance on Pokeathlon rewards is, but I'm probably only gonna do this once anyway. Don't need a repeat of Voltorb Flip. I might make an exception if I need an evolution stone or something, but overall I'm unlikely to come back to this. We'll see.

My three entries for the Pokeathlon are Cola, Nott and Bristle, who I just picked because they had the highest speed. Not gonna detail it because frankly I don't know a good way to do it, so I'll shorthand stuff.

Hurdle Dash was the first event. Cola got 1st, Nott got 4th, Bristle got 3rd. I got first place overall.
Second event was Pennant Capture. I got 24 pennants and tied for second place cause I'm bad.
The third event: Relay Run. My Pokemon's stamina was trash but I ran 13.6 laps and got first place overall.

Cola was apparently the points leader, so I guess he doesn't suck as much as I thought. Team Susie's Pikachu got extra points for being a fucking failure which I found hilarious. Overall, I won, big pog and all that hip slang.

I don't think I'll be getting to Ecruteak until next time, but, well, today is Tuesday, so the Bug-Catching Contest is on, and hey, might as well do that, right? Having another Bug-type will be fun. I'm entering with Leefa because I can status shit.
Also this counts as my encounter for the National Park. If Leefa gets KO'd here she's dead because I have a thirst for blood. And since there's an actual time limit here, I'm probably going to write the contest after it happens as opposed to as it happens. So don't expect any good play-by-plays.

Well, I promptly found a Weedle, so I'm not winning this one, and I also had plenty of time to write this because it took me like 30 seconds to capture. A Sleep Powder and a Cut made the catch stupidly easy. Obviously I didn't even place in third, but I got a Shed Shell as a consolation prize, so that's nice, I guess. I had no idea what to name the Weedle at first so I decided to badger my sister for the worst name she could think of for a Beedrill. She gave the only correct answer: Barry B. Benson. I shortened it to BarryBBnsn and am currently unsure whether to refer to them in the future by the full name or by just Barry.

Ya like jazz, lads?

Sprogg(Bayleef, Male, Lv. 18)|Bashful|Overgrow|Headbutt/Synthesis/Razor Leaf/PoisonPowder
Bristle(Goldeen, Female, Lv. 18)|Timid|Water Veil|Peck/Water Pulse/Horn Attack/Supersonic

Nott(Raticate, Female, Lv. 21)|Mild|Guts|Rock Smash/Hyper Fang/Taunt/Sucker Punch
Cola(Ledian, Male, Lv. 18)|Hasty|Swarm|Mach Punch/Supersonic/Reflect/Light Screen

Snicket--(Geodude, Male, Lv. 19)|Lonely|Sturdy|Magnitude/Defense Curl/Rock Throw/Rock Polish
Leefa(Bellsprout, Female, Lv. 18)|Quirky|Chlorophyll|Vine Whip/Stun Spore/Cut/Sleep Powder

Badges: 3
Pokedex: 19
New Pokemon: 3
- Slifer, Game Corner
- TEEEEEE, Route 35
- BarryBBnsn, National Park
New Deaths: 0
Total Deaths: 1
Time: 19:42

So that'll be it for now. I made some mistakes in Part Four's movesets so I'll go back and edit that like two seconds after I post this. If you're seeing this thanks for being here to see it and I shall see you lovely lads and lasses later. (No one's looked at this between Part Four and now but it's fine)

Next time I'll at least try and get the Burned Tower rival fight in, maybe Morty too but don't count on it, I'd rather not spend more than like two hours on a single part and grinding for Morty would drive that up.

P.S.
I just realized that the legendary dogs are genderless, and yet I made provisions for catching them in a Wedlocke.
Legendaries are cool, but I also don't want to break the rules too badly. So screw it, new rule:

Legendaries. Legendaries are super cool, but not only are they overpowered, they're also genderless and as such can't fit into a pair as per Wedlocke rules. I think my fix is reasonable, seeing how if I go to the effort of catching a legendary I might as well be able to use it: A legendary Pokemon can only be put onto the team if an entire pair needs to be replaced, and they are not paired with any Pokemon, meaning that they cannot be switched in battle, and the team is limited to five Pokemon. Also no more than one on the team at a time.
I think it's a reasonable counterbalance to allowing legendaries at all, since you can still get ganked if you go into a bad matchup or get statused or something. Also if I do get one I'll try my best not to get them on the team until, like, they aren't 10 levels above everything, although with Johto's incredibly low levels that might be a challenge. I don't even think I'll actually pull off catching one, but you can bet your ass that I'll try.

And yes, it'll still 100% make the game easier which will therefore make me less of an epic gamer, yeah come at me haters

Anyway, bye :p I don't think I've seen Wedlockes that allow the use of genderless legendaries before(as such this might not be considered a "real Wedlocke" and that's fair lol), so let me know what you think of my rules patch. Or don't.
 
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