Alpha to Omega : A Rising Ruby Alphabet-locke : Chapter 26 - Water's in order if you wanna be SHIT (Wallace Gym Battle)

[Time_Master_Eon]

It's good to see this back, I didn't find your stuff until after the start of the Mega-Hiatus so seeing an update from you really made my day better.

 

[Decibel575]

Oh my god, our lord has returned to us plebeians in Hoenn!!  We shall only die once all your journeys have come to an end, and since none of them have so far, we will be alive for many years to come.  

On the other hand, I'm glad that it seems you healed up properly.  Must have been a lot of trouble to do anything until the cast/bandage came off.

 

[Derogatory Trainer]

Good evening and welcome to another segment of "Bothering Birds" with your host, Sean!

Now the trick to properly bother some birds is to sneak up and then rush them real qui-

...

So this is how dreams die.

Spoiler: Replies

 

Spoiler: Nuzlocke Forums

@Turtleboi - Well you're half right. I AM here to Lord over you.
But I think you'll find the saviour part to be...inaccurate.

@QuietGuardian - The great blend of funny jokes and genuine despondency is back! And better than ever!
I honestly thought Mega-Absol was Dark/Fairy. And yes. Nobody misses Toucher.

@SpikesGirl1 - It's definitely going to be finished soon. And then you can miss it forever! Yaaaaay!
Yes, yes, RIP them. Only one I care about is Ace anyways.
Thank you! I'm surprisingly okay with being back!

@No-Name - That's right. I have Post Traumatic Stupidity Disorder. 
I've never played Sun&Moon and the only innuendo I can remember from X was the Protect TM.
No replies because fuck you.
Fuck you specifically. And I swear to god if you steal the 151st post I'll be mad.

@Time_Master_Eon - And it's nice to read from a new replier!
Which Mega-Hiatus do you mean? The Reborn one, the several Rising Ruby ones or the Rejuvenation one going on now?
I'd guess Reborn since it's nearly been three years...

@decibel575 - This was a nice reply until I thought about it and realised I'll be doing these fucking things for several more years on top of the 4 I've already done.
Fuuuuuuck...I need to get married and buy a house soon.
Hmmm...is that a winky face moment? I'd say so ??
But yes. Most videogames aside from RTS games were unplayable and typing/editing/shitposting were impossibly slow.
 

Spoiler: Reborn Forums

None because Ame is dragging her feet with un-archiving my forum topic.

Well there goes my good cheer for the day.

And the run.

And life in general.

Damn here already?

I don't remember Mossdeep being this close back in the old games...

Or maybe I just got lost a lot back then because I never checked the PokeNav...

Whatever. I'm fine with this.

Less time dicking around on boring water routes the better.

Sooooooo...we're on Nicknames now, yes?

I think that was the order it went.

Sadly that means my BFD won't be fighting those psychic twins.

...

To clarify that's an acronym for Big Fucking Dragon.

Not whatever you degenerates were thinking of.

So...pretty much everyone here gets swapped out for...

Ace, Guardo, Hercules, Ivan, J...fuck...Did I really call a Pokemon Jane Justice?

Damn.

Oh and Kermit.

A pretty good line-up for a Psychic Gym, if I do say so myself.

I'll just grind for a bit around the island.

With Max Repels on of course.

I don't want to switch in and then grind up a water type because the letter generator hates me.

I think I'll take a quick look around the isle to see if there's anything intere-

Nope not dealing with that today.

Jesus.

I'm so fascinated.

Ah so it's a moon rock or something like that?

Or...not?

So they just thought it looked pretty and plopped it down here?

Fucking Hoenn scientists.

It's a bit stupid to wish on a big ball of gas.

I do the intelligent thing and gather 7 magic balls from around the world.

A wish tag? I've never heard of that item...

...Aaaand she doesn't give me anything.

Talking to her was a massive waste of time.

I knew there was no such thing as a wish tag item!

Mainly because it's called a wish tag and not a "Wish Tag"

Capital letters make all the difference.

Hey old man!

Want to give me a lecture on the basic common sense that no evil Team in this game has?

THANKS GAME FRE-I MEAN OLD MAN!

THE KIDDIES WOULD NEVER HAVE FIGURED OUT THAT WATER = GOOD AND LAND = ALSO GOOD!

This was the stupidest generation of Pokemon.

FireRed and LeafGreen were good though. Probably because the evil team isn't a bunch of preachy sissies.

But the rest? Meh.

I was always more of a Sinnoh-son-of-a-bitch than a Hoenn-whore.

Also the Pokemon (whose name makes me die a little inside) is evolving.

Congratulations it's a Bane-

AH GOD IT'S LIKE CHALK ON A NAILBOARD!

I thought you were supposed to be based around possessed dolls not fucking banshees!

Now stay still!

There. That should stop you from screaming your head off again.

Until I buy some earplugs at least.

Forget the screaming now though!

It's gym time!

With this neat transition.

 

...

How the fuck do they store all this in one tiny building?

At least the other gyms are somewhat feasible but this place has floating platforms and a bottomless pit!

Brawly's gym was just an ACTUAL gym!

Yeah this "oooh your rival is so goood" shit made sense when it was Gary.

Doesn't make any sense that an asthmatic child is able to outpace me.

He'll get what's coming to him.

Now to cross this bridge of light.

WH-?

I did not care for that.

Nor do I care for most of this gym.

It's irritating.

We'll just show off the one gym trainer where I Mega-Evolve Jane.

Oh please no.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nHc288IPFzk

I should really teach her Hyper Voice. Might get a bonus to its attack.

Oi. I'm the one who makes petty complaints around here! Not some random Medicham!

Christ.

What a scary move.

Is...he just going to stand there or...?

NOPE.

Delayed explosion it is!

Her hair...is so messy...yet so silky...

Haha. It's funny...

That's exactly what the midwife said to me when I was born.

Also you really shouldn't be judging a book by it's cover when you look like that.

Yeah you're cute but you also look completely deranged.

Just like me

And that's that.

I can finally go to the leaders.

...

Once I figure out where the fuck those light beads are.

I kept this in because this girl is apparently from Mt. Pyre...

Born and raised.

...

In the catacombs is where she spent most of her days.

Chilling out, chantin', relaxin' all cool.

And all shooting some b-ball outside of the tombs.

When a couple of ghosts who were up to no good, started making trouble in her neighbourhood.

She got in one little fight and they thought she was a creep.

So she moved to the gym right here in Mossdeep.

Ugh. The Fresh Princess of Mt.Pyre over here with her Wobbuffet.

Only losers use those.

Isn't that right, Guardo?

Guardo?

Oi Guardo are you listening to me?

GUARDO!!!! PAY ATTENTION TO ME! I AM VERY SELF-CONSCIOUS!

Okay fuck this.
JANE!

D-did it work?

Great job, Jane!

A one-hit KO.

And nobody on our team got hurt.

Uh...nobody got physically hurt anyway

Here have a Poffin. That'll cheer you up, right?

Wh-

Did you just speak English?

Huh...my mind must have been playing tricks on me...

Bah. No time to be checking for future assassination attempts!

It's gym battle time!

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

It wasn't that fun.

Just like this gym battle!

Nothing in this run is fun anymore.

It's all just one painful slog to the end.

Like crawling through glass.

Life is nothing but despair, Liz and Tate or..Tate and Liz...whichever one is which.

You should just kill yourselves right now before the battle to save yourself the pain.

And me a battle.

There's...a sign outside with both of your names on it.

And my badge case has both of your pictures in it.

...

Which is weird when you think about it.

That's pretty obvious.

What's not obvious is why you're both T-posing like that.

Did Game Freak forget to rig you? Or is it a thing twins do?

I wouldn't know.

I was supposed to be a quintuplet though but I absorbed them all in the womb.

Jesus...maybe that midwife had a point...

And yet here you are.

Talking.

Talking so very much.

That's irritating.

Is this why you two live on this floating platform?

Because nobody else can stand being around two twits like you finishing each other's sentences?

UUUUUHHHHH.

Yeah.

In fact I have it much easier than because it's only me in full control.

I don't need to be synchronised like you two.

Wh-what's happening?

I don't remember this...

Are they gonna do the fusion dance?

Oh no!

Can the Derogatory Trainer beat the combined form of..."Late" or "Tiz"?

Tune in next time on the next exciting episode of Rising Ruby!

...

Tune in next time on the next episode of Rising Ruby

Or we'll just find out right now instead.

Also they're flying.

And now they're making air angels.

Pokemon games have gotten weirder and weirder as time goes on.

I think being able to finally make games in full 3D drove Game Freak insane.

To a Pokemon battle? Or are they going to start throwing Ki blasts at me?

Huh.

Starting with the signatures?

Interesting...

Well it would be if there was a shred of curiosity left in me for this game. 

Maybe the reason I prefer Reborn and Rejuvenation is because they're blind runs?

Only difference in this game is the battles and encounters.

...

And the Stand Powers.

Guys you've both had a literal year to get to know each other off-screen.

Call each other by your names.

A six on six battle...

I...er...hope?

Hm...

Kermit use Waterthrower.

That's the one yeah.

Forgot the name.

How does the water get boiled anyway?

Well. One in the bag.

Onto the n-

Uh...

Oh god damn it.

Ace please kill the Lunatone so I don't have to deal with both Reflect and Light Screen being up...

UGH. What an irritating strategy.

Oh. Well that's good at least.

And so is that!

No defence boosts for Liz and Tate.

Ah. Of course there's a catch.

Hmmm...should I heal or go for the kill?

Jesus this thing looks evil in 3D...

It's got those T-1000 eyes...

...

Ugh I'm a coward.

But I love Ace and Scizor in general.

And this will probably be the only Nuzlocke I'll be able to own one.

Hrm...perhaps they'll heal both?

Would be great if they did since both my last attacks would have K-Oed if it wasn't for the Sashes...

Well now we know which one they love more.

This would have really fucked me over...

If I wasn't aiming for Solrock.

Neither of us could remember what they were called when we came up with this move.

I just have a vivid memory of seeing these rubber bracelets on someone's wrist a long time ago.

And not the ones that charities give out. These were thinner and shaped like the Dark Pulse wave above.

Anyway you didn't come here to see me struggle to remember fads of the mid-2000s.

No...you guys came here to see if this fucking run is finished yet and if I've gone back to Reborn.

That's why I'm here after all.

Just to get it over with.

It looks much cooler in motion I swear.

But that was just to get Lunatone out of the way and change Kermie's type in case Slowking decides to fire off a Focus Blast.

If he lives through this.

Nope!

Wait...

Ugh. It lives.

If you go dangerously close to your computer screen you can see the tiny sliver of health left.

That's...not...

IT KNOWS FIRE BLAST!?

MISS! MISS!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

ACE!? AAAAAAACE!

Speak to me Ace!

Don't go into the light! You're the coolest looking Pokemon I have!

If you die, I'll be stuck with that fat dinosaur and edgelord frog!

SO STOP BEING SO SELFISH AND STOP DYING!

It's me, buddy. I'm here.

And...uh...I'll pass on getting closer.

I don't want to get bug blood all over my only shirt.

Super bummed you're dying though.

Real rough stuff.

AW FUCK! I FORGOT TO MEGA EVOLVE ANOTHER ONE!

I HAVE YOUR MEGASTONE AND EVERYTHI-

Ace?

...

Ace?

Okay I know you're dying but it's very rude to fall asleep when I'm talking to y-

...

Oh.

You will be avenged Ace.

YOU WILL BE AVEEEEEEENNNNNGGEEEEEEEDDDDD!!!

Bring this dopey despot to justice, Jane.

Great. Kermit can take out that Gallade in one hit.

So I can focus on our friend on the right...

LET ME HEAR YOU SCREAAAAAAMMM!!!

Surprised that didn't just kill everyone in the gym.

Good thing this run has absolutely no audio I guess.

I like the little spin he does before doing this move.

It's cute.

That's out of the way at least. But if the fuckers have a Gallade they'll probably have a Gardevoir.

And I dislike those.

Mainly for personal reasons.

"In the shadows lies true victory" - Shadow the Hedgehog probably.

OI! GIVE ME THAT CAMERA BACK!

IT'S NOT FOR YOU!

Now since Kermit will bring me no advantages against Bronzong I'll switch in another Pokemon that probably wants me dead.

Don't...don't fucking do a Japanese bow towards that thing, Guardo.

He doesn't deserve our respect.

Also I don't like bowing as a concept anyway.

You'll get a sharp nod and like it.

What a contribution.

And here's Gardevoir...

What you can't win without Mega Evolution, Tate and Liz?

How pathetic. 

You'll never catch me hypocritically doing that!

Yeah I'm looking at you, reader.

I won't say your name.

But I know what you do.

I know what you do with yourself at night.

You disgust me.

Aannnnnd away she goes!

It's Ivan's time to shi-

-iiiiiine...

Well I'm not too broken up about it.

I don't care anymore after all.

They are just sacks of meat to me.

NO! NOT THE ONE POKEMON THAT ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE A SACK OF MEAT!
 

Yeah.

That's how that works.

Two words.

FOCUS BUH-LAST.

There's no way this bullshit Slowking doesn't have that move now that it can breathe fire.

It's one of them "teach it all the elemental punches to cover all the bases" type deals.

YOU SEE! I WAS RIGHT!

THIS TIME AT LEAST!

Neat. He survived.

I guess my Protean abuse continues for another day.

I...don't know why that happened...

I didn't even edit that picture of Gardevoir aside from the text.

She just...distorted...

Creepy.

IT'S OVER!

FINALLY! ANOTHER EPISODE OUT OF THE GODDAMN WAY!

What teamwork?

None of your Pokemon even used Helping Hand or any of those other shitty double-battle only moves. 

...

This is a very erotically-shaped badge if you go by that "hearts look like a woman bent over" theory.

...

The gem placement doesn't help.

I WON'T SEE A THERAPIST, MOM!

I DON'T NEED TO BE CALM WHEN I HAVE ALL THIS ANGER!

That's very, very, very sad.

I don't even like these guys.

When this is over I'm going to eat them.

Is there a future where I'm back in the past?

Because I'd rather that than be forced to make new friends.

Ah.

So we're not alone.

We're desperately alone.

Even better.

That's all I've ever done.

Nothing beats bull-rushing everything after all.

Okay.

I'm going to go now.

Bye.

And so he did.

Jesus Christ those teleporters sting.

It's like being dipped in lava!

...

I assume.

I've never been swimming in lava after all.

AND I NEVER WILL.

Well that was bothersome.

Can I just skip to the end now?

Does anybody have a Gameshark they could lend m-
 

...

Does anyone else hear that?

Sounds a lot like... 

OH GOD NO NOT KE$H-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHUbLv4ThOo

Maxie.

 

[Decibel575]

Listen, I think that was a joke, but I take offense to you insulting the region of the first Pokemon game I played, you Sinn-ohf-a-bitch.  Aside from that, I now ship Future Sean x Hex Maniac, nice couple.  

And also, call me gullible if you want, but what? You absorbed siblings in the womb? That's a little creepy.  So, how about, after Reborn, you continue Snakewood???! I want to see you make it until the end.  And see you in pain.  lots and lots of pain.  hehehe


Maybe just never go back to reborn though.  If it's gone, it's gone

I WILL CHECK EVERY DAY TO STEAL THE 151th POST.  Just to spite you

 

[spikesgirl1]

Dang, I already miss Ace. Scizor IS a super cool 'mon. Stupid fire-breathing Slowking. :(

I didn't mind playing through Alpha Sapphire, but yeah, Magma and Aqua's plans are uberly dumb. I never played Gen 3 back when it came out, but I still knew the evil teams and was unimpressed. At least Archie was kinda fun in AS.

Speaking of, I completely forgot that you made Maxie's Ke$ha entrance a thing! Always loved that bit. :D

 

[No-name]

"they'll probably have a Gardevoir.

And I dislike those.

Mainly for personal reasons."
I think anyone who read Reborn Season 3 & 4 knows It.


"Yeah I'm looking at you, reader.

I won't say your name.

But I know what you do.

I know what you do with yourself at night.

You disgust me."   
So,people sleeping at night disgusts you?
 
Also,I have some things to say:
1)Radomous is one of my favourite characters from Reborn.
2)I think that Snakewood should have continued.
3)I think that posting for the sake of grabbing imaginary "xth Post" award is a legitimate action.
4)I think that Tayto was good.
5)I miss Toucher.

 

[No-name]

(This post is a Proxy that I made to grab the "150th post" award.

 

[No-name]

(This post totally is a Proxy that I made to grab the "150th post" award.)

 

[No-name]

(This post is in-fact a Proxy that I made to grab the "150th post" award.)

 

[Derogatory Trainer]

Well that was...

Odd?

Didn't Maxie just drill a hole in a seal?

Why was there a massive pillar of light?

Oh look it's the jew mom from South Park.

Wow and Porky Pig as well?

Mossdeep sure is popular with fat cartoon characters!

Glad to see the common people being calm and orderly in a crisis.

Really gives you hope for a better tomorrow.

Hey. Don't fat-shame the pillar of light.

It has feelings too.

Wait how did I even hear her? I'm like 20 miles awa-

I like how he saw me and immediately came running over.

This is true friendship.

Steven!

Whatever just happened, I didn't do it.

H-how?

I left like 30 seconds ago?

Did they use their telepathy on you?

Are you also a twin of theirs?

Oi! I ain't some legendary dog hoppin' about the region!

You could have just called me on my Pokedex like you somehow did last time!

Something always comes up when we hang out Steven.

First it was kicking that Latios out of its home and then the fucking laser goggles you gave me.

Are you secretly an Absol or something?

Please don't be an Absol.

I refuse to befriend furries.

Or would this make you a fleshie? Is that a thing?

Either way you should be burning in Satan's bathtub for your sins.

We're talking right now aren't we?

Jesus Steven...buy me dinner first.

And also have a vagina.

That's a pretty crucial factor here.

Maybe he's secretly a girl?

...

Oh man now I actually want that.

Why couldn't Drayn0 have hacked it so he was a girl instead?

I want Stephanie Stone dammit!

WELL THAT'S WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!

UGH JUST ROLL THE REPLIES!

The real joke of this series is how determined I look in the title.

He should be much more jaded.

Anyway...

Spoiler: I had to skip the replies at first so I could stop No-Name from getting the 150th post by cheating.HAHAHAHA! FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKER!Okay I'll start writing them now.

Spoiler: Nuzlocke Forums

@decibel575 - Psh...this guy over here...didn't start at gen one like the rest of us cool kids. You'll never be taken seriously in this Pokemon world now.
One's weird and the other one is dangerously weird. It's the perfect match!
Mate...there's gullible...and then there's gullible. You really think I absorbed 4 other children? C'mon...
I didn't absorb any at all. I was born alone and I'll fucking die alone.
Okay sure. You've totally convinced me. I'll get riiiight on that.
But I gotta get back! Back to the past! Samurai Jack!
Looks like No-name quadruple posting stole it from you. That cheater. But at least I swiped 150th just in time.

@SpikesGirl1 - What sort of maniac would teach a Water Pokemon a Fire move anyway!?
Team Rocket were the only sane team. Until that shit with the portals in Sun&Moon. "Rainbow Rocket" fucking hell.
I did too until I heard it on the radio and was wondering why I knew a lot of the words to Tik Tok.

@No-name - Nobody read that shit. It sucked.
Yeah "sleeping" suuuure.
1-5) Imagine genuinely having opinions this shitty. Gross.
Also regarding Snakewood.
I believe I said "I've reached my stupidity limit for the month/year/decade/century/era"


We're still in the same decade/century/era

Spoiler: Pokemon Fan Club

@Lspaceship - OH FUCK I FORGOT ABOUT THE STUPID CELEBI PLOT!
Well time to shoehorn something in I guess?

@DreamblitzX - Mega Bannette is super cute. And it looks like it has the softest skin.

@Gaunt - And just like Frankenstein's Monster it reeks of death and misery.
I was...lost on the road of life? Oh and don't worry I don't remember anything either.
Ah yes...RIP Rejuvenation Sean...or IS IT?
Yeah I'll probably make a summary thing just in case for the season 5 start.

@Dex - See? Didn't take me til 2020 did it?
I'm glad you like them! God knows enough effort is put into making them. 2-D was much easier.
I can't remember the last time a Nuzlocke was fun...maybe Crawli's Gym Battle?

@pikafan96 - 

 G-glad to be back...
I really, really, really hate Psychic Gyms. They keep screwing me by killing all my good Bug-Types.
I'll get my revenge in Rejuvenation thought. Oh yes...
I WILL I PROMISE! 

@DemICE - They really fucking are.
Except in Rejuvenation. That one...is special.
Oh nice. Did you finally get the 3DS modded or is this done on an emulator?


 

Nothing says "sexual tension" like a massive wooden table between you, eh?

Hey it's better than my house.

Well my secret base.

I don't have a house.

Or a bed.

Just a big ass globe.

Well you can start by revealing that you're actually a girl in disguise?

That'd be a start-

Oh right that massive pillar of light that played Ke$ha music.

That is the more pressing matter I suppose.

Jesus I'm not a fan of Ke$ha myself but isn't calling her music eardrum-rupturing a bit harsh?

Yes.

That makes perfect sense.

That is exactly the conclusion I would have come to.

Mother f-

Don't you mean SUPER-ancient times?

Diglett.

It was Diglett.

Diglett everybody!

He saved us.

What a hero.

Fucking Diglett!

How could he have not predicted a bunch of aquaphobes smashing into it with a drill/submarine shaped like a Camerupt?

I'm so disillusioned.

Never meet your heroes, boys and girls. They'll only let you down.

Except me.

I'm there for you.

And they may or may not be under the thrall of a big triangle.

I forgot what most of that Celebi told me.

All I remember is to kill a girl with big boobs and kill a psychic triangle.

Yeah I know.

Somebody was definitely on crack when he wrote that.

What a chump.

Steven...?

Me?

Oh.

Well right now the only thing upsetting me is how many times you've said "super-ancient" in this conversation.

I dunno man.

I remember something awfully similar happening back in '02...

Well that's admirable of you.

That's less so.

Because I feel like you're going to make me do all the work now.

Yeah so do I.

Okay.

Steven I already said "okay"

You're pretty much my only guy friend in this region.

...

And every other region actually.

Jesus I'm bad at making human friends.

Is it another pair of death ray goggles?

Or a shiny new stone?

...

Can stones even be new? Don't they take thousands of years to form?

Oh okay.

It's Dive.

Yes. Steven I know what Dive does.

I'm not one of those losers who started playing Pokemon in Gen 7 because they got into Pokemon Go.

Okay now THIS part surprised me.

I thought I was going to have to hold my breath the entire time...

Steven. I'm fairly sure stopping an evil team is more important than cutting the ribbon on a new Pokemon Center.

At least that's what I assume you're doing.

Because I don't actually know what else you could be doing.

WHAT DO CHAMPIONS DO ASIDE FROM WANDER ABOUT THE REGION AND OCCASIONALLY BATTLE CHILDREN!?!

Aqua?

Team Aqua aren't doing anything.

Seriously they just show up after everyone has left say" Yarrr keehaul this, keehaul that" and leave.

I would have had a much easier time if I bought Alpha Sapphire instead.

Normally I'd say that's a terrible mistake but I've actually been incredibly reliable every time someone trusts me.

And then he kicked me out.

I think these "duties" are just him wanting to take a nap.














Well before I did the Team switch (which I almost forgot I was supposed to do after beating a Gym Leader) I went catching/fishing.

I caught a Cryogonal in Not!Seafoam Islands.

Rolled a T for her so I decided to give her another stupid name.

Yep.

It's a very easy fallback when you can't think of anything good.

Tracy Tundra 'errybody.

She'll be showing up when we get back to Pokemon names for sure.

Route 125's capture died.

Probably for the best.

I skipped Route 124 because that was one of the rules I had in place ages ago.

Route 126 was a Sharpedo.

Yes.

ANOTHER FUCKING SHARPEDO.

At first I wasn't going to make the whole Flounder lineage joke a thing.

But then I got an F on the letter generator.

Soooo...

Say hi to Flounder the third.

I've really got to break up the Sharpedo streak though.

Including Rejuvenation it's been three in a row.

Anyway I skipped those routes because we want to get this finished and it was B-oring.

So let's do the team switch and then we can murderize some Magmas!

RIP Ace as well.

Meh to Ivan.

Ooookay...which of you slaves is heading for the chopping block next?

Last episode it was Nicknames so this one is...

Pokemon Names!

Tracy Tundra will get her chance to sparkle sooner than expected!

...

When we're fighting a team based around Fire Pokemon...

Goddamn it.

Right then, we got Aegislash, Banette, Conkeldurr, Cryogonal, Dragoni-

...

Oh no.

Binacle...

I have to get rid of Dra-

Wait no.

E comes after D.

Phew.

I panicked for a second there.

Don't know why I showed you guys me forgetting how the alphabet works though.

Anyway I'll grind Waldstein up to the limit I set myself aaaaand...

He evolved.

I don't know why I trailed off like it was something dramatic.

Never trained a Barbarnacle before though.

I've always wanted to poke their eyehands and see if they actually work or are just a design.

But why would you evolve 4 extra eyes on your main attacking appendages?

 Also you are incredibly gross looking now that I see you in 3D.

WHY ARE YOU 75% HANDS AND EYES!?!?

Ugh...

I don't want to look at you anymore. You make me queasy.

So I'll cleanse my eyes with seawater!

There's nothing purer and cleaner than seawater!

I've made a terrible mistake.

Also it's fucking scary down here.

Look at those abysses...abyssi?

Abysseses?

Huh.

An upside down person.

N-no? I haven't...

I also didn't know I could speak fucking Goldfish but you learn something new everyday.

Which translated to "Marine snow is a continuous shower of mostly organic detritus falling from the upper layers of the water column."

Apparently.

Also she's cute.

Now where, O where have my evil team gone?

Yikes.

They really weren't kidding about that walloping...

Looks like they walloped it more than a few times too.

Ah there it is.

Maxie's "Totally-not-compensating-for-something" submarine.

 

HOLY SHIT MYSTERY SOLVED GUYS!

This game sickens me.

And bores me.

At least the other two just sicken me.

Yeah we're skipping most of this Dora the Explorer shit.

Except for some key images.

This one.

She's really got my number here.

Also Fossil Pokemon in the wild huh?

Well...I wouldn't call this "the wild" when it's been sealed for 3000 years.

...

How did they (A)Survive down here and (B)Get down here?

Mine now tho'

Gah!

I just realised that Helmethead would have been a better name...

Oh well. You win some you lose some.

Except battles.

...

Except that one time.

Fucking Solaris...

Hmm...

Why do I get a very ominous feeling of deja vu when looking at lava?

I'm sure it's nothing.

What's more interesting is how much grip my shoes have.

This is like a 66% slope.

Very impressive, Devon-brand shoes. 

WHAT THE FUCK!!?!?!?!

TEAM AQUA ACTUALLY BEAT ME HERE!?!

What a weird cutscene.

Archie said about 4 different words and mostly grunts.

Also he lost to a guy with mainly ground and fire types.

Did Drayn0 not boost his Pokemon?

Ah Maxie.

Ever the stern and taciturn leade-

Bwahahahaha!

What the fuck is that pose?

I really didn't expect Maxie to start "wryyyyy-ing" all of a sudden.

Right. Stop calling me that you closet homosexual.

Aw thanks buddy.

I'm touched.

Err...thanks buddy?

I'm...a little creeped out now.

Wh-?

Maxie we've met like 4 times.

Do you mean Archie?

Believe me I've met him.

Hard to ignore a guy dressed as a pirate stripper.

HOLY SHIT!

HE'S ON THE COVER OF THE GAME!

WHAT AN HONOUR!

He's...also a lot smaller than I would have thought a world ending Pokemon would be...

Yeah..."great form"?

Are those glasses actually magnifying lenses or something?

That guy's tiny.

You got something to add , Archie?

...

No?

You're just going to stand there and say nothing at all while this camera angle is wasted on you?

Alright then.

Llllllladies~

And would you look what happened?

There hasn't been a war in 3,000 years!

Well if you don't count Lt.Surge going crazy and murdering that Vietnamese village as a war.

Still don't know how he got away with that...

Reminder:

Maxie is literally just a maniac.

There's plenty of fucking room.

He's quiet...

Perhaps I've gotten through to him with my scientific facts?

He does love science after a-

Nope.

...

Jesus look at my face.

I'm so fucking pissed off.

Why can't I always have that expression on me?

Ha!

You thought I came alone?

Steven! You can come out now!

...

God dammit Steven.

Do I have to do ALL the fucking work?

*GASP*

NOT MEGA SHINKA!

...

This line doesn't carry over well considering all the changes Drayn0 made.

Apology accepted, my friend.

All is forgiven.

No...he can't mean...

OH NO HE'S GOING TO USE...THAT!

NOT THE FUHAMEHAMEHA!

THIS IS THE MOST POWERFUL MOVE IN THE MULTIVERSE!

Oh it's just a battle.

Well I'm much less worried now.

I can win battles.

It was a close call there for a second...

I wonder why the villain leader in these early gens always had bats?

Well except Giovanni.

Which is weird since that was when Golbat was introduced...

Anyway...

Oh.

He survived.

Well then.

HOW ABOUT A STONE EDGE TIMES TWO?

...

Well it makes sense I guess.

Nothing new changed between the first and second one attack after all.

Well that worked out rather well.

Haha fuck you game.

I can see that Energy Ball coming a mile away, Waldstein.

Everyone and their mother teaches it to their Chandelures.

Let's bring this scum to justice!

Jane Justice!

...

Which didn't need to be said.

You guys probably would have gotten that from the first line, huh?

Eugh...

Well we'll deal with that when we get to it.

But now...

IT'S MORPHIN' TIME!

GO GO MEGA-BANETTE!

Hmph this next blow will finish it.

UMMM.

Jane...

...

Well I was still right about the next move finishing it...

I guess it's a good thing the Fire Blast man is doing the splits.

...

Or was that supposed to be the kanji for fire?

Bah who cares?

I hate that move since it killed Scizor and Jane.

Claydol huh?

Yeah you can take it.

Mercy.

I'll use Mercy.

Not to thrilled about having my metal sword over all this lava.

Nor am I thrilled about my metal sword fighting a ground type.

Lowered the attack...

Should have lowered more but it' s just under half so we should be fine...

Now to go for the kill.

He's made of clay Mercy.

No blood whatsoever.

WHAT THE FUCK

J-just get back in your ball and repress it, Mercy!

You too audience.

You didn't see fucking anything.

Well at least it doesn't know SolarBeam.

I'm not sure it can but I've seen a Slowking breathe fire so who knows?

Reality is fictional in Pokemonland.

Ahhhhh good ol' Houndooms and their brittle, brittle bones.

And so has Maxie's remaining lifespan.

Almost to the end now.

I'm impressed in managed to create a dust wave when landing on lava.

HEAL THEN DRAIN PUNCH!

Uh...

That's a strange choice.

Oh come onnnnn...

OH COME OOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!

WE ARE FIGHTING IN A SEA OF LAVA!

HOW DO YOU GET FROZEN ON A SEA OF LAVA!!?!?

This can't last long.

He'll break out in one turn. You'll see.

HAHA! Y'SEE! QUICK CLAW BABY!

NEVER LET'S ME D-

I...wh...?

Thanks Tyranitar.

Really appreciate the solidarity

This can't get any mor-

So he dodged.

While frozen in ice.

While on a sea of lava.

 
 

TOOK A LOT FUCKING LONGER THAN IT SHOULD HAVE ALL THINGS CONSIDERING!

Maybe if you landed a FUCKING punch already we wouldn't have this problem!

And after all that, it's over in one blow.

Bloody hell.

Two Rock Smashes.

That's all it took to beat the main villain of the game's ace Pokemon.

Why is Camerupt such garbage?

H-hey wait a second!

What's up with his eyes!?

Green glowy eyes...shit that sounds familiar and important...

They're gone...were his glasses...?

Okay he's fucking lost.

Archie, tackle him into the lava before he does something stupid.

You'll be fine I'm sure.

Water is super effective against Fire after all.

That's me.

Splendid Sean.

Ergh...don't use me after a possessive noun.

C'est tres creepy.

AH GOD STOP IT. THAT SENT A REAL COLD SHIVER UP MY SPINE!

Well yeah. Here in "E for Everyone" land it is.

Any other rating and it gets a little iffy.

Er...that's not me being heroic that's just me...being my usual arrogant self.

Fuck what everyone else thinks after all.

Nobody's called me that before now...

Even coming from Maxie it's still...kinda nice.

I'm sensing a but...

Er...okay.

Yet it is then.

That'd be pretty admirable if you weren't going to destroy the world and if you weren't likely under some kind of mind control.

I give it about ten minutes.

GOD I'M SO FUCKING MAD!

Uh...wasn't us man.

It sounded about 300 pounds heavier.

Hahahahaha.

I was riiiight.

Oi!

Wait what's this now?

I don't think that's...what's happening, Maxarooni...

YOU'VE NEVER EVEN MET HIM, MAXIE!

DON'T THROW YOUR FUTURE AWAY FOR A 'MON YOU'VE NEVER MET!

D-denied?

ARCHIE STOP FUCKING MAKING NOISES AND TACKLE HIM!

IF YOU AREN'T GOING TO HELP JUST LEAVE!

Wh-

YOU FUCKING IDIOTS! I WASN'T SERIO-

Jesus Christ! I can see why you snapped now Maxie.

Having him as a rival would drive me to end the world as well.

Oooooh cutscene time!

How about we put down the evil glowing orb, Maxie, ol' buddy, ol' pal?

 

Ooooohhhh that's not good.

OH THAT'S VERY NOT GOOD!

AH GOD! ROCK IN MY EYE!!!

What're you lookin' at?

Uh...okay this time for real.

What are you looking at?

Uh-oh.

Well...

Maybe Archie didn't have such a bad idea running aw-

TACTICALLY RETREATING after all...

STOP FUCKING SMILING, MAXIE!

YOU'VE KILLED US ALL!

GAAAAAAAAAH!!! NOW THERE'S FIRE IN MY EYE!!!!!

I FUCKING HATE TODAY!

https://youtu.be/kYBAtJMTFyY

 

[No-name]

Damn you!
I still grabbed the "151th post" award just to spite you.

 

[No-name]

Y NO REPLIES

 

[Derogatory Trainer]

Y NO REPLIES

BECAUSE OF YOU YOU FUCK.
I was/am writing them just before you went mad and started spamming.
They'll be up soon.

 

[No-name]

Y NO REPLIES

BECAUSE OF YOU YOU FUCK.
I was/am writing them just before you went mad and started spamming.
They'll be up soon.

I doubt that they will be up soon.
From what I remember,you had said you would continue Snakewood in the last of episode of Snakewood and we know how THAT turned out

 

[Decibel575]

Dang it.  I missed the 151st post.  I should have checked when I woke up from stomach pains.  XD

I'll take the 251st then.  I'll read the latest chapter soon, just a little busy

EDIT: OK first, No-Name, why be so rude right now? Who hurt you? 

Second, I'm a little depressed that Jane died, I was growing to like her, 

Third, So what if I didn't start in Kanto? If I had, I'd probably be a genwunner, and I don't want that.  My favourite gen is gen 5 though, such an amazing era of Pokemon.  Except the anime, the BW anime sucked.  

And yes, I'm gullible enough to believe that,since I've heard it happened before.  

Last but not least, wanna meet on Showdown? I'll use my Rejuv team, and you can use any team from any of your runs.  XD  We'll see who is better

 

[spikesgirl1]

Aw no, I was starting to really like Jane. :(  Think I'm starting to hate Fire Blast too and it's not even my 'locke!

Oh, I see you there, Sean, making those hints. Not gonna lie, green-eyed Maxie actually looks kinda neat, though.

A lot of people seem to consider Steven one of the best/sexiest champions, so wouldn't be surprised if you're not the only one who's curious about a girl version of him. ;)

 

[Time_Master_Eon]

Or was that supposed to be the kanji for fire?

Kanji for big/great actually, though the two are similar. fire is 火, while Fire Blast uses 大. Makes sense considering  that once upon a time, Fire Blast was the strongest Fire-Type move.

 

[Derogatory Trainer]

Well that was all very dramatic. (That Groudon was NOT 30 stories high though)

But at least that massive explosion of lava didn't kill us.

Somehow...

Oh NOW you pussies come back.

Why can't you just tank lava explosions like real men!

Yes. Congrats you've doomed the human race and every Pokemon outside of the desert biome.

And the Cacnea line.

The Marcactus one too but that's a point in your favour if I'm honest. 

I think our shtick is we don't evolve as fast as Pokemon buddy.

In exchange we get to be a lot smarter.

Well...some of us at least.

Yeah good luck doing that in 100 degree weather.

And that's Celsius for you Fahrenheit loving Americans out there.

He's spilled mustard on his nice new sweater/jacket that's what he's done!

...

Ha. Made you look.

That's a pretty strong communicator if it's able to reach this far down.

I have something long too.

If you catch my drift...

It's my fishing rod!

...

Fishing rod being my nickname for my peni-

Oh right this is a fucking kids show.

I can't say penis on the air.

Didn't the information stolen from the Weather Institute predict this?

How are you surprised?

Did Tabitha somehow not beat me to Lilycove even though it took me an ACTUAL year?

I dunno. Does the Magma Orb give it extra power or something?

Or is it just an glorified alarm clock?

I think it gains exactly 100 extra base stat points according to Smogo-I mean... my Pokedex...

The world's ended.

I shall form a colony underneath the earth with all your female Magma grunts.

Who knows? Maybe some South Korean will make a doujinshi about it...

"Dating Several Magma Grunts"

I'd read that.

"By burning the living shit out of it"

You're also underestimating how fucking sick I am of hearing "Super-ancient Pokemon"

HE SAID THE POWER OF PRIMAL REVERSION!

Jesus clean out your ears, Max.

Unless you chuck a Master Ball at it.

Which...admittedly I should have done when it woke up.

...

LOOK MAXIE'S THE ONE WHO'S AT FAULT HERE, OKAY!?

Pictured: Groudon driving us

Jesus Christ Archie!

I liked you (slightly) better when you were singing Barbie Girl!

Don't be such a Dwebble downer!

It's a Fire/Ground type!

IN HOENN!

Humanity will be fine.

And what pray tell, is the goal of YOUR organisation, Archie?

I think I'd be dealing with two out of control forces of nature if I didn't grab that Aqua Orb before I left Mt. Pyre.

...

And if Game Freak wasn't so money grubbing.

Seriously. This is a remake.

It SHOULD have been just a remake of Emerald.

I dunno Tabitha. I'm getting really invested in questioning Game Freak's decisions.

And would it KILL them to innovate once in a while?

They just showed the trailer for Sword and Shield and yet the battles still look EXACTLY THE SAME as the X&Y ones just better graphics.

Like they should really have fucking been able to make the battles like the ones in that Battle Revolution teaser by now.

It's this one if anyone wants to see it. Quality's shit unfortunately

But instead it's just going to be "Jump in place, enemy takes damage" again.

Oh so that Magma grunt screaming about the heat was just lying?

Why do we need to confirm what we already know?

OI!

Do you WANT me to use that Stand I keep forgetting I have to pummel you again?

Call me a fucking child and I'll punch you back to Mt. Chimney!

Yeah that's what I thought.

MAXIE COME ON!

WE'VE GOT TO GO SEE HOW BADLY YOU'VE FAILED!

And someone roll the damn replies already!

Spoiler: Replies

Spoiler: Nuzlocke Forums

@No-name - I believe I said something along the lines of having enough of the game for "a month/a year/a decade/a century/an era"? So we've got either one more year/eighty-one more years or however long an era is til I update that shit.

@decibel575 - Your Stomach Senses were tingling? That's better than what I got at least.
His parents hurt him by not giving him a name. It's a tragic tale.
It is, of course, completely your fault you weren't old enough in the two years there was only one gen. 
That's the one I played the least myself. I was just walking to the 7th gym and asked myself why i was playing it and then put it down and never picked it up again.
I never watched it but I read that Ash gets beaten by a literal retard that thought the Unova league was held in Ecruteak. So I can imagine how bad it was.
Yeah with TWINS. But 5 kids? Jesus Christ. I'd be a monster.
Probably the guy who can pick and choose what Pokemon he uses and has the element of surprise? But sure. I'll fight you.
And if I lose I'll do it irl. I have 300 confirmed kills you know.

@SpikesGirl1 - I think Drayn0 must have boosted it's accuracy or something that piece of shit.
Y-yes! It is a well planned-out and thought provoking story that I am weaving.
*cough*
She'd have to keep the same hair style and outfit for me to reallly find her attractive of course. 

@Time_Master_Eon - Huh. I guess my kanji is a little rusty. It's been many a year since I played Okami after all.
So basically the Pokemon is just shouting the word BIG in fire kanji. Neat.

Spoiler: Pokemon Fan Club

@Gaunt - The Hoenn Museum was opening a new rock exhibit and Steven just HAD to be there. That's my theory at least.
Unfortunately you are wrong. It wasn't Celebi. 
Flounder III is the only Flounder that actually survives and goes on to live a happy life destroying oil tankers.

@DreamblitzX - Re-reading is something I should have admittedly been doing this whole time. I forgot Norman got shot by Wally's Dad and now I'll have to figure out a plot for that.
It would make sense on how they're alive. They were all people sacrificed to a great god and had their blood stored in clay dolls.
...
My god Claydol is a lazy Pokemon name.

@pikafan96 - Long live huh? Poor choice of words there.
1 in 26 I guess? It is the alphabet after all.
Yes the glorious lineage of a Seaking, Sharpedo, Sharpedo, Sharpedo, Seaking and then a WishiWashi. Uh...small spoilers by the way.
Don't you know? He's got the prettiest green eyes hidden behind those glasses. Nothing sinister whatsoever.
I do too.
Like I reaaaally have to re-read.

@YingYang9705 - She's in hell now. With alll the other ghost types.
Well it's normal by comparison sure.

@DemICE - Can't wait for his movie in May!
Ah yes, that explains it. I think it was boosted to 70 or 80? I can't remember. 
Damn I shoulda done that. Seemed simpler than hacking Ocarina of Time to run Homebrew.
Shoutout to Glacia for being the hottest piece of ass in Hoenn as well

Why the fuck are we all looking at the sun?

Do you people all want to go blind?

Well good luck with that.

I'll keep my eyes closed thank you very much.

Is something happening? 

Is Maxie finally realising what a massive fucking idiot he was/is?

He better be hanging his head in shame!

A massive mistake?

Congratulations!

You did it.

I'd love to know your thought process behind that.

"Hey I know I'll make some new fucking continents! That'll progress humanity!"

Did you even think about how many people would fight over new, unclaimed and unguarded land?

We'd be right back to the Great Poke War 3,000 years ago!

And knowing how this fucking universe works I'd be the one firing the death laser this time around.

Because I'm special apparently.

Okay stop saying "Boss...Maxie..." you fat fuck.

I swear you people have a terrible habit of repeating yourselve-

Not bad...not bad at all.

...

You WERE going for a Gurren Lagann reference there, right Archie?

I prefer Kyorge's torrential rain myself.

I makes things look cooler and more dramatic.

This is just hot and makes me not want to do anything.

Er...don't get any ideas because I said torrential rain was cooler.

I'll still kick the shit out of you if you try anything.

If only there were a team of water pokemon trainers to stop this evil fire/ground type!

But alas.

Ugh. That place?

Not a fan.

It makes no sense as a town.

They can't grow their own food and the only entrance is underwater.

HOW DO THEY SURVIVE ON JUST FISH!?!?

Granted it'd be a fucking impenetrable fortress if someone attacked it but other than that...

Which folk?

How many people even know about Primal Reversion?

Groudon confirmed for being a thirsty bitch.

Which is ironic on many levels.

Or...just let the Water Leader do it?

Honestly Groudon drew the short straw on this.

Kyogre really has it a lot easier.

Unless they move the Cave of Origin to Mauville in Alpha Sapphire or something...

Tell them they have scurvy too.

Yarr!

It would.

Except I bet I'm included in that "Us all"

Which is unfair. I didn't create this mess.

Hell I don't even want to be in this time period.

AGREED, MAXIE?

Don't make me come over there.

...

Yeah okay. Just walk out of frame.

Do they even have any Surfing Pokemon?

Yes? What NOW?

You better not be thinking those gay thoughts about Maxie again.

Yes?

But you're a very special type of grown-up.

   

Well...huh.

The apology wasn't expected.

Or just my hands, you mean.

Because nothing gets solved without my personal involvement in this fucking region.

Or you could give me a lift?

Time is of the essence after a-

No?

You just gonna walk away?

Great.

...

Jesus...that outfit leaves nothing to the imagination...

And then there was Sean.

Left on a weird doughnut piece of land in the middle of the ocean.

With the Lakuhita camera man getting farther and farther away for some reason...

Guess I'll have a wank.

FORGET TOUCHING MYSELF! WHAT'S THAT IN THE SKY!?!?

IS IT A BIRD?

IS IT A PLANE?

IS IT THE SMELL OF MY BURNING RETINAS BECAUSE I KEEP FUCKING STARING AT THE SUN?

NO!

IT'S...

Oh.

It actually is a bird.

Huh.

BUT WHO'S ON THAT BIRD!?!?

IT'S SUPER STEVEN!

MAKING ME LOOK GARBAGE BY COMPARISON!

GOD I HATE HIM!

Sh...shouldn't he have recalled that Bird Pokemon?

Steven!

You're late!

Yes and why not?

What exactly were you doing?

No really. I want to know. Someone who's uncle works at Nintendo please PM me.

Damn. Even in-game me is pissed at him showing up this late.

Nice.

Oh yeah...forgot about that...

Well it has been three years so I think I'm excused.

Thank you for stating the obvious Mr.Stone.

Would you like to also tell me the sky is yellow?

Because we're wasting time here.

Which was caused by Groudon.

THESE AREN'T NEW FACTS, STEVEN. 

"I know! I'll let Sean do all the hard work!"

Oh fuck I think he actually came to that conclusion.

That's true.

Can we go somewhere with either more shade or more sunscreen?

Because I can feel the skin cancer creeping in...

Gonna be hard now that your Skarmory did the smart thing and fucking legged it.

"Help"

You mean "solve"

Fuck that.

I'm going to do the MOST reckless shit in the next half an hour.

I'm going to RIDE that motherfucking Groudon!

Thanks.

...

Jesus you must be sweltering in that suit.

You should try shorts.

They're comfy and easy to w-

Aaaaand he's gone.

Off into the burning sky...

On his...metal bird...

Well that's the last we've seen of Steven Stone.

Or at the very least most of his skin.

Trillion degree burns are no joke.

Also I'm getting the fuck out of this heat.

Ahhhhh...nothing like a dip in the toilet of billions of fish to cool you off...

And while I'm here I might as well catch something.

And that will beeee...?

A Tentacruel!

I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna say the n-word!

Now I can molest women like in my Japanese animes!

Huzzah!

Really though. What a weird fetish.

I bet it's because of all that seafood they eat.

And here we are.

New town, new team rotation!

Seriously though how does this town get any non-fish goods?

There's no airport and what is apparently the only submarine in existence now looks like a giant Camerupt.

Although this is a region where 3 buildings and a sign is enough to classify a place as a "town"

I'm looking at YOU, Littleroot.

Alright, first things first.

Rest in peace, Jane Justice.

I hope your angelic choir will be a death metal band.

So now we go from Pokemon Names to Species.

Which means...actually there's not much change in this roster.

Just Xena the Bird, Zapp the Ball and a mistake.

Because I'm a fucking idiot who thought Tentacruel was the "Gellyfish" Pokemon.

And I'm also an idiot who doesn't realise this in-game till after I beat Wallace.

I suppose it's not that big a deal.

Not like it'd give me an advantage against him anyway.

Now to find this Cave of Origin.

Or at the very least the two most metrosexual men in Hoenn outside it.

Found 'em.

Steven!

...

I'm glad that's become our thing now.

Just shouting our names at each other dramatically.

Oh I'm so sorry you had to spend 15 minutes flirting with the most flamboyant man I have ever seen. 

Well I told you to wear shorts but did you listen?

Alright calm down you drama queen.

I don't know why this image makes me laugh, it's just...funny for some reason.

He just looks...so fucking stupid.

Jesus who made that mistake?

No?

I thought it was Groudon doing it?

...

What?

Why are you suddenly surprised?

Yes it is.

In my BAG.

Do all you plot-characters possess x-ray vision or something?

Yeah Steven.

I DEFINITELY needed to hear what this guy had to say.

Real informative stuff.

Guess we better follow the fool.

Huh.

Neat camera angle.

Abbey Road much?

Steven?

You think you could do the deep thinking on our way to the cave?

Or do can you only do it while posing?

Is hot, yes.

Can we move this along?

...

He's very lucky he's pretty.

...

Maybe because it's fucking burning everything?

Could that be the deep and meaningful reason, you fucking idiot?

Good thing we're doing something about it then.

And not standing around listening to someone state the obvious.

Good.

You Honie scum deserve to burn.

People will die when they are killed, yes.

CAN WE GO!?!

FINALLY!

Jesus what was even the point of that scene?

Like did we really need more exposition about something that has been fully exposed?

Why does this feel like the beginning of a music video?

Backstreet's back alright...

Also here's an image of Archie just looking the wrong way.

I didn't know how to make a joke about it but I still wanted it here.

That's right, Maxie.

You got your gay squad.

I got MY gay squad.

And mine are MUCH better looking.

HOLY SHIT DID I JUST TALK!?!

ARCHIE STFU! I JUST SAID MY FIRST WORDS!

Granted I'm a little annoyed that they were Team Aqua and Team Magma but whatever...

OH MY GOD STOP FUCKING SAYING HIS NAME YOU FATTY FAT FATTY!!

YOU'VE ACTUALLY BECOME WORSE THAN EVERYONE SAYING "SUPER-ANCIENT"

Please turn around and stab Tabitha.

Please

Sigh...fine.

You probably couldn't hit anything fatal with all that blubber protecting him after all.

"Collaboration" he says.

"Robbed from them at Poochyena-point" I says.

...

You're giving me Tabitha?

Can you give me Courtney instead?

Or literally anything else?

Hell, I'll take pocket lint over the guy who killed Regalia.

And yes, viewers I finally remembered her name. Go me.

You shouldn't have made it in such a small size then.

Classic Pokemon.

Hey hang on. Are you telling me that this suit might even not work now?

I'd rather not scuba-dive in a sea of molten rock without protection thanks.

Just like everything you try to calculate apparently.

You really need to fire your science division.

Or at least buy them a calculator.

Oh good.

This guy I've just met said it'd be fine for me to swim in magma.

There go my worries.

Good thing too.

I am literally carrying a pokemon made of snowflakes.

This feels like a reaction image...

Why the fuck do we even NEED Rayquaza?

Key word being "should"

You guys are terrible at convincing people.

WELL YEAH. I FUCKING PLANNED ON IT!

YOU THINK I'M GOING TO GO SKINNY DIPPING WITH THE ORB BETWEEN MY ASSCHEEKS?

Huzzah.

Huh. You were able to see the meteorite in my backpack but not the Blue Orb?

Is your stone sense only sensitive to minerals and not gemstones?

Hey now, I never said I was doing this.

What happened to "Promise me you won't do anything dangerous, Sean?"

Aw that's nice.

...

But why aren't you doing this?

I could...just GIVE you the Orb.

That's a stupid rule that makes no sense.

Shut up.

We're skipping your dialogue.

OH GOD THAT'S THE WORST ONE YET!

STOP MAKING ME UNCOMFORTABLE, ARCHIE!

My shoulders aren't little...

Not winning any points calling me that, Maxie.

Oh?

You have.

And it's a good thing apologising is enough to get you out of much deserved prison time in this lawless region.

Or else you'd be in the darkest cell in Guantynamo bay.

What a ridiculous thing to say.

Literally anyone with a half-decent Blastoise could do this.

I thought it was on my shoulders...?

Well gosh and golly gee.

Now that a pirate-stripper,a rock-maniac and a legitimate terrorist believe in me, I can do anything!

Seriously, guys?

You need to work on your motivational skills or just be people whose opinions I actually care about.

Nothing you chuckleheads can say will convince me to go into that cave. And that's fina-

You motherfuckers.

You brought the one person in Hoenn who could convince me.

Well played...

Steven!

I mean May!

WHAT!?!? I never gave my consent to film me!

I'm gonna sue those fuckers to hell and back.

Well...thanks, May.

Glad to see someone cares about my well-being.

Ah yes.

May, these are my...cousins?

...Yes that'll do...

Fuck! I forgot you were with me in Meteor Falls.

Yes this is indeed them.

I can't blame you.

It's basically the end of the world and they're all too cowardly to save it so they force me, the biologically 13, mentally 26 and chronologically 36 child to do it for them.

Nah. Big Rock Lizard woke up, got mad and is throwing a shit fit that's causing the ozone layer to fuck off.

And that's basically it, in Sean-speak anyway.

Well that's...remarkably proactive of you...especially for a Pokemon rival.

B-because?

*everyone collectively holds their breath*

...

I wish the ground would just swallow me up...

Wait a minute...

I can literally do that right now!

GIANT POOL OF MAGMA HERE I COME!

So if nobody from Sotopolis is allowed in here, who lit the braziers?

Seems a little sus if you ask me.

Gonna have to report Wallace to...someone...?

I dunno someone who keeps these stupid traditions.

I'll just tell some random old person and then they'll tell the next and on and on until Wallace ends up swinging from a rope.

This cave is very boring.

I haven't even run into any Pokemon yet.

Getting a bit muggy though...

If only I had the power to sense smoke and other vapour related entities...

Alas, I shall never be blessed with such awesome might for as long as I live...

There we are.

Now to jump in and forget getting slammed into the friendzone.

Huh...d-didn't think it'd be so...hot...

 

Maybe I can...try the Magma suit?

What could it hurt right?

RED RANGER! REPORTING FOR DUTY!

Yes, thank you game.

I'm sure nobody would have figured that out on their own.

With tape.

WHOOOOOOOAAAAAAA...

So this is the power of Alpha Sapphire?

Not bad...not bad at all...

WHO'S THAT POKEM-

Oh. It's just a cute little Groudon.

No biggie.

Obi-wan? Is that you?

Should I use the Force?

Go to Dagobah?

Not star in those terrible sequels because they'll just kill me like Han?

Oh. It's just you.

I've got to admire your pride though, Maxie.

Not many men could cause the end of the world by being an idiot and still refer to themselves as "great"

...

No.

...

Well that's all the convincing I need.

C'MERE YOU SEXY SLAB OF STONE!

I WANT TO RIDE YOU!

Jesus this behind-camera angle makes me look like I'm about to sexually assault the Groudon...

Also I completely fucked up that jump.

...

Well kids. I guess this is it.

Your old buddy Dero-T finally bites the dust.

And in a pool of lava too!

What are the odds of me dying in lava in both runs!?

Hahahaha!

Reborn/Rejuvenation/Rising Ruby are cancelled forever.

Goodbye.

NOT!

Haha! You think I'd fuck up a jump like that?

Not a chance!

I'm very epic.

So uh...how to I drive this thing?

Mush? Yip-yip?

Go Groudon!

...

Flyyyyy?

...

Up, up and away, Groudon!

...

Shazam!

...

Go! Go! Go Groudon! Go!

Eyy we're off.

To the fucking great beyond apparently.

Well I don't mind.

As long as I'm with my best buddy Groudon...

I know things will be alllllright...

WE'VE BEEN ON THE RUN, DRIVING IN THE SUN, LOOKING OUT FOR NUMBER 1~

CALIFORNIA HERE WE COME~

RIGHT BACK WHERE WE STARTED FROM~

 

Ahhh California.

Just how I remember it.

Very hot and no water for miles.

I'm glad to finally be out of that thing at least.

After all why would I need to wear it in what should be the hottest part of the cave?

In a massive lake of lava.

...

Perhaps I didn't think this through...

 

Aw no! And now my PokeNav's busted!

How will I...

...

Okay I never used the PokeNav. It's shit.

Now let's get your stupid cut-scene over with so I can speed up going back to Reborn.

Now that May's just a friend I got no reason to hang around here.

Well aside from that evil triangle but I really couldn't give a shit.

Sorry, sorry. This is your big moment. I'll stop talking about irrelevant things now...

Okay wait. Just one more? Did you ever notice how all my series seem to start with an R? And I wear that Team Rocket T-shirt?

What's that all about? Is it some kind of conspiracy? Formed by me without me knowing?

I'm sorry. You're just not that intimidating.

I really thought you'd be bigger...

Uhhh...what's with the pink glow, big guy?

I'm guessing this isn't one of those "Congratulations! Your Groudon evolved into" moments is it? 

Huh...I guess it's more of a "Congratulations! Groudon turned into a Star Bit from Mario Galaxy" moment...

Okay that's fucking ominous.

Omega...the end.

BUT WHO'S END GROUDON!?!

MINE OR YOOOOOUUUURS!!?!?!

Oh damn.

Guess it's mine.

Alright then you little shit!

Let's see what Drayn0 did to supe you up!

OH GREAT ! NOW THE CEILING IS LAVA AS WELL AS THE FLOOR!

Go my brave bird!

Now we shall see which is superior!

Mega-Evolution or Primal Revers-

...

Is that...thing only...?

Level 45.

...

I'm very disappointed in this turn of events.

Sigh...don't bother.

I'll handle this.

HOW ABOUT YOU FUCK OFF INSTEAD!?!?!

Okay not exactly my wittiest line right there...

But I can't believe I was dragged to this fucking region against my will to fight a weak-ass level 45 Groudon.

This whole fucking run is just one bad joke that's gone on far too long.

Tch...I should have played Alpha Sapphire instead...Kyogre would have been much better...

Oh I'm sorry. Did you have lava in your ears? Do you even have ears?

Wait, that's not the point. This is.

KYOGRE WOULD HAVE BEEN MUCH BETTER THAN YOU!

...

...

And that's the end of Primal Groudon.

Nice fucking job forgetting to boost him Drayn0.

Ugh and now the cavern is rumbling.

Why do these places always have to rumble with me inside?

This bird's gotta fly!

*Huff* *Huff*

I'm gonna make it! I'm gonna make i-

I didn't make it.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

OH GOD MY EVERYTHING!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ALL STARING AT!?!?! SOMEBODY HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

...

THOOOOOOM!!!

Oh hey I'm okay.

What luck.

MAY!!!

Yeah...

BY THE WAY I FELL FROM THE FUCKING STRATOSPHERE!

IS NOBODY GOING TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT!?!?

DAMN RIGHT YOU DO! YOU ALL MADE ME DO IT WHEN LITERALLY EVERYONE HERE HAS STRONGER POKEMON THAN THAT FUCKING GROUDON!

I WANT AS MANY CONCUBINES AS POSSIBLE WHEN I KNOCK YOU OF YOUR THRONE IN EVERGRANDE!

I'd rather not.

I was just there.

I don't think the residual energy dispersing up there is normal...

Well we DID just have a murderously strong heatwave, Archie.

YEAH!

YOU'RE FUCKING WELCOME BY THE WAY!

Oh good. Glad I could soothe YOUR heart of all people.

Oh Jesus no.

Not another one of these conversations... 

"And that's a bad thing."

Great can we wrap up for lunch?

How about you both just fucking stop trying to better the world? You're both crap at it.

And then they formed Team Magqua and almost destroyed the region yet again.

That's true.

...

This isn't going to turn into an honour suicide thing, is it?

I know the Japs love that shit but...

Well at least don't do it in front of May, alright?

Which is very impressive.

Even I haven't been able to do that yet.

Kudos Maxie.

REPENT SINNER!

REPENT!

N-no? He should turn himself in and go to jail.

Steven! You're the Champion here! Arrest him!

How did you even GET this job?

"-World record holder for most pies eaten in thirty seconds"

I...I don't care anymore May.

I just don't care.

JUST KISS ALREADY, YOU FRUITCAKES!

Ah-ah-ah.

Stop right there. I ain't letting someone like you any closer to May.

She is not to be corrupted by your smelly pirate prostitute ways!

Motherfucker I am YOUR Generation!

LITERALLY! I'LL BE YOUR AGE BY THE TIME THIS COMES AROUND AGAIN!

Also I'm not passing on SHIT.

I'm going to hold onto all the power forever! 

IT'S MINE YOU HEAR ME!??! MINE! FUCK YOUNG PEOPLE!

NO! ANYTHING BUT THAT!

Team Whatever.

Now schooch.

You're only important in Sapphire. This is Maxie's game. Let's hear what he has to say.

That'd be swell.

If y'know.

Groudon wasn't bitchslapped to dead.

STOP CALLING ME THAT GODDAMN IT!

Bye Maxie.

You better keep a tight leash on your subordinates.

I won't be as merciful as Steven when I take command.

And there they go.

Heroes one and all.

...

No wait the opposite of that.

Oh boy.

What mind-blowing revelation have you got for us this time, Stone?

Is it going to be some drivel about the human spirit and working together? 

Siggghhhh...I knew it.

Yes because if at first you don't succeed in burning the world to cinders, try, try again?

I DON'T WANT TO LIVE IN DARK SOULS 3 STEVEN!

I LIKE MY WORLD UN-ASHED THANK YOU!

No they happened before I started the game.

Took me like two days to figure out how to mod it.

Wasn't worth it in the end but hey.

It was only my lifespan being wasted.

I like how just as he says "see its richness with your own eyes" I immediately close them.

Top quality stuff.

...

He didn't do anything?

Like AT ALL.

He didn't do a single thing to help.

NOBODY DID ANYTHING TO HELP!

YOU ALL JUST STOOD OUT HERE, TALKING ABOUT THE FUCKING WEATHER!

You said that about Groudon.

And look how that turned out.

Angry?

Tired?

...

Slightly drunk?

It's...not made of stone...?

How can this be one of your favourite items then?

Also why do you have this!? You don't even have one of the Eon duo!

Good ol' Yo.

He's been in the box for nearly two years now.

Good guy...I think?

"It will somehow let itself out of the PC and come to you"

Ah yes. I remember that being terrifying.

It did a lot of swooping.

And swooping is bad.

Huh. Didn't notice that tree there.

...

Why are we noticing that tree now?
 

OH MY GOD STEVEN WILL YOU JUST LEAVE!?!

NO I DON'T CARE!

I AM FUCKING DONE HEARING MORE HIPPIE BULLSHIT, ALRIGHT!?!?

JUST SAY YOUR GOODBYES AND LEAVE!

I'm just going to say "true" if he asks me this again.

...

What? True is an answer!

Yes, yes. Goodbye Steven.

Christ...that guy just prattles on and on sometimes.

He needs to get a girlfriend.

Or become a girl so I can be his boyfriend.

Yessssss...

Yeah. I was getting pretty god damn tired of those guys as well.

Just like old times...

Meh no big deal really.

...

Okay it was. I fell out of the sky for crying out loud.

Why am I not getting a parade?

Soooo...

How's...uh...your Blaziken?

Heh those were the days...back when the only real worry was Birch sperm-jacking me and breeding a clone army of Seans.

...

God those days were weird.

May, I...

What are you saying?

*heart rate increases a thousand-fold*
 

I'm...I'm lonely t-

GKKKHHH!

...

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

HOW MANY TIMES MUST YOU BREAK MY HEART, MAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!?!?!?!

*SOB* GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD!

 

[Decibel575]

My rejuv team hasn't changed since I caught all of them.  I use a Sceptile, a Midnight Lycanroc, Seviper, Talonflame, Sylveon and Type: Null.  There, now we are semi-even.  Though, the game was really difficult to do with only a single team.  I don't like switching out members.  A little annoyed that I can't use Mega Evolution yet though.  I'll do my best to keep the stats the same as in game.  

Ash lost to a trainer who only used 5 Pokemon against him, and one was a Riolu.  This trainer only had 5 Pokemon, yet beat Ash's team of 6.  He didn't even have 5 Pokemon, since he thought the limit was 5.  That's how bad it was.  

I wasn't even born when Pokemon was first released, I was born as a literal Millennial, the year 2000.  First experience with Pokemon when I was 5 with the episode where Ash captures Caterpie.  

Generation 5 was really good when you dug down.  N is probably my favourite character in the series, along with Zinnia, who I don't really know why she's a favourite.  

Yeah, well last time I was in a fight it was against the top boxer my age in the state.  I was automatically fucked.  It taught me not to stand up for someone younger than myself.  And it was in my second week after transferring to that school.  

You said you had 300 recorded kills, do those count the babies you absorbed?
Even though I have been playing Pokemon for 13 years, you'll still probably beat me in Showdown.  But hey, least I tried

And BTW, nice reference to that fan comic, I see you have read it as well.  Except only one is enough, don't ruin the wholesome

 

[No-name]

"Oh I'm so sorry you had to spend 15 minutes flirting with the most flamboyant man I have ever seen"
Oh c'mon. Wallace is nowhere as flamboyant as Cain!

"Okay wait. Just one more? Did you ever notice how all my series seem to start with an R? And I wear that Team Rocket T-shirt?
What's that all about? Is it some kind of conspiracy? Formed by me without me knowing?"
Does Snakewood just NOT exist? If It DOESN'T exist then you should have no problem continuing It. So It HAS to not exist for you to be able to make this statement.

BTW Radomous really IS one of my favourites from Reborn. No joke. No shame.

Question: Who would you like to hang out with?
1)Melia
2)Radomous
3)Veronica
4)Fern
5)Benett
6)The Deadly Seven
7)Maxie
8)Anti-Assist.



(I also managed to grab the "160th post" award. I am pretty sure you are just mad now.)