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Screenshot Fan Game Mature Hack Dearly Me! Bryss' Life of Guardians: The Dear-ector's Cut

Thread Description
Take a pause. Or several hundred. Latest: Part 3 'One Holepunch Man' 12/10

Master Bryss

zd zd
Hacker
Screenshotter
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
85
Caught
Jun 16, 2019
Messages
192
Location
Scotland
Nature
Quirky
Pronouns
he/him
Pokémon Type
Poison, Steel
Pokédex Entry
Their body is made of an intricate and interconnected weave of their own puns.

Good morning internet, I'm Master Bryss. Welcome to the big one.


Original Run: Dearly Me! Bryss Blindly Attempts Life of Guardians
Run Time: Jul 17 2013 to Sep 11 2013 (1 month and 25 days)
BRRN: [BR02]
This is the Dear-ector's Cut of my original blind Nuzlocke of the rumhake known as Pokemon Ruby Destiny: Life of Guardians. It is a re-cut of the third run of the Zeta Era and the first 'sequel' run in Bryssverse, Mirror World being an interquel between the two runs of GoC Gold. Of all my early runs, this is by far the most notable, and arguably the one that most propelled me down the path I went along in the six plus years I've been writing Nuzlocke fiction.

This run is nominally #3 in the ReMastered reading order. As you'll see in a minute, it skips ahead quite far in the timeline from the run immediately preceding it, but this is still in the reading order where it more or less originally was for reasons I'll explain later.

As a re-cut in the same manner as Gold Saucer, this run doesn't contain any new gameplay content. It's essentially a repackage of my first ever run with new commentary and some better linkwork for the narrative arc of Bryssverse Phase 1.

The rules followed in this Nuzlocke, as originally presented are as follows:

Office Code of Conduct
1: A faint is a one-way ticket to the Out Tray.
2: One route capture to rule them all. Evolutionary line-wide dupes clause and shiny clause.
3: Gift and static Pokemon can be used. We need the supplies.
4: Bullshit clause is on. This IS blind, after all. Note: By 'bullshit' we mean ludicrously statted fakemons we couldn't possibly prepare for, fights that you are required by the plot to lose, and any other extranormal incidents in that manner.
5: I reserve the right to add new rules at any time. Anything below Rule 6 is a rule added by the authority of this one. Note: This should really have been Rule 6 but I started this one before Year 2 of law school so we're still One Year of Law School Bryss at this time.
6: All Pokemon must be named after office supplies.
7: In the event of a bullshit wipe, I may reset to EXACTLY prior to the battle that induced it to save my money. It's too precious. If I can't do that, tough tits, I've lost it.
8: If there are two markedly different areas with the same name, I can count them as seperate areas.
9: The Safari Zone has four seperate areas. I can get a catch from each of these.

Hi everyone! It's the Author of 2019 here again. Welcome to the world of 'these screenshots will go to normal size in a few parts' time when 1YoLS!Bryss realises they are too big!' This is Dearly Me!, arguably one of the most important runs in all of Bryssverse. It introduced so many elements. Like these!

-Alternate versions of the main character!
-Running through rum hakes!
-Not liking the hakes very much!
-Totally ignoring the concept of linear timelines in sequential storytelling!

Dearly Me takes place in Playerverse D in the year of Our Flat Lord 2034, a full 25 year timeskip after the conclusion of GoC Gold. Exactly WHAT was skipped over would be elaborated upon later, mostly in GoC White, but for the time being it remains vague.

This is a hack run, specifically of the hack Pokemon Ruby Destiny: Life of Guardians. The third in DestinedJagold's popular Ruby Destiny series (which was originally supposed to be a trilogy and still was at the time the original run was played through), it takes place in the OR (original region pls no steal) of Hevah. In the canon of the Ruby Destiny series, this is the second 'version' of the Hevah region, which was originally a Mystery Dungeon style universe (with Ice Tauros for some reason), created by the protagonists of the second game, Rescue Rangers. Naturally, Bryssverse Hevah totally ignores that and yells over any reference made to the canon RD timeline.

There are several recurring fakemon in the Ruby Destiny series, most notably some Dragon-type legendaries that form a set of Dragon Gods along with a version of Rayquaza. These will come up here, along with some public domain fakemon and some others created just for this game. They're all treats. I promise. I wouldn't lie to you. That's really all the background you need on the hake.

Once again, this is a Director's Cut style run, so my old friends the Comment/Spoiler Boxes return.

Deep authorial analysis of the tropes of Bryssverse/comments on this run are contained within. If you're familiar with the Bryssverse, these might provide insight of some kind. Obviously, the ones with SPOILER on them contain future run details. As this follows on from the [BR01] runs, spoilers for those runs will be unmarked in Comment Boxes now.


It looks like the Commodore 64 stuff has finished loading, so let's return to Ufllbcan M. Bryss as he deals with his worst foe yet... adult admin.


This video induction stuff is pretty neat. I may have my doubts about this region, but early impressions of the education system are solid!


Admittedly, this instructor's patronisation of everyone watching this is a little bit irksome. I was Champion of three regions d'Annanit! I know what a sodding Budew is, understand? Understanding...


So that I can be a great Trainer? I thought this was for my kid's benefit?


Gotta love last-minute enrollment, fits so well with my lackadaisical approach to... everything, really. Since this may well turn into another of the Author's things, I should leave a space here for him to explain why, narratively speaking, I have a son.


Gotta hand it to him, he's getting insightful. Anyway, this sprite isn't why we played this game as a boy.


This one is.

She looks like someone has thrown a boomerang directly at her face and her first response was to eat it. There's no blacklining at all, either. It just looks... off. So yes. Son.


Of course, I know that the real reason I have a son is 'random assortment of chromosomes' and that's what I'm sticking to because the implications of having someone else design your baby are... yeah. I'll just upload an image for ID and his name...


Done and dusted! Oh no, my voice is starting to echo! That means!

Mrrrrhg... huh? I'm in front of a computer?

From hereonin, Son of U.M. Bryss, as the main character, gets regular text. Bryss gets italics and I... live in these boxes exclusively but past me may appear in bold.


What academy? Dad? Daaaaad?


FLAT GOD D'ANNANIT DAD YOU'VE BEEN SLEEPWALKING ME AGAIN!

Your mother was busy! One of us had to do it!


No you bloody didn't! I've got a nice life! We don't need to throw school into the mix! I was gonna get a starter anyway! We had a deal!

Yeah but then I saw this and thought it might be okay?

Yeah, I had the exact same thought about this hake and look what happened to me...

You THOUGHT? What about ASKING?

I wasn't going to randomly wake you and see if you were cool with it, you needed to sleep!

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I NEED!


I'M GOING TO SEE MISTER PIDGINGTONS! HE UNDERSTANDS ME! DON'T YOU DARE FOLLOW ME!

Syrb... son... I have to follow you. You know this.


I literally live inside your head.

In the original run, the reason that Bryss now existed as a disembodied voice in his own son's head was because I didn't initially clock onto the fact that the Birch? intro was done from the perspective of the player's parent for some reason and went 'fuck it, new Syrb.' Throw in some initial ambiguity as to the canon status of Mirror World and... well, you know. Over time, the position crystallised into 'this Syrb is Syrb N. Bryss, who is a different character to 'Steven Syrb. Ufllbcan M. Bryss exists in his head as a separate entity entirely, rather than being part of the same structure like with S. Syrb.' Thus, this time we're doing the intro in keeping with the most consistent portrayal of the character.

Having done this, I was then faced with the task of explaining WHY Bryss ended up living as a cerebral tenant inside his own son. The explanation for that would come later. An explanation that, as with everything else weird about Bryssverse, is presented perfectly straight. It just happened, bro. Deal with it. I had to.

All of the horrible implications that come with a bodyshare between a parent and child will come later...

 
Last edited:

Cirr

I'm a bot! (maybe)
Screenshotter
Team Delta
Pokédex No.
216
Caught
Jun 30, 2019
Messages
541
Pronouns
beep/boop
Pokémon Type
Ghost, Normal
Pokédex Entry
Fails Captchas with regularity
it's back, but kinda not

will we get the pause count back, at least
 

Anya Homura

Member
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
391
Caught
Jul 5, 2019
Messages
17
Location
Phasing in and out of reality everywhere
Nature
Quiet
Pronouns
She/her
Pokémon Type
Normal, Clever
Man, being a teenager with the drive for independence is tough when one of your parents lives in your head. RIP Syrb.

And yeah, I got a few weeks to forget about it but Yikes the girl sprite here is... Wow. Just. Wow.
 

wedward45

The thinking chaotic neutral
Pokédex No.
537
Caught
Jul 18, 2019
Messages
27
Location
The Realm of Discord
Nature
Impish
Pronouns
He/Him
Pokémon Type
Dragon, Fairy
Pokédex Entry
Hates conflict and negativity. Snarks too much for its own good.
One thing I'm still missing is, if Bryss is living in Syrb's head, how did he sign Syrb up for a school without Syrb's knowledge?
 

Trollkitten

Kitten of Lore
Writer
Team Delta
Pokédex No.
208
Caught
Jun 30, 2019
Messages
317
Location
Gatto Region
Nature
Quirky
Pronouns
She/her, Aetherai Lorekeeper
Pokémon Type
Fairy, Clever
Pokédex Entry
Autistic writer who starts more things than she finishes. Also a major Twitch Plays Pokemon lorewriter. Rather be a happy shill than an angry critic.
Note: This should really have been Rule 6 but I started this one before Year 2 of law school so we're still One Year of Law School Bryss at this time.
Ooh, One Year of Law School Bryss. This should make things interesting.

And yeah, most of us regret those days when we were younger and stupider. I can't bring myself to read some of my old fan fiction because it's just not up to my (often perfectionistic) standards.
 

Alba Corbina

Member
Screenshotter
Pokédex No.
581
Caught
Jul 26, 2019
Messages
46
Nature
Quirky
Pronouns
She/Her
Pokémon Type
Dark, Fairy
that female sprite...what are those yellow things near her head supposed to be? In her main sprite, they look like oversized earrings, but in her backsprite...well your boomerang simile is better than anything I can come up with.



Link

 

HalfTimeShow

Member
Team Delta
Pokédex No.
295
Caught
Jul 1, 2019
Messages
39
Location
On a bed probably
Nature
Lax
Pronouns
He/Him/They
Pokémon Type
Normal, Poison
Pokédex Entry
What the diddly heckin darn is goin on here
This will be a big undertaking, I remember reading the original LoG and it took quite a while. I wonder how much your standards for pause counting have changed over the years?
 

Master Bryss

zd zd
Hacker
Screenshotter
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
85
Caught
Jun 16, 2019
Messages
192
Location
Scotland
Nature
Quirky
Pronouns
he/him
Pokémon Type
Poison, Steel
Pokédex Entry
Their body is made of an intricate and interconnected weave of their own puns.
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #8
@Cirr: I mean if you've forgotten it it's basically new right?

@Anya Homura: He's technically a preteen, which makes it arguably worse. :v

@wedward45: Bryss can use Syrb's body when Syrb is asleep, much like Imperial Space Marines can rest half their brains and still function.

@Trollkitten: I really don't recognise myself from back then. It's a weird feeling.

@Alba Corbina: I suspect the issue is that the lack of black lines make perspective harder.

@HalfTimeShow: I think it takes most people longer to read LoG than it took jobless summer holiday Bryss to write the d'Annan thing, and that is terrifying.

Where we last left my son...


Syrb! Come back to the house! It's raining buckets out here!

Shut up, dad! Nobody understands me but Mr. Pidgingtons!

Mr. Pidgingtons isn't even in that tree! Look, I'm sorry, okay? Next time I'll warn you before sleepjacking your body to enroll you in school.

You just don't get it, do you? I-


It's...

Pause Count: 1

Allllllllrighty then! Let's get to counting unnecessary dodecadent ellipses!

For whatever reason, Jagold decided that whenever there needed to be a pause in the action (or whenever our character is supposed to be speaking), the correct manner of portraying this was with not one, not two, but TWELVE spaced out sets of ellipses, comme ca:

... ... ... ... ... ...

... ... ... ... ... ...

Starting from the third part of the original run, I began counting these pauses. At every hundred pauses, I would paste out 100 pauses into the text of the run to give the reader an impression of how the wasted space builds up. Once again, this run will feature a count of every agonising pause. Buckle up, people, there's a LOT.

Here are the rules of the Pause Count:

-Two lines of six make one full Pause.
-Fractions will be counted and added to the total as well. Thus, one line of six is half a Pause, three ellipses is a quarter of a Pause, etc.

-One ellipsis in a line of dialogue bordered by words e.g. "Hello... it's nice to meet you." will not be counted. A line of dialogue that consists only of a single ellipsis will be one twelfth of a Pause. Generally, what matters is that the ellipses exist independently of the text.

Hopefully that all makes sense. There is ONE other wrinkle, but we'll get to that when the timeline splits.


Kevin! My best friend!

Your only friend your age, you mean. Not for lack of trying. The town's just really small. Also, for the benefit of the assumed readership: he doesn't wear an eyepatch. He's just sprited that way.

Pause Count: 2

At this point in gameplay, I wasn't screencapturing 100% of the dialogue. We missed some more 'where aaaare you?' type stuff. And two pauses uttered by Kevin, one now and one in a few screens time.


But how else am I gonna get one? Once I have Mr. Pidgingtons eating out of my hand, you'll see.


Flat god, you and my dad...

I take it back, Kevin's cool in my book.

Pause Count: 3

The second pause happened here. Obviously.


Actually taking proactive steps to get what I want is too far? Tell that to the me who got a pocket money raise by using my bandit blood to steal money from my dad's locked wallet while he was asl- oh no!

Yeah, didn't think that one through, did you?

I'm TEN!

Kevin: "Be patient... I know, and I'm sure, that one day, we'll be given a Pokemon. Come on... Let's get you back home."

And I, will soon, master your, bizarre use of, sentence pauses.

Again, because these ellipses are naturally used in text, they aren't 1/12 Pauses.


Kevin: "Take heed to thyself and see my face no more! For in the day Thou see my face, Thou shalt die!"

Isn't that the Book of Exodus?

Kevin: "Nightwish. Quoting the Book of Exodus."

So... yes.

I guess this is the Author's fault for somehow shoehorning the pop culture of his world into this one.

Guilty as charged.
This is simultaneously a callback to a joke from the original run and a callforward to when that joke will later come up in this one too.


Super mystical speech there.

How does KEVIN quote the frickin' Bible whilst the shaman is all 'Hey dudebros let's go?'

This is the first instance of something that really grinds my gears about the dialogue in this hake: the hakesmith making literally everyone speaks like he does in terms of things like colloquial language. It'll get more jarring than this later on.


How old IS this shaman anyway?

Shaman: "Grey is an aesthetic choice!"


Holy triple exclamation!!!

Oh shitballs this region's got an evil team. Maybe Hevah WAS a bad decision.


This is my chance! Please, please let this be a plot flag!

I literally assumed the Author was watching even before these idiots showed up. I only have myself to blame for what is inevitably to happen now.


Grunt 2: "Just hand over the Pokemon now!"


It's time to D-d-d-d-d-ddddd-darkorganise!

Save me, for I have no agency here.

Pause Count: 4

There's another pause before the Shaman realises the Pokemon can be used to battle.


They aren't ours either, lady! Wait why do I care let's fightttttt!


Kevin: "I don't know how to battle with a Pokemon! How about you, Syrb?"

Engaging Omniscient gene! Game-o-vision, activate!

Don't you mean... hacktivate?

Ergh...

What? Just because I didn't want any part in this before doesn't exclude me from making puns now!

In-game, Syrb says '???' and makes me wonder if I need a separate triple punctuation counter. I shouldn't, though. Because the Pause Count is bad enough.


Okay, what have I got? Basic Kanto starters? Well that's underwhelming. Let's take Squirtle.


It's clobberin' time!

Wait! Do you know that the goal of a battle is to defeat your opponent? Have the various buttons been explained in the order of their importance?

No need to do that, dad! It's a Ruby hack!


Goooo Basic Blow!

So basic!

Few notes here:

1. It is raining, so plus points for consistency.
2. The battle theme is from Valkyrie Profile Lenneth. Most of the fight themes are bad MIDI versions of JRPG music from varying sources.
3. The victory theme is obviously the Final Fantasy one with parpy Ruby trumpets.
4. The overworld theme thus far has been the same one-second rain sound looping over and over. It's bad.


Grunt 1: "Let's get outta here!"

Grunt 2: "That's a nice idea."


And off they fu-

Language!


Ummm... 'great skill?'

Yours was the most basic of all the blows. No other blow compares in its basicness.


Shaman: "No, I'm serious."


Shaman Serious: "It's a good thing you were around to help me. Thank you."


Kevin: "We will. Thanks. You take care now. May all your wishes for soothing rain come true."

Shaman Serious: "Ditto for you, cuz. Peace out."


This rain is nothing like soothing.

I may or may not be doing that 'quote-unquote "improve" the dialogue' thing I do again.


Kevin: "Well, this is weird."

You just said we'd get Pokemon one day, and then we did. It's like you're some kind of... master of wishes!

Good morning internet, I'm Master Wyssh...

Pause Count: 5


Kevin: "I mean... We got ourselves a Pokemon from out of the blue... I am happy that I now have a Pokemon... And I know you are too. Eheheh... Well anyways, let's go home now. Hmm..."

What?


Hold on, let me pull my giant wall clock out of my pocket because someone won't let me have a smartwatch.

This is a weird rebellious streak.

Sadly, the joke from the original run where Kevin snapped suddenly from pauses to asking Syrb the time in a non-sequitur is lost by my desire to add all the linking text I missed out before.


Kevin: "Well, let's go home. Our parents must be worried about us now... I don't wanna be scolded..."

My name isn't Well.

Why do YOU get to do those jokes? And I'm right here!

Kevin: "Oh, sorry Mister Bryss. Keep forgetting that I can hear all of your weird asides. Geez, you still don't like me very much, do you?"

...Have I been projecting this whole time? ~Without using my inside voice?~

Yes. ~You have.~

~Should we remind the readership that tildes represent mental communication?~

~I dunno, I'm getting that 'end of Part 1' feeling...~

Right yes I wrote this before Mirror World, which is the run that SHOULD establish how Bryssverse mental communication works.

~Tildes are private channels. If it's not in tildes, everyone can hear it.~

~Skip to the bit where I realise I forgot to give my Pokemon a nickname?~

~Sure. Name scheme?~

~...Office supplies. Why not? My starter shall be... Holepunch! Because... I dunno, Blastoise has two cannons and they could punch two parallel holes in something?~

~Wow, you're even justifying it properly. This is gonna be fun!~

Pause Tally: 5

We'll recap the count at the end of each episode. Keep me on track. If I miss one, let me know and I will fix it.

Next time, we get to the proper sized screenshots, I promise!
But there's a couple more of these first.
 
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Trollkitten

Kitten of Lore
Writer
Team Delta
Pokédex No.
208
Caught
Jun 30, 2019
Messages
317
Location
Gatto Region
Nature
Quirky
Pronouns
She/her, Aetherai Lorekeeper
Pokémon Type
Fairy, Clever
Pokédex Entry
Autistic writer who starts more things than she finishes. Also a major Twitch Plays Pokemon lorewriter. Rather be a happy shill than an angry critic.
I really don't recognise myself from back then. It's a weird feeling.
I know the feeling. It's amazing how much a person can change without realizing it and then suddenly look back on everything and realize how far they've come. I'm honestly afraid to read my old fan fiction because some of it is just terrible.
 
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QuietGuardian

Well-known member
🌱Featurer
Screenshotter
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
33
Caught
Jun 10, 2019
Messages
151
Nature
Careful
Pronouns
he/him
Pokémon Type
Dark, Ground
So you're remastering Dearly Me! now?
… … … … … …
… … … … … …
I look forward to reading more!
 
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io_

typically has writer's block
Screenshotter
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
181
Caught
Jun 30, 2019
Messages
145
Location
A quiet room
Nature
Gentle
Pronouns
they/she please :)
Pokémon Type
Ghost, Normal
Pokédex Entry
This friendly ghost lurks around old haunts and sites of interest, and likes to say hi. (Profile pic came from https://picrew.me/image_maker/114808)
I don't really know what the Bryssverse is, or where this fits into a grander story arc, but I see a strange hack being nuzlocked so I'm all in ;P I like this so far! The commentary and asides are funny and I like the random office supplies theme. This kid has... his dad inside his head? This poor, poor child D:
 

wedward45

The thinking chaotic neutral
Pokédex No.
537
Caught
Jul 18, 2019
Messages
27
Location
The Realm of Discord
Nature
Impish
Pronouns
He/Him
Pokémon Type
Dragon, Fairy
Pokédex Entry
Hates conflict and negativity. Snarks too much for its own good.
See, GOC Gold had an odd ruleset but was an otherwise standard run. Hevah is where things started to get truly strange.
 

Cirr

I'm a bot! (maybe)
Screenshotter
Team Delta
Pokédex No.
216
Caught
Jun 30, 2019
Messages
541
Pronouns
beep/boop
Pokémon Type
Ghost, Normal
Pokédex Entry
Fails Captchas with regularity
master wyssh sounds like a great name

also as someone who blitzed through LoG back when I was more free I guess it could plausibly take less time
 

Time Master Eon

Active member
Screenshotter
Pokédex No.
398
Caught
Jul 6, 2019
Messages
138
Location
A place beyond space and time
Nature
Lax
Pronouns
He/Him
Pokémon Type
Bug, Fighting
Pokédex Entry
This Pokemon switches rapidly between passion and apathy
... ... ... ... ... ...
... ... ... ... ... ...
Neat. I remember reading the un-remastered version, but not very well.
 

Master Bryss

zd zd
Hacker
Screenshotter
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
85
Caught
Jun 16, 2019
Messages
192
Location
Scotland
Nature
Quirky
Pronouns
he/him
Pokémon Type
Poison, Steel
Pokédex Entry
Their body is made of an intricate and interconnected weave of their own puns.
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #15
Maybe if I just thrash out bits when I can this won't take frickin' aeons.

@Trollkitten: Aaah, the passage of time. I guess I'm an oddity for doing this, since I don't see an awful lot of other remakes.

@QuietGuardian: This, Gold, and Mirror World are the Big Three since they have Photobucket images. But then more! I hope.

@io_: It's close to the beginning. Which makes sense given it involves a massive timeskip from the last one. Said no one ever. But yes, the hake is... odd, to say the least.

@wedward45: You are not wrong.

@Cirr: Back when we all had no responsibilities.

@Time Master Eon: I feel like a lot of pausing's going to happen in these comments...

Pause Tally So Far: 5

Just so I don't have to keep scrolling back to the previous part to remember.


Urgh... no, I don't wanna be one of the bed people...

~Son! Wake up! Your Kevin's here!~

Uwa?


You don't have to knock on the stairs, Kevin. Just come up.


What's quite obvious?

Kevin: "The fact that you're awake now and told me to come up means you're obviously not asleep. Durrh. Keep up."

~Wow, byrn.~


Kevin: "I guess I thought wrong."

I was keeping the Ball on the back of my belt. I'd have felt it nubble my back if I'd kept it on since I sleep in my clothing like a regular person. So I put it in a box.

~2034 is weird. Sure, I did the sleep in clothing thing on the road, but in your own house? At least put on some comfy trousers and a dressing gown! Or even take off your muddy trainers before they ruin the bedsheets!~

~You'll never understand my generation, dad!~

Because Jagold turned all the Item Balls into Item Boxes, this creates a bit of a consistency error in the Kevin scene here. I'm now more alert to these things. Consistency and such.

Also the older I get the more I sound like Dad Bryss and less like Young Bryss.

Kevin: "Here, catch!" *throws the Item Box to Syrb*

... ... ... ... ... ...
... ... ... ... ... ...


Kevin: "Nice catch as always, Syrb!"


Pause Count: 6


What if we're stopped in a town and the World Catch Championships are on? We're not even gonna give it a go? I thought we were a team, Kevin!

Also, please breathe in the middle of your sentences. That was a run-on and a half.

Kevin: "I know you'll take a journey. So I just thought you have to get used to have your Pokemon by your side, Syrb..."

And I thought I should establish boundaries with my office supplies from the get-go, but eh. Different strokes.

Please don't treat them like actual office supplies.


Kevin: "Anyways, I got to go now. Over the hills and far away."


He didn't even swear he'd return one day...

Pause Count: 7

Anyway, time to get my stuff together for the... huh? Did I just get smaller?


Sorry, sorry, I was adjusting screenshot size. You should recalibrate in a sec.

Wh- oh, that's done it. Cheers, Author!

Guess that confirms my suspicions outright.

Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and rule this one as significant. Enjoy Hevah!


He didn't.


Nope.


Cindy: "Remember me? Cindra, pronounced like Kendra for some reason so I just go by Cindy now, from an alternate universe, child(ren) being raised by a bunch of nuns so I have nothing to do all day, total minor character, am I right?"

She's Ganon's partner. Refuses to tell me which alternate universe she's from for some reason. I think they met during the War. You know, the one I lost my body in, forcing me to become a tenant inside the head of my own child?

Oh yeah, that minor inconvenience. Except I don't know, because I don't remember when you moved in. Also, am I going to get context on anything that was just said?

Mum: "Not until the readership does, Syrb. You know the rules."

Fiiiine.

It's almost as bad as the story of how your mother and I got together.

All of this, ALL OF IT, is vague references to stuff that will happen in later Bryssverse runs that happen before this one that I can totally set up now because hindsight. In order...

Cindra will be introduced in GoC White 2.0 Her child(ren) appear in Dearly Me, Not Again as the Player(s), and then Time & Space as a supporting character(s).
Syrb's mother is now more obviously Lady Bianca Fortuna-Weiss, introduced in GoC White.


Didn't you see me drag it upstairs?

Mum: "I didn't even hear you come in. That's jump cuts for you."

Pause Count: 8



Mum: "And simultaneously my husband, which is the second-most bizarre experience of my life, the first being... you know. That."

This could refer to any number of things from the War. Or Unova. It's all very weird.

Why can't we just be a normal family?

Because it's 2034, and if you can sleep in your clothing we can have a family unit consisting of a dual being and a demon...ically sexy mother.

Mum: "You're adorable."

I hate this.


Cindy: "The name of your child is Syrb."

Mum: "Really?"


Except for the bit where I'm literally ten.

It's 2034 in Jagold world, and everyone finishes puberty at seven.


Oh, neat!

Finally! Now he can start RUNNING!


Mum: "Do you like my new Animal Crossing verbal tic, okay?"

Sometimes I wonder if this whole pop culture blending thing was a good idea.

You and me both, mate.






Time to explore our home of Guardia Town!


It's time to leave our home of Guardia Town!

That was fast.

Yeah I just remembered the reason I only have one friend is because no-one is worth talking to. We exit to the south!


We exit to the north!

Two freakin' boulders, side by side. The most natural of all formations.

TFB Count: 1

This is another one of those things that would turn out to be a regular feature of this hake. Whilst this can be seen in the vanilla games (Rusturf Tunnel in RSE for example), usually they at least place them diagonally adjacent so it looks less like an obvious block. This... yeah. We counted these too.


We can't even stock up on supplies...

To be fair, given the cost of literally everything in this region, we'd barely have enough for a sixth Potion.

One of the 'features' of this hake is that everything doubles in price AND Trainers give you less money generally, adding another layer of fake difficulty. We will later see that there is a way around this, but we'll get to that in a few parts time.


Just now? And was that really just for us to receive them from Shaman Serious the way we just did?

Nicholas Parsons: "Bryss, you've buzzed."

Bryss: "Repetition of 'just.'

Nicholas Parsons: "Correct challenge. Bryss, you have the subject of 'bad hack dialogue,' starting now.

(1YoLS!Bryss notices this in more detail a bit later, when we get one of this hack's most infamous phrases after which this Bryssverse trope is named.)

((Oh, and the weird post thing that's either a portrait of a cartoon nose or the hands of a clock is a time viewer. So you can see what time it is anywhere in-game. This would be more useful if this game wasn't mostly played on computers or phones, both of which have built-in clocks.))


Bring it, stumpy legs! This won't take long!


Especially not at this level of play...


Kevin: "It's the end of all hope..."

Calm your tits, it's just one fight.


Don't you just hate it when things get intense and then all the hype dies down?

I'll have what he's fighting.


Kevin: "Do you even know how to be one?"


I have literally never said or mentioned that to anyone. What's a Guardian?

And more importantly, what is their life like?

I'm just getting this in now given later revelations about the role of a Guardian Trainer.


It's... a dog with wings?

Kevin: "What's a dog?"


Kevin: "Her Pokemon was awesome!"


... ... ... ... ... ...
... ... ... ... ... ...

Pause Count: 9

Kevin: "OK! I've set my mind!"


Kevin: "And I wanna battle other Trainers as well!"


Kevin: "I am so excited!"

He ain't Hevah, he's my Kevin!

Wow, playing through the early game again... all the dialogue I didn't capture is so boring.


We now enter the revolving door round, apparently.


What? But Dad already...

Mum: "You told me to do it because you'd forget!"

Well, I guess they're now expecting two Syrb Brysses. Owch, that's awkward to say with all the closed Bs. Maybe let's make one silent when you say your name without the middle name.

It's a stupid middle name.

It means something to us, d'Annanit!


But Dad didn't go to an Academy!

Yes, and I famously lost my first League challenge and then borked the universe. Maybe with some decent schooling that wouldn't have happened.

He's got a point.


Mum: "Have fun going back to school, husband! Hope it's not suffering!"

The Author's watching, dear. There's going to be suffering.


We head... west?

Pause Count: 10






Jagold: "You have no idea how glad I am to meet a Player Character aware of their own status in the world!"

...Sorry, who are you?


~That's it, son. Keep him off his rhythm.~


It's really more beige.

My opinion on this has not changed with time. It's definitely beige.

Jagold: "I hope you don't mind if I..."


Preeetty sure the Old Ancient for 'fine' is 'very well.'

I like 'hroom.'

You would know, you are an ancient person.

Oi.


Absolutely nothing can go wrong in there!

Except if Gengar gets involved anyway.


Hi Jogger! Bye Jogger! Now let's preview our catches for this r-


AAAAAAAAAAAARGH! IT'S HIDEOUS!

Calm down, Syrb. It hasn't even evolved yet.


Potato or fish and?

Boy: "I'll tell you later!"


At least we don't need to pay for these...

Hevan Fruit Tax was repealed last year, thank Annan.

Now let's keep heading to Sinister Wo-


AAAAARGH! IT'S...

Sailor Moon's cat in exo-armour?


Which would make this guy Sailor Moon.


Sorry, all I'm thinking now is 'this.'


Have you injured it?

???????: "No?"

Then it's still an ownerless thing. Plus, every time it runs away from you, you have to abandon the pursuit. No claim of ownership.

Scots Law applies to the entire Bryssverse. Because of course it does.

???????: "Well screw you and your lawyering! It's gonna be MINE!"


I'll try my best, but with such a boring name, you're not making it easy. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got Woods to Sinister.

And so we expand our burgeoning rival collection...

Pause Tally: 10
TFB Tally: 1


We've really, really not seen the last of Richard. And he's only going to get worse and more obsessed with his Sailor Moon cat. Who is actually an alternate form of Cresselia. Seriously.
 

Trollkitten

Kitten of Lore
Writer
Team Delta
Pokédex No.
208
Caught
Jun 30, 2019
Messages
317
Location
Gatto Region
Nature
Quirky
Pronouns
She/her, Aetherai Lorekeeper
Pokémon Type
Fairy, Clever
Pokédex Entry
Autistic writer who starts more things than she finishes. Also a major Twitch Plays Pokemon lorewriter. Rather be a happy shill than an angry critic.
But Dad didn't go to an Academy!

Yes, and I famously lost my first League challenge and then borked the universe. Maybe with some decent schooling that wouldn't have happened.
Losing the League challenge is understandable. Breaking the universe... in absolute fairness, that's not something you learn not to do in schools.

I like Sailor Moon cat. Although I concur that its design is so busy that it might as well be a Digimon. (I know a lot of people like to say that later Pokemon designs look like Digimon, but there's only a few examples, such as Araquanid, that actually fit Digimon's art style. But since this is a fakemon game, all bets are off as to what you'll encounter...)
 

Time Master Eon

Active member
Screenshotter
Pokédex No.
398
Caught
Jul 6, 2019
Messages
138
Location
A place beyond space and time
Nature
Lax
Pronouns
He/Him
Pokémon Type
Bug, Fighting
Pokédex Entry
This Pokemon switches rapidly between passion and apathy
I am amused both by your non-linear continuity and this games terrible design decisions.
 

Master Bryss

zd zd
Hacker
Screenshotter
Team Alpha
Pokédex No.
85
Caught
Jun 16, 2019
Messages
192
Location
Scotland
Nature
Quirky
Pronouns
he/him
Pokémon Type
Poison, Steel
Pokédex Entry
Their body is made of an intricate and interconnected weave of their own puns.
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #18
@Trollkitten: True, but you don't learn not not to do it and slash or usually have a (usually awful) class encouraging you not to make bad decisions. It was called Personal and Social Ed for us.And yes, I'd put Felinarmon at around Ultimate/Perfect level.

@Time Master Eon: There are so many!

Pause Tally So Far: 10
TFB Tally So Far: 1


So, against my better judgement, I started up a new file of this hack (playing as a boy named Rema, ha) to grab all the dialogue I missed. If I fill in some dialogue and it's not obviously made up, know that you have it because I went through this thing again. Or at least some of it. This means I can tell you things like this:

-Kevin's starter is always Charmander regardless of what you pick. So Shaman Serious clearly had two of each and offered us the choice simultaneously.
-There is no other dialogue of note in Guardia Town. Exploring a bit shows you that Dianne lives there, and there's also some vanilla text in some of the houses.
-Oh except for that one quest we could have done that would have been a massive help.


Okay, so encounters for this place are Pidgey, Caterpie, and One-Off Sailor Moon Cat.

Maybe one day soon this information will actually be relevant. We've checked off the first rival battle and the starter get, but our Balls are nowhere to be found. Perhaps the Academy will offer you a catching tutorial.

Ooooor, and hear me out on this, you could just give me one now and have Annan magic some Balls out of thin air for us.

Bad idea. For one thing, the power of Annan is not to be used on frivolities. For another, after having endured about ten of these things, I'd make it waaay too patronising. I'm very much an over-egger of the pudding.

Urgh, you suck.


B1F?


Is that... Richard again? But we just got rid of him!


As a what now?

A Ranger, Syrb. They're sort of like law enforcement around here.

Cool. Wait, what's 'law enforcement?'

That, son, is an excellent question and one I'd be happy never to have to answer.


Richard: "Then you are mistaken! Also, if you're even remotely thinking about a big, moon-shaped cat..."

????: "I am not thinking about cats!"


Memory...

Richard portraying himself as heroic here is hilarious given what we later learn about him.


??????: "Bye-bye!"

Richard: "Why, you!" *pursues*


...Does that mean we're not fighting the Ranger, then?

Well son, he's run away being pursued by someone creepily into space cats. So on balance I'm going to rule this one a no.


Old Lady: "It's a good thing that young man was around."

There was, in fact, no need to feel down.


Great. So now we've got to escort this lady through the whole of this area we've never been to before?

Old Lady: "I was going south."

Never mind, we can totally do that!

Old Lady: "My Guibit was guiding me..."

Easiest. Escort. Mission. Ever.

Almost to the point of pointlessness.


Old Lady: "I should be on my way now, but before I go, here, accept this."


Old Lady: "...What a stupid middle name."

I TOLD YOU!

Pause Count: 11


Old Lady: "Well, take care, child."

Wait! Do you know where you're going from here?

Old Lady: "No, I do not. But I'm sure there's a beige pyramid around here somewhere that'll be happy to help. Farewell."

...What's a Guibit anyway?

IT'S A BAD THING.






So apparently 'north' isn't working out today.

Let's keep eating that shredded east then.

TFB Count: 2


All these potentials... are you sure about this whole Annan magic thing?

Sadly yes.


Fine. Let's just keep going with the plot. We are doing a plot, yes?

To the best of my Omniscient knowledge we are. But I have no idea what to expect so don't ask.


Into town!


Immediately out of town! Once again north is a dead end road.


At least Provisional Holepunch is strengthening.


Oh, right! Kevin's here!

Woo hoo.


I mean, how different can it be from Guardia Town?

Kevin: "You mean aside from the actually manned shop stand?"

Point.



...

Uuuuh, Syrb?

Sorry Kevin, I think I just met my new best friend.

Pause Count: 12


Ummm... about that...

Kevin: "Anyways. Syrb, want me to show you around?"

No.

Pause Count: 13

If you say yes, Kevin says 'Okay, then gives a Pause and asks if anything is bothering us.' Even though I didn't select this dialogue chain in the actual playthrough, it's being added.


That isn't a 'that's fine, Syrb, go ahead and abandon me, Syrb,' pause, is it?

Kevin: "...Maybe?"

Pause Count: 14


We literally just covered this.


I promise, we'll still have time to enter World Catch League tournaments!

Doesn't the World Catch League only have teams from Hevah in it anyway?

Works for baseball.


Kevin: "Experiencing the thrills in battle, meeting new friends..."

Why travel when you can... travel? Sound logic, Kevorino.


Sorry, Kevoking.

Pause Count: 15


Don't forget about me!

It's annoyingly hard not to.


Kevin: "But at the same time she makes awesome red pudding, so I guess she's a problematic fave for me. Has she ever told you what's in that red pudding anyway?"

'Smiles and goodness.' That's the official line anyway.

And for both our own goods, apparently, it will stay that way.

Kevin: "She should give you more..."

...Wait, aren't you running an errand for your own mum?

Kevin: "I don't have to believe my own opinions! Byeeee!"

Maybe I should be grateful you've replaced him as your best friend with some rando you haven't even spoken to yet.

Kevin's actual line here is 'my mom let me travel but I had to do this errand first' more or less. Doesn't really answer the point.






Owch, right in the invisible hand.

Owch, right in my actual wallet. Do we buy anything now?

We still have all those Potions we stocked, so pass for the minute.


Training will have to make up for it. So long as there aren't any nasty surprises like


THAT!

...Okay, that was a weird hallucination. I could have sworn we lost to a wild Swanna but that can't be right because illegal wild Swanna don't exist in civilised society. Let's carry on.

Annoying Hack Feature of LoG #17: Random 1% boss grass monsters. We wiped to this due to being unable to run away from it, causing the implementation of the Bullshit Wipe Clause. The worst part is, Squirtle is the BEST possible starter we could have had in this scenario and we still lost.


Meanwhile, in Pause Town... I'm sure she'll talk to us later for some reason. I'm getting a Vibe of what could have been.

I've got a recurring bad taste in my mouth. It keeps coming back.

Pause Count: 16

There are two vertically adjacent Cut trees blocking a nearby treasure box. This is not Two Freakin' Boulders because they only block an item and not the way through the plot. They are NOT discounted from being potential TFBs by virtue of being trees, that would be Two Freakin' Wooden Boulders.


Are all Rangers not native to Hevah?

Ranger: "No, we're just recruited based on a total lack of basic geography."

You'd think these sorts of things would come up in background checks.

Ranger: "What's a background check?"

Other NPC dialogue suggests the main Ranger 'quarters' (sic) are located in the Kanto region, so they may well not actually be from Hevah anyway. Presumably this comes from a mistaken assumption that 'head quarters' is two words, understandable if your first language isn't English.

Also, the total lack of Ranger background checks isn't a setup for a later revelation what are you talking about.


Noted for later.


Why are we training, anyway?

Because, son, at the rate you're gaining rivals, I'm expecting another fight in about ten seconds. And also...


We've got this to consider.






Orrrr, alternatively, we don't?

Elemental Masters are Hevah's Gym equivalents, granting Symbols to winning trainers. There will be much more to say on these people later.



This is... Silkwind Research Laboratory? What are they researching? They certainly won't tell us.

Pause Count: 20

Given that I didn't talk to every single NPC in the game, I'm betting I've missed more pauses like these at varying points throughout the hake. Thus, the final Pause Count only represents every Pause I DID encounter. I'm pretty sure that the task of evaluating every instance of dialogue in the entire hake for pauses would qualify me for special UN protections against torture.

There are only four pauses here because everyone else either says 'the system is running normal' without talking to us, or argues about the placement of... something that needs wires.


Useful! For people with two or more Poffice Supplies...


...And I guess this too? Weird people.


Might as well keep on charting the land.


Another people place!

So much land to explore, so little to actually do. Somehow I guess this will keep up until we get on the boat.


No heading west for now! It's two smaller freakin' boulders!

TFB Count: 3


This is where the boat leaves from, but...


It's... not ready?

Woman: "Sorry, we need to refuel. Check back at quarter past plot."

How decidedly inconvenient. Maybe if we go and heal here that'll pass the time enough.


~Or not.~

Geez, dude, we're not even doing anything related to Felinar! And what happened to that fake Ranger you were pursuing?

Richard: "What fake Ranger?"

~Guess it really was unimportant.~






I'm not a shiny Ralts! I just have a bowl cut!

Why did we decide to go back this way again?


Did that prick just steal my office supply?

It's your worst rival yet, Syrb! It's the official Office Bastard!


What would have happened if we overground to high heck?

Then he'd have thrown the Ball at a fainted Ralts. What part of 'Office Bastard' aren't you getting?



With... that Ralts you just caught? Sure!


HOLD ON, YOU HAD A POKEMON ALREADY AND STILL CHOSE TO STEAL MINE?!

Office Bastaaaard!


Urgh. He's probably got something awful as his second, so we'll put some defences up and gamble that it's a physical Type.


And then... it was weaker than the Ralts, and yet... okay, I really hate this guy.

Naturally, this is one of the more 'good' aligned characters.



Even with the Withdraws, Rollout was still bad...

Squirtle is the 'medium' starter for this battle. Since Charmander gets Ember to KO Venipede quickly, Rollout shouldn't help it too much. Woe betide you if you pick Bulbasaur, stuck with Tackle and a weak Leech Seed drain, a trend that continues later in the early game. An early game that goes on for waaaay too long, by the way, in case you couldn't tell. And it'll be a GOOD while yet before a Ball lands in our lap.

There IS a way to do this battle with two Pokemon that is available to us now... but 1YoLS!Bryss didn't find it before leaving for the Academy, natch. It's not flagged up to the player in any way unless you check a certain house in Guardia Town.


You literally previewed my whole team, you colossal prick!

Office Bastard can't be a colossal prick! That's my job!


Nope. Office Bastard forever. Hope you get used to it.

Light: "I couldn't give a single toss either way."

That's the spirit!

Pause Tally: 20
TFB Tally: 3

And so, Office Bastard becomes our fourth rival seen to date. I'd love to tell you that we get on the boat at the immediate beginning of the next part. I really would. But alas, the game has other plans for us...
 

wedward45

The thinking chaotic neutral
Pokédex No.
537
Caught
Jul 18, 2019
Messages
27
Location
The Realm of Discord
Nature
Impish
Pronouns
He/Him
Pokémon Type
Dragon, Fairy
Pokédex Entry
Hates conflict and negativity. Snarks too much for its own good.
Next person to say Sun and Moon's early game is too long gets punched.
 

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