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Thread On Pause

MouseWithADinosaurTail

A Comedian At Heart
Artist
Writer
Team Omega
Pokédex No.
47
Caught
Jun 15, 2019
Messages
1,436
Location
Snubbville
Nature
Quirky
Pronouns
She/Her
Pokémon Type
Fairy, Flying
Pokédex Entry
She's like a sea urchin. Tough and prickly on the outside, but delicate and easily wounded if hit the wrong way. Please handle gently.
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #421
Cedar is about to cause pandemonium isn't she, I can feel it.
Ohhh you have no idea :'>

Ohhhhhh a full page! The lighting is really really nice~ Let's just hope this serene scene stays this way. Cedar please don't do anything dumb.
Heck yes, full page! Every chapter of the comic except chapter one has had a full page so far, so it felt right to include another one.

Asking Cedar not to do anything dumb is like asking Mouse not to do anything for April Fools.

Well, at least there's a 2 stack and a lil pyramid of geos in there. Good enough. So many babies.
I am glad you found them sufficient! :D

Here's the early update. Enjoy!


... why're you looking at me like that?

Edit: I forgot to mention an important announcement. This will be the last update of Finding Your Roots ever posted on the nuzlocke forums. You can find more information here. The comic will continue on Comicfury and Deviantart. Thank you for your support all these years.
 

JavierE64

Masks are so 2016!! 31 Minutos FTW!!!
Writer
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
310
Caught
Jul 1, 2019
Messages
497
Location
Perú
Nature
Modest
Pronouns
He/Him
Pokémon Type
Grass, Water
Pokédex Entry
The Master of both Light and Darkness; who loves the Violent and Dramatic, and the Fun and Adorable.
I´m having quite an ominous case of Deja Vu.....I wonder what it is.
I know! Cedar is about to cause pandemonium!

 

Bowser's Family Vacation

Johto League Champion
Writer
Team Delta
Pokédex No.
301
Caught
Jul 1, 2019
Messages
975
Nature
Rash
Pronouns
She/her
Pokémon Type
Dragon, Cool
Pokédex Entry
"Am I Mario's babysitter? Are you going to call me every time that guy blows his nose, or what?"
Cedar, you must be...
 

LHarm2007

Nuzlocker
Writer
Team Omega
Pokédex No.
1669
Caught
Mar 18, 2020
Messages
132
Location
Arkansas
Nature
Relaxed
Pronouns
He, His
Pokémon Type
Electric, Grass
Pokédex Entry
Although normally calm, joyful and slightly clever at school work, when you make him mad he goes crazy. This side never shows online though.
Cedar is about to mess the whole place up - Panik
She is nice to the first person she meets - Kalm
She says a Geodude looks like someone she beat up - Panik
Shelly handles the situation - Kalm
Voice from a far - Panik
 

pkmnMasterWheeler

Conqueror of the Olivine Gym
Artist
Team Delta
Pokédex No.
79
Caught
Jun 16, 2019
Messages
386
Nature
Sassy
Pronouns
She/Her
Pokémon Type
Fire, Cute
What a fantastic looking page, the best you've done yet U: Altho for some reason I have the urge to nitpick the shading errors on this particular page
 

Dee

THIS IS MY HAPPY FACE
Writer
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
147
Caught
Jun 26, 2019
Messages
544
Location
Zion National Park
Nature
Sassy
Pronouns
They/Them
Pokémon Type
Bug, Clever
Pokédex Entry
A regular writer of fanfics and other works, this pokemon loves puns, bugs, and the outdoors.
I know those squiggle mouths anywhere...
 

MouseWithADinosaurTail

A Comedian At Heart
Artist
Writer
Team Omega
Pokédex No.
47
Caught
Jun 15, 2019
Messages
1,436
Location
Snubbville
Nature
Quirky
Pronouns
She/Her
Pokémon Type
Fairy, Flying
Pokédex Entry
She's like a sea urchin. Tough and prickly on the outside, but delicate and easily wounded if hit the wrong way. Please handle gently.
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #427
I´m having quite an ominous case of Deja Vu.....I wonder what it is.
I know! Cedar is about to cause pandemonium!

It's called Cedarmonium!!!

Cedar, you must be...
I think if Cedar ever saw that face she would actually scream. dkjfghkjdfhgdfg

Cedar is about to mess the whole place up - Panik
She is nice to the first person she meets - Kalm
She says a Geodude looks like someone she beat up - Panik
Shelly handles the situation - Kalm
Voice from a far - Panik
Okay is this a meme I don't know about. xD

What a fantastic looking page, the best you've done yet U: Altho for some reason I have the urge to nitpick the shading errors on this particular page
Light source learned teleport!

I know those squiggle mouths anywhere...
You always do! >:3

Alright y'all, you got me! Yes, the last update was an April Fools page swap and was drawn by the brilliant @pkmnMasterWheeler! Here's the real page!

That being said, I have a couple of important announcements, so please read!

First of all, I have redesigned Cedar again! I do just wanna apologize at first. I know that redesigns can really break immersion, especially when they're just shoved into a random page without any transition. At first, I was going to wait until the chapter ended before I redesigned her. But the thing was... I was just really unhappy with the old design. It was ugly and I couldn't figure out how to make it look good, and it was to the point where I was just unhappy with every single page I was drawing and my motivation to draw the comic was dipping hard. So some friends encouraged me to just bite the bullet and release her redesign early. I've done away with the dinosaur-styled body for something closer to the original marshtomp design, but the axolotl gills and tail are staying! I hope you like it, and I promise this will most likely be the last redesign you see for her. At least until she evolves!

And second update: WE'RE INCREASING THE UPDATE SCHEDULE AGAIN!!! Finding Your Roots will officially return to updating every Tuesday and Friday for the month of April! I'm really happy to bring back this schedule, as I know it makes the most optimal reading experience for you all. I hope you enjoy the return to normalcy, and thank you so much for your patience in the months where I couldn't update as fast. Your support means the world!

Thanks everyone. Enjoy the comic!

(Tl;dr: Last page was April fools, I redesigned Cedar again (sorry), and FYR will update on Tues/Fri for April!)

 

Dee

THIS IS MY HAPPY FACE
Writer
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
147
Caught
Jun 26, 2019
Messages
544
Location
Zion National Park
Nature
Sassy
Pronouns
They/Them
Pokémon Type
Bug, Clever
Pokédex Entry
A regular writer of fanfics and other works, this pokemon loves puns, bugs, and the outdoors.
Oh, a redesign! Neat!
 

Polymori

A Hot Mess
Artist
Team Delta
Pokédex No.
122
Caught
Jun 21, 2019
Messages
152
Location
Johto
Nature
Quirky
Pronouns
He/Him
Pokémon Type
Electric, Poison
Pokédex Entry
This pokemon has an over-active imagination and creates more stories than any sane person should.
Oh shitttt!
I forgot you update so often I totally missed out on commenting on the last 2 pages. xAx
But they looked great and I really like your redesigns for geodude. The different coloring of stone is so much more interesting than having a ton of grey geodudes. Also really digging the new design with Cedar! Still can't get over how much youve improved over the years!
 

Bowser's Family Vacation

Johto League Champion
Writer
Team Delta
Pokédex No.
301
Caught
Jul 1, 2019
Messages
975
Nature
Rash
Pronouns
She/her
Pokémon Type
Dragon, Cool
Pokédex Entry
"Am I Mario's babysitter? Are you going to call me every time that guy blows his nose, or what?"
I'm happy to see such diversity in Geodude. Real life rocks don't all look the same, so why should not-real-life rock monsters?

As for the redesign, I'm sorry to hear that the old design was so demoralizing for you. I hope that this new design makes you feel more comfortable!
 

pkmnMasterWheeler

Conqueror of the Olivine Gym
Artist
Team Delta
Pokédex No.
79
Caught
Jun 16, 2019
Messages
386
Nature
Sassy
Pronouns
She/Her
Pokémon Type
Fire, Cute
This page seems familiar... Did you upload this page twice?~ ;3c Also just noticed I totally forgot Cedar's stripes V:
 
  • Haha
Reactions: Dee

Bug

👉😎👉
Moderator
Tech Team
🌱Featurer
🎇Contributor
Artist
Writer
Screenshotter
Team Delta
Pokédex No.
1
Caught
May 13, 2019
Messages
897
Location
in a pile of bugs
Nature
Rash
Pronouns
he/him
Pokémon Type
Bug, Cute
Pokédex Entry
oh fuck oh shit my dots...............................................................................................................................
Hi and howdy! Here I am, your local Bug, here to fulfill the deal: it’s concrit time. Thanks for the opportunity to let me scratch the itch I had, and I hope some of the points in here help you out. I did approach this from the perspective that, yes, there has been a lot of good improvement over time on your comic. And yes, you are coming into this comic guns blazing, having not done a comic before.

But can I say, the fact that you just read a lot of webcomics really shows? You’ll see what I mean.

First up, we’re talking about your lettering. This means your font, the arrangement of your text, your bubbles and their tails. This is an area where you have made obvious improvement, but there is still much more to consider. So I’ll talk about what’s improved first!



We’re going to size down these screenshots by quite a bit, so I don’t take up that much screen space where it can be helped. So obviously, this is really, really early on in the comic. The text is hovering in a lot of blank space in the boxes, or is hugging the sides so close the font itself sometimes hangs into the borders. I wont harp on the choice to left align the text itself instead of center it since this seems to be a recurring theme for the text in boxes, and just the boxes, but it does feel like it contributes to the empty space issue within those boxes.

You could try justifying the text so it fits your boxes better? But that will depend on the capabilities of your program to let you try that out and see how you feel about it.



Over time, your choices in how to align the text in the bubbles has seriously improved! Before, where you may have stacked the text in an hourglass shape, it’s now in that aesthetic diamond shape wherever you could place it. It’s done wonders in helping the text from running too close to the sides of the bubble, with just a few exceptions. You’ve also started to split up large chunks of text into separate bubbles in the same panel, which can I say? I really appreciate.

But that’s sidetracking a bit, and away from something I’ve noticed with the bubbles, and their tails:



In the red, I’ve outlined these bulges I’ve noticed in your bubbles. At first, I thought it was to compensate and make space so the letters don’t touch the sides of the bubble, but the thin tails I think is what gave it away that you were drawing the bubbles by hand. The tails are all uniform, which is a huge plus, even if they do feel a little thin.

I’d heavily recommend working text first, and then using an ellipse or circle select tool to help get rid of the odd bulges in the bubbles, and make sure you’re affording enough space on all sides for the text to breathe. It still hugs the sides a little closely in some places. If you feel that removes the character of the bubble shapes, working text first will hopefully assist ; just look out for the odd bulges in the bubbles, and if you feel the sides are still hugging a little too close to the text, use the transform tool on the bubble to make those adjustments you need.

Overall, your use of lettering is solid. The font choice is whimsical and easy to read and suits your style well. Over time, I know you’re going to get it down to a science, if the progress so far is any indication. And don’t be afraid to use less text, or split text up for more dramatic effect when needed!

Next, we’re onto backgrounds. Just like everything in your comic, they’re improving and improving and IMPROVING over time.



Like seriously! The colors? The ambient occlusion on the trees in the far background? Mwah, so much improvement.

But unfortunately, the backgrounds can swing from too detailed where it doesn’t need to be, to lacking so much detail that the characters can feel like they’re floating. Your handle on backgrounds is one of those things that just improves with more studies, and more doing. Over time, you’ll get a real feel for what details can and can’t be left out in your art, and when that comes to comics where that really is going to come in handy is your choice of focus.



There are a lot of examples I can point to, but I’ve isolated just a few that I think illustrate it well, and in moments where had I not been explicitly looking at it from the view of an editor, may have knocked me out of it as a reader. The example above, I can really feel the scope of what you’re going for: a grand city on a mountain, sourrounded by a range, and forest. But it— pardon my analogy— gets lost among the trees. And I don’t mean that literally, I mean just as a whole it feels too detailed. Too busy. The fact that Rustborrow stands in such stark contrast with color did help me feel out the focus, but it’s importance and impact is sadly lost just due to the amount of detail and things to focus on.

Go into a big panel with intent. it’s a powerful moment to push whatever emotion or story point you want. They’re impactful moments. Maybe use a little less texturing in areas that aren’t supposed to hold focus.


Of course, this centers mostly on chapter two, where there is just a lot of visual noise in general due to the forest. And it’s so early on. But with such a scenic and natural place to work such as Hoenn, I can see this being an issue that’s easy to run into. Learn what to cut or use art to imply to both lend clarity to your art, and save yourself some time.



And on the inverse, be careful about a lack of detail that can leave your characters floating, and feeling like they may not belong in their environment. It’s all about focus; what’s important, what’s not, and how you can keep Zero from coming at you with a knife for using the airbrush tool.


Wait...



In the end, the art is just a vehicle for storytelling, and making people feel what you want them to feel. Keep in mind what details are most important to bring to the forefront, and do so with intent.

Now I just want to gush a bit about your paneling over time. Specifically the action paneling!


We go from this...



To this! The paneling gets choppier, and faster, and literally closes in on Cedar. It’s just a great use all around of diagonals to help push the action.

But here we start the tread into my favorite bits of comic theory: Flow. Thankfully, we’re skipping over paneling as an aspect of this, since the paneling is solid, and does it’s job well. When I talked in the beginning about how it shows that you read comics, this is part of where it shines. You follow a lot of comic rules such as the 180 rule and nice consistent gutters that stagger from the get-go. It makes knowing how to read the comic intuitive. There are just a few hiccups that, I feel with just knowing what they look like can help keep you from running into them in the future.



Hooray for markups! To break this down, the yellow line is the intended reading order. The red line is instead what I was compelled to read it as. After that didn’t work, I then felt like reading the left set together, and then the right set. my eyes just want to follow the line set it front of me to read, because there is no real staggering of the bubbles, and the overall shape just reads like a circle.

Left to right reading is the standard of western comics, but that rule will not hold true every single time. Consider staggering the bubbles more to give a very clear back and forth conversation, or... and I’m going to say the part everyone hates to hear: draw more panels. If the one panel can’t hold all the conversation no matter how you try, it’s probably time to split it up. it’s a bummer, but it may have to be done.



but this problem can crop up even in instances of very little dialogue. I know there is a lot going on in the markup here, so to break it down: The green is good, the yellow is where I got slipped up, and the blue is suggested edits that could have been made to avoid this.

The tiny green arrows by the characters? That is them following a 180 rule, and I LOVE it. The place where Shelly’s bubble tail loops around the whole way could have been avoided just by pointing it in the direction of her mouth, because it’s clear the whole way down who is speaking, and where they are.

Around the yellow arrow is where I got confused at first, because my eye immediatley went to the nearest bubble instead of left to right because they were so close to one another. A proposed alternative placement, in blue helps keep your flow by positioning the ‘here’ bubble so the reader jumps to it next, and then splits Cedar’s dialogue into two bubbles so the long thin bubble doing just flood your characters out by moving down, but still helps establish a flow.

Remember, people will usually read along with the dialogue unless something else very visually loud in a page catches their eye, so the placement of the dialogue helps expose them to the right information and art in the right order. The full scope of your page is experienced all at once, but the fine details are usually you taking your reader by the hand to experience them one by one by cleverly leading them down the page. The moment that something gets tangled up in that process, your reader can become disengaged.

Your panels are solid as hell, just keep strong on the character placement and be conscious of the bubble placement.

And to close off... just some more praise. Something I really liked, and why:



There is a ton of variety in your shots that you choose, from the very beginning. You don’t shy away from varying your angles to keep things visually interesting, and you utilize panel repetition to display action well where needed. despite coming in as a writer into a visual medium, you did not fall into using the same shots every time to just deliver plot and dialogue, and literally exhausting your readers with the same thing over and over and over again. That variety is important, even in talking scenes like this.

And I think, as you get more comfortable in your medium, this will really shine. use that variety to tell the story you want to tell.

Thanks again for letting me do this concrit of your comic! it was good to re-read and really get down a nice analysis of your comic. I hope these few points help you put down the line.
 

NyanCheetos

self-proclaimed queen of the sea slugs
Artist
Screenshotter
Team Delta
Pokédex No.
518
Caught
Jul 16, 2019
Messages
147
Location
wizard island, baby
Nature
Jolly
Pronouns
She/her
Pokémon Type
Grass, Water
Pokédex Entry
if the cheddar ain't sharp, i don't want it.
the way shelly is holding the egg...i love it....
Cedar, A for enthusiasm, C+ for thinking about what you were going to say before you said it. Nice hustle.
 

LHarm2007

Nuzlocker
Writer
Team Omega
Pokédex No.
1669
Caught
Mar 18, 2020
Messages
132
Location
Arkansas
Nature
Relaxed
Pronouns
He, His
Pokémon Type
Electric, Grass
Pokédex Entry
Although normally calm, joyful and slightly clever at school work, when you make him mad he goes crazy. This side never shows online though.
YAAAAAY THE EGG IS ABOUT TO HATCH!

These are the candidates for the Pokémon. First expect them to be in the Hoenn Regional Dex. The egg looks like sand and they are probably ground-type. They are not legendaries either. Also they will probably be kinda cute I hope so I’m doing that as well. Yes some versions of the ones I got rid of are cute like Granite the Geodude-Golem in Nuzrooke but yeah it’s a Geodude. Also big Pokémon are also out probably. Desert-dwellers are also required

-Sandshrew
-Trapinch

So after narrowing it down with canon rules and some stuff I made myself. Those are the only ones left. But now my guess for it is...

Trapinch, although I think Sandshrew is cool it’s probably a Pokémon introduced in Hoenn.
 
Last edited:

Tailsimp

A Universally Under-Rested University Imp
🎇Contributor
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
50
Caught
Jun 15, 2019
Messages
359
Location
A Literal Desert
Nature
Quiet
Pronouns
She/Her
Pokémon Type
Electric, Psychic
Pokédex Entry
Tailsimp: The Impish Pokemon. Despite being quiet and reserved, this pokemon is usually very happy to talk and is always excited to help out!
Aw man, Cedar sure knows how to make a... strong impression. Everyone here will def remember her (and Shelly by extension), for better or worse :'D
 

MouseWithADinosaurTail

A Comedian At Heart
Artist
Writer
Team Omega
Pokédex No.
47
Caught
Jun 15, 2019
Messages
1,436
Location
Snubbville
Nature
Quirky
Pronouns
She/Her
Pokémon Type
Fairy, Flying
Pokédex Entry
She's like a sea urchin. Tough and prickly on the outside, but delicate and easily wounded if hit the wrong way. Please handle gently.
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #436
Oh, a redesign! Neat!
Yee! :D Hopefully it'll be the last one.

Oh shitttt!
I forgot you update so often I totally missed out on commenting on the last 2 pages. xAx
But they looked great and I really like your redesigns for geodude. The different coloring of stone is so much more interesting than having a ton of grey geodudes. Also really digging the new design with Cedar! Still can't get over how much youve improved over the years!
Thank ye~

I'm happy to see such diversity in Geodude. Real life rocks don't all look the same, so why should not-real-life rock monsters?

As for the redesign, I'm sorry to hear that the old design was so demoralizing for you. I hope that this new design makes you feel more comfortable!
Yeah, the new design I definitely love! It made me love drawing the comic again, so definitely a win. ^w^ And thanks, I'm glad you like the geodudes. They're fun to draw!

This page seems familiar... Did you upload this page twice?~ ;3c Also just noticed I totally forgot Cedar's stripes V:
You sure did. XD But I didn't wanna say anything.

Hi and howdy! Here I am, your local Bug, here to fulfill the deal: it’s concrit time. Thanks for the opportunity to let me scratch the itch I had, and I hope some of the points in here help you out. I did approach this from the perspective that, yes, there has been a lot of good improvement over time on your comic. And yes, you are coming into this comic guns blazing, having not done a comic before.

But can I say, the fact that you just read a lot of webcomics really shows? You’ll see what I mean.

First up, we’re talking about your lettering. This means your font, the arrangement of your text, your bubbles and their tails. This is an area where you have made obvious improvement, but there is still much more to consider. So I’ll talk about what’s improved first!



We’re going to size down these screenshots by quite a bit, so I don’t take up that much screen space where it can be helped. So obviously, this is really, really early on in the comic. The text is hovering in a lot of blank space in the boxes, or is hugging the sides so close the font itself sometimes hangs into the borders. I wont harp on the choice to left align the text itself instead of center it since this seems to be a recurring theme for the text in boxes, and just the boxes, but it does feel like it contributes to the empty space issue within those boxes.

You could try justifying the text so it fits your boxes better? But that will depend on the capabilities of your program to let you try that out and see how you feel about it.



Over time, your choices in how to align the text in the bubbles has seriously improved! Before, where you may have stacked the text in an hourglass shape, it’s now in that aesthetic diamond shape wherever you could place it. It’s done wonders in helping the text from running too close to the sides of the bubble, with just a few exceptions. You’ve also started to split up large chunks of text into separate bubbles in the same panel, which can I say? I really appreciate.

But that’s sidetracking a bit, and away from something I’ve noticed with the bubbles, and their tails:



In the red, I’ve outlined these bulges I’ve noticed in your bubbles. At first, I thought it was to compensate and make space so the letters don’t touch the sides of the bubble, but the thin tails I think is what gave it away that you were drawing the bubbles by hand. The tails are all uniform, which is a huge plus, even if they do feel a little thin.

I’d heavily recommend working text first, and then using an ellipse or circle select tool to help get rid of the odd bulges in the bubbles, and make sure you’re affording enough space on all sides for the text to breathe. It still hugs the sides a little closely in some places. If you feel that removes the character of the bubble shapes, working text first will hopefully assist ; just look out for the odd bulges in the bubbles, and if you feel the sides are still hugging a little too close to the text, use the transform tool on the bubble to make those adjustments you need.

Overall, your use of lettering is solid. The font choice is whimsical and easy to read and suits your style well. Over time, I know you’re going to get it down to a science, if the progress so far is any indication. And don’t be afraid to use less text, or split text up for more dramatic effect when needed!

Next, we’re onto backgrounds. Just like everything in your comic, they’re improving and improving and IMPROVING over time.



Like seriously! The colors? The ambient occlusion on the trees in the far background? Mwah, so much improvement.

But unfortunately, the backgrounds can swing from too detailed where it doesn’t need to be, to lacking so much detail that the characters can feel like they’re floating. Your handle on backgrounds is one of those things that just improves with more studies, and more doing. Over time, you’ll get a real feel for what details can and can’t be left out in your art, and when that comes to comics where that really is going to come in handy is your choice of focus.



There are a lot of examples I can point to, but I’ve isolated just a few that I think illustrate it well, and in moments where had I not been explicitly looking at it from the view of an editor, may have knocked me out of it as a reader. The example above, I can really feel the scope of what you’re going for: a grand city on a mountain, sourrounded by a range, and forest. But it— pardon my analogy— gets lost among the trees. And I don’t mean that literally, I mean just as a whole it feels too detailed. Too busy. The fact that Rustborrow stands in such stark contrast with color did help me feel out the focus, but it’s importance and impact is sadly lost just due to the amount of detail and things to focus on.

Go into a big panel with intent. it’s a powerful moment to push whatever emotion or story point you want. They’re impactful moments. Maybe use a little less texturing in areas that aren’t supposed to hold focus.


Of course, this centers mostly on chapter two, where there is just a lot of visual noise in general due to the forest. And it’s so early on. But with such a scenic and natural place to work such as Hoenn, I can see this being an issue that’s easy to run into. Learn what to cut or use art to imply to both lend clarity to your art, and save yourself some time.



And on the inverse, be careful about a lack of detail that can leave your characters floating, and feeling like they may not belong in their environment. It’s all about focus; what’s important, what’s not, and how you can keep Zero from coming at you with a knife for using the airbrush tool.


Wait...



In the end, the art is just a vehicle for storytelling, and making people feel what you want them to feel. Keep in mind what details are most important to bring to the forefront, and do so with intent.

Now I just want to gush a bit about your paneling over time. Specifically the action paneling!


We go from this...



To this! The paneling gets choppier, and faster, and literally closes in on Cedar. It’s just a great use all around of diagonals to help push the action.

But here we start the tread into my favorite bits of comic theory: Flow. Thankfully, we’re skipping over paneling as an aspect of this, since the paneling is solid, and does it’s job well. When I talked in the beginning about how it shows that you read comics, this is part of where it shines. You follow a lot of comic rules such as the 180 rule and nice consistent gutters that stagger from the get-go. It makes knowing how to read the comic intuitive. There are just a few hiccups that, I feel with just knowing what they look like can help keep you from running into them in the future.



Hooray for markups! To break this down, the yellow line is the intended reading order. The red line is instead what I was compelled to read it as. After that didn’t work, I then felt like reading the left set together, and then the right set. my eyes just want to follow the line set it front of me to read, because there is no real staggering of the bubbles, and the overall shape just reads like a circle.

Left to right reading is the standard of western comics, but that rule will not hold true every single time. Consider staggering the bubbles more to give a very clear back and forth conversation, or... and I’m going to say the part everyone hates to hear: draw more panels. If the one panel can’t hold all the conversation no matter how you try, it’s probably time to split it up. it’s a bummer, but it may have to be done.



but this problem can crop up even in instances of very little dialogue. I know there is a lot going on in the markup here, so to break it down: The green is good, the yellow is where I got slipped up, and the blue is suggested edits that could have been made to avoid this.

The tiny green arrows by the characters? That is them following a 180 rule, and I LOVE it. The place where Shelly’s bubble tail loops around the whole way could have been avoided just by pointing it in the direction of her mouth, because it’s clear the whole way down who is speaking, and where they are.

Around the yellow arrow is where I got confused at first, because my eye immediatley went to the nearest bubble instead of left to right because they were so close to one another. A proposed alternative placement, in blue helps keep your flow by positioning the ‘here’ bubble so the reader jumps to it next, and then splits Cedar’s dialogue into two bubbles so the long thin bubble doing just flood your characters out by moving down, but still helps establish a flow.

Remember, people will usually read along with the dialogue unless something else very visually loud in a page catches their eye, so the placement of the dialogue helps expose them to the right information and art in the right order. The full scope of your page is experienced all at once, but the fine details are usually you taking your reader by the hand to experience them one by one by cleverly leading them down the page. The moment that something gets tangled up in that process, your reader can become disengaged.

Your panels are solid as hell, just keep strong on the character placement and be conscious of the bubble placement.

And to close off... just some more praise. Something I really liked, and why:



There is a ton of variety in your shots that you choose, from the very beginning. You don’t shy away from varying your angles to keep things visually interesting, and you utilize panel repetition to display action well where needed. despite coming in as a writer into a visual medium, you did not fall into using the same shots every time to just deliver plot and dialogue, and literally exhausting your readers with the same thing over and over and over again. That variety is important, even in talking scenes like this.

And I think, as you get more comfortable in your medium, this will really shine. use that variety to tell the story you want to tell.

Thanks again for letting me do this concrit of your comic! it was good to re-read and really get down a nice analysis of your comic. I hope these few points help you put down the line.
I've replied to this before on Discord, but again, thanks so much for the concrit! It was a lot more positive than I expected, haha. Made me very happy, and there was a nice amount of stuff to learn from. ^/////^ Thanks for putting so much effort into it!

the way shelly is holding the egg...i love it....
Cedar, A for enthusiasm, C+ for thinking about what you were going to say before you said it. Nice hustle.
I'll second those grades.

YAAAAAY THE EGG IS ABOUT TO HATCH!

These are the candidates for the Pokémon. First expect them to be in the Hoenn Regional Dex. The egg looks like sand and they are probably ground-type. They are not legendaries either. Also they will probably be kinda cute I hope so I’m doing that as well. Yes some versions of the ones I got rid of are cute like Granite the Geodude-Golem in Nuzrooke but yeah it’s a Geodude. Also big Pokémon are also out probably. Desert-dwellers are also required

-Sandshrew
-Trapinch

So after narrowing it down with canon rules and some stuff I made myself. Those are the only ones left. But now my guess for it is...

Trapinch, although I think Sandshrew is cool it’s probably a Pokémon introduced in Hoenn.
Not bad predictions! We shall have to see~

Aw man, Cedar sure knows how to make a... strong impression. Everyone here will def remember her (and Shelly by extension), for better or worse :'D
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. :'3

Hey y'all, sorry for disappearing. I ended up taking a much-needed impromptu break from the forum, and kinda let this thread fall to the wayside for a bit, but I'm back now! That being said, since the last update 3 weeks ago, the comic has still been updating normally on the other mirrors. So for catching up, there are a couple options we can do:

- Post all the missed pages in one massive bigpost to catch up.
- Do double updates (2 pages, 2x a week) until we catch up.
- Post one page 2x a week as normal.

The thing about the last option is that Chapter 4 will be concluding in early June, and after that, the comic will be going on a one-month hiatus as I get chapter 5 prepared. So if you all decided to go with the last option and just have me update normally going forward, then you pretty much only have to deal with a one-week hiatus instead of one-month in June! Not bad, right?

Anyways, VOTE HERE or leave your thoughts in a comment. Updates will resume tomorrow so poll is up till then.

And again, real sorry for disappearing for a bit, y'all. I just kinda needed the space.
 

LHarm2007

Nuzlocker
Writer
Team Omega
Pokédex No.
1669
Caught
Mar 18, 2020
Messages
132
Location
Arkansas
Nature
Relaxed
Pronouns
He, His
Pokémon Type
Electric, Grass
Pokédex Entry
Although normally calm, joyful and slightly clever at school work, when you make him mad he goes crazy. This side never shows online though.
It’s okay Mouse!
 

Alba Corbina

Conqueror of the Cinnabar Gym
Screenshotter
Team Delta
Pokédex No.
581
Caught
Jul 26, 2019
Messages
96
Nature
Quirky
Pronouns
She/Her
Pokémon Type
Dark, Fairy
I just finished reading all of this and it's adorable! This is such a creative twist on the standard story. I can't wait to see where this goes.
 

MouseWithADinosaurTail

A Comedian At Heart
Artist
Writer
Team Omega
Pokédex No.
47
Caught
Jun 15, 2019
Messages
1,436
Location
Snubbville
Nature
Quirky
Pronouns
She/Her
Pokémon Type
Fairy, Flying
Pokédex Entry
She's like a sea urchin. Tough and prickly on the outside, but delicate and easily wounded if hit the wrong way. Please handle gently.
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #439
It’s okay Mouse!
Thanks. ^^

I just finished reading all of this and it's adorable! This is such a creative twist on the standard story. I can't wait to see where this goes.
Ah, why thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. ^w^ Welcome to the comic, and I hope you like where things go from here!

So the results of the poll were pretty close, with 50% of people wanting to post normally and skip the hiatus, and 42% of people wanting me to post all the pages at once. Post Normally did win the majority, but since such a large amount of people would rather just read what they missed all at once, let's go for both options!

So here's the plan. I'm going to go ahead and start posting normally again, one page 2x a week, starting from where we left off. However, I'm also going to provide links to FYR's comicfury and deviantart mirrors, where you can read from where the comic left off and read all the available pages! Then for all updates going forward, I'll post a link to the update on Deviantart or Comicfury so that you can read the next available page if you choose to go this route. So everyone wins!


Today's update is page 167, so HERE IS PAGE 167 ON COMICFURY and HERE IS PAGE 167 ON DEVIANTART. From these links, you'll be able to catch up on the rest of the pages. Hope you enjoy it! And if you choose this route, you'll get a link to the next CF/DA right here on the forums.


And here's today's ordinary update for folks who wanted me to update normally. Thanks so much for your feedback, guys!
 

Dee

THIS IS MY HAPPY FACE
Writer
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
147
Caught
Jun 26, 2019
Messages
544
Location
Zion National Park
Nature
Sassy
Pronouns
They/Them
Pokémon Type
Bug, Clever
Pokédex Entry
A regular writer of fanfics and other works, this pokemon loves puns, bugs, and the outdoors.
Pink geodude! Because real rocks come in a variety of colors. I like rock-type diversity!
 

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